[Flashback] Daddy Problems (Ronin)

Raiyari laughed, a dry sound full of remembered bitterness and spite. "Courage... It's an idea I've learned long ago that cannot be depended on. You mistake me for someone else, Ronin. I am not courageous, nor strong. I do what needs to be done, what is required of me." But beneath all the anger that had risen to the surface, beneath all the conflicting emotions, Rai was still so very curious. She wanted to know how these people lived so... freely. Not caring to shield their emotions. Not caring who saw them for what they truly were. "Courage is being yourself. How do you do this, Ronin? How is it you can fight with the single-minded purpose of any warrior, yet still be yourself?" Then he went and asked about her family. Her curious expression hardened, but not against him. Family... that was one thing that Rai had had to do without for a long time now. Something that she genuinely didn't care for. Family was a concept for the stupid and the lovesick. It wouldn't see you through anything, despite what people claimed. Why trust something that was only liable to leave you broken in the road? "My mother died when I was nine. I- I don't remember much of that. Father turned alcoholic to ease the pain. He beat me when I was little, just because he was drunk and he could. He used to be an honorable man, but now I wouldn't be surprised if he was being arrested by my Order for some violation of the law. My brother..." Her voice stopped working for a few seconds, filled with sadness and fury. "I loved my brother. He was everything I epitomized. I wanted to join the Shinya because of him, because of ideals that he used to hold in such high regard. He was everything to me. And them my mother died... and he became someone else. Yukio hated the Shinya for not saving her, he even hated Zintila- the Goddess of Lhavit- herself! As I grew older, and my drunken father had a hard time catching me, let alone beating me; my brother took his place. He had no qualms about beating an Acolyte to the Shinya, in fact: He enjoyed it. My brother who I..." She couldn't go on. Rai simply didn't have it in her. It was one thing to tell this almost-stranger of her emotions, but her history? To someone who never spoke of these things, that was as far as she could go. But what she had told was the gist of it, there really wasn't anything else worth mentioning. Eyes downcast, the warrior-in-training shook her head, covering her eyes with her good arm. She couldn't feel any tears yet, but one could never be too careful. The feeling of his hand on her shoulder comforted her somewhat. Just that light touch, so foreign, eased her pain the tiniest fraction. Her burden was lifted slightly by the fact she had someone to share it with.

[Ronin]

Raiyari once again did not accept his praise, but Ronin's opinion of her did not change. Whether she wanted it or not, he saw her as admirable. Ronin did not understand how she could claim be something so different from what he had seen the day before. Then it dawned on him. Was he not a different person to her? He had fought by her side the day before, but today he showed her his weakness. That is when he realized that the secrets she kept were buried deeper than he could imagine, and this was her telling him how she felt. Ronin was honored that she would be this open with him.

Ronin still did not fully understand her question. He was not acting unlike any other Inarta, and he could not comprehend how polar opposite their worlds were. Ronin saw his own flaws and Raiyari's strengths and wondered how she excelled in places he fell short. He also thought she might feel the same way.

"You are praising me for something that comes as an impulse to me. I hope you understand, but that seems peculiar to me. I wish I could experience your world, and you mine, so that we might better understand each other."

Ronin was a little worried when her expression changed. He was worried he had said something to offend her, or that she did not agree with something he said. He listened to what she said, and every word tore at his heart. She spoke with such complete sadness and pain in her voice that it inflicted some small portion of the pain she felt. Her story was very different from his, but it carried many of the same tones, death, betrayal, sorrow.

When Raiyari began speaking about her brother Ronin felt angry. He had never had a sister, but he thought that the deep care he felt for Raiyari might be what a brother feels for his sister. If that was so, he could not understand how someone could do that to their sister. Ronin had no way to know if she felt the same way about him, and he surely was not going to ask her. But he thought to himself that if she did he would show her that he could never betray her like that. Ronin was flooded with many emotions, many of which were odd and alien to him. He admired her, he felt strangely protective of her, and he wished he could heal her pain. These were the feelings most prevalent, but there was many others that came and went in brief intervals, leaving him confused to what he really felt.

As she finished, Ronin thought she seemed utterly downtrodden. He would do anything to lift her spirits again, but he had no idea what that action would be. Knowing nothing else to do, he slowly pulled her into his embrace. If she would cry, he would be the shoulder on which she did it. He wanted to convey that he was there for her, and that he cared. Why he didn't use words, he didn't know. This just seemed more appropriate, and he would hold her there until she gave some indication that it made her uncomfortable or that she did not welcome his arms around her.

