A dance of life and death (Kita)

(This is a thread from Mizahar's fantasy role play forum. Why don't you register today? This message is not shown when you are logged in. Come roleplay with us, it's fun!)

This shining population center is considered the jewel of The Sylira Region. Home of the vast majority of Mizahar's population, Syliras is nestled in a quiet, sprawling valley on the shores of the Suvan Sea. [Lore]

A dance of life and death (Kita)

Postby John Vicari on July 6th, 2010, 1:55 pm

Summer 1 510 av




"Your insane dear brother...you know that right?"

"Yeah...I know on some level I am yet it is something I must do even if just for the one time...I have to just do it and live for a night even if it means I am more broken inside."

"No you don't have to do this...Please don't get yourself hurt over nothing."

"It's not over nothing dear sister. You are planning on moving, grandmother is slowly losing touch with us and I am sure she won't live to see Winter. Mother and Father are fighting more and more about things and I just need a outlet be it in my powers or a new form. At this rate I will go insane with all the events in my own life."

"Please...be safe...just promise me that?"

"I promise I won't die."

"That is not what I said. You know you can live and not be safe."

"I am what I am...even if that is a monster.."

"Your not a monster. You just think you are as your powers are growing out of hand it seems."

"I can't relay on them forever. Nor can I use my leg as a reason to stop myself from learning how to handle myself in a fight. This is the best way to learn by getting in that ring and risking it all."

"Like I said...your insane..."

The words were brought back as leaves along the summer wind as John stood before the doors of the Spinning coin. It was a common enough place within the city Sylliras in a sense it always had people yet it was just one of a kind inside. A place you could find any type of game be it on cards or a good hard fight.

John let out a soft sigh as he went inside, his limp still ever clear in his leg yet it brought him no pain. He stood about the right size for a human late teenager. Light blonde hair moved as he did along his head as two light blue eyes peered out. His body was more on the thin side and lack of any muscle definition showed but that could be due to his age or the real fact he never did work out in any sense.

So why was John in one of the oddest of places in the city one may ask? It was a simple thing that he just wanted to fight even if he did not know how. It would be more or less just a hard brawling match learned the hard way but he had to find a form of outlet before his mind broke from the stresses of life that was going on around him. While he had a normal day job at the bookstore and as a scribe he also had to deal with odd family matters and having a wizard in the family made things hard on some level and even harder when he was also a wizard with the same type of powers which his mother was slowly learning were better then hers.

It did not take him long before he found the right person to talk to dealing with a fight. The middle age adult just laughed at himself as he looked John up and down before telling him it would be a bit before a match was open but he was to follow another person to a waiting room. He had no idea what he was getting into as he went with yet another person who was nameless to him but he felt he had no more say in the matter as he took a seat along a bench waiting for the right time.

How long did he wait? He was not sure for he lost track of the time as he was let alone with his own dark thoughts. A part of him just wanted to take a life just so he could know how it felt but another part of him felt sick when he thought of fighting. He was twisted on some level if he had daydreams about killing but he was not even sure why he did. Maybe it was just a human normal thing or maybe he was broken on some level.

He was not even sure how he found himself in the middle of a cage as he slowly blinked watching a man almost as the same build as him as he snapped out of his thoughts. IT seemed his body had a mind of it's own as he heard the people cheering and placing bets but he could not make anything else out other then a mixed roar of the sounds as a bell sounded somewhere off in the distance as the man came towards John.

The man in question stood close to six foot tall, dark black hair which was in a pony tail close along his head. He had no shirt on but his body clearly was fit to fight with little fat along his chest other then scars.

However John did not take anything else in for the fact he could not as he felt the hard fist raking along his jaw as his own body hit the hard ground. The taste of copper filling his mouth as the crimson blood dripped off his lips as his head pounded to no end. He never been hit before and he would never even guessed it felt like getting hit like that.

