Runaway (Van)

[Khiara]

1st Of Summer

Khiara had debated long and hard over this moment. Ever since Pygmy had come to her pavilion and proclaimed Vanator's marriage, she had wanted to storm to his tent and bring down her rage and her pain on him. There had been anger, hurt, rejection...realisation. There had been tears, a lot of tears - away from the kelvic. She'd found some solace in the vanthan that had seemed to appear to soothe her soul, but still she ached. How dare he...he...how dare he marry someone other than Pygmy! There had been a real struggle, a real ethical turmoil when she'd realised her feelings for the drykas. Pygmy's heart was a stake, and she wouldn't gamble it.

But damn it, this wasn't Pygmy. This was some...some...other woman! And the vantha knew she had to say something. Storming out of her tent, morning sun shining brightly, she finally moved towards the familiar pavilion of Vanator, jaw set. Khiara's eyes flashed a swirling gold, laced occasionally by brilliant violet and she moved with a purpose.

Reaching his tent, she balled her fists...she took a deep breath...she twitched her cheek.

And then she simply stood there.

"Goddess, this is stupid. I'm going. I don't need to do this. I don't owe him this." The brunette muttered, turning away on her heel sharply to leave the tent. Stopping after a few steps, she balled her fists again and quickly turned back, staring at the tent flap. Politeness was lost in her anger and hurt.

"Vanator?!" She said loudly, before entering the tent.

[Vanator]

Vanator had finished bathing and returned to his tent. The past several days had been emotionally draining, and a good cool dip seemed to help sooth his body and mind. The Drykas drew on his pants, trying to ignore the emptiness of his tent. It was starkly void of any trace of Pygmy. She had taken anything that would have served to remind him of her. But it failed. The emptiness only brought the Kelvic to mind in a more painful way. Rubbing his damp hair and spreading a shower of water droplets over his bare shoulders, Van rummaged through a pile of clothes for a tunic. It was then that he heard the familiar voice, the Vanthan accent. It did not have the tentative singsong lilt as usual. It was harsh and charged with emotion. Then the tent flap burst open and Khiara stepped through. Her eyes flashed a hot gold, her jaw set and her fists clenched. The Drykas had expected this day to come. He knew eventually he would have to confront Khiara, he could not leave for Riverfall without facing her. Dropping the handful of garments, he stood, turning to face the dark-haired Khiara, and steeled himself for what was to come.

[Khiara]

The vantha hadn't really thought her plan though, not after the bursting in part. There of course, in her mind, had been a fully clothed Drykas in the tent. But he wasn't. He was only half dressed, and obviously fresh from bathing. Dropping her gaze for a moment, Khiara felt the colour rise to her cheeks. But there was a time for modest girlish embarrassment - this was not the time. Lifting her eyes again, she closed in on the man, standing face to face with him.

"You..." She said with a slight waiver to her voice. Lifting a finger, she shook it at him, brows drawn together. Her mouth opened and closed as her lilting and valid argument fled her. Determined to let him know just how she felt, the woman steeled herself, eyes flashing.

"How could you? How could you!" Khiara accused, all her emotion carried out with one word. Balling her fist again, she lowered her hand, hiding her shaking hands.

"I told you to take care of her, of Pygmy! I thought you cared about her!" Thoughts came unbidden to her mind..of the kelvic and the drykas entwined late in the evening..and with a shake of her head she pushed them away. It was not why she was here. Not mostly.

[Vanator]

