Closed Seed of Worry (Waisana)

[Seirei Dawnwhisper]

Timestamp: 89th Day of Spring, 514 AV Once again, Seirei found herself alone in the tent. And she couldn't help but feel relieved. She hated her "master" with a passion, and while he would never call himself that, he was her master all the same. After all, "captive," and "slave" meant the same thing...didn't it? Despite not having been officially marked as a slave, the result was the same. In the eyes of his people, Lian had the right to do anything he wanted to her. He'd proven that over and over...every night when he raped her. Sometimes...most times, he raped her in the mornings as well. It didn't matter if she tried to resist or not. Not really. The result was always the same. The only difference was that by resisting, Seirei always angered the man. And for that, she was punished. Seirei longed to punish him in return. A part of her wanted to lash out and destroy his belongings...destroy the tent itself if she couldn't stop him from raping her. It would be vengenace of a sort. And yet...what would it get her, really? If she gave in to the desire to destroy his belongings, she would be punished...much like she was already being punished for her resistance. Or defiance as Lian called it. Did she really want to bring even more pain upon herself? Not really. So lashing out might make her feel better for a short time, it would only hurt her in the long run. Seirei knew that Lian needed her to be relatively healthy if he wanted to breed her...but there was always the chance that he might lose sight of that in his rage if she pushed him too far. He might cause her permanent harm, if he lost himself in a rage. He could even end up killing her accidently. Seirei wasn't suicidal. She hated her circumstances with all of her heart, and she hated feeling so helpless all the time...but she wasn't ready to give in to death in order to escape. Death would be giving up...quitting. Worse, it would be letting Lian win. And Seirei was in no way prepared to allow Lian to win. It was why she fought in the first place. It was for that same reason that Seirei didn't simply run away. She certainly had enough opportunities to flee with Lian going off and doing who knew what so often. But...where would she go? If she stayed in Endrykas, Lian would find her sooner or later. Probably sooner. She didn't have anyone who would be willing to hide her from him, and he knew his home far better than she ever could. Leaving Endrykas wasn't an option either. Lian had told her early on that he would find her if she fled the city...and something about his tone convinced her that he was telling the truth. If he caught her, she would be punished. And if he didn't...she would die. It was that simple. Seirei knew perfectly well that she didn't have the skills she would need to survive out in the Sea of Grass until she could get to the nearest city. Nor did she have any way of knowing what direction she needed to travel in...or how to tell what direction she was walking in. No. Seirei was well and truly stuck in Endrykas until she had earned enough money to buy passage with one of the trade caravans, with enough left over to get her by until she could find work. Seirei needed a distraction. And as much as she loved working with wood, she knew that she was in no mood for it now. I would never be able to concentrate on what I was doing if I tried to work on one of my projects right now. I'd only make stupid mistakes that would take me hours to fix at best, and would more likely destroy whatever I was working on. she thought ruefully. She rummaged through her back pack until she found her instrument case. Once she had, she took out her flute, and walked outside. It was a warm, beautiful day, and Seirei hoped that the gentle warmth would soothe her battered spirits. The last time she'd played around with her flute, she'd learned that covering the holes made the instrument sound different when you blew into it that leaving the holes uncovered did. So she started with that. One by one, Seirei covered all of the holes. Then she blew gently into the mouth of the flute. The result was a pleasant sounding noise. Well, at least I don't sound like I'm killing a goat the way I did until I learned that you have to blow gently. Seirei took her finger off of the sixth hole, and tried blowing gently into the flute. It sounded different than the other times. She covered the sixth hole once more, and uncovered the fifth hole. That sounded different as well. Maybe if I listen to a song...really listen to it so that I know it so well that I can hear it in my head if I think about it, I can learn how to play it on my flute if I can learn how to make the sounds in the song on the flute. Seirei continued to play around with the flute for a bit more, then decided to put it away. She wanted to go see what kind of wood, and carving tools the trade caravans had available. Knowing that if she went out to see the trade caravans, she would likely find something she wanted to buy, Seirei paused long enough to get her money pouch. She hidden it in the middle of the rags she used for her time of the month. Even if Lian ever decided to go through her belongings it was a fairly safe bet that he would avoid going through such...personal items. So Seirei was relatively confident that her money was safe. But simply seeing the rags reminded her that it had been quite some time since she'd had her period. Seirei quickly tried to calculate the time in her head. I had one a couple of weeks before I was captured. And I had one since I've been here. It came late, likely due to the stress of being Lian's captive. But...it's been what? Over a month now. Closer to a month and a half. Maybe a bit more. And I was always very regluar before I was captured... Seirei's eyes widened in horror as her heart filled with dread. While it was true that stress could be causing a delay again...there was another possibility. One that she really didn't want to think about. Without any conscious thought, Seirei was on her feet, and moving out of the tent. The next thing she knew, she was standing near the Healers' tents. The entire trip from Lian's tent to her present location was a blank; she had no memory of it at all, so caught up had she been in her need to prove herself wrong. A vague part of her mind wondered if she looked as dazed and horrified as she felt. But mostly, she was just desperate to find Waisana, and hear that she was mistaken...that there was no way she could be pregnant, and that she was getting herself all worked up over nothing.