Nor did he really have the time to think as he felt a hard kick along his stomach as the sounds of breaking were heard in his ears as the air left his lungs with a soft cry of pain as the man moved from his beaten body yet John was not able to see him as he kept his eyes shut but the group of people did cheer on for wanting more for they loved the bloodshed even if it was one sided for now at least.

A part of him told him just to stay on the ground and let the match be over yet that part soon died out as he stood slowly back on his feet. His body moving almost as if it would fall to the ground once more if he let himself go but for the sheer fact of luck he did not fall like a sack of rocks as he looked at the nameless man.

As the man came back towards John he just moved right along towards him yet as the man moved left John moved right getting out of the way of another punch as he balled up his own fist striking the man's jaw yet unlike John the man did not fall or even act like he felt the fist. The result was far from what John wanted as the man just shrugged it off sending a hard kick hitting along John's right leg right under the knee cap sending John towards the ground as yet another kick along his chest sending him on his back.

John was beat. He knew this. The group of people knew this but the match was still not being called off nor did John want the fight called off. Maybe he was beaten but he still wanted to go on for some reason. Maybe it was the fact the pain did bring him something in life. It told him he was alive and that even with all the feelings he felt he could still count on the pain to bring him back to the world around him.


'Just a bit more...I just need to last a bit more...' He thought of as his body coughed up blood as he moved from his back to stomach. He never felt so much pain throughout his body as his vision became more and more fuzzy before his head hit the ground as the world around him came to darkness with the faint sound of a bell somewhere in the world going off....


John woke with a start as he found himself not on the hard ground within the building but on a hard bed with his head under a pillow that was made out of cloth and hay. His eyes blinked more then he could count as he looked around sitting up yet as he did he felt the flash of pain along his chest, back and ribs as he found his shirt was removed and replaced with white bandages yet for the most part he was alive and well enough to understand he was alive.

Yet all in all he did not see anyone as he forced his legs to carry his weight as he stood up as he slowly walked looking around. It would seem he was in the backroom of the bar that was more or less a patch up room for fighters but even that did not stop him from leaving the room to the main building even if he had to rest. He felt too restless and too lost in his own head to listen to reason as he left the building walking along the streets of Syliras at nighttime with just a pair of pants on his body for his shirt and boots were left somewhere in the building.
User avatar
John Vicari
Player
 
Posts: 219
Words: 107575
Joined roleplay: April 20th, 2010, 8:19 pm
Blog: View Blog (10)
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Medals: 1
Peer Reviewer (1)

A dance of life and death (Kita)

Postby Kita on July 8th, 2010, 1:01 am

Kita knew it was a bad idea to walk into the shady building that she was standing in front of but she pushed the thought away. She desperately wanted to leave the dark life behind her that had nearly killed her. She remembered the night when a knight almost killed her when he found out she was a thief. She had vowed at that point that she would leave the darker side of life to the criminals and stick to just being what everyone thought she was, a innocent young girl. Sadly, old habits die hard and Kita knew that as she took her first steps into The Spinning Coin. The place was known for being a place of gambling. Kita was never one to gamble though. She knew she did not have much money and what she did have she had to save. Far too many times she had ruined a good set of clothes when she turned into a fox.

As she walked though the building she was greeted by all kinds of people. Well, less greeted and more forced upon. A big man came up to her obviously looking for an easy girl to take advantage of. "How old are you sweetheart? You look lost. Do you want a drink?" the man said. Kita just glared at him with her glowing yellow eyes "I'm one and a half thank you very much. I'm not lost, I know exactly where I am. Plus, I would never accept anything from the likes of you. Oriana only knows where your grubby hands have been." She said making reference to her goddess. The man looked at her darkly and then pulled his fist back to punch her. She quickly whipped out her bow and strung it with an arrow. "Try it and you will be looking out of one eye for the rest of your disgusting days." she growled. The man lowered his fist and looked at her disgusted. "Stupid Kelvic. You vermin have been running free for far too long. I should make you my slave." he said. She narrowed her eyes and barred her fangs at him. "I would die first." she growled and then walked away before he could say another word.

