[Mirage's Scrapbook] Seek the Truth

[Mirage]

It was actually haha. I am surprised you noticed that XD. For onces I did not just misspell my words lol. Thank you all for your support, and yes I love every second of this job. It's just so amazing the amount of effort put in by our local ST's. I have really come to appreciate everything that they do. *Hugs* to all of you ST's out there!

[Mirage]

Clarity is Key So I have noticed recently that for storytellers, and players, clarity in your PM's and requests are key. If you are talking to an ST about something you wish, something you want or would like to do you should REALLY make it clear what your intentions are. This is, of course, for many different reasons and this applies to the ST's themselves as well. I recently had to send out several PM's to players regarding a matter that I needed solved. I created a general PM, sent it out to each player and just changed the name of the center each time. Well, what I did not notice was a certain bit of wording within my PM that lead to all kinds of confusion and more than a few misunderstandings. You see, what was clear in my mind was not necessarily clear to my readers. I had spoken from my own point of view, viewing certain key bits of information as common knowledge or even completely logical, whereas the players certainly did not see it this way. In the end it left my players completely confused, devastated and for a few slightly peeved. This, of course, was completely and entirely my fault because, as I have already said, I was not very clear on what it was I was actually saying to them. Thus I have come up with a few guidelines for myself so as to avoid future problems as this: 1) When I first begin a PM I must, at the very beginning, have a complete understanding of what I am about to ask/tell the players. This should be completely common sense, but you would be surprised at how many PC's and ST's alike begin a PM and kind of trail off on tangents with no clear explanation as to why this subject even came up. 2) If I MUST send out a mass PM, the first thing to consider is whether all of this information is relevant to each player individually, and if not then perhaps it would be best just to send out individualized PM's instead. Besides, it is certainly more personal to the player if they have a one on one connection with the ST of their domain. Don't we all just want to feel a connection with our resident moderators? 3) BE CLEAR!!! Sometimes we, as moderators, think that what we are telling the player is perfectly understandable, but to the PC this is not the case. We just always keep in mind that they do not know everything that we do, and also accept that not everyone thinks like you do. Thus, some conclusions that you draw from your words may or may not be the same one that others conclude. So what am I saying? Basically, if there are any doubts then just spell out what you mean. Better for the player to have a few extra bullets of information than having them complain about something when it was simply a miscommunication. I, personally, try and make each and every PM I send out feel special for each individual player. After all, that is what I would want from a moderator, so I should certainly try to give it to my players in turn. This is simply my view however, and others are more than welcome to think otherwise.

[Mirage]

Blending In Have you ever had that feeling that you simply do not stand out? Like you just blend in with the wallpaper? It is a strange feeling. To go completely unnoticed, to have other's eyes simply graze over you as if you were not even there. Some say that all they want to do is fit it, to blend in with a crowd, and yet still others simply wish for SOMEONE to take notice of them and their actions. Recently I have come to notice some things where I work. I would consider myself a relatively hard work, one who does a job and does it right. I see to it that all the supplies are put up, I keep track of inventory, ect... For those of you who do not know I work part time in a book store while I am finishing up my degree, and it is this job that I am talking about. Now, we have gotten more and more new employees as the year has gone on, and a few of these "new" employees have recently received promotions to higher paying positions, i.e. specialists and managers. This is not a bad thing, and certainly I am happy for these people, however, the problem arises when, despite my best efforts, nothing I seem to do is really ever noticed. I am ok with my position at work, after all it is only a temporary thing and I have no ambitions of running the corporation one day. Those who did get these promotions really deserve them, and I know this because I helped train each and every one of them. No, my real stress arises when I look back on all that I have done, and yet not even one person seems to remember or acknowledge it. I have always been a hard work (at least in my opinion), and while I am not eager for praise I would certainly not mind a little recognition for my accomplishments now and again. However, it seems that I, just like this picture above, am simply hard to see. I know that what I do is important, and without my work the store itself would be a wreck, but still... working while blending in with the shelves can be a bit tiring at times.