[Waisana]

The girl was having a hard time paying attention. She didn't want to acknowledge that she was having any sort of lapse in her concentration but it was true. She had always been so focused on medicine, on healing others and she'd been determined for it to stay that way for a couple of years, even though others her age were getting married. Waisana hadn't taken into account that a boy would appear who could catch her eye but one had come almost rudely into her midst. He was inescapable in the healing tents because she worked with him. He was an unwelcome distraction right at this moment when one of the older healers was supposed to be letting them know about patients under observation. Halfway through, she had no idea how many patients there were let alone what they had. Every time she tried to pay attention to the grim faced woman, her eyes ended up on Relaren instead.

He was a fellow healer, one who had spent a year doing some travelling, visiting other cities and peoples. He was older than she was, eighteen nearly nineteen, but that seemed to add to the attraction. She doubted that she was the only one interested in him but she would never have the nerve to approach him even if there was no one else. He was just too... intimidating. The young man was big and broad with a stern face beneath a mass of dark braided hair. His stern features could be softened with one of his easy smiles but still...

Her eyes had drifted back to him again and so she looked away quickly, trying once more to concentrate on what she was supposed to be concentrating on. It probably took more effort to make herself stare at the healer and at least pretend to listen. When they were finally allowed to go about their business, Waisana had no idea about any of the patients and so she decided to focus on incoming patients instead, or any other task that might present itself. The main thing was to avoid Relaren though or she'd never get anything done. The teen could only hope that she got used to his presence sometime soon or else she was never going to do anything again with any level of attention at her disposal.

The healer surveyed the room, taking in the patients in beds and the newcomers who were being seen to by others. Turning to get a view of other places in the tent, she smacked into someone's side. "Sorry!" The apology came from both their mouths at the same time but nothing more came out of hers when she saw who she'd bumped into: Relaren. She froze, staring up at him, unsure what else to do with herself. He smiled at her slightly, tilting his head to the side. "You all right? You look a little dazed," he told her, his eyes scanning her face. He knows! she thought, panicking. Nodding quickly, she ducked past him and shot out of the tent entrance, glancing behind her once she was out to make sure he hadn't followed her.

A blush belatedly burned her face, the colour rising in her pale skin she knew even though she couldn't see it. She stared at the tent flap with a mixture of horror and shame and tried to think quickly through muddled thoughts. If he didn't know before then he will now unless I do something! She stared at it, biting her lip and trying to find a way to save herself from further embarrassment. Need an excuse, need an excuse, she thought, glancing around her in the hopes of finding someone who was coming for healing. A hysterical laugh burst from her lips as she spotted Seirei. There was someone just when she needed them. The perfect excuse. She'd treated the girl before and knew what she was like so if anyone asked she'd explain her character and say that she glimpsed her through the tent flap.

Almost skipping over to the captive, she only noticed her expression when she was right in front of her. "Seirei! What's the matter?" she asked, Relaren and her embarrassment forgotten. "Come inside. You can tell me what's wrong when we get in there." A guiding hand was placed on the other's arm, ready to steer her inside and sit her down.