Vanator stood still as he watched Khiara gather herself for what she wanted to say. He could see her internal struggle as she hesitated. Over the season he had learned she was a woman of complex and deep emotions. Several of which now played across her olive-skinned face. She pointed accusingly at him, faltering in her resolve for only a moment before finding her rage again. The words Khiara spoke were sharp and cutting, throwing his own promises up into his face. He felt her scathing accusation that he really did not care about Pygmy and her feelings. The Drykas felt the conviction like a spear in his chest. He had broken a promise, he had betrayed her trust, and he had dragged Pygmy's heart through the mud. He knew all of that already, they had eaten at his soul for days. Van bit his lip. What could he say in his defense? That he didn't know he was going to get married? It was his choice. He did bristle at the charge that he did not care for Pygmy...that was not true. "I care for Pygmy. I love her!" He replied, his tone considerably softer and lower than Khiara's but firm with sincerity. He meant it with all his heart, but the words sounded hollow in light of his actions. "I had met the woman before, early in the season. You and Pygmy had only been around for fifteen days or so. Khiara, she...she helped me...to see love again." Only Khiara would truly know the significance. Had Vanator known how he had helped Khiara to realize she could love again, he could have explained how Kashik had done the same for him. Van suddenly realized... Khiara had been the one to crack open the door. He turned from her burning golden glare for a moment, looking up at the tent ceiling, debating what to do. He decided to tell her all, the man was torn and tired and he wanted it all out. "Her name is Kashik. My family saw how fit she would be as a Drykas wife, but she had already stolen my heart." Van raised his eyes to her again, his hands on his hips, as if offering his torso for her to punch. Was it necessary to mention Hex? Yes, she was no less a part of his heart. "Later, Hex and I...grew closer too." Khiara and Pygmy had heard him speak of Hex, but only as a friend. Vanator did not offer excuses, but felt a desire to at least provide an explanation. "I can't explain to you how I could love them..." His eyes fixed on Khiara's brilliant eyes. " you all. But I do. Maybe its my people, my father had three wives and loved them all. Maybe once I felt love again, I went haywire and couldn't stop. I didn't want it to turn out like this Khiara but it did. I did what I felt I had to do." His eyes darted away, his voice thickening with emotion. "I hate what I had to do to Pygmy, don't you see? It tears at me to think of her now, how she must feel, how she must think of me!" "I would have been happy with her I know...or you." He hesitated, the Vantha's nearness as affecting as ever, even as she vented her anger towards him. "But in the end I had to do what I felt in my heart was necessary. I can only pray that Mi, and you, will someday understand and forgive me".

[Khiara]

Khiara crossed her arms as he spoke of loving Pygmy, and how this woman had come before. Why then, not just say something from the beginning? Why lead Pygmy on to believe there was something between them? It was unfair. At least Khiara had known she needed to stay away, for her friends sake. If the vantha had known there was another, she might have discouraged Pygmy too.

Looking at him sharply as he spoke the name of his betrothed, Khiara made a face of sudden disbelief.

"Kashik? Your marrying Kashik? The dark woman with the green eyes and brother called Eamonn?" Shaking her head slowly, the vantha listened as he then went on the mention Hex. His friend...no...not with that tone of voice. His lover. Turning away from the drykas, Khiara muttered a string of profanities in Vani, putting her hand to her forehead and resting one on her hip. So not only had he slept with Pygmy, he'd also slept with Hex, and more than likely slept with Kashik - all the while Khiara had played the fool, holding back her feelings and strange new desires in an attempt to be ethical. Moral. Swallowing the sudden feeling of rejection rather than jealously, the young woman looked back at him, pushing her hair out of her face. It was loose again, and she wore her sleeveless tunic and riding leggings. There was more to her outfit than just simple dress-up. At home, her travel bag was packed and Vsenri was saddled. She was going this time.

Holding up her hand as he tried to explain himself and his remorse, Khiara shook her head, eyes closed and brow furrowed. She just couldn't believe that there wasn't just one, but two women aside from Pygmy. Of course, there were relationships in Vantha which had multiple joinings. It was a common practice in a close knit community. But there was open discussion about it. Trust, understanding and guidance. There was never anything hidden away from the others. How easily Khiara had thought he loved her, even if it wasn't meant to be. He'd seemed to hold himself back in going any further because of Pygmy, because it was wrong. But maybe it was just her. Who wants a silly little girl when you can have an experienced lady? Or kelvic such was the case. Squeezing her eyes shut tighter, Khiara tried to remove herself from the emotion there, tried to stop the tears that she knew were threatening. For once, Goddess willing, she would talk to the golden skinned man without crying. Maybe that was why he never...

"Don't..just...don't!" She said in almost a shout. Taking a breath, she opened her eyes and looked at him. They swirled between the bright gold of her anger and a deep muted violet in her pain.

"Why didn't you just say something? There has never been a time when you weren't able to just talk to her!" Slapping her hand against her chest suddenly, she shook her head.

"Or me. Vanator, I trusted you. I opened my heart to you and shared something only you could understand. I thought you felt the same, in a way, but there was Pygmy. I would never hurt her, and I thought you never would either. Goddess, I'm such a fool! Eliac would be ashamed of me, falling for the first man to take the time to care - even though he already knew he was committed to another." That was all it took. His name, his face in her mind. In reality, it wasn't Vanator she was just angry with. It was herself. Years had passed since Eliac had died, and she'd stayed strong, had found a way to go on. And then like some lovesick puppy she had fallen into the depths of Vanator's rich brown eyes and warm words. Taking a deep breath, more of a gasp, she set her jaw, refusing to look away from the man.

"You never cared about anyone but yourself." Khiara said in a low, angry voice. She was hurt, and whether it was true or not...she was upset enough to voice what she felt.

