Darkest Night (Van, closed)

[Khiara]

Although she welcomed it, Khiara felt worse as Vanator dropped down beside her, hugging her. He had his own life, Goddess-damn-it-all, and she was just throwing another wrench into the works. Newly wed, away from Endrykas - they would have been almost honeymooning. And he had to look after her like some child with an upset stomach. Still, she selfishly accepted it, leaning into his embrace.

Closing her eyes as he spoke to her, unwilling to see the staring faces, she simply nodded and allowed herself to be helped up. Holding his hand, she opened her violet eyes and kept them on the ground, unable to see through the blur of tears. She hadn't stopped crying, but she could suppress it, placing a hand over her mouth. White skirts flowing around her legs, the vantha welcomed the night air. It was cool and fresh, a much different atmosphere to the dingy tavern. Following the drykas, she didn't pay any attention to their surroundings, simply walking because he did.

[Vanator]

Grateful to leave behind the crowded tavern, Vanator lead Khiara by the hand down a darkening street towards the sea. Within a few chimes they came to a park perched on the tier's edge. A rail guarded the dangerous precipice, benches lined up facing the Suvan Sea. Syna's last rays had long faded, giving way to Leth's silvery glow. The sky was clear, pinpricks of light surrounding a half moon, reflecting off of the ceaselessly rolling waves. The Drykas breathed in a draught of the cool ocean air, considering the appropriateness of Leth's presence with Khiara and himself that night. They said the god ruled over change and reflection. Both The horseman and the Vanthan had undergone much change, and both could benefit from some honest reflection. He guided the woman to a bench, coaxing her to sit while he took a seat next to her. His arm went around Khiara's shoulder again, gently. Van remained silent for a moment, staring out over the serenity laid out before them, the ever present roar of the falls thrumming in the background. The man paused to consider the situation. He had not expected to see Khiara again, but having found her, he was reluctant to let her go. Not only because she was in despair, and not out of pity. He did feel a need to console her, to help her mend. But it was not driven so much by guilt or a benevolent heart as much as it was by the fact that he had deep feelings for her that did not depart when she did. Those affections did not conflict with his love for Kashik. He loved each one for who they were, different but each wonderful in their own way. He didn't think Khiara understood that, wasn't even sure she could. Kashik, as a Drykas wife, did understand. She knew how her husband felt about the northerner, yet did not hesitate to suggest he find her, to comfort her. "Khiara, we cannot change what has happened in the past, nor fret about what has yet to come, as someone just recently reminded me. What we have is the present. You have given Vsenri the help he needs. You are here safe, and I am here. Look at me."Van turned towards Khiara, his free hand resting on her knee, waiting to catch her swirling violet-gold gaze. "No matter what happens, you will not be alone. I will not let you be alone, I don't want you to be alone." He was adamant, all but coming out and saying that he did not want to be without her. He did not want to have to see her walk away, having had to watch it twice already. She needed him. The situation, well, Kashik and he would work it out.

[Khiara]

Khiara sat quietly, her crying less now, only tears with barely a sound. The crashing of the waves below in the night ocean, combined with the steady roar of the waterfall gave the place an almost hallowed feel. It was beautiful here, and Leth was full and round. A cool sea breeze pushed against the vantha, and she closed her eyes to feel it. Only yesterday, it had been welcoming her to end it all. Somehow, it was a comfort. Opening her eyes again, she stared out into the distance. Vanators presence beside her was like a grounding force, and she was painfully aware of his arm around her shoulders. It stirred feelings in her, and her heart thrummed against her ribs. Almost immediately she felt the wrack of guilt and hopelessness, and held back the fresh tears that came forth.

As the drykas spoke, her crying subsided, soothed by simply his voice. She sniffed occasionally, and lifted a hand to wipe her cheeks, before resting them both in her lap. Unwilling to turn her gaze to him, Khiara's eyes fell on the hand that suddenly rested on her knee. The warmth of his skin radiated through her skirts, and her heart skipped a beat. The vantha slowly lifted her gaze to meet his, drifting to a light lavender. Again, she sensed the tension that was so often tangible between them, and again she felt almost breathless. It wouldn't go away. Listening to his words, Khiara felt the guilt tear at her again and taking a deep breath, she looked away to steady her pulse.

"Kashik is a nice woman. Fun, friendly...I shouldn't...you should..." Frowning, she shook her head, unable to word what she wanted to say. Looking back at the drykas, she laughed bitterly.

"I can't think straight when I'm near you, and Kashik can't appreciate that a emotional wreck of a vantha can't last two weeks out of her husbands sight." Tears threatened again, and the woman spoke quietly in vani, cursing herself. She wasn't making sense.

[Vanator]

As Khiara met his gaze, the shifting color of her irises slowly settling on a lavender hue, Vanator felt the same tug he had everytime their eyes had met since they spoke behind the tavern in Endrykas in early spring. It was a connection that was forged as they shared their tales of lost loved ones. Van was taken with the olive-skinned Vantha from that moment, but the two supressed their feelings, to protect their friend Pygmy. When he had first met her, Khiara was shy and introverted, carrying the burden of Eliac's loss heavily. But as she passed time in Endrykas, Vanator saw her blossom. Khiara became outgoing, joyful even, letting go and having fun. That vibrant woman, once as lively as the bright colors that adorned her eyes, now sat next to him crushed and dark and broken. And it tore at Van's heart. As Khiara turned away to look out over the ocean, the Drykas caught the faint hint of the violet and golden highlights in her glossy black hair. The northerner was exotic and beautiful, something that the cuts and bruises she wore could not mar. Having Khiara in his arms again, inhaling her scent, felt good. It was thrilling, he would not deny it. Vanator had longed to be with Khiara and still did. But she was in a fragile state, terribly vulnerable. His desire now was to bring her back from her despair, to give her help. And Van would talk with Kashik. He did not want to let Khiara leave again. As Khiara spoke, drifting back into the singsong language of her people, Vanator gave her a smile. "Khi, I feel the same about you. I always have. I can't tell you what is going to happen, to you, or us." He hesitated bring up Kashik, he could still hear the rebuke the Vanthan had given him when she found out he had asked the Drykas woman to marry him. But he was married now, which changed the situation, but not necessarily like Khiara had surmised. Vanator locked his eyes to hers, his gaze intent and sincere. "But for today, for right now, you have to trust me. Please trust me Khiara. I don't want to hear anymore of this foolishness about ruining my life or causing me trouble. You are a friend, and more. I don't want to hide it anymore, Khiara. Pygmy is gone, and Kashik already knows how I feel about you. I wish you would just let me take care of you."

