[Kali's Scrapbook] On the Way to Greatness

[Kalina]

* Placeholder for tings Because I'm a idiot and messed up my own Scrap.

[Kalina]

I have to rant. Excuse me for a moment. Okay, so I'm an employee at Legoland Windsor Resort. Have been for three Seasons (seasons means years, in this case ) and that's how I've been partially paying my way through university. This June I finish uni and will be applying to Merlin's Graduate Scheme (Merlin owns Legoland) so for one final summer I will be going back as a frontliner to operate the rides. My rehire interview is tomorrow. I had an operation five days ago. I'm not well enough to take part in the full-scale three hour procedure we have to do. I was told a month ago that all would be fine, that I could probably get a telephone interview. I was told today that either I go tomorrow (in which case I had better be fit enough to take part in everything, so as to be judged as fairly as everyone else) or I have to reapply in the new year, beginning the whole process again and going up against other new hires. Given my circumstances, I don't have the time or money to spend on doing this again next year. It will cost me over £200 if I have to do this next year, in train fares, and I have a dissertation to write and finals to revise for. I know I'm not classed as having a disability but I do come under the bracket of having "health problems" right now. Accommodations should be made for someone in theses circumstances, especially when they were promised. Granted, the online interview was a long shot, but telling them that I was recovering from an operation should have received the response of "okay, we'll see what we can do" rather than a "if you come and don't perform well, we'll judge harshly". And you'd think that, after three years, they could take that track record and say that she knows what she's doing and leave it at that. It's so fucking anal. I'm no longer sure if I want to spend the rest of my life working for this company. In other news, those who are RPing with Isalie and Kali, particularly the people I watch post FULL threads with other people and haven't touched ours.. Please reply.. I'm bored.

[Taylani]

I believe I am waiting on a reply to our thread from you..

[Kalina]

Yeah, because of our third member who has yet to reply you don't count. I'm giving her her month before I post. You never count, I swear there must be like... Fifteen people working on Tay! You post like crazy!

[Taylani]

*giggles* I was afraid I might have lost our post.

hehe theres like 15 people in my head, thats why I post constantly

[Kalina]

Anyone who has ever RPed with me, or had read/graded a thread with my characters in it, has probably worked out that I have issues when it comes to tenses. And.. I’m talking serious issues. See, it all began back when I started roleplaying, about ten years ago now. I joined a website that sort of mixed tabletop style pen-and-paper games with text based play-by-post. The site wasn’t a forum, it was a LotGD, a backdoor game, with many different rooms, for different locations. It used AJAX to work, which is a module that this website has installed – and makes up the live chat function. So imagine that, everywhere, as the method you roleplay. Anyway, because, once a roleplay had been started, it had to be finished, as it would not be stored, one would be sitting at a computer for hours in order to get through it. I remember once logging on at 8pm, and immediately being thrown into an impromptu RP, which I wanted to see the end of, so I had to stay online until 10am the next morning. That’s an extreme version, but if you wanted a decent RP, you needed to set aside at least 8 hours. Straight. I am not ashamed to admit that I can spend 8 hours a day writing a roleplay, but I do things in between, like eating, walking the dog, going to the toilet. If you left during live RP, you could miss something crucial. But I digress. With live text-based RP, most write in the present tense, because you are emoting. People do the same in Mizahar’s chat: if they type /me, then the rest of the emote often appears in the present tense. So that’s how I learnt to RP, and I’m finsing it very difficult to change. In my mind, actions should be done in the present tense, and thoughts or internal monologues are written in the progressive past. I didn’t realise how much this confused people until I came here, and most people have commented on it. I’ve tried to write in the past tense with my newest character, but he also gets comments about bad tense usage. I honestly don’t understand… this is one of the simplest things, but it seems to be my biggest hurdle, and the hardest thing for me to master. Past tense just feels wrong. But I’m trying. Any old threads will be completed in the present tense, but any new Winter threads… I’ll really try to shift to the past. Please bear with me, guys, it’s harder than it looks to change something that’s bee so ingrained in me.