[Seirei Dawnwhisper]

Seirei felt a great deal of relief when she heard Waisana's voice. She allowed the Healer to guide her into the tent and sit her down. If Waisana was paying close attention, she might see the large dark bruise on her right leg. It was nearly two hand widths wide, and every time her pant leg shifted with her movements, it was exposed. She had another dark, angry looking bruise near her right elbow. This one was more obvious than the first as her sleeve only partially covered it. The bruise was shaped like a hand, caused by Lian when he'd gripped her arm too hard as he threw her to the ground. "I need you to tell me that I'm not pregnant. Please?" The last word came out as a desperate plea. Seirei watched Waisana carefully, her large eyes begging for an answer...any answer other than the one she feared so much. "There has to be another explaination." Her voice faded into a mere whisper, as if by not saying the words too loudly, she could deny their meaning. "I'm nearly a month and a half late. Maybe a bit more. I never had problems like that berfore I was captured, but...but my last one was late, too. Stress maybe. Or something. That's what this, too, right? It has to be." Seirei didn't think that she could bear the alternative. It was bad enough that she had lost everything. Bad enough that she was the captive of a man who saw her only as livestock...an animal to be bred at will. Worse that he punished for doing what any girl would do in her situation...resist being raped. But for him to succeed? To have a part of him growing inside her? Just the thought of it made Seirei feel sick.

[Waisana]

The poor unfortunate girl seemed more abused than when she'd last seen her. When they'd first met, Seirei hadn't shown obvious signs of abuse. Her shoulder had been badly sprained but that hadn't been clearly visible, only showing up under examination but now... Bruises, large dark bruises. They were ugly marks that contrasted sharply with her skin, even though she wasn't in any way pale. They just looked out of place on her skin, showing up on her leg and elbow. The one on her leg was hidden some of the time by her clothing but the one on her elbow was far more visible. The healer wondered just how many more were hidden away under other items of her clothing. What she could see told her enough about the abuse without having to look for further signs.

However, it wasn't because of bruises that she had come. The pleading in her voice affected Waisana deeply, making her cringe away from the girl's desperation. The captive must be afraid, terrified at the prospect of carrying her abuser's child. It was something that could be determined now perhaps, if it was not too early. Her knowledge of pregnancy had been increased since she had first met Taylani and so she hoped that she would be of some help to Seirei. Unfortunately, she suspected that the greatest help she could give her would be news that she wasn't pregnant. As the girl talked, Waisana wasn't so sure that that was news that she could give.

"We'll need privacy so that I can examine you, see if you have any early signs. If it has been a season and a half then there would be indications," the young woman explained, offering a hand to the other to help her up before moving to the partitioned areas. There were a few in the healing tents for examinations such as the one Waisana wanted to undertake. It allowed patients to have more... sensitive areas to be examined away from the eyes of others. Gesturing that Seirei should move behind an unoccupied partition, the healer pulled it over so that she could work in peace.

"Now Seirei, you say that you are quite late? And that you were late for your last one? Was there anything else out of the ordinary during your last period? Was there less blood than usual?" she asked, standing although she indicated that her patient should sit down. "And your breasts? Have they become more sensitive and swollen during the time from your last period to now? I'll need to examine you fully by the way, just to check everything," she explained, hovering uncomfortably over the girl.

The teen had examined women before and usually she could be quite professional and detached while she went about her work. In this case however, detachment wasn't something that she could manage. Seirei was someone that she was quite friendly with even if they didn't know each other particularly well, or at least Seirei didn't know Waisana very well. The young woman had learned a fair amount from her when she'd last treated her. Maybe it was because she felt such a connection with the girl that she felt awkward about what she had to do. She also didn't want to further violate the captive, who was already suffering a stripping of dignity at the hands of this Lian. She certainly didn't want to add to it but if it had to be done then she really had no choice.

"Would you mind undressing so that I can examine you?" the Drykas girl asked gently, feeling guilty for having to do this.

