by Philomena on March 4th, 2013, 4:06 pm
Minnie's mind feels the sudden release of pressure against it, like a strangling hand released of a sudden, and it sends her mind reeling and light-headed, gasping. Imposed terror departs, and self-generated terror floods in - and the terrors we make for ourselves, after all, are ever so much more potent than what others can make for us. Her mind whirls wildly, seeking some footing, some safe place, looking for the demons she needs to fight against - or mroe likely, cringe from and plead for mercy with.
The mind takes in the rush of adrenaline and fear, and tries to act reasonably with it, tries to provide information and instinct, to allow for escape. But the mind moves too quickly, now, andhas no guiding principle so ends up grabbing whatever is handy and throwing it out the lips. Minnie does not speak so much as vomit information.
"The Evalin, the Evalin... oh... he has her, now, he has her now, does he? He has her now, chained down, chained down, the dark god, just as before, just as before, just as before, chained, chained down... Oh, my heart! Mother Evalin! How I wish I could have kept you safe inside my room... she is gone, now, she is gone now, and I will be gone, now, I will be gone... I will be gone, and my books are not written, I will be gone, and my love is still lost, I will be gone and I..."
Force finally fails, and her face freezes, seeking the release of breathing, of reasonable emotion, of sympathy, of understanding. Her body finds none, and it collapses, falling to sit on the floor, her buttock tucked into the corner of wall and wooden floor. She pulls her left hand to her face, leaving a smeared black handprint across her cheek, knocking her spectacles to the floor before her. She starts to rock gently, then faster, then faster, murmuring soft to herself:
"Qalaya, Qalaya, I will write this down, Qalaya, Qalaya, I will write this down, Qalaya, Qalaya, I will... I will--"
And the last control melts, and and seh buries her face in her knees, and sobs, not sorrow, just overwhelmed vulnerability and terror.