[Mirage]

When Is Hard Work Not Enough? This is something I have wondered for a long time. When is it that hard work no longer matters? I ask this question for very selfish reasons I must admit. In life I have seen quite a few things, and I have found that, sometimes, simply working hard is not enough. If one does not show results for their actions, then what was the purpose of even trying? Future employers are not seeking "hard works" in general. No, they want someone who works hard but who also produces RESULTS. So then... where does that leave those people who, despite all of their best efforts, cannot show a result due to some limitation or another? Some would say that everything can be achieved through hard work, while others would say that hard work can only take you so far. Some say that to succeed you must be born with a certain amount of talent, while still others say that talent means nothing in the end. To whom do you listen to I wonder? For me, I must say this is a rather personal debate. I, myself, have very little talent in this world, and I freely admit this. I have never been good at sports, or able to draw or do anything else the world might call noteworthy. I have never been nominated for rewards, and certainly I have never been able to outshine anyone in my entire life. I was always someone who would never stand out in a crowd. I was the person in P.E. that no one wanted on their team. I could never do anything write, either at home or in the world, and I admit it, there were a few times that I really contemplated the entire reason for my being here. For me, I had always followed the belief that it was talented people that would always succeed. What did it matter how much I wanted it, who cared how hard I tried to do something when, in the end, the one who was gifted in this area would be the one who took home the prize. This mentality followed me all through life, all the way into my college career and further. Simply put, I was a hard worker, but I did not have the talent to do anything amazing. Who is it that gets the job in the end? The one who shows the greatest results or the one who works harder than anyone else? The one who shows results of course, but this opinion can change depending on the career I suppose. Now... perhaps I am about to contradict myself by saying this, but despite everything I now believe that hard work CAN take you places. For an example I can use myself because, in my life, I have lived this. As I said I have never been talented. I was never smart or overly funny. I never could stand out in a crowd, and not even once in my life was I ever congratulated for an achievement. This was, in a word, discouraging. It was only a few years ago that this occurred, but I made a mistake. In my college life I had simply come to see what I was doing as pointless, and I allowed my grades to fall to an absolute rock bottom low. Now, mind you I did not intend this, because in my mind I was working as hard as I could to do my best, but then, all of a sudden my entire future was on the line. It was only a few semesters ago that this occurred, and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. It dawned on me "This is my life I am whittling away..." I was in a hole, a dark place where I had little chance of escaping. I talked to my councilor, and he all but told me to give up. In fact, he told me that my future career goals were doomed to fail, that I could never do what I dreamed. I was crushed... My teachers all told me the same thing, even one that I had come to think of as a mentor of sorts. She told me that I should, at this point, be looking into a different kind of work... I did not sleep for 3 days. I did not eat or talk to anyone because, before my very eyes my world was crashing around me. I had so many dreams, so many goals that I wanted to accomplish, but because I did not have the talent I would not be able to accomplish any of them. It was at that point that I seriously considered some terrible things... But there was something else in me as well. There was a spark, a voice of defiance that would not allow me to let accept what my life had become. I was angry, I was devistated, but more than anything I was determined... determined to prove everyone wrong. I was determined to prove that I could do what I wanted to, even if I had not even a speck of natural talent within me. From that moment on I gave up all things in life. I spent hours on end, sometimes spending entire days sitting in a study room, pouring over texts and pages of notes. I emailed every one of my professors and set up meetings to aid me in my studies, I found tutors to get me through my worst subjects. I would eat with a book in my hand, and I would review as I drove to work, to home and to school. I poured everything I was into my studies, and in the end... I passed every class that semester with an A. I went to my councilor and shoved my test scores in his face and made him eat his words. I stunned my professor with my work, and she was quick to write my recommendations that got me to where I am today. I shocked all of my classmates because, at the time, I was considered one of the dumbest in the class. Everyone used to talk down to me, explain things in slow voices as if they were talking to a child... well now they did not understand a word that I was saying because I had risen so far above them. I am not smart. I am not talented. I am, however, determined. I work hard, I put every ounce of life and passion into my studies, and I have defied all the odds to come where I am now. I am currently working in 2 labs, I have written a few thesis and I have recommendations from nearly the entire board of admissions for when I apply for my future masters and PhD programs. I did not have talent, and no one believed I could do it. How did I get this far? It was hard work. Many people do not understand the meaning of those words any more, or they only think they give their all when they are only scraping by. No, hard work is giving everything you are to see something is done. Hard work is fighting despite how bad the odds are against you. Hard work is pushing through despite everyone telling you to give up. Hard work is, in my opinion, more powerful than talent. So to amend my past statement. It is TALENT that can only get you so far, but Hard Work can, potentially, make everything you dream come true. At least, that is what I feel.

