"Oh, yes, we could arrange something, if you're interested in learning," Inari finally managed after downing another cup of water, watching Nala effortlessly draw the smoke from her pipe. "I always give my friends a special discount, and there's a lovely tea room next door we could grab a meal in. In fact, we--"
Inari trailed off as Fi boldly picked up a match, proclaimed her obvious superiority in handling tobacco, and lit her pip with so much confidence the Lorak almost believed it. She made it a point to witness Fi's bouts of daring whenever they arose; they were rather important, and amusing more often than not.
For a moment, it seemed Fi had a genuine, natural knack for this. She was savoring the tastes and sensations, almost as though she were some kind of experienced connoisseur. Amazement, however, slowly transformed into concern as the other two ladies waited. And waited. And waited some more, but the smoke had still not found any way out of the Benshira's mouth. And then, all at once, the illusion shattered as Fi did just about the most hilarious thing Inari had ever seen her do.
She swallowed the smoke.
It came streaming, odd enough, out of her nostrils, her eyes wide with surprise and horror. Inari lost it. She doubled over in her seat with laughter, nearly knocking over her empty glass as she swept her hand across her face to wipe tears of mirth from her eyes. Fi followed suit, puffs of smoke still popping forth, and together they huffed and wheezed and giggled from their failed attempts.
"Clearly, we require some practice," Inari said between fits, and then on a complete whim brought the pipe back up to her mouth. In retrospect, it was probably a terrible idea, given her current state. But, for some reason their disastrous first tries shed the last of her inhibition. She simply no longer cared and, with a shrug, poked the pipe into her lips once more.
This time, she drew longer, letting the smoke swirl a bit in her mouth, and then, to everyone's surprise--including her own--blew it back out in a steady stream. She narrowed her eyes as though deep in thought, stroking an imaginary beard.
"Hmm, yes, I agree. Lady Lorana buttocks have aged rather well, quite like fine cheese," she rasped in a wobbling, manly voice, doing her best impression of the farty old Dynasty men she was often forced to keep company with at social gatherings. "Although, if one must choose, I admit I'd have to go with her esteemed Ladyship's father. Now that is a pair of melons not to be trifled with. Such weight, such sag. Mmphf."
Inari wiggled her mouth and nose violently, as though feeling an imaginary itch on her imaginary mustache, then took another long draw from the pipe as she scratched her belly. |