[Abstract]

Heh... I can see what inspired this post

Actually, the thread I graded had maybe three tense problems in the entire thing... it was just something to note. It wasn't confusing at all, and just seemed like an accidental mixup... it was quite good, really! Sometimes it's hard to switch, but you're doing quite well at it

[Kalina]

This is basically a rambling post… all I’m trying to do is get my thoughts out before my brain implodes. If anyone has advice, please share it. It appears that, while I’m spending a lot of time fleshing out Verin, Hope and Kalina have taken a backseat in the RP world. It’s the whole “new toy” thing; Verin is more exciting than the other two, and he has more going on in his life, so I want to be him more. When it comes to Hope, it doesn’t really bother me. And the reasons are threefold: 1 – she was my first character and therefore my least favourite, as the worst designed. 2 – she’s settled down in her life so I can afford to take luxuries with her and leave her for a little while, knowing that she’ll just go on. 3 – her RP partners aren’t the fastest responders, which I’m actually quite glad about, because it takes effort to become her, and for this reason I’m happy to let her sit back for a week or so. But Kalina… now.. I’ve never been more proud of a character. I might not necessarily be the best at writing her (I’m by no means a brilliant writer >.>) but I always know about her. I know her mind better than I know my own, which I’ve never experienced with a character before. She’s light and happy and bubbly and I adore being her. But I can’t be her. I’m finding it impossible to run individual threads with people, because I have no idea where she stands with her Master, whose player is currently away, and hasn’t really been around on the site since about September. She’s a child Kelvic slave in an unknown city and, in terms of story, if her Master is dead, or has disappeared, she will likely just die. The other’s in the travelling party have offered to take her back to Ravok with them (which I would prefer, because I’m far more comfortable which having her in a city that I know well) but that leaves me with the problem that I have to kick out my current PC, who is in Ravok. But no matter where I take Kalina, it’s unlikely that I will find anyone to fulfil her (or my) needs. Kalina was designed specifically to be a dependent of someone, whether it be slave, pseudo-daughter, pet, apprentice, whatever. She is not, and will never be, an independent person, and I like her that way. It seems to me, though, that there is a void of characters who might be appropriate to take on any of these roles. In the past season, I’ve debated retiring her and starting again, or sticking it out. Both have positives and negatives. I don’t want to give Kalina up, but she is never going to reach her potential and do all of the things I want her to do if all of my threads are stand-alone threads with individuals, rather than multiple threads with a dependent. Just two threads a season offers so much character development, and that’s all I want(ed). So I wonder.. if I started again, with a different concept, she might fly further. I see other slave characters being bombarded with offers but don’t see why I think I should have trouble with it. Do I keep Kali, the best thing I’ve ever created, the most adorable little kitten… or do I start again? It actually hurts to think that I have to give her up. But it might be the only way. As it is, I’m not yet prepared to throw in the towel on her current Master. But I have to be realistic, especially as Kelvics age so fast and I’m only a few seasons away from her being an adult. I don’t know if I should actively start searching for a new Master or if I should allow the other travellers to take her back to Ravok and see if I can get permission for her to be returned her to the KRI and leave her there to rot. I have to admit, that would be a harrowing last thread.

[Gossamer]

I think as writers we fall into the trap of "THIS IS HOW THIS PC IS" when just like people PCs go through transitions and transformations. None of that is more evident than with kelvics. They grow up FAST. And from one month to the next and from one season to the next they can be completely different people as they come into their own. I think in your mind, just by reading your scrap post above, that you've fallen into the trap that Kali is written, fleshed out, and she is what she is.

Wrong.

