1st day of Winter 511AV
Secret :
“Goodbye, Lemma” She whispered watching the body of the one person in the whole world that mattered to her the most, go up in flames. She had died so horribly, and Krisa hadn’t even been there to see for herself. She’d had to be told. They’d knocked at her door, and Krisa had answered with a smile, and Lemma’s name on her lips. They told her and she wept. She’d leant on the doorframe for support, and sobbed like a child. Then they left her there to cry, telling her Lemma would be cremated the next day. Inside she’d prepared a celebration for Lemma’s birthday. She’d carved her a new bow and signed it with her name. She’d collected new flowers to put in her vase. She’d even composed her an entire song. None of it seemed important anymore.
The anger had come next. She screamed and knocked over all of their furniture she was strong enough to upturn. “How could you just die like that! It’s not petching true! Didn’t you know I needed you!? How could you do this to me!?” She’d tore up the bed sheets and stabbed all the pillows, she upturned the tables and the chairs. The anger wore out when she did. Krisa had collapsed onto the floor and curled up into a ball. She’d gone into her own perfect world, like she used to do when she was a child. But this time, Lem was still there, and they were happy. Dancing and singing together, free as the tiny songbird called Kieran who’d nervously watched her through her rage, and still come to nuzzle at her neck when she’d sat down.
Now it was the day of Lemma’s funeral and she stood next to a pit of fire. She had shed so many tears already. Her cheeks were stained with them, her eyes red and swollen. A couple of times she had though about jumping into the flames herself. Lem’s family came to the ceremony. She couldn’t bare to face them, as if it had been her fault that Lem died. Died on her own 19th birthday. “I love you…” She managed “I love you… I love you…” She continued to say, lip quivering, voice catching painfully in her throat. “I…” She trailed off, breaking down completely into sobs. People who knew Lemma were gathered around the horrible pit of fire staring at her with pity in their eyes. Some of them cried with her, but for all Krisa cared about them, they could be on another planet. She fell to her knees in the dust, and stayed there longer than anybody else.
She sat there watching the sky changed from light to dark. Watching the moon replace the sun, the stars replace the clouds. She stayed until many hours had passed since the ceremony, just watching the sky. She could finally be alone with Lem. So she took a deep breath, and got to her feet. She had cried herself out hours ago, and, with some difficulty, she spoke. “Lem-Lemma.” She began “You were the person who saved me from myself… You gave someone like me, who had nothing, something that I can never get back. You gave me hope. You made me believe that someone like me could ever be more than what I was when you found me left to die in the streets. A broken mess of blood and despair” She stopped and let out a shaky breath, and then kept going “You gave me something that I was never going to get on my own: A second chance at living a happy life. You made me so… so happy, Lem.” Tears rolled down her cheeks but she had to say everything “It isn’t fair that you’re dead Lem…” She cried “There was so much more… So much more that we could have done… so much we could have seen… so much we could have become… It’s not fair that you’re gone.”
With her words dead on her tongue, Krisa decided it would be best for her to go home now. “I can’t stay here, Lemma” She told her “I can’t stay in Wind reach… without you, it just isn’t home. And they’ll make me Dek again, Lemma.” She realized “I’m not strong enough to stop them without you. I will take everything I have left of you with me Lem, and I’ll travel to Lhavit… remember y-you always wanted to go there? W-well j-just see it through my eyes. Because you’re still here. I can feel you. I can.” With nothing more to say now all there was to do was to return ‘home’. Krisa began the lonely trek back to Lemma’s abode with a broken heart.
The anger had come next. She screamed and knocked over all of their furniture she was strong enough to upturn. “How could you just die like that! It’s not petching true! Didn’t you know I needed you!? How could you do this to me!?” She’d tore up the bed sheets and stabbed all the pillows, she upturned the tables and the chairs. The anger wore out when she did. Krisa had collapsed onto the floor and curled up into a ball. She’d gone into her own perfect world, like she used to do when she was a child. But this time, Lem was still there, and they were happy. Dancing and singing together, free as the tiny songbird called Kieran who’d nervously watched her through her rage, and still come to nuzzle at her neck when she’d sat down.
Now it was the day of Lemma’s funeral and she stood next to a pit of fire. She had shed so many tears already. Her cheeks were stained with them, her eyes red and swollen. A couple of times she had though about jumping into the flames herself. Lem’s family came to the ceremony. She couldn’t bare to face them, as if it had been her fault that Lem died. Died on her own 19th birthday. “I love you…” She managed “I love you… I love you…” She continued to say, lip quivering, voice catching painfully in her throat. “I…” She trailed off, breaking down completely into sobs. People who knew Lemma were gathered around the horrible pit of fire staring at her with pity in their eyes. Some of them cried with her, but for all Krisa cared about them, they could be on another planet. She fell to her knees in the dust, and stayed there longer than anybody else.
She sat there watching the sky changed from light to dark. Watching the moon replace the sun, the stars replace the clouds. She stayed until many hours had passed since the ceremony, just watching the sky. She could finally be alone with Lem. So she took a deep breath, and got to her feet. She had cried herself out hours ago, and, with some difficulty, she spoke. “Lem-Lemma.” She began “You were the person who saved me from myself… You gave someone like me, who had nothing, something that I can never get back. You gave me hope. You made me believe that someone like me could ever be more than what I was when you found me left to die in the streets. A broken mess of blood and despair” She stopped and let out a shaky breath, and then kept going “You gave me something that I was never going to get on my own: A second chance at living a happy life. You made me so… so happy, Lem.” Tears rolled down her cheeks but she had to say everything “It isn’t fair that you’re dead Lem…” She cried “There was so much more… So much more that we could have done… so much we could have seen… so much we could have become… It’s not fair that you’re gone.”
With her words dead on her tongue, Krisa decided it would be best for her to go home now. “I can’t stay here, Lemma” She told her “I can’t stay in Wind reach… without you, it just isn’t home. And they’ll make me Dek again, Lemma.” She realized “I’m not strong enough to stop them without you. I will take everything I have left of you with me Lem, and I’ll travel to Lhavit… remember y-you always wanted to go there? W-well j-just see it through my eyes. Because you’re still here. I can feel you. I can.” With nothing more to say now all there was to do was to return ‘home’. Krisa began the lonely trek back to Lemma’s abode with a broken heart.
