[Elaine Spade, Eida] The Silence in the flora.

[Blooming]

Do I have other personality(s)?


Honestly I was never really sure what to put to this scrapbook. I hoped somebody will post something or send me something, but that's my scrapbook after all I have to share here! I did some random cat pictures... Yeah. Maybe I should share my thoughts with you. I'm really curious about other's minds and other's thoughts! That can be a reason why I want to be a psychiatrist or psychologist. Creepy? Maybe.

I really want to understands other's thoughts and minds working. Maybe that's why I love Leth here too. Sometimes I wish I could think in a simple way like an avarage human does. What does that mean? An avarage human have thoughts about like: Good and bad, odd and normal, pretty or ugly. They often really forget to see behind it. I do sometimes too. And I did a lot in the past too as a little child who just worried about if I get my Barbie for my birthday. If somebody tries to think different way or he/she does even try to live in other way he/she will get bullied or they'll think he/she is a weirdo.

"If you are miserable you need someone who is even more miserable than yourself" ( From Elfen Lied)

I like this quote. It isn't always true but it can be. You know I'm really thinker. Can be really melancholy, serious, sad, shy some of you knows and can be really hyper, happy, confident ... different. I think myself as I had somebody inside me who was me while I reached an age then another of me started to "grow" inside of me. They don't fight... they are just... be? They don't melt and I don't know who I am. Or I'm both of them? Lot people know my First one since I show it more often... I can't really share the other. When I try they think of me as a stupid or weirdo. I can't really share my other thoughts with others. I mean I try but I'm afraid and I have some people to share with but I'm still afraid to do it. Maybe that's why I have melancholy? Maybe that's why I want to think simple? It's easier certanily...

I didn't want to share this because I want you guys to pity me or feel sorry because that isn't something you have to for. I just wanted to share myself which was(were?) inside me for a long time now. I wanted to get known me better if only a bit. I'm still searching who I am maybe I'm both of them, maybe they become one. I would be a half if I lost either one. But I like being here and I feel lucky. You guys are really thinkers and can think in a different way too. I feel better that I could share this.

Thank you~

If you have any thoughts feel free to write it down.

x

[Elaine Spade]

Swimming in the river of time


As I said before I wasn't sure what to post here and I came up with the idea to post my (weird,odd,smart,funny) thoughts here what's in my mind. So let's start it with TIME and the question is: Are we really treavers?

Maybe I should start to mention Tanroa, because we are here in mizahar and I said treaver. Don't know what is it? It's a gnosis from her which allows you to travel though time the us of water. Okay so Tanroa, the goddess of time. Here in Mizahar she keeps the time so it can flow. We can describe it as a river. And I think we can describe it in the real world too as a river.

Time. In the real world we "created" time yet we can't fully understand it. Funny? You can't understand something you made. Maybe that's why we have Tanroa here as she understands it. Time is endless, time didn't start it was just there. And in our life we have some time sense which can be tricky. I think all of you guys remember those school lessons when a teacher was giving you a boring lesson and the time was so slow. One second became one minute. And I think you also remember good times when you met a friend and had fun and time went so fast. One minute became one second. It is tricky and sometimes we lost ourselves in times with this sense.

But can't we really travel in time? I think it's no true because in my theory WE ARE TIME TRAVELLERS. We are treavers we don't need gnosis for it. I think the time is really a river. You are in it. But you can't stand on a second for so long. You swim toward or the river push you further. You are travelling with the river of time. You are time travelling. Now that we can't jump yet in the river back or forth is a whole another question and story. Yes we need a machine for this jump. But for now we can all say we are time travellers, we are treavers without Tanroa's blessing.

Leave any thoughts below with it if you have any! :3

[Blooming]

e"If you are miserable you need someone who is even more miserable than yourself" (Elfen Lied)

True? False? Half? Who knows. In our class today I thought to come up with that quote. Some of you maybe know how bad to deal with bullies. They hurt you if not phsycially they will hurt your feelings. And maybe you asked yourself why? And I do the same. Why? Why is it good and why is someone enjoying to step on others.