[Vanator]

Vanator felt the uselessness of his rationalizations. They bounced off of the cross-armed Vantha as arrows against a stone tower. Every word only served to anger her further. And She knew Kashik! How did she know her? This was getting worse, he wanted to stop, only now willing to spill what had been going on. At the mention of Hex, Khiara turned from him. He saw the disbelief in her smoldering eyes, disgust and betrayal and a hurt he could not define cried from her every movement and expression. Van could not shut up, he went on with his pitiful attempt to justify himself, sounding shallow even to himself. Thankfully Khiara shut him up herself with a strong angry voice he had never heard, nor thought he would hear from her. He glared at the Vantha dumbfounded as she unloaded her barrage at him, accusations of failed trust and lies that drilled massive holes in him...the final scathing remark cutting him to the bone. He was a selfish bastard. He knew it was all true. But he had had enough. His own ire stirred, his need to defend himself, even in his own recognition of guilt, surfaced with a vengeance. His lips tightened, his visge fuming. He raised a finger to jab towards the Vantha's face. His voice was thinly veiled rage, barely controlled. He kept it low but thick with anger. "I was with Kashik for one day, One day! It was only 15 days after you two showed up and I never saw her again until the arrangement. There was no affair, we met and the next day she was gone, I didn't know if I would ever see her again. Did I fall in love with her? Yes! When would have been a good time to tell Pygmy, when did she ever tell me how she felt about me? What if I never saw Kashik again? Did I fall in love with Hex! Yes! I always have loved her, she was one of my best friends. Did I plan to make love to her one day in the grass? No! Did we plan a future together? No!" "Do you know, Mi never even knew about Tamar! Never asked about this mark!" He thumped his chest where the dark Lacun mark stained his skin. "Hex knew, Kashik knew, you knew! What kind of relationship is that? I never knew why she left Zeltiva, why she went out into the grass and danced till she collapsed into a heap weeping. What kind of relationship did we have?" He was loud now. He was spewing things he didn't even know he was saying, things he really didn't know if he believed. He was blaming Pygmy for his own inability to see what he had right in front of him everyday for the last season. Van wanted to stop, and he wanted to say more. "I never asked for her to follow me around like some lovesick puppy!" He stopped, a lump forming in his throat. He had gone too far, he didn't mean to say that. Mi was so much more than that, and he realized it too late. Vanator's face fell flat. "Or for my feelings for you to be so strong." The last sentence was spat out as if he was confessing a crime. "I love her and I love you. I will never deny that. How could I choose between you two? You wanted to protect Pygmy so badly, at your own expense. When I found out that the woman my family was trying to marry me off to was Kashik, I made my choice. Was it cowardly? Maybe. Maybe I was wrong. But I didn't hide some grand scheme to lead Pygmy along for the whole season and plan to crush her in the end. Pygmy will get over me, I will marry off to this woman she doesn't know and she will move on. But if I picked her, or you, there would always be the knowledge that a best friend took the man you loved." You might not see what I did as protecting her, or you, but I did what I thought I had to do. I'm losing three good friends. I love Kashik and she will make me a fine wife and I do not regret taking her. But I regret that in the end I had to hurt you and Mi, and Hex." He stopped, dark eyes fixed on the shifting hues of the Vantha's. He took a deep breath and sighed, turning to look out of the open window, settling his hands on his hips.

[Khiara]

Khiara visibly pulled back as he thrust a finger in her face, eyes widening slightly as he fumed at her, vented his anger and his frustration. There wasn't anything she could say, knowing he was right about the lack of an affair. Still, she wanted to yell at him for it, because it was unfair!

As he touched his chest, her eyes automatically turned downwards to look at the glaringly obvious mark. Pygmy had never asked? Never known? Why wouldn't she...talk to him? This was news to Khiara, and all at once she felt ashamed. Of course, Vanator had every right to be just as angry and upset. There was nothing verbally said by Pygmy...not even curious questions in the deep on the night - and they'd had more of those chances then Vanator and Khiara ever did. Perhaps the kelvic just hadn't known to ask...or wanted to ask? And who but a silly vantha declares their love at a moments notice? Definitely not a love-struck kelvic! She was beginning to see his point of view, until he liked Pygmy to some sort of unwanted stray following him around. Her liquid gold eyes shifted back to his with a dark glare, lips beginning to open to let loose a tirade. But he wasn't done yet.

He loved her? He couldn't love her. It wasn't right. Even as he continued, as what he said was right, she still didn't want to hear it. There it was, the true reason why she had tried to stay away from him. Because in the end, one of them would get hurt. So he chose another. Chose Kashik. Ultimately it made sense, she was a drykas woman, and hand picked by his family. Still, it just hurt. All the fight had drained out of her, there was nothing to say, because all of her arguments had become invalid in one loud, long confession.