[Seirei Dawnwhisper]

Seirei moved behind one of the unoccupied partitions quickly, grateful for the privacy as she sat down. The questions required a few moments of thought, though. Had her last period been lighter than normal? She honestly couldn't remember. Seirei had been so glad to see that it had come at all after the terror she'd felt when she realized she was late that she couldn't really remember any of the details other than that she had had it. But judging from the amount of rags she had left, it might well have been. "I...I'm not sure. It's hard to remember. I was just so glad when it finally came that I didn't really notice at the time. But I have more rags left over than I usually do, so it is possible..." The second question made her blush. Her breasts were very sensitive...but since Lian often...paid attention to them as he raped her, they could be sensitive due to his rough treatment. "My breasts...um...well, they are sensitive, and a bit swollen, but..." Seirei's blush deepened, and her voice faded into a near whisper out of pure humiliation and shame. "He...well...he...he squeezes them when he rapes me. He pinches them, too. It...he says it's part of my punishment for resisting him. But I think it excites him, too. He seems to...to enjoy it, so..." Seirei couldn't suppress a shudder at the memory. When Waisana asked her to undress for the examination, she hesitated for a moment. But then she steeled herself against the shame she felt, and obeyed. Seirei had never been especially body shy growing up. Life in a caravan with limited space, and several people trying to go about their daily routines at the same time had ensured that. With privacy at a minimum, if a woman saw you bathing, or getting dressed, you simply shrugged and moved on. But Seirei felt defiled by what Lian was doing to her. That sense of defilement caused her to feel ashamed of her own body. And that in turn, made Seirei feel deeply self conscious of allowing anyone to see her naked. So her movements were slow, and hesitant as she stripped her clothes off. She knew that it was necessary; Waisana was the healer, after all. If she said it was necessary for the examination, then it was. But that didn't make it any easier for her. The bruises that littered her body didn't help either. Every movement caused her some degree of pain. It had reached the point that Seirei couldn't quite remember what it felt like to have no pain at all. While she knew she could ask Waisana for help, the intimate nature of many of the injuries was humiliating. Besides...even if she did seek help, what would that accomplish in the end? Every day that passed brought new bruises, and more pain. Even if she thought that Waisana wouldn't get tired of her taking up her valuable time on a daily basis for nothing more serious that bruises, what could be done? Seirei knew very little about herbs, and nothing about medicines, but she thought she remembered hearing that it was possible to get addicted to some if you took them too much. That was the last thing that Seirei needed. Wasn't it better to save going to Waisana for healing for when she had a more serious injury, and really needed it? Especially since deep down, there was a part of Seirei that wondered if she actually deserved the pain for being so stubborn about resisting her captor. She knew it was futile, and that resistance only brought more pain...she knew that. But she still couldn't submit. It wasn't so much stubborness or pride as it was the fact that submitting willingly to such a violation went against everything that she was. To submit would be to deny her very self. Her breasts were by far the worst thanks to Lian's daily rough treatment with them. But there were bruises in varying states of healing all over her back, hips, and abdomen as well. Most were the type gained through casual cruelty rather than deliberate brutality. It was very rare that Lian lost his temper badly enough to beat her. The man did want her healthy enough to bear his children, after all. And he kept that thought in mind...usually. But that didn't stop him from treating her roughly when he raped her. If she resisted, as she couldn't help but do, he would grab her arm, or leg, or hip, or thigh...whatever part was convenient at the moment, and knock or throw her to the ground. When he grabbed her, he usually used enough force to bruise her. Most of the time she hit the ground with enough force to bruise her back, or abdomen, depending on which way she fell. And when he forced her legs apart, it was often with enough force to pull or strain muscles. He took her with more force than strictly necessary to subdue her, too. And every time, he made her painfully aware that it was all her fault. He was punishing her for resisting what he insisted he had every right to do. He also promised that it wouldn't hurt if only she would stop resisting. She might even enjoy it. Seirei didn't believe him for a moment. It was true that it would hurt less if she didn't try to fight back. A tiny voice deep inside her mind whispered that it might not even have to hurt at all if she just submitted as he wanted her to. But nothing could convince her that she would ever enjoy the experience. Sex, and lovemaking was supposed to be between two people who loved each other. Who trusted and respected each other completely. Without that, it was nothing short of rape, and any form of pleasure was impossible. Since Seirei hated and feared her captor, there could never be anything between them but rape. And under those circumstances, Seirei could never do anything but resist to the best of her ability...no matter how futile it was.

