[Issues found by Ragdoll] Brys Stalna

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Brys Stalna

Postby Brys_ on September 28th, 2014, 11:21 am

Brys Stalna


Appearance

Race: Human.
Gender: Male.
Age: 23.
Birthday: 37th day of Winter, 491AV
Birthplace: Syliras.

Appearance: Short cropped dark brown hair, chiseled jaw line, big bright hazel eyes gleaming with desire, mystery, and untold secrets. A charmingly suave smile too off his slightly better than average looks. Lean, yet stronger than he appears, shorter than most, standing only 5'8" tall. He wears a form fitting black shirt and black coat with black slacks and black workbooks that are not shined.

Character Concept
Brys fancies himself as a thief. Having had no prior job, he has just done whatever he can to make a living, and that includes picking pockets and stealing food. He has a dream, to make and lead the first Assassins Guild in Syliras. But it won't be just a typical Assassins Guild, they will kill only those deserving of being killed, the unjust, wicked, and vile.

Character History

Brys has never held a job. Ever since he as a young boy of 8, he has always been the subject of sticky fingers. As a kid, it's a lot easier to avoid punishment for getting caught. You claim ignorance, apologize, and give it back. Which in turn leads to a better people person, all that practice talking. And speaking of practicing, it makes perfect, right? Well he had had a LOT of practice thieving and he was, in his mind at least, well on his way to perfect. You see, Brys has had a dream. When he was a mere child, his father spent all his money on drink and barely provided for his mother and him. So he resorted to stealing, and sharing with his mother whatever he could get away with. Coming home In bouts of drunken rage, his father used to beat his mother as well. She took it in graceful silence, for she loved her little boy, and did not want her husband to loose his anger on him. Every night Brys sat in his room and cried. Cried for his mothers sake since she would not do it herself. He constantly wished his father would die and leave his mother and him in peace. Well, sometimes wishes do come true. At 13, his father passed away, leaving behind a very large, and hidden, sum of money to his mother. She, of course, having been enamored by the money, spent it all very quickly. She fell in love with the drink, the same as her husband before her. She would come home, after a night if drinking and gambling, and blame Brys for her losing! It was all his fault. Suddenly everything would turn to his fault. She started beating him, taking her anger out on the only person she could. He accepted it, for he loved his mother, and in turn blamed his father for everything. That's when it hit him, like a ton of brick, that he wished he could have his father back, so he could kill him. Kill him for all the pain and suffering he caused. Kill him for all the tragedy that befell his mother. Kill him for his wickedness. As he grew older, with a stronger penchant for stealing, he managed to get himself a dagger off a man who had fallen asleep drunk in an alley nearby his house. His most prized possession, Brys carries it with him to this day. And it has only helped to further and enhance his dream. Why stop at his father? Wicked people abound everywhere, and they all need to be punished.

Language

Fluent Language: Common
Basic Language: N/A
Poor Language: N/A

Skills

Skill EXP Total Proficiency
Weapon Skill: Dagger 20 SP 20 Novice
Stealth 11 SP 11 Novice
Seduction 7 SP 7 Novice
Disguise 7 SP 7 Novice
Escape Artist 15 RB, 5 SP 20 Novice


Lores

Lore of Syliran Culture
Lore of History of Syliran Knights

Possessions

1 Set of Clothing
-Simple Shirt
-Simple Pants
-Simple Undergarments
-Simple Cloak or Coat
-Simple Boots
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Wood)
-Brush (Wood)
-Soap
-Razor
-Balanced Rations (1 Week's worth)
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel
100 Gold Mizas

Heirloom: Dagger nicked off the drunk man.

Housing

Location: Syliras.

House: As a character, please note that your starting package does not include a cottage; instead, it includes a 20x20 apartment with the furniture listed in the Housing section. As it is the cheapest housing available, the apartment is situated deep within the interior of Stormhold Citadel and does not include any windows, only ventilation shaft to bring in fresh air. Each hallway is lined with torches which are kept lit at all hours of the day, allowing for light and giving residents free access to something to light their hearth from. A diagram is included below:

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Ledger

Purchase Cost Total
Starting +100 GM 100 GM


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Brys_
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Posts: 2
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Joined roleplay: September 28th, 2014, 3:03 am
Race: Human

Brys Stalna

Postby Ragdoll on September 28th, 2014, 6:32 pm

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Hi there! I'm Ragdoll, the fluffy AS of Riverfall, and I've noticed a few problems with your CS that need to be fixed before you can continue roleplaying.

  • First things first. It's almost impossible to read your text. Please change your font color to something darker-a nice black, perhaps?
  • Usernames need to be your character's name-no fancy characters except maybe an apostrophe or a hyphen. If Brys is taken, maybe Brys Stalna isn't.
  • Assassin's Guild? Really? This is not an Elder Scrolls or Assassin's Creed game, this is Mizahar.
  • In Syliras? REALLY? The Knights would shut down groups of assassins working in their city. Maybe Sunberth would be a better fit for your PC.
  • You're an aspiring thief. Why do you have a lore about the Knights?
  • Speaking of being an aspiring thief...you have no points in Larceny!
  • You need to pick a cloak or a coat. You can't have both.

PM Ragdoll when you've corrected the above issues and this intervention will be removed.
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Riverfall - Behind the Waterfall - Mod Request Thread - Codex - OOC
Because of RL issues and a lack of energy that I can devote to Mizahar, I've decided to step down as an AS. I'm sorry to leave so suddenly, but it's truly been fun while it lasted. Hopefully I can come back some day.
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Ragdoll
To err is human; to forgive is feline.
 
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