"I didn't know..." She began weakly, staring at his form as he looked at the window. It sounded so pathetic to her ears. Looking down at her own hand still clutched to her chest, the vantha lowered it slowly. What more was there to say? Moving a little, she leaned against the centre post of the pavilion, before crumbling slowly to the floor. Pulling her knees up, she rested her forehead on them, shaking her head slowly.

"I don't want to do this any more." The young woman said in a tired voice, thick with emotion. She was so tired. Tired of hurting, and tired of running away. There were quicker ways to kill yourself. And less painful.

[Vanator]

A tense silence filled the small pavilion. Van looked out the opening in his tent at Endrykas, but his eyes did not see it. He was tired too. The horseman sighed again, trying to calm himself after his tirade. He had his say, the frustrated words revealing truths he hadn't fully understood until be heard them come from his own mouth. His angst vented, Van's attention returned to the woman behind him. After all, he was not the victim, he did not expect nor deserve pity or comfort. He was the only one walking away with someone to love. The horseman turned back to Khiara, sensing her own emotional exhaustion, the hopelessness of the situation. She seemed so small huddled on the floor. He wanted to go to her and wrap his arms around her. The Vantha's life seemed to be destined for heartache and loneliness, and it seems he had done his part in fulfilling it. Vanator drew closer, crouching before her. His attraction to the Vantha was strong still, never having let go of the comfort they had shared earlier in the season, revealing the deep pain and grief they both suffered in the past. It was dangerous for him to be this near to Khiara. His Drykas passion wanted to take her, to share what they had both wanted, that is if she could even stand to look at him now. But that would only complicate things further, making their parting of ways more difficult, rubbing salt in the wounds he had inflicted on Mi, and breaking the trust of the woman who he had promised to marry. He had betrayed the trust of enough women already. Still, he could not resist reaching out to touch her hair as it cascaded over her head and face. The light from the tent window illuminated the muted gold and violet streaks in her dark mane. The strands were soft and silky against his rough hand. It stirred more than he felt able to control, and he withdrew his hand. I have told you everything Khiara. You know everything that is in my heart. I have nothing else to say, but this. No matter what you may think of me now, you have to know that, when you leave, you will take a part of me with you. I wish I did not have to let you go. You are a wonderful, beautiful person. I regret what has happened, terribly, that we will never know...." He stopped. There was no point in going on. What was done was done. Vanator dropped his head, then stood again, one hand on his hip and the other running through his hair unconsciously, his eyes straying again to the tent's ceiling.

[Khiara]

Khiara squeezed her eyes shut as she heard him approach, feeling the gentle movement of his hand on her hair. How easily such a small gesture could bring her to tears. His voice matched her own..tired, sad, regretful. His words only said what she already knew, already felt. Unwilling to her head from her knees, the vantha swallowed hard at the lump in her throat, trying to quell the tears that already escaped. There was nothing but silence, and the short breaths of the younger woman's subdued crying. Even now, in this moment, in this defeat she could still feel the warmth of his skin so close to hers. She could feel her heart skip with each softly spoken word. It only helped to cut her more.

After a time, she took a deep breath and sighed heavily, before lifting her head and wiping her eyes with the hem of her tunic. Looking up at Vanator, she spoke softly through hitched breaths, almost inaudible.

"I should go." Her eyes were dull, muted violet, almost lifeless in color - red and swollen from crying. There was a monotonal sound to her voice, weary...broken. Sitting at the feet of the drykas man, Khiara could only memorise what was being stolen away...again. Unwilling to fight any more, the young woman tried a smile.

"At least I have Vsenri." She said, loosing the smile briefly, before saving it again. The frostmarch was about the only piece of sanity she had left. Goddess knew if she ever lost him too...banish the thought.

[Vanator]

Vanator could not look at Khiara as he heard her soft sobs. He could not hurt any more, could not suffer any deeper ache. When her broken voice whispered what he knew was inevitable, that she would have to leave, the Drykas turned back to her. Khiara had looked up, and the emotionally dead look in her eyes nearly slew him. To see her once wildly vibrant violet eyes dulled with numbness, bereft of any spirit, cut Vanator deeper than her sharp words ever could. He held his hands out to her, offering to help her to her feet. He did not want her to go, but to continue like this was killing them both inside. To her flat statement, he simply replied "I know." The Vantha's heart-wrenched insinuation that all she had now was her horse, only served to pierce the man one last time. Van helped Khiara to her feet, and he looked at her one last time. She was beautiful, even now. He did not let go of her hands. He wanted desperately to put them around her, to embrace her one last time. His eyes begged it, but he dared not force anything on the woman, not in the fragile moment.