Kita looked around to see if there were any fat pockets she could steal from. She may not have been a gambler but these people were and if they were going to bet here they brought all their money. She was just about to go after her first victim when she heard a large cheer erupting from farther back in the building. She followed the noise and found a large cage with two people in it. One was a big black haired man and the other was a blonde haired boy who was significantly younger. She walked into the crowd and saw that the young man was getting beat quite badly. "Well this doesn't seem like entertainment. He is just getting the snot knocked out of him." she muttered. A gruff middle aged woman looked back at her. "If you don't like it then get out. I'm making big bucks here." she huffed. Kita scowled at the woman and then looked back at the young man. She wanted to help him but what could she do? She watched at the guy got hit over and over again until he finally feel to the ground and did not get back up. She expected the fight to end right there but no one stopped it. The man just kept hitting the guy while he was down. "Some one help him!" she cried. No one listened to her though. She fought her way through the crowd until she was right against the cage bars. She knew what she had to do. She very much hated doing it in public but she had to help this boy.

Kita's eyes darted around to see if anyone was looking in her direction. With no surprise no one was. She quickly pulled all her clothes off and stuffed them in a bag and hidden away. She then focused on her real form in her mind, a red fox and she felt herself shrinking and taking on her canine form. She felt the fur growing and her teeth getting more pointed. When she was sure the transformation was over she opened her golden eyes and jumped into the cage. The big man looked confused. She stepped in front of the blonde boy and growled, warning him to stay away. The man was furious "Who let a fox in here?" he roared. She stood her ground in front of the boy and flicked her tail as if she was giving him a warning saying "If you get any nearer I will rip your nose off". The man scoffed and walked away. "Stupid fox, I won the fight anyway." he growled. Kita watched as everyone departed as soon as the man did. No one was going to help this boy get help. She sighed and looked down at the boy. She would have to do it herself.

Kita bit into the collar if the boy's shirt and pulled him slowly into a room in the back of the building to rest. She sat there watching him sleep in her fox form. There was no sense in changing back now, she left her clothes out at the cage. She wanted to stick around and make sure the boy woke up okay. She sat there for hours until finally he stirred. She knew that his movement was her cue to leave. She didn't want to scare him by making him wake up to a fox staring at him.

She retreated out into the building and found her bag. She quickly grabbed it in her teeth and pulled it to the bathroom. Once there and safe in a stall she turned back into her human form. She felt her body lengthening and her fur retracting into her skin. Once she was back as a human again she pulled on her clothes and left the bathroom. She wanted to get out of this place, and fast.

She walked around Syliras until the glow of the moon. She really had no idea why she had felt to keen on saving that boy but she was glad she did it. Maybe it would make up for all the wrong she had done since her brothers had died. As she walked around she spotted the blonde haired boy walking around. She debated weather she should approach him or not. She instead followed him around for a while, ducking into the shadows when he turned to see if anyone was following him. This while chase would have been easier as a fox but she had no where to stow her things. After a while she finally decided to approach him. She walked up to his side and tapped on his shoulder. "Excuse me, uhh... I um..., I saw you fighting earlier at the spinning coin and if it isn't out of line to ask, why would a boy like you be fighting a big man like him? I mean you obviously where not looking for money." she asked. As a fox, in a wild she could approach any animal and ask them personal questions like this without a second thought. Animal courtesy was much different than human courtesy. Kita plainly did not understand that it was improper to ask someone that she did not know a question like that. "I'm Kita by the way, Kita Finley." she said clutching her bag. She leaned over and sniffed him, like a fox would do when meeting a new companion. He smelled like blood and sweat. She wrinkled up her nose and looked at him. She really hoped that she had not stumbled upon another Kelvic hating human. She had a gift at doing that, often.
As you walk through death's dark veil,
The cannon's thunder can't prevail,
And those who hunt thee down will fail,
And you will be my ain true love...
User avatar
Kita
Foxy Lady
 
Posts: 92
Words: 59174
Joined roleplay: May 26th, 2010, 10:17 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)
Race: Kelvic
Character sheet

A dance of life and death (Kita)

Postby John Vicari on July 14th, 2010, 11:32 pm

The voice was female he knew that as he kept walking away from it yet he felt her hand along his shoulder as he glanced at her. His own light blue eyes picking out her bright yellow eyes which only told him one thing of her. She was a Kelvic but other then that he did not know much nor would he ask outright.