[Mirage]

Of Me This week has seen me do a lot of things, and learn even more. I have found out many opinions from others, heard many tales and stories on various subjects. I have found opinions cast about as if they were confetti at a wedding, and I must struggle to keep straight this menagerie words and confusion. I like to listen, and listen I do. When I sit in chat I hear many things, and I see much more than some would ever believe. I would like to believe that I am a kind and understanding, that I am a person people would talk fondly of when I am not around, but I suppose this is a wish that most people have for themselves. I have heard what people say to me when I am in the chat and they know I am there, and I sometimes hear words that are spoken when they do not know I am there. I like to listen, and I loath to let my voice be heard when none know of me. I wonder sometimes, what is it thay truly think when they see me? What is it about me that most people remember, or what is their opinions of me when I am not there to overhear? Most have these same questions, though they would never admit to them. So many want to believe that they are not swayed by others opinions of them, but I feel that this is a lie that so many people try to make truth. Certainly there are some that are separate from the influence of words from others, but I have only met a sparse few that would live a life that speaks of this. I would boast of no such thing. I admit that I want everyone to like me. I wish I could make everyone be happy with me, to be glad that I am there and speaking with them. I do not ever wish to cause another pain or harm, and I would not wish any ill will on anyone. I hate pain. I truly and utterly hate suffering in any form, and so I do not willingly cause such. I know... I understand that many should feel the same as I, but then... why do I not see others... I wonder sometimes what others think of me. Am I someone they think fondly of? Am I a person that others call "Kind" or "Generous?" Am I one who is hated? Am I thought ignorant of foolish? Are there those out there who would wish me never to speak, and are there those who would love to hear my voice? I wonder sometimes... I truly do. Though I may not show it often, I am easily hurt by words. Most do not even realize when they have hurt me, do not know the dagger they wield that has pierced my very soul and split my heart in two. I would never show it, and I never have. In every walk of life I simply do not show what it is that hurts me, but I can tell when I have hurt others. People have called me thick skinned. Many have said that I am a rock, someone that they lean upon for support because, no matter what the opinion I have always strove to move forward. They say I cannot be swayed by insults or harsh words, that I am immune to the cruelties of human society... they could not be more wrong. I am not talented... I am not strong or smart. I am not a natural born leader, or one who can call others to my side. I am only me. I am only what I can be, what I have become due to my long hours of work and dedication. Words hurt me as strongly as anyone else. A smile is not a sign of happiness. A laugh is not always a show of merriment. I wonder sometimes what others think of me. I at times question opinions expressed to my face. People call me cheerful, happy and carefree. To many I have become someone who can be counted on to always smile and find the lighter side of a situation. I have been called on often in life to resolve problems. I have been struck both physically and emotionally by blows, yet the attacker would never feel remorse, and always the same thing they say. "You are so strong, you don't feel pain do you?" ... You are wrong. "Wow you don't care about anyone's opinion but your own do you?" Do not fool yourself. "You always know just what to say and do." I don't. "Everyone likes you don't they?" I wonder sometimes...

[Mok]

In response to your Clarity post, I would say that it is also important to be a clear communicator in ever aspect of your life. Communication can lose you a job...get you arrested...get your ass jumped....make a country go to war. Clarity on the forums is just one of the many places clarity is needed.

Love your scrap! Keep writing!

[Mirage]

haha thank you Mok. You just brightened my day considerably

[Mirage]

Where I Reside Yep this is it. Where the magic happens. As you can see this is a very small room, about the size of a broom closet. There you can see my physics book, my open notebook with homework in it. Oh and there is a pencil and a graphing calculator!! Lol and at the very top, right next to my computer, is what I would like to call liquid happiness. That is a Venti Iced Coffee from Starbucks and that is what is going to get me through the next 3 hours of the day haha. Yep this room here is where most of my Miza time happens. After I have cleared away all my work, solved my last equation and gotten a good cup of coffee from my 2nd favorite place in the world, I set up shop and do some miza stuff as well. Yeah I know it is small, but to me this is like a second home. I live here practically, and I have actually brought a pillow and blanket and settled here for an over night stay on more than one occasion haha. This is my solitude, my place of study, relaxation and contemplation. My home away from home. Cool right?