[Raiyari]

OOCGrr... computer lost battery when I typed this whole thing up. Here goes try #2 Anger, fear, sadness, the emotions swirled in her mind, moving like a thick mist, coating her in that loathsome touch of self pity. Breathe she told herself, changing her faltered breaths to the rhythm of meditation that the Shinya had taught. There was no place for self pity here, no place for pity in general. Rai had to remind herself of that, struggling to hold together her cold facade. For what seemed the millionth time today, she wondered how this complete stranger was capable of breaking the walls around her, walls that had stood strong for many a year. So concentrated on composing herself, Rai didn't even notice Ronin's arms until they were wrapped around her. The young woman froze, not moving even the slightest bit. He had touched her, without meaning to hurt? More fear arose out of confusion, how odd it was to have someone who did such things. And what was more, she didn't even see his arms moving towards her. Lapses in concentration, self pity, weakness... So many things she needed to stop, many things that her Sponsor would reprimand her for. Or at least, he would have, if the old Dian hadn't already seen his share of Rai's cold politeness. His urgings were usually around enjoying the peace of a moment, friendship, and other such soft ideas. While he never spoke badly about her frenzied combat training, Rai knew he wished her to do other things with her time. But that didn't matter now, her thoughts were distracted once again, should she return, he would no longer be her Sponsor. She'd be a true Shinya. And true Shinya did not cry. They did not weep, did not show weakness. It was with this in mind that Rai held back her emotions, putting them down under lock and key. But still, the feeling of another's touch, with intentions to comfort, not to hurt, was almost like pleasant idea. It had been too long since Rai had ever experienced that, and she found herself un-straightening, losing the rod-straight posture that had seemed her permanent trademark. Tentatively, the girl let him pull her into an embrace, that simple gesture sending sparks though her body as she remembered happier and simpler times. This Ronin, this Inarta, acted more caring than her own blood-brother did. With much hesitation and debate, Rai let her head rest on his shoulder. It was still odd to her, and she struggled to adjust to this. With a very strong concept of personal space, Rai simply didn't know what to do in this situation. But she knew what she wasn't about to do, and that was to show weakness. Her silence, the almost palpable sorrow and fear that surrounded her was a big indication of that. So instead, she chose to ask a question, giving her time to compose herself, and a chance to learn more about this strange man. "You understand this, what I am feeling now. This sadness and fear, else you would not be comforting me this way. What makes you do this, what makes you understand? Who did to you as my family did to me? ... I'm sorry, I don't wish to pry. Do not answer if you feel uncomfortable with the question."

[Ronin]

Ronin felt sympathy for his new friend, but he did not pity her. His vague understanding of her morals made him sure she would not want his pity. Ronin had seen no sign of self-pity from Raiyari, and he did not intend to give her what it seemed she did not want. Instead, his focus was on restraining himself. He had pried deep into this girl's emotions, and now she sat next to him dealing with the consequences of facing long buried scars. It was hard for Ronin, but he knew that he ought not pry further. He wanted to know more about her, but for now, this would be more than enough. Ronin feared that he had pushed too far already and may have caused more pain than he did good.

As he felt her relax into his hug, something struck Ronin. In the time he had spent with her he had never seen her give up his perfectly poised posture. Ronin didn't know what to think about the fact that she had done this now. Was she just feeling more comfortable around him? Or was she so downcast that she was giving up the appearance that seemed to mean so much to her? Ronin did not ponder long on this question. That is, he didn't think he had. Time seemed to fade when she rested her head on his shoulder. They could have been sitting there for a few seconds a several minutes, Ronin had no idea. As much as he had intended to comfort her, she had comforted him by accepting his embrace.

When Raiyari questioned him about his family Ronin realized how uncomfortable he must have made her. It was not like his story was any worse than her. It was, if fact, not nearly as tragic. None the less, Ronin didn't like to think about his father. After a deep breath, Ronin let go of Raiyari and sat straighter in his seat. Ronin didn't have the well constructed walls Raiyari had, and this made him feel vulnerable. She had dealt with her past it such a straight-forward and matter of fact way, and Ronin would have to try very hard to mask his anger and do the same.

"My story barely compares to yours. I can sympathize with you because I know pain, but I can only truly empathize with the feeling of being unwanted." Ronin took a short moment to compose himself again. "My mother died when I was young. When she did, my father lost all interest in me. I was only five, I didn't understand what was going on. One day my parents were taking care of me and I had not a concern in the world. The next, I was being taken care of by some strange women whom I had never seen, along with all the Dek children. " Ronin did not think about the fact that not everyone would understand what it meant to be stripped of your caste privileges. "I never even knew my father's name. I always simply called him Dad." Up to this point Ronin had done a passable job of hiding his anger. Anger that he knew wasn't truly justifiable. Others had gone through worse and gotten through it, so why couldn't he.

Ronin had to stop there. If he had gone any further he would have been liable to start cursing and yelling. He had made a commitment to himself to avoid becoming that undignified in front of Raiyari. He had said his piece and that was all he was going to say about it. He turned his head to look at Raiyari and brushed away the hair that fell into his face. A soft smile grew on his lips.

"Thank you for your understanding. You have done me a great service just to listen, and yet you have done so much more."

