An Apology to Mizahar

[Julla Orrinade]

Hello...
First of all, I want to tell you what this letter of apology is about. I'm not giving excuses or trying to gain sympathy. I simply want to the people of Mizahar to understand that I am a person who's trying to change from my old ways. Being called to a higher standard by my Lord and Savior, I have to do what is right, no matter what. I'm sorry that it had to take this long for it to happen. Therefore, I will make this as blunt as possible, and try to speak from my heart. I hope any and all who read this will realize that I want to maintain Mizahar's positive reputation and integrity as a role-playing website, despite the fact that I will destroy my own.

Here goes:
As most of you (if not all) do not know, there was another PC that I directly and willingly lied to concerning my identity on Mizahar (I will not mention the name of whom I spoke to). I told this role-player a completely false story to hide shame I had been building upon since the beginning.
These are all the PC names I have used on this website:
Freya Schaeffur/Whitevine
Colin Winterflame
Iblas Nu'Vette
Iblette
Shell
Euchse
Aerges Frostfawn and
Julla Orrinade.

Some of these names may sound familiar and some won't. That was my purpose, after all -to be unrecognizable. The reason this began started when I first left Mizahar due to my wishy-washy personality. Still being very young in my faith, I had a hard time deciding whether role-playing was an ungodly thing or not to take part in. I have now matured spiritually to a point where I can discern more readily, like I'm doing so here. Nonetheless, when I first left and decided to come back, I was convinced that I could not return to previous characters because time and events had changed during my absence. Once I created a new character to be "with the times" and people began to catch on (Gossamer is exempt because she knew from the beginning), this vicious cycle continued up until today. Today I'm going to end this cycle, in hopes to regain something I probably will never have again.
So there, I've spilled my guts and confessed everything both to God and to you. Now, having written this, I know what the consequences could be and what they most likely are. I am prepared to take any punishment felt necessary. I'd still like to be a part of Mizahar, but if the above information proves it cannot be so, then I thank you for all the fun and joy that I experienced on this site. If you decide to extend mercy to me and give me a second chance, I will not abuse it and be forever grateful for the opportunity.

Thank you in advance for reading this.
I love you all.

[Amunet]

No judgement is held here darlin. Bask in the warmth of grace.

[Gossamer]

I'm sorry it had to come to this.

Sent: Fri Jun 17, 2016 2:52 am
From: Julla Orrinade
To: Gossamer
I know this is the last thing you wanted to read today, but this is also the last thing that I wanted to type. However, you need to read this. I'm trying to be the bigger person here and admit to what I did wrong.
I wasn't sure if you'd seen this or not, but I would like to have a response from you. Not because I want a reason to leave, but because I have been uneasy about this since I posted it and I need a clear answer. It doesn't matter where you respond, but please, don't hold back. Just tell me how you feel; I can take it. I'm not afraid of the consequences, but I also want you to be honest with me, as I've been here with everyone else.

Take care, Gossamer,
Julla Orrinade

I think all of us at one time or another have these sorts of crisis' of Faith. The thing is (and I'll be honest in this since you have requested me to be) I don't understand why some Christians (I assume your a christian here - if not my apologies) find storytelling so horrendous. The Bible is full of storytelling and stories. There's probably a dozen places where people have told stories. Famous Christian authors tell stories that even make it into movies and other situations. True? Some are. Some are absolutely fiction. Left Behind anyone? So whats wrong with writing fiction here?

Honestly, that's not the worst crime. The worst crime is beating yourself up for it over and over and over again inside.

When are we going to be a bit nicer to ourselves and let ourselves do things we love? Everyone storytells. It's one of the oldest hobbies in the world. And if your worried about the more than five alts thing, don't be. My punishment is usually fairly mild. I yell at you, tell you to follow the rules, then retire all your alts but one and make you play just one PC for a total year before you get more alts. It's no where near akin to tarring and feathering or banning or whatever the hell other rumors say I do.

What I'm more worried about is that you are or have in the past beat yourself up for doing something that's entertaining, harmless, and can be a lot of good depending on how you swing it. If you have strict morals, uphold those morals in your RP and teach others the value of having those sorts of morals. Isn't that Godly? I don't really understand Christianity though. I'm not one. Never will be one. But it seems to me that a God that doesn't let you do harmless things that make you happy and bring you peace isn't one to worship anyhow. But that opens a whole other can of worms in regards to women all over the world that follow faiths that make it okay to do things to them that I do not consider okay in any way shape or form and we probably shouldn't go there.

If you stick around, do so without beating yourself up. Just be yourself. I am. A ton of other people here are. And you will find a lot of people love you for you. Sure they might hate you for you too, but in the end I always think its none of my business what other people think. They aren't forced to be here or forced to rp with you/me/others etc. They either do or they don't. If they do, they tend to have a lot of fun. If not, they miss out. Their loss, right?

You can live your life however you want to in whatever context you feel its necessary. Just do so without being so mean to yourself or having to hide or feel so much guilt. Guilt is like an iron band that is fastened around a living things' neck. It stifles their growth - maybe not right away - but eventually it will. Don't willingly wear that collar.

Goss