[Mirage]

Yes this post has no background

Lol yes this post is going to be a bit boring, but I feel like writing something and not really bothering with decorating

Alright, so lately I have had to lay down the law, and when I say that I mean put a boot up soneone's @$$. Yeah I censor myself. I am actually not a huge fan of cursing. Funny right?

Anyway, for those who do not already know I work in retail, in a book store to be exact. I work there part time a few days a week, earning just enough to eat with and pay for gass, and I put the rest away for the future (which I have! Yay!). Now, I am a good worker. I am there on time, I work steadily and I see that my jobs get done. Yes I text on my cell phone, making that one response every hour or so just like everyone else. In fact, I am on my phone less that quite a few other of the employees that I work with, but that is not really important.

Well, this leads me into a bit of news. I got a house . It is actually the house I was raised in. It has been in my family for generations. It originally belonged to my great grandmother on my father's side, and then she passed it to my grandmother and from there to my dad and now to me . So I will be moving in in the fall sometime, and upon learning this I realized that I really needed to get some more money via more hours at work. So, what do I do? I work my butt off the next 2 nights, get all of the work done before it is asked and I even go so far as to ask for MORE stuff to do in-between. Now, I know you all see where this is going.

So the past 2 nights I have pulled out all the stops. Books are reshelved through out the night, the store is straightened with time to spare yada yada, blah, blah blah. Well I came into work the next day and talked to Kevin (my most favorite manager ever!) and I asked him, and I quote, "So, how has the store been these past few days?"

His reply? "Ah well, from what I hear its not been too great."

Needless to say I was stupefied, and I asked him what was up with it and he said more on how he wasn't there during the past few days to really know, and that he had heard this from some of the other managers (2 specifically). Well I let it go... Then I noticed something. My hours had been cut in half... But I held my tongue still.

So I go off and do some work for a while, idly mulling over what I was told and doing my job just like I have the past few nights. Well less than an hour later I get called in to get my till, and I decide to take this chance to ask this manager that has always given me troubles exactly what was wrong, and I quote, "Well the store has just been in Shambles." Alright... I was upset, but I let it for for a while and continued to ask if there was anything else I had done wrong, and he said, "Ah well, just basic lolygagging and always being on your phone, mostly being on your phone all the time."

Now I was about 2 seconds from punching him in the face (as I have wanted to do for a while) but I stopped myself and politely asked him if he could give me some specific instances. What do you think he said? Oh, thats right, "Oh well I can't think of anything specific right now."

... WTF?

Ok he just accused me of 1) being lazy, 2) not doing my work, and 3) constantly goofing off to text. Uh... No. Just no.

I was pissed. I was so mad I could have ripped his head off. I have never been so pissed off in my life, but I said nothing to him. I left the office with my till. I did not talk to any of the other employees all night. I worked. I worked so hard and did everything, just as I had the last few nights. Now, I was still polite to customers. I said yes sir and no sir to Kevin (MOD that night). He even commented on my work that night, and of course I told him I had done this the past 2 nights I had been there.

When my till was pulled down and i went back to the office with Kevin I was just about to boil over. I had had it. They had pushed my buttons one time too many. Now, I suppose most who read this would say I was over reacting, and that I should not be so harsh. Well those of you who are skeptic of my words should know that I am very patient. I have had to put up with this crap for almost a year. This manager in particular is NEVER happy with my work. He always has something to say to me, always criticizes everything I do, and all in all makes my life miserable. I am very patient, and I have managed to let it go because it was not affecting my hours... well now it was.

My fuse was lit and I exploded. I talked to Kevin about this, and he admited that he was not sure what this manager (and the recent manager who has similar issues as the other one) is talking about. My work was good, and he admited it.