[Waisana]

The line of questioning would seem peculiar to the girl who probably didn't understand the signs that Waisana was looking for. If she'd known then she wouldn't have needed to come to a healer in the first place, except perhaps for a health check or to begin making arrangements. However, it could be a false alarm, something that she hoped for Seirei's sake. The first question wasn't likely to cause much embarrassment, they were both women and it was a simple question really. Her uncertainty when she answered though didn't help the Drykas girl, there was no way of knowing if her patient's period had been unusually light. She'd been through an ordeal and she wasn't likely to be keeping accurate records in her head. Still, what she did say seemed to point that way but she would check and she would know.

The question about her breasts had to be asked but she hadn't meant to dredge up the girl's ill treatment and humiliation. She didn't want to know all the details but at the same time, it was a circumstance that could explain away certain symptoms. She wished that Seirei hadn't given her her reasoning for Lian's actions. That was certainly far too much information but she said nothing, although colour flooded into her cheeks, giving her embarrassment and discomfort away. The discussion of intimacy, even forced intimacy, was still not something that she was comfortable with even if she did understand the basics of sex. Things that she didn't understand fully always made her uneasy though and seeing as she didn't know anything from experience her discomfort was high.

The removal of clothing revealed far more things that Waisana couldn't understand. Her breath caught, unable to escape her throat as she took in each new bruise. The glimpses of abuse that she seen before were just that, glimpses. With her body exposed though, the full extent of Seirei's abuse could not be hidden. Some were fresher than others, some were deeper than others but they were all ugly signs of what could go on behind partitions. It made her want to cry as if it was her own body that had been tortured in that way and she could feel the other's pain. But she couldn't. She had no idea how it must feel to be so battered and she couldn't begin to understand why anyone would do that to another person.

Seeing her exposed like this though, Waisana could understand how she hadn't known if her breasts had changed from their normal state. They had received the roughest and probably most frequent abuse and as a result they'd certainly be sore and swollen. The bruises on her body even showed the marks of fingers where she had been gripped and pulled and mauled. The healer felt extremely ill. Her eyes closed as she concentrated on her breathing, trying to remain calm, trying to become detached so that she could do what needed to be done. She doubted that she'd be able to tell anything from the girl's breasts at all but she would try.

Her eyes reopened, she moved closer to the girl so that she could examine her, her gaze avoiding her face so that she could do this. Her hands cupped one of her patient's breasts, her touch tentative as she examined her. Her eyes were just as important a tool but they were inhibited by the amount of flesh that hadn't become discoloured. Her fingers moved from the outermost curve inwards to the nipple, checking for any changes, which was difficult seeing as she didn't know what they were like before. She asked a few more questions as she worked, hoping to gain more useful information but doubting it.

"I'll ask you just a few things although they may not apply to you. If you are... pregnant then your pregnancy would be different to anybody else's," Waisana explained gently, her voice trembling slightly as she got the words out. Be professional, she chanted in her head, hoping that that would help matters. "Have you had a change in your..." She didn't know the word for appetite in Common so she tried a way around it. "... your desire to eat lately? Has your mouth tasted like metal? Have you been feeling more tired than normal? Have you felt sick? Have you felt more emotional than usual?" Question after question came out of her mouth as she ran through a list of possible symptoms that she'd been told. She could only hope that Seirei had followed them all.

The healer's hands moved to the other breast so that she could compare it to the first, hoping that it would tell her something. She couldn't be sure but she thought her patient's nipples looked very prominent. It didn't necessarily mean anything though. They could have looked that way before or the cool air could have affected them. This was far harder for Waisana than she would have thought. There were other ways, a little more reliable if they showed so she'd have to try them.