“And how does it look like I am not in need of the money? I know I lost and yet I have no regrets when it comes to that for I really did not want to win but at least now I know I am still alive.” His voice was cold yet not towards her in the sense of attacking her but the fact his pride was hurt for the simple fact of how beaten he really was but for someone not knowing how to fight he thought he did well.

He just kept walking as he turned down the ally way leaning along the hard brick wall with her still in tow beside him. His right arm over his stomach holding along the white bandages as he looked at her in more detail.

The blonde stood out along her black hair that went down her mid back it seemed from his view point. Yellow eyes with short fangs that poked out from her red lips. Her frame was more slender then his but that was a good thing with him being a male along with her shorter height. All in all a normal teenager that could had passed for a human if it was not for her eyes.

“John.”

It was a simple word but was his name for her due to she did give her name for him. Yet he did not give his full name like she did for he did not think she would need it but he still had no idea why she was still around him.
“So Kita…Why are you here? Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

He was not worried she would attack him but he still was on guard with her around due to he was in a more weak state then he wanted to admit. He would try to reach his home and rest yet that was not even close by for it was in the castle like most of the homes were.

Even he did not like the smell of his own sweet and blood along his body and clothing but he was far from any type of bath like area. He knew of rivers and springs out of the city that would feel more refreshing but that was further out then he wanted to travel yet the idea of the cool water did give him more hope then just a bed.

He did not say anything else as he looked at her. He saw the pain in her eyes yet she would had seen something in his be it pain or a form of it.
User avatar
John Vicari
Player
 
Posts: 219
Words: 107575
Joined roleplay: April 20th, 2010, 8:19 pm
Blog: View Blog (10)
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Medals: 1
Peer Reviewer (1)

A dance of life and death (Kita)

Postby Kita on July 16th, 2010, 8:53 pm

This boy confused Kita. She was usually quite good at figuring people out once she talked to them but with John it just wasn't happening. It was like there was some thing missing. Some part of the puzzle that wasn't there. Kita marveled at this enigma before her with animal like wonder. She wanted to figure him out because even though foxes were shy by nature they were even more curious. 

Kita was one of the more animalistic Kelvics. She was not like all the others of her kind who were able to seemlessly blend in with humans. Her animal instincts were too strong due to having to depend too heavily on them. That year of living on her own was difficult to say the least. For weeks even months she had stayed in her fox form just so she could survive. When she wasn't in her animal form she was just as animalistic. She had never learned how to be human. Her older brothers tried to teach her how to blend in but how human could a kelvic wolf or a kelvic wolverine how about being human?

Kita thought back to her life of thievery that had brought her to the spinning coin. "I guess old habits die hard. I used to be a thief so I would hang out in places like that a lot. I guess I was just curious. Curiosity is in my nature you know." she said with a coy smile. She liked being around this boy. She did not know why. The thing about dogs, even foxes is that they love the people who give them attention but they crave the attention of those who don't. It was like a game. How long can you keep from giving yourself up to my canine charm? Who will break first? Will you give in and play with me or will I gave in and leave you alone? It was an innocent game but a tireless one. As long as the canine species thrived they would continue to play this game because if they couldn't how would they make new friends?

