Thoughts Don't Float (Gemtana)

[Cilaes]

3rd of Summer, 511 AV Sweat collected on the Ethaefal’s shoulders and mingled with the moisture in the sea air. Beneath the beads of salty water his skin shimmered with the moonlight. With each step the ball of Cilaes’s foot sank deep into the loose sand. Some of the grains flew into the air, smacking against his calves before tumbling back to the beach with a whisper. Others clung to his bare feet, leaving a cool, coarse feeling between his toes. The pace he had chosen was not quick, but Cilaes had been running for a long time in this short summer night and his breath came quickly, a shallow breeze rushing through his throat. He had begun the evening thinking about Telen. You shouldn’t be concerned. She said she was homesick, that she wanted to leave and see her family, find a job. Put her from your mind now, focus on your legs, your breath, Leth’s light on the sand and sea. Let his beauty and the body he has given you fill your thoughts, and displace any… Any guilt you might feel. It was hard for Cilaes to let himself call the feeling that had settled in his gut these past two seasons what it was, but, as he struggled to meditate he could find no other name. Try as he might he could not stop this sensation. She chose to leave. Wanted to go. Needed change, a very good thing. All of these excuses echoed in his mind, hollow and insubstantial. They tumbled about, lies because he knew. She left because of you. The day she saw Kire she started to leave. And I wish… I wish I could… That I knew… With a huff Cilaes stopped his failed exercise, meditation would not come tonight, and now it seemed even thoughts felt shy in his presence. He was wearing very little, no shirt or boots and had rolled the legs of his pants up to his knees. Even as the breezes that skimmed across Laviku’s surface ran their fingers over his bare body he felt too warm. Leth’s light was resting softly in the waves tonight. The silver sank low beneath the crests, as though it was too heavy to sit atop the small curls of white water. It was a pleasant image of the ocean that sparkled before him and Cilaes knew the beach well and had seen many people, Konti and others, cool themselves in the shallow and gentle tides. He waded slowly into the water, feeling the waves lift sand from between his feet only to pull a fresh blanket of white grains over them again as the waters were sucked back beneath the mass of the sea. It was cooler in the ocean. As each waves passed over him the tension of the waters formed a new belt around his waist, leaving moist skin bare for the air to chill. Soon his breathing had calmed. He let his body sink down into the dark waters, below the sparkling lacquer of the moonlit surface. Soft strands of black hair floated in the water, twisting around his green horns and sticking to his pale cheeks as even his ears fell underwater. He took a deep breath, let his chest puff up and for a moment the lean body hovered over the sea floor. Then his legs began to lower themselves, slowly tugging the rest of him beneath the surface. He closed his eyes and let the waves wash over his face for a moment before reaching for the bottom that was so close and standing up, only submerged from the hips down. After squeezing the salty drops from his eyebrows the Ethaefal lay back down in the tides and tried to float again.