It was then that Kevin told me that it was 2 things in particular that they keep complaining about with me, and apparently this is what is affecting my hours as well. They say that I am too slow at straightening up the store, and I miss stuff as well. Uh... WTF are they talking about? OK first off, I am "Slow" because I am taking my time to finish things and make them perfect, and even though I am "slow" I still manage to finish within 30 min of closing and BEFORE they finish their paper work. I am the fastest straightener in the store... This is a fact that HAS been proven.

Well Kevin agreed with me. On the second part of their complaint I had just one statement to make, "I asked them what they thought BEFORE we left..."

Yeah thats right. The past 2 nights I have straighten, cleaned and tried my hardest to make things perfect. AT the end of the night I ask the managers what the store looks like to them, and if it is ok. Their response? "Oh looks fine, now lets go."

They don't even LOOK at the, and yet they have the nerve to tell me that my work is shoddy? I ASKED them how it was before we even left... Well I am through.

So I told Kevin, in the nicest way possible, these managers are not doing their job. They should take the time to walk through the store before we leave, and if they have a problem with me they should come talk to ME and not talk amongst themselves about all that I have done wrong and leave me in the dark. I mean, what am I supposed to do about something if I don't know about it? Instead of being a man this manager talked about me behind my back, leaving me thinking I am doing a good job until I come in one day and see my hours are cut in half, IN FREAKIN HALF! I have a house that I have to pay for soon. I will have bills to pay, college books and fees. I CANNOT have my hours cut like that, and not for stupid reasons that could have been fixed if I had just known.

I talked to Kevin and I told him "He (douche manager) needs to grow a pair and be a F*%#in man and come talk to ME. If he has a problem with me he should not be an a$% wipe and get pissy and just cut my hours." I have told every single manager I work with that I WANT them to tell me if I am doing something wrong. I WANT criticism if it means I will work better, and the one manager in the world he does not do his job wants to screw me over.

Well I have had it, and I pulled out the big guns. I told Kevin if HE did not talk to them (managers in question) and get this straightened out then I would do it personally, and he would not like it if I had to take this into my own hands. If that happened, I would pull in the big dogs. I am good friends with the district manager, and I have connections with people in home office as well. No, if I am forced I would see this man's life was utterly destroyed. He would not be working in this corporation again, and Kevin knows I do not make promises I cannot keep. Needless to say Kevin assured me he would talk to these 2 for me, and we will see if anything happens.

In the mean time for the next 2 weeks I have 1 day of work a week. That means I am getting paied for 14 hours in total... Thats not even enough to pay for a single book I need.

Moral of the story is this. If there is something, or someone, that is causing you undue trouble in your life then do not be afraid to step up and lay down the law. You CANNOT let others push you around. You have rights yourself. You have a life to live, things to do and you cannot worry yourself with such issues as this. Some people are going to be jerks. Some are going to be openly hostile. Well, do not take it. Do something about it. There is a time for patients, but there is also a time for kicking someone's ass and bashing their teeth in (though you do not always have to do it with physical violence).

I am patient, and when I say that I mean I can take a lot before I snap. However, you do not want to push me that far. I am a very bad person to make enemies with, and while that is a very difficult thing to do some still manage it. I want to think the better of everyone, but some things cannot be ignored. If I have to I will put my foot up someone's... well you get the picture. I am not afraid of saying what I need to say, and I will stand up for what I believe in. Those who are my friends will always have my words and my support no matter what. Point is, don't TRY to get on my bad side. It is hard to do, and frankly you will regret it immensely.

But enough of the bad stuff, in brighter news I am getting a house! Yay go me! I am so excited about it I can hardly sit still! I have plans. I am going to decorate and paint and do all kinds of stuff you do to houses! I will be making my own study of course, and I am bringing ALL of my books with me! OMG it will be amazing!! You may expect pics, but it wont be till fall lol. Let me go ahead and tell you the place is small. One bedroom and a bathroom that is more like a broom closet. There is a kitchen/dining room plus a den and a living room as well. The den shall become my study . Also, my head can almost touch the ceiling lol. Im not kidding. It is like 2 inches from the top of my head! Its so tiny! But so many fond memories there

Well for now that is it for this scrap post, but expect more soon

[Fallacy]

Oh wow. That is quite the story.

Heading out to college I have a few thoughts for you When I get out of class Ill share them in full. So, for now, this can be considered a placeholder. (Im so selfish wanting to be the FIRST to respond lol)