Kita played with her wavy black hair. "No John. I don't have anywhere to be. The world is my home because really I don't have one. Why? Do you want to get rid of me John?" she asked with a shy joking tone. She was always a little worried when someone made an inkling that they did not want her around because most people didn't. Her parents had not wanted her. When they saw that she was already a toddler when she was just a few months old they got rid of her. All people knew that if a child aged that fast they were Kelvic. Her human parents had not known that they carried the kelvic gene until her oldest brother Jeran turned into a wolf when he threw a tantrum when he was young. Granted, he was only a wolf pup. They still sent him on his way even though he was just a child. The same thing happened to her second oldest brother Tayn. Luckily by the time Kita got kicked out Jeran and Tayn had found a home togather and they welcomed her in with open arms. It was all perfect until Kelvic hunters captured her brothers. Since then she had been alone. She had been with a group of criminals for a while but she was past that now. She had turned her back on crime. 

She could see that John was a bit apprehensive about her being around him. Most humans were. They never seemed to understand that just because Kelvics were not fully human it did not mean they were unpredictable animals. "You don't have to worry John. I won't hurt you. Just because I am an animal it doesn't mean I will hurt you. You know, if it wasn't for me you would still be bleeding on the floor of that cage." she said with a smile that showed off her pearly fangs. "Pulling you out wasn't an easy feat either. You are too big for one fox to pull all by herself. My jaw is going to be sore for a couple days from dragging you. Still, it was worth it to help you. Everyone needs help sometimes." she said. 

She continued walking with him for a while even though she felt like he sort of didn't want her there. She was lost for things to say. Her mouth was empty for things to say to her new friend even though this guy had not actually agreed to be her friend. "Why were you fighting if not to win? Is that not the point of fighting? It seems that humans always want to win at things. Why did you not want to win?" she said looking at him full of wonder. Kita had always known humans to be extremely competitive beings. They seemed to have competition at every turn. Competeing for love, for money, even for survival. It was not to say that her own kind did not compete. They did for food and survival. It did not even come close to human competition though. The way their meaningless games seemed to evolve into bloodbaths and passionless wars. She could not imagine life like that. Life was for living not for competition.
As you walk through death's dark veil,
The cannon's thunder can't prevail,
And those who hunt thee down will fail,
And you will be my ain true love...
User avatar
Kita
Foxy Lady
 
Posts: 92
Words: 59174
Joined roleplay: May 26th, 2010, 10:17 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)
Race: Kelvic
Character sheet

A dance of life and death (Kita)

Postby John Vicari on September 12th, 2010, 11:52 pm

He did not say a thing at first, just letting the words of her drift in open
air as he looked at her. She was odd but there was a reason he did not want
a Kelvic around yet she did seem different then the last one. The last one
ran away after saying she would not but that was in the past.

Maybe it was time for him to break away from the past and move on. Maybe it
was time. With a sigh leaving his lips he shook his head. This Kelvic made
him think to much yet he could not just leave her after hearing her.

"You lack someone...or you would have a place...Come on." The words left his
mouth yet it felt like he did not even say them. He did not even try to summon his Djed to the surface of his voice as he told her to come. Yet it was clearly a order for her even if she still had the room not to join him as he moved from the wall walking down the streets.

The stormhold castle stood in his sights, he did not say a word as he heard
her steps behind him. His own movements were sluggish and slow from the
beating yet he just kept pushing forward. He lost track of time before he
found himself seeing a bare wooden red door deep in the castle, it was his
home.

The home he lived with his family yet he knew they all would be
sleeping but he did not care as he turned the handle pushing the door open.
It was unlocked for him but few had fear of crime this deep in the castle
when knights were always about. Who would rob you when guards were always
about keeping a eye upon the people?

He shut the door softly behind him, the flick of the bronze lock clicked in
place as he made sure his new guest was in the dark home. He did not even
look around as he took her by the forearm leading her deeper in the home
down a hall before he pushed upon another door letting it swing open.

It did not take long for him to light a small lamp upon the wall, his memory
of the room always so clear even if the dark as the small light lit the room
in a glow. It was a small room granted yet it held a bed upon the wall, a
chest at the end of the bed, night stand with a few boxes laid about. The
walls were of a bare cold gray shaded tone with papers laying about with
neat calligraphy of his.