"I'll need to examine between your legs," the teen told her, her voice an apology. She considered how to go about doing this in the small cubicle. There was nowhere to lie down, except to floor but she thought that she could manage it all the same and still keep Seirei at a reasonable height so she could get a good view. "You'll need to sit and open your legs, spread them as wide as you can. It may hurt with the bruises but I'll try to work as quickly as I can."

[Seirei Dawnwhisper]

Seirei listened carefully to Waisana's questions. Focusing on them helped to distract her from why she had come in the first place, as well as her self consciousness about letting anyone see her naked. The questions themselves confused her. They didn't seem to have anything to do with the possibility of being pregnant, so Seirei wasn't at all sure why Waisana was asking them. But they seemed harmless enough, if strange. "I never seem to feel hungry anymore, so I don't eat as much as I used to before I was captured. Ever since I was a child, my appetite has vanished when I'm under a lot of stress. So that might be why I'm never hungry. But it doesn't explain why I can't stand onions anymore. I used to love them, but now even the sight of them makes me want to gag." Seirei considered the next question. Did her mouth ever taste like metal? Of all of the questions Waisana had asked, that one was the strangest. "I can't say that my mouth ever tastes like metal, but I do always seem to be tired now. Does that mean anything? I thought it was just that I don't get much sleep most nights..." Seirei didn't mention why she didn't get much sleep most nights. After Lian was done with her, she was usually in too much pain to make it even remotely possibly to find a comfortable position to sleep in. Not to mention that she would start awake at the slightest sound out of fear that Lian was going to rape her again. Sleeping in his presence at all was nearly impossible. Seirei quickly tried to distract herself with the next question. "I do seem to feel sick a lot lately. Mostly stomach bugs. It happens most often in the morning, but it can happen at any time. Especially if I smell smoke. It never used to bother me before, but even the slightest smell of smoke makes me feel sick to my stomach. I seem to have difficulty breathing sometimes, too. No, not that, exactly...but you know how it's hard to breathe after you've been running for a while? It feels like that, only I haven't been doing anything that would cause something like that. I've been a lot more emotional lately, too." Seirei flinched when Waisana touched a particularily sensitive area on her breast. She flushed with embarrassment at the prospect of being examined "there," but she did as she was told despite feeling horribly uncomfortable. The pain from her bruises only made things worse, as did the dread at what the examination might reveal.

[Waisana]

Diagnosing pregnancy usually wasn't much of a problem, even for first time mothers amongst the Drykas. They usually knew the signs or if they didn't they could recall things to mind easily enough. By the time they started to suspect, they were usually exhibiting easy signs. They didn't have the additional pressures that Seirei had. They didn't need to wonder if their periods were late because of stress or something else. They were willing participants of the acts of their husbands and so they normally knew what they were getting into and noticed changes. Poor Seirei was so unsure of everything and her body had been damaged in such a way to obscure signs that Waisana wasn't even sure if she could make a diagnosis for certain. The teen would hate to ask the youth to come back again in a few days and go through the same probing all over again.

The questions she had asked might provide her with some clues but she wouldn't truly be certain. Some of them could be caused by other things but a number of signs together could lean towards a shady sort of positive. The one thing that she wouldn't be able to say for sure was that Seirei was not pregnant, especially as her answers seemed to point away from that fact.

The healer nodded along to the answers as she set about another, far more uncomfortable examination that took place on her knees. Her fingers had to probe and examine because there was simply no alternative. She needed to look for a darkening in colour of the vulva and the vagina but that was something else that would cause some trouble. Lian's forced attempts on Seirei had left damage. Her inner thighs were bruised enough but her genitals. It made the girl look on in horror, unsure whether or not an examination was wise. The pain she could cause...

The teen shook her head. No, it was something that she had to do but carefully so as not to irritate her injuries. There was tearing in a number of places and signs of blood but the girl did her best to avoid them. She wondered how the girl had even been able to tell when her period was or wasn't. Bleeding must have been something that was a regular occurrence. The healer tried to ignore everything else but what she was supposed to be looking for. The vulva and the vagina were indeed a darker colour than usual, no longer the brighter pink that was normal. Purple-red instead, although it could easily deepen further. It could have been caused by Lian but she doubted it, especially as she pieced together all that Seirei had said.