[Raiyari]

OOCLet's wrap this up soon? The moment Ronin's arms dropped, Rai immediately snapped back into position. It was too much, simply too much to just stay there. As comforting as it was, Rai didn't want to give into that luxury. It wouldn't do to get used to things like that, not when she was only going to stay here for a couple of days, at the most. Expressing her emotions felt like wallowing in self-pity, at least, to Raiyari it did. She didn't want that. Strength, she reminded herself, her black eyes firmly fixated on Ronin as he began to talk. "It is not a matter of comparison, Ronin of the Inarta." Raiyari shook her head, her normally coldly polite voice having some semblance of warmth. "Comparisons are subjective. It is what you feel, that cannot be measured nor compared. Feelings differ, and so do the ways in which we show them. We are both unwanted, yet are different people all the same. It will take much more than other's regard for you to break you, that I can see. I will not pretend to understand you completely, Ronin. No one can. But what I can do is listen. Your anger is a valuable emotion, don't lock it away. Don't reason it away. Keep it." Rai would return his soft smile, placing one hand tentatively on his shoulder. "I have done nothing, Ronin of the Inarta. I have simply sat here." The Acolyte would turn away shyly. This was still uncharted territory, and she felt very uncomfortable here. It was almost like a conversation one would have with their Shinya Sponsor, if they were close enough. But she was no Shinya, as the broken sword on her lap kept constantly reminding her. No Shinya, simply a girl. Raiyari would suddenly find a stone across the courtyard to be amazingly fascinating, and would direct all her attention towards that. Perhaps this Ronin wasn't breaking down the carefully constructed walls that guarded her, he was simply leaping over them, two at a time. Raiyari didn't know if she liked that, or hated it. So a very logical course of action was decided upon: Look away shyly and don't do anything.

[Ronin]

Ronin was emotionally exhausted, but at the same time he was immensely relieved. This experience had released a weight from his shoulders that, until now, had been slowly killing his soul. Like a man born again, Ronin would return to his life, forever imprinted upon by this young woman not much older than he. The moment of softness they had shared meant everything to him. His eyes drifted to the ground. After such a personal experience, Ronin was not sure where the conversation could go from there. Luckily, Raiyari kept talking long enough for him to come up with a response. "Your philosophy is foreign to me, Raiyari. Yet I still am drawn to it. I hope that I can learn more of it and of you. You have moved me deeply by your kindness and your wisdom. You may have only intended to listen to me, but I believe you have down more than you know." Ronin was beaming with gratitude now. His hand idly brushed through his hair, and he thought silently about what she had said. The full meaning of her words would not sink in for quite some time, but he did his best to digest it. Ronin began to notice that she was avoiding looking at him and the silence in which they now sat. He felt a little uncomfortable, not because he felt awkward with her, but because he had no words to say that would match hers. He feared that any thought he attempted to verbalize would come out sounding disjointed and nonsensical. However, the only thing worse than saying something stupid was to sit there in that awkward silence. "I never would have guessed a foreign girl, who just yesterday I tracked through the woods, could have such a profound affect on the way I thought. You are even stronger in character than you are on the battlefield. And that is truly a great feat. You stick around this town long enough and you could really change this place for the better." Ronin remembered a question he had wondered about earlier. "Did you say how long you were staying?" He knew their meeting for coming to an end and they would go their own ways, but when he would learn of how short she was staying he would be secretly depressed.

OOCSorry it took me so long.. no sleep is killing me. Anyway, you can wrap it up with your next post

[Raiyari]

OOCARG! "And I would have never thought that I'd befriend an Inarta, and an expert hunter, no less," Rai replied evenly, composing herself once more. There was no need for Ronin to see how much he'd affected her. Behaving like a shy little girl wasn't helping, and she quickly wiped that expression off her face, sitting up straight. "Just a few more days, at least until I complete my task. A week at the most." The Acolyte sighed, shaking her head sadly. Wind Reach was truly a remarkable place, full of foreign and fantastical sights. But she wasn't here on a pleasure trip, Rai was here at the order of Zintila herself. Failure as well as dawdling were not options. "I expect I'll see you around," Rai tried to say casually, her heavily accented voice stumbling over the informal wording. Her deep bow hid the blush that swept over her olive skin, and with a nod in the hunter's direction, the Acolyte left the courtyard. [END]

[Mercury]

Raiyari Skill(s) Socializaing +5 XP Rhetoric + 2 XP Lore(s) Dealing with Inartan Subtlety Cracking the Porcelain Mask Painful Memories Awkward Hug Method to my Madness: You get the rhetoric from remembering Dian Haru's words and crafting them for Ronin - and other speech like stuff. Ronin Skill(s) Socializaing +5 XP Rhetoric + 2 XP Lore(s) Brotherly Empathy Respect for a New Friend Awkward Hug Painful Memories Method to my Madness: Ronin was very friendly and understanding, (especially for a ginger)

A General Method to my Madness: Mostly jsut talking about the past. Good character Development - Gave you guys what I could