He shut the door once more behind him and clicking yet a simple lock of wood
in place upon the door frame and door that was held by a iron hook. The most
simple lock yet it did stop anyone from opening the door.


"Sorry of the mess. Don't look forward to company..." He said as he took a
seat on the bed as his body gave out. His back hitting the surface of it as
a flash of pain showed upon his face. It would take a few days to heal the
wounds but he did not mind. He enjoyed the feel of the hits and that fact
that he was still alive.

"I doubt I gave you my name...It's John." The simple words were said as he
looked towards her, unsure of her reaction being dragged around and found in
a new home like a lost little pet with no say. Did he feel bad? Somewhat,
yet did it show? No...His light blue eyes showed no sorrow of dragging her
about like a pet and that alone should had told him he was in a bad mood at
events in life as of late.

"A part of me hates his life...such a normal life...at least trying to be
normal yet I am so far from it. I try to learn to defend myself yet it just
costs me a badly made fight and the laughing stock of some folks. Should
just learn how to use something from afar that could keep me alive and
travel yet I am just to scared to...I am sure you find this cute."

He just let his lips move and voice take over for a bit. He was unsure what
he was saying or if it was lack of sleep saying the things for him. Would he
agree to them when the sun touched his face later or would he just pass them
as crazy ideas? Was he crazy without even seeing it or was she just a person
he could open up towards?
User avatar
John Vicari
Player
 
Posts: 219
Words: 107575
Joined roleplay: April 20th, 2010, 8:19 pm
Blog: View Blog (10)
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Medals: 1
Peer Reviewer (1)

A dance of life and death (Kita)

Postby Kita on November 25th, 2010, 12:08 am

The offer to go home with John peaked Kita's interests. She really did not take too much notice to the fact that she did not have a stable home. She was a fox, why would she need to stay inside? Kita followed John anyway. Just the thought of being somewhere with someone was so appealing to her. It had been a while since she was in Avanthal. The snowy city was far behind her.

Like a loyal dog Kita followed in John's footsteps. She marveled at the size of Stormhold Castle. Kita had been in Syliras for a while but she had never been so close to the large castle. "Wow…, it is so big… It's like Morwen's castle only… bigger." Kita smiled as she followed John. She was not one to smile very much, it showed her fangs which in turn showed that she was not human. Kita was not ashamed of her vulpine nature. She was actually quite proud if it. She was just scared. She did not want to end up like her brothers, dead or sold as a slave. It was safe to say that Kita was just scared of life in general. It was a sad feeling but a feeling none the less. Even now Kita was not completely calm. She was not completely trusting of John. She had seen people like him before. They would pretend to be kind and care about her but then a chime later there was a blade to her throat.

The walk through the castle brought about more amazed looks from Kita. She had never been in a castle so big! She was a bit scared but she wanted to believe if she stayed close to John she would be okay. It was not like she had a choice in the matter. She could have run but she was too scared about John coming after her if he was in fact a malicious man. She followed quietly until the two made it to where John lived. The home was dark but of course it was better than no home at all. Besides, she did not care too much about the darkness. She was used to the deep darkness of the Cobalt Mountains.

Once in John's room Kita situated herself on the ground and looked up at him. "I do not mind the mess, it is no problem." In truth Kita had not even noticed a mess. She was used to everything being haphazard in her tent. She barely ever kept things clean. "It is nice to meet you John. Thank you for welcoming me into your home. If I may ask though…, why did you bring me here?" Kita was a bit scared to ask this question. What if this human got mad and hurt her? There were a lot of questions she wanted to ask though. She forced out another question. She had already done damage by the first. Pushing another question would do nothing now. "Why do you feel like you must be stronger? Do you not think you were made as you should be? In Kita's mind she could not fathom being anything other than herself. She was adverage size and not very strong. She could not see herself as anything else though. Why would anyone els?
As you walk through death's dark veil,
The cannon's thunder can't prevail,
And those who hunt thee down will fail,
And you will be my ain true love...
User avatar
Kita
Foxy Lady
 
Posts: 92
Words: 59174
Joined roleplay: May 26th, 2010, 10:17 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)
Race: Kelvic
Character sheet

A dance of life and death (Kita)

Postby Nisaba on February 26th, 2011, 5:10 pm

Image
Grade Complete: XP Award!