The girl had had a period that had been late and was most likely lighter than usual, although she wasn't certain. That could be explained by either stress, or a slight bleeding that could occur after conceiving. Her appetite had been affected, something that could be attributed to stress as well except that the new aversion to onions could be related to pregnancy. It could happen, even in the early stages, that a woman would crave a food or detest another, even if it had been a favourite beforehand. No metal taste but that didn't mean anything. Fatigue, which could be caused by stress or what Lian was doing to her but it was also another sign. Her gut was telling her where this was heading but she stubbornly tried to pass the symptoms off as being caused by her experience with the man she lived with.

So she felt sick, that didn't necessarily mean anything. Seirei was in a new place with new food and exposure to new illnesses. That plus the stress and her stomach wasn't likely to be right but she had been amongst them for awhile, long enough to adjust to the food. The smoke could cause nausea if she wasn't used to it but again, she'd been amongst the Drykas for awhile. The breathlessness... Waisana rocked back on her heels and then stood up, regarding Seirei critically. She had no definitive answer but still her gut feeling pointed her towards the affirmative.

"I can't say for certain," she began, biting her lip as a lump rose in her throat, making it difficult to speak. She didn't know why she was suddenly swallowing tears but that was enough to tell her that her gut feeling must be right. There must be something that she knew subconsciously that confirmed it. "You have symptoms that could be explained away by other things but all of them are associated with pregnancy as well. All of them. Your loss of desire to eat, feeling sick, tiredness, even your dislike of onions. There's no way to say for sure because of what Lian has done with you but I think... I think that you might be. I just have this feeling and..." Waisana broke off, her voice at a higher pitch than usual as her emotions got the best of her.

She rubbed her face as she tried to calm down, a hand moving to brush a loose strand of hair away and found that her face was wet with tears. When had she started crying? Why? There was no reason for her to be crying, she wasn't the one in Seirei's situation but yet the healer had grown to like the girl. They had had so little contact with her and yet they had somehow formed a connection that could sometimes take more time to form. She felt sorry for her and it was showing.

"Sorry. I don't know why I'm crying. I don't even know for sure and it's not even me," she told her, laughing slightly although it wasn't really a laughing matter.

Word Count970 words

[Seirei Dawnwhisper]

Seirei tried not to scream during the examination. She tried so hard that she bit her lip until it bled with the effort not to cry out in protest against the pain. It was something that she needed to endure, so she tried to accept that. She was getting good at enduring things that were beyond her control. And after nearly a season with her captor, she was getting used to pain. It had become so much a part of her life that it was hard to remember what it felt like to not be in pain. Thinking of the exam in those terms made it easier to bear. It was just one more hurt, one more thing that she couldn't control...one of many things that she could only endure and move on. So she endured it as best she could. And if she flinched a few times, and made a few soft sounds of pain when something Waisana did caused a sharp burst of pain, at least she didn't scream, or pull away. At least she had that much control over herself. In a world where Seirei had lost almost all control over her life, she would fight to keep what little control she did still have. Keeping her mind on other things helped a little. If the exam hurt, at least it was for a good purpose. When Waisana told her that she wasn't pregnant, it would all be worth it. Seirei needed to hear that she wasn't pregnant so desperately that she almost didn't comprehend it when Waisana seemed to be telling her the opposite was true. The words simply didn't make sense because they weren't what she wanted to hear. It took several long moments for the meaning to sink in, and when it did, shock and horror drained all color from Seirei's face. She felt sick, and dizzy with dread and despair. So much so that she swayed in place unsteadily. Seirei shook her head, denying what she didn't want to believe was true. "No...wait. That...I can't..." she whispered brokenly, sounding as lost as she felt. She couldn't be pregnant. She just couldn't. If she was, it meant that Lian had won...had gotten what he wanted. And Seirei didn't think she could bear that. "Can you...is there..." Seirei whispered, sounding even more lost and uncertain than she had moments before. Seirei fell silent once more. What was she asking, exactly? Was there a way to end the pregnancy? Seirei thought she remembered the other women in the caravan whispering about herbs that could do such a thing. But was that really what she wanted? Yes. Seirei hated the thought of bearing her captor's child. The thought of carrying a piece of him inside her horrifed her. She wasn't ready to become a mother. And yet...what about Jared? He was a product of rape, too. If their mother had resorted to herbs to end her pregnancy as Seirei thought she would have wanted to...Jared wouldn't exist. As much as thinking about Jared's betrayal hurt Seirei, she couldn't help but remember the good, too. That was why his betrayal hurt so much. Jared had been her friend as well as her older brother. Protector, and confidant, too. Seirei couldn't imagine a world that he wasn't a part of...and she didn't want to. If she truly was pregnant...what kind of child would it be? What would he or she bring to the world? How would they effect others simply by existing? Did Seirei have the right to destroy a life? To kill a helpless, unborn child? Did she even have it in her to do so? It wasn't the unborn child's fault. He or she had no control over what his or her father did to her. No more than Jared was to blame for what his father had done to their mother. Her mother had never blamed Jared for the actions of his father, or for being born. Could she blame an unborn child for the actions of her captor? Seirei didn't know what to think, or what to feel. She was completely and utterly overwhelmed by it all. Tears fell unheeded down her cheeks as she struggled to make sense of everything. This was the final straw. After losing everything she had ever known and loved, hearing that her captor had won...had forced her own body to betray her...Seirei simply couldn't deal with it anymore. She seemed to shrink in on herself as she tried desperately to come to grips with a world that had gone horribly wrong...again.