One event, one experience, one single moment can change her life forever by altering her outlook, her personality, or even her destiny. I don't think nor would I encourage you to give up your beloved kitten. What I would encourage you to do instead is hit the road (take a chance on a new city and hit the road proverbially by crawling out of the mental box you have Kali in) and have her grow to fit YOUR NEEDS as a writer. So its retaining your current pc but also having a new one emerge. It's utterly unfair to Kali and really bad form as a writer to freeze her at her current personality level or say she can't change when she's in essence just a baby. She's a baby. A BABY.

Think about that. There are no hard fast lines with your PC. There are only the hard fast bars of a cage you can write them into. Let her out to play. Let her surprise you. Let her PICK what shes going to become and don't assume you absolutely know her. The best writers are surprised daily by their characters and what their characters do. When you get to that point, you've won, because in your head the PCs is living and breathing and suddenly so much easier to write for.

I have a friend online that we speak often about our characters and have conversations like "I'm fine with that... but my PC in my head just told me to break your nose and call you a total bitch." When that starts happening, then Kali is as strong as you need her to be to have fun with her. It sounds like your Verin is already there. Give her the same chance... and your tertiary too if that's possible. First characters don't have to be the worst characters. They just need to be given a chance too.

[Kalina]

I understand what you’re saying and I know that I have a long way to go in learning how to let go and give a character free reign. I guess that’s part of the reason I’m here – to learn as well as to have fun. What I meant, however, was that with some characters, I stare at them and think…”where am I going with you?” which, until recently, I never experienced with Kalina. She didn’t bond at 9 months because we wanted her to grow up and not limit her development more than it had been with her time at the KRI (where I’d imagine she had a very minimal education, if any). To this end, she remains dependent purely because she knows so little compared to even other Kelvics who I’ve seen and/or RPed with. It’s one of the reasons I chose this race: to watch her age at an accelerated rate so I wasn’t playing a child of 7 or 8 for too long. The problem is that the do age so fast, which means that a lot has to be accomplished! I’m a strong believer, rightly or wrongly, in having multiple threads with one or a few people and watching those relationships grow. It’s the best type of character development and “one-shot” threads don’t achieve what continued interaction can. I could do an endless stream of single thread with people but not actually achieve anything major in terms of her actual life, if that makes sense. And of course, through that interaction, she will grow… in her threads, she spends the time learning what most characters (and players, myself included) take for granted. It’s adorable to watch and she’s surprised me along the way, when threads turn in a direction I hadn’t initially intended. But that development and independence isn’t going to happen overnight. I can’t go from having a clueless child to a self-sufficient person just because her Master is no longer around. Yeah, she could hunt, catch a few fish or rats, but she would die, eventually. Breaking that all-important fourth wall, she has no money. I can’t pay for any expenses as a player because there is nothing to pay them with. I can’t get her a job because she has few skills to warrant one. Most importantly, though, the thread where she learns about money hasn’t been completed and so far she hasn’t really grasped it so she wouldn’t even go looking for a job because she has no concept of work or money exchanging hands for goods. That’s the bit that scares me most – that I can’t click my fingers and make her understand all of this abstraction just to make my life easier and have her become independent. Especially when it’s already become so clear that she doesn’t get these things. I’ve tried to take most of what you said on board, I’m only pulling out a few details here. For now, in my mind, it’s quite clear that she needs guidance. Maybe a new city is the answer, but I still need a reason/way to get her there! And a PC willing to take her in. I had hoped, for example, to have Kalina abused/neglected etc. from someone other than Marcus for a while, which would spur substantial development as well as a possible Ranuri Mark. I’m not a fan of NPC interaction for such a large role in her life – controlling both ends means I’m basically writing a novel`, in my opinion. It takes all the fun out of logging in, excited for what’s just happened. Characters might be living and breathing in our minds, but we must continue to control them, lest they head down a road that we don’t want them to and they ultimately stop being fun to play. Thanks, Goss, for your advice. It was definitely a kick up the backside not to give up just yet. I just need to do a lot of thinking for where I'm going to go with her, and how to get there, and who I'm going to ask for help!