Name: John Vicari

 
XP Award
Negotiation- 1 XP
Observation- 2 XP
Brawling- 3 XP

John was pretty much negotiating with his sister about being safe and whether or not he was a monster before he left his family’s home at the beginning of the thread, which I feel deserved a point in that particular skill. He also sized up his opponent, listing off physical features and the like, which was also worthy of a point- this time in observation, of course. The fight itself seemed to be the beginning of an all-out brawling match, at least from the way it was described and the way that John said he wanted to brawl- so that’s why it was given points in brawling instead of unarmed combat or hand-to-hand, etc. The punch John took as well as the punch John issued, were each given a point because he learned a lot from each. He got one more point for getting knocked out and learning what the consequences of losing an organized brawl could be. He also got his second point in observation for the way he described Kita when she approached him after the fight.
 
Lore Award
Finding an Outlet for Frustration
First Fight
Surprise! Punches to the Face Hurt
KO’ed
Going Home Defeated
Can I Keep Her?
 
Ledger
Injuries (lasting between two days and one week):
1. Sore jaw- pain when speaking or eating
2. Fat lip- noticeable by friends/family/customers
3. Bruises all over midsection- soreness in movement, stiffness of body, sometimes hard to catch breath, occasional jabs of pain when moving too quickly or sharply
4. Leg stiffness/pain- possible limping


Additional Note:
This was a very nice thread. I could really see the stresses that provoked John into fighting and embracing a not-always-savory lifestyle. I would have liked to see more describing in the beginning and less dialogue and a little more connection between John’s thoughts and actions at the end, but altogether it was lovely. If you and Kita ever feel like continuing it, just let me know. Thank you for letting me read it and if you think I missed anything, please PM me.


Image
Grade Complete: XP Award!


Name: Kita

 
XP Award
Observation- 1 XP
Seduction- 1 XP
Philosophy- 1 XP

Kita noticed John getting beat up in the ring and took in enough details to know he was going to need help, which earned her a point. She also innocently flirted with him which gave her a seduction point, and her questioning of his motives earned her a philosophy point.
 
Lore Award
Being Unapproachable
Acting as a Good Samaritan
Layout: Spinning Coin
Stalking
Who Needs Human Courtesies?
 
Ledger
Injury: Sore jaw for the next two days, mild pain when speaking and/or eating.


Additional Note:
This was a great thread! It really gave your character a history and motivation for meeting John. Just for future reference, hun: I think if you honestly timed it, a man could definitely pull back his fist and punch someone before a young girl could whip out her bow, string it, and have an arrow notched and ready to fly in his face, especially in a crowded building. Also, I don’t think every single person in the place would miss a girl stripping off all her clothes, putting them in a bag, and turning into a fox right in front of their eyes, especially since she was right next to where everyone was looking (the fight). I hope I’m not being too critical and picky- you’re a great writer, and I truly enjoyed reading your posts. I just figured that it can’t hurt to help with the flow a little bit, since that’s something I would like a storyteller to do when they grade my threads. Thank you for letting me read your thread, and if there’s anything you think I missed, please just let me know.
I just started a new job where I occassionally work 12hour shifts (somehow?)- so please bear with me. I'll probably only be able to hardcore grade/be online on the weekends and other times I'll only get to about 1 thread per night. If there's anything that needs immediate attention, please PM me and I'll bump it up the list. Thanks in advance for the understanding. ^_^
User avatar
Nisaba
Retired Staff
 
Posts: 40
Words: 32038
Joined roleplay: November 26th, 2010, 2:56 am
Race: Staff account
Office


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests