Day 16, Season Fall, 513 AV
Memories were a fickle thing in Rinya’s opinion. You could think of a memory at one point and it could fill you with the best feelings in the world. The next day that same memory would be like ripping all that was good in your life out. Her head was starting to feel like that as of late. Weeks ago, she had many good memories of different places around Riverfall. Days later, it was feeling quite the opposite. At first it was completely crippling. Her father would have had her head for letting such emotions keep her from her day to day life.
The first morning after she quite literally decked Farline had been the worst. Jorin always seemed to come after her, but this time he didn’t. Of course, even if he had Rinya’s stride had turned into a bolt. She wanted out of the grotto so badly she seriously had considered dropping the dress and shifting. But the failing light and the cost of the dress just didn’t leave it as an option. So she had just run, as fast as she could. The emptiness of the morning after left her feeling cold… much like she had felt at the grotto.
To make matters worse, Rinya had finally figured out her feelings over Jorin. They may not know each other as well as some, but there really wasn’t denying that they had something… at least until recently. Ancient history seemed to follow her where ever she went. How she got mixed up into such a mess so quickly she would never figure it out. The person she shared a bond with, was much more than just a friend. The attraction between them was so strong, it was a wonder things moved as slowly as it did. But they were both hesitant about moving forward. She had her fears, and he didn’t want to push her.
Rinya had a mate… for life. She was in love with her gentle fun loving artist. And her mate apparently wanted another woman despite their bond. It was a headache, and heartache. Depression was something Rinya was refusing to live in however. So she did something that probably pained him as much as it did her. Regardless of how he saw her, she knew that resisting their bond would hurt his feelings. But she needed the time to think to herself. And those thoughts were hard to feel when someone else added to them.
But it had been days already since Rinya refused to acknowledge their bond, and nothing seemed to be getting any clearer, or easier for that matter. She found her thoughts constantly filled over her bondmate. What was he doing? Was he alright? Was he mad at her for blocking him? Was he… with her? And that last thought always seemed to dominate her mind. It was going to drive her crazy really… Rinya never figured herself for the extremely jealous type, but apparently she was. All the proof was sitting there in front of her. How did she end up with her first love wanting someone else?
So Rinya fell back on her most treasured idea. Freedom—flight was freedom. But what had supposed to of been freedom felt like a cage. It bound her to memories lying across Riverfall like a map. What was once all straight lines and angles were now deep gashes in her memory. She could not look down at the land and see anything like she used too. And part of her was feeling resentful.
If she hadn’t met Jorin, she wouldn’t be feeling this way! Her life would be simple again, and she would know exactly how to deal with everything that came at her. She had spent so much time worried over who she would bond with, she never thought about who she might fall in love with on the way. But blame never lasted long, and she always felt guilty afterwards. Wanting to change meeting Jorin actually hurt worse. Because even if she remained bound to him and he went off to marry the bloody lying petching wench that was no good for him, she would be there. Constantly hiding her heart from him, but she had no doubts she wanted to be there for him. And not because the bond asked it of her.
It was the one thing she was certain of. And that certainly brought Rinya to one of the last places she thought she would return to… at least like this anyways. Rinya had perched herself along the railing of the Rookery Park. The gulls had grown up since her last visit—the first meeting of Jorin. Somewhere along the way, she had let her heart of all things drag her to one of the hardest places to be.
Her annoyance was obvious too. Her feathers were fluffed, and no amount of preening would make her thoughts any less quiet. If she was to be honest, she had kind of hoped that Jorin might be here, but she knew it was foolish. He still had a job to attend to, and now Farline. They had trouble before hand just finding time to see one another, but now it seemed like it would be impossible. Rinya debated on opening the bond, if just for a moment… just to check in on him. But she feared maybe that because she had closed herself to him—maybe he would do the same to her?