[Waisana]

The girl wrung her hands before her, tears seeping from beneath closed lids. She needed to be professional, needed to explain things to Seirei, offer her services and advice. She just needed a chime, just needed to vent her emotions and then she could focus on her job. Waisana took in short, choked breaths as she listened to the captive's horrified reaction. The other couldn't even speak properly, string together words to form a sentence. She was simply speechless and Waisana could understand her shock and pain. To convince yourself that something couldn't possibly be true and then be told that it was... It wasn't hard to grasp what way she'd been thinking. It wasn't necessarily so but Seirei could probably only see things in a very black and white way. If there was no definite no then to her it was obviously a definite yes. She had to be shown the grey and for that to happen, the healer had to regain some composure.

Wiping a hand across her cheeks to gather up the escaped moisture, the teen blinked her eyes rapidly to stop the flow. The lump in her throat was swallowed, deep breaths were taken in to calm her and with the straightening of her slumped posture she became an Opal Clan healer rather than a snivelling little girl. It might not last for long but she just had to try to take advantage of it before her control slipped. For now, she would be all business. The full situation could be explained and what it could mean. She could do that much.

"Nothing is certain, Seirei. You'll have to come back for me to check you again. Give it a bit more time to see if anything shows that you're definitely pregnant or not. If you continue to be late then it will point that way. If you are pregnant then we need to talk about a lot of things. If you aren't then you aren't," the healer explained, collecting Seirei's clothes and handing them to her. She didn't want to tell the girl that if she wasn't pregnant now, she could well be so in the near future unless she wasn't capable of bearing children. It would be cruel to tell her that it was a circumstance that could well be inevitable. That didn't stop her from thinking it though.

Licking her lips to moisten them she continued, "We need to talk either way. You'll need to come to see me again. Early in the summer, when is up to you but wait until some time after the 10th, say? I can check you over again then and hopefully I'll be able to tell you for sure if you're pregnant or not. In the meantime, you'll have to make sure that eat well even if you don't want to eat and get plenty of air and make sure you move around," the teen explained. Her business-like manner softened and she took Seirei's hands in hers, squeezing them in a comforting gesture. "Nothing is certain but if you do turn out to be carrying a child then do not think of it as his. It wouldn't be his, it'd be your own. You would carry it, birth it, nurse it. It would be more a part of you then a part of him. Remember that."

Waisana was hoping to give the girl some good to hold onto. Perhaps that one thought would stop her from trying to harm a growing child and do damage to herself in the process. She may well be shocked and upset enough to consider trying to kill an unborn child.

OOCSorry for the delay!