... And you maybe did it yourself. Look at yourself! Have you every said someone something to hurt him/her? And did you enjoy it? And then did oyu feel bad after it? I'll be honest, I did joke at somebody. I still feel bad about it but we are good friends now. I got that back. I was the one who they teased. And sometimes I still get it but I stopped it. I did once ( or twice) but I feel bad about it. I did what I did I can't undo it but I said sorry to them. Anyhow I still don't understand why are they that evil? Why are WE that evil? I did understand to a time. I said I got what I gave to a person. But then after I got my punishment and we became friends now I still get it.

Humans can't be always human. They have something inside and to hide it they put that problem to others. They feel good and it's working. And you have to do it again to forget. And again. You became an addict like a drug user. They are because they have something in their life. Can blame them for it? NO! Can blame them how they try to solve it? YES! IF WE REALLY THINK WE ARE MORE THAN ANIMALS SHOW THAT YOU ARE ONE! Or are we showing it in that way? I don't want to believe we are that evil. I know these people are the most sensitive. No wonder trying to push problem and somebody push it back but harder. Hurting.

We are humans and if we are that means we have healthy mind and we can think really well. That means we know things that means we can do something against it. We only speak about society but are we acting like one? We are depending on each other. Helping each other is still a way better feeling.

Okay this one is really messy, my mind is messy a bit too at the moment and I might rewrite it late. So of course if you have any question or any thought about it write a comment belowe! ~e

[Philomena]

Ms Bloomsy:

I've been meaning to respond to you, and didn't - probably I am just a nervous thing, or I worry that being personal will only make other people uncomfortable. But, I suppose if you'd rather I take it down, you can always ask, and I'll certainly do it.

Your post a few weeks ago about feeling you have two selves touched me, and has been gnawing at me ever since. I just wanted to come tell you not to be too frightened or ashamed of the feeling. Your second self, in the little ways it peeks through your thoughts, is beautiful and wise, just strange and foreign, maybe. Does that make sense? Sometimes, I think, the heart has pieces that it cannot express for whatever reason: because they do not fit your lips, because they do not fit the ears of others, because you are frightened of them, anything, really. And some of those things, they're no good, anyway, and your mind discards them. But some things, like that, your brain cannot quite do without, and so it has to shape them into safe places, and find ways to let them live without upsetting the rest of the self.

But, like I said, I think yours is wise, and good in heart. And that's good. It means that you can grow and change, and learn how to understand it, eventually, and maybe come to peace. Identity is an odd thing, much more complex than we sometimes like to admit. I think of it this way: there is so much of your soul, Bloomsy, that it simply doesn't all fit in one seeming, yet. And so it spills into another.

Be gentle with yourself, dear. And keep on keeping on, you're a good one

Minnie

[Elaine Spade]

Ohohoh how sweet my first comment from you Minnie! I thank you very much for this! And you can call me Bori or Ela or whatever you want! Ms. Bloomsy was sweet I had a wild smile like I will laugh! But if you like to you can call me like that it's just new to me!

Anyhow you may right about it. And as my second self is maybe wise and beautiful what's your HONEST! opinion about my first? You saw it much from it in chat.

[Philomena]

Ms Bloomsy:

Two sisters, born, a summer's day,
Hearts entwined in the same mortal clay.

Snow White, Rose Red, and whispering soft,
So soft the sound cannot escape their single skull.
The intimacy of a single beating heart,
The secret strain of a single life to live.

Two sisters, born, a summer's day,
Hearts entwined in the same mortal clay.

A single soul, once, how are such things made?
Were they just windows from a single room?
Was a there a place so deep, that when she plumbed into it,
She emerged again with glimmer-glass about her,
Half mortal, but half-fey?

Two sisters, born, a summer's day,
Hearts entwined in the same mortal clay.

I think it is the soul can only know in a single way -
One knows the way a child knows,
Or one knows in the way of the sage.
And which the wiser?
No wise heart would say,
For each can know what the other can only dream.
The sun cannot reflect - it is no moon.
The night can never know the truth of day.

Two sisters, born, a summer's day,
Hearts entwined in the same mortal clay.

PErhaps her heart found out the secret way
To grow into maturity,
But was too wise to abdicate the child's heart.
Perhaps she learned the secret beyond secrets -
That divinity is living with two hearts and a single face?
As red as roses, red as unshed blood.
As white as death, as white as purity.
The little hearts of we, the worshippers, can hold but one:
But rare these goddess souls, encompassing parity.

Two sisters, born, a summer's day,
Hearts entwined in the same mortal clay.

[Blooming]

She found light in the darkness
And also dark in the lightness
Both of them shineyed as they should
Even the dark and even the light
As light gave answers it gave lies
As dark gave questions it gave truth
They were sisters also
One but two

Two sisters, born, a summer's day,
Hearts entwined in the same mortal clay.


This was a beautiful poem and I tried to write one to it too. Hope it didn't make it worse!

[Philomena]

*smiles* I'm honored!

[Corpus Aeternum]

I shall post ya something sometime... heh

[Fallacy]

I was going to quote your post that you wrote on the 23rd talking about bullies and where you quoted Elfen Lied, but my post would be horribly long. Firstly, I am going to disagree with that Elfen Lied quote, and (yes AND) your synopsis of the 'evils' of humanity just because people bully. I got talking to you a couple days ago about 'what you wanted to be' (when you grow up ) and the answer fell in the mental health field of study. (which is amazing, if I might add. Its one of the most challenging fields to study though, not because the concepts are hard, but because you have to take a good look at yourself before you can help anyone... though that is another subject altogether.) I think that if you are serious about this decision and decide to pursue the study then you will learn a lot, mostly about yourself in the first years. You will learn amazing things such as how to gauge a persons state of mind based on how they walk, talk, look (physically), look (at you), and their subconscious movements. Out of all the studies you will do you will learn and grow yourself, but you will never answer that nagging questions of 'why'. That is because there is no why to be answered, at least not for you. As a psychologist it is your job not to interrogate the patient and try to pick them apart, but to be present with them and give them the tools they need to help themselves. Now, this could eventually lead to answering the question 'why', but it is not your question to ask and it certainly is not your question to answer. There is no 'why' for you, it only exists for the patient. As a psychologist it is not your place to judge because if you are busy judging you are distracted from the -present-. For me there is not 'good' or 'evil', but rather there is an 'action' and then a 'reaction'. Though even that is too simple, I think it will fit into what Im trying to say here: Humans are not evil. Humans are unique onto themselves in that they possess a mind unlike any other creature. This mind is a product of evolution, years upon years of evolution. Though if we trace back our origins we all came from animals. Likewise, we still have some animal-like tendencies even though our minds are much more advanced than them. At our core, we are all animals and we will react in predictable, animalistic, ways if broken down and taken to that very edge. This can be seen in very extreme cases such as 'feral children', which is a very interesting topic to research if I might add. If you wanna see and read some horrible yet insightful things, research that. Or there are some documentaries on it also. (Disclaimer- Feral children are not a product of being 'broken down' per say, but rather a product of not being given a foundation to stand upon) Anyways, Im not going to go into a whole spill about this subject and just say what I wanted to say before I get too distracted (already spent too much time writing this. Thanks for distracting me from things I ought to be doing ): Bullying should not be met with bullying, no matter how good it might make you feel when you 'fight back'. The bully, and bullying (even bullying back), he is just using a defense mechanism to cope with whatever is going on in his life that is 'wrong'. We all use defense mechanisms. Whereas a bully might push and fight in a situation, I have the tenancy of 'shutting down' and building walls -pushing the problems out of mind-. Some coping methods are good and productive, but the two I listed above are not. I think that the bully should be met with understanding. Dont try to 'fight back' with words or fists because they are already suffering enough. You wouldnt kick a wounded animal, right? Bullying is a desperate cry for help. It should be answered, not with negativity and punishments, but with positivity and helpfulness. If it is a problem then you should 'get an adult' or talk to the councilor. They should know how to handle a situation like that. Bullies are a complicated subject, and each case varies. I just do not want you to think that they are 'evil' because they get satisfaction from bullying, and hurting others. A wounded animal snaps at people too, right? Bullying is a natural reaction, a coping method that some people adopt when they do not know any other way to 'feel better'. People use what works! Remember that. What the bully needs to learn how to do is to redirect their energy, their efforts, from bullying to something else. Im not going to go in depth into this because Im still learning myself the tricks and techniques of the trade, but the key here is change. In the end, 'good' and 'evil' are human concepts in a natural, amoral, world. The world is not 'black' and 'white', or even shades of grey. The world is a myriad of colors (some even unseen by the human eye) and possibilities. Note- I wrote this out in a hurry because Im already behind schedule on things Ive been meaning to do for a while. Take from it what you will, but these are my rushed and surface thoughts. Please excuse the abrupt end.