[Khiara]

The vantha searched his eyes, brow furrowed and troubled. She fought against herself, an internal struggle. The young woman wanted to accept it, believe him, trust him...she wanted to let him just take over. But on the other hand, she felt the gut wrenching guilt and shame. Eliac would have been ashamed of her. Absent-mindedly, she reached up with one hand and thumbed the beads around her neck. Goddess, was this more of her test? Or another fateful trick to teach her a lesson. Did the afterlife believe in faithfulness in death? Is that why things had turned so sour? At least she could be near Vanator. His presence soothed her, and it would give her a sanctuary - to recover and to deal with Vsenri's condition. Her mind didn't have the capacity to think about that right now.

Khi, I feel the same about you...Kashik already knows how I feel about you.

Khiara finally looked down, unable to hold his intense gaze any longer. Her brow smoothed out a little as she sighed, finally nodding. Looking back up, the brunette swallowed hard before speaking.

"Alright." She almost whispered, nodding again.

"I need help."

[Vanator]

Khiara's reluctant submission to accept Vanator's consolation relieved the Drykas man. The arm around her shoulders held her slightly closer, Vanator's other hand reaching up to rest against her silken hair and gently coaxing her head to rest against him. Turning his eyes back out to the vast open sea under the pale moon, Van held his tongue for several chimes, feeling Khiara's steady breathing. His own recent emotional trauma faded in his mind as he pondered the Vanthan and her own desperate state. She truly was alone. Van was close to home, he had a large family, a mate, and Backlash. Though at times he felt terribly alone, times that evoked a strong longing for Tamar, he was never as isolated as Khiara. She was far from home, no family around and her friends left her. The wounds of Eliac's death were obviously still deep and fresh upon her, and her last connection with him, the Frostmarch, lay at Sanctuary with an uncertain future. Struggling to find words to offer solace, the horseman found none that could dissipate the sorrow that clouded Khiara's features. All he could offer was his love, which seemed to only cause her more anguish. So he simply held her, turning to press his lips gently against her soft mane. After several more chimes of silence, Vanator spoke up in a quiet voice. "I don't think you should be alone tonight. Maybe you should come back with me."

[Khiara]

Allowing herself to be held, Khiara rested her ear against the drykas' chest, listening to the steady best of his heart. Her eyes closed and in a moment of peace, the vantha sighed softly. If she didn't think, or feel, if she just focused on the here and now - the young woman could attain some measure of sanity. All that mattered was the sound of the ocean crashing against the waves, the wind through the trees and the sound of Vanators breathing.

As he spoke, Khiara opened her lavender eyes and stared out at the moonlit water. A small frown creased her brow.

"I don't want to be a burden Vanator. I'm..." She sighed again.

"I'm scared to sleep, and scared to stay awake. What if Vsenri-" Breath catching in her throat, Khiara swallowed, staying against the warmth of the golden man. It comforted her.

"When I close my eyes, I see Kavala shaking her head and telling me he's gone. Then I see the broken boat and the sad faces. I see a man, on a white stallion, and they ride away into a blizzard. I call out, and I run, but they don't hear me." Closing her eyes, the vantha wore the pain on her face. Battered and bruised, eyes dark hollows and features drawn - how could it be so hopeless. Focusing on his heartbeat she continued.

"When I keep them open, I see the space around me and the strange place I have travelled to. And I know when I am awake, I will really know I am..." Lifting a hand, she uncurled her fist and turned it upside down.

"Empty." Sighing again, Khiara lowered her hand. The waves crashed again and the wind tugged at the couple. The vantha didn't have anything else to say. Her twisted emotions played havok with the words he's put out there, and unsuitable thoughts sprang to mind. Angirly, Khiara forced herself to be a better friend to Kashik then she was to Pygmy.

[Vanator]

Vanator was relieved that Khiara finally accepted some comfort from him. He felt his own sense of hopelessness as he held her close. Nothing he said seemed to ease the Vanthan's soul, and he grew more concerned about her as she revealed the depth of her despair. It had only been a couple years since Khiara's Eliac died, he recalled from their intimate conversation early in Spring. Vanator understood the emptiness he felt after Tamar died and only with time and the help of friends and family had he been able to even begin to recover. Khiara was alone, homeless, and with out family, and he was only beginning to fathom the extent of her loss of hope. "I remember feeling that emptiness Khi. I understand what it feels like to believe you have nothing, are nothing. But that is not what I see. I see a young, beautiful, vibrant woman with so much to offer the world. I see a storyteller that spins fascinating tales of a land of ice far away. I see someone with so much love to give." "Though I will never forget Tamar, I had to learn to let others fill the void she left in me. People I cared for, and cared for me. My sisters, Kashik, even you. I know it seems like there is no hope Khiara, but there is, you will make it. You will not dishonor Eliac's memory, you will honor it by living life to its fullest." Vanator paused. They really should be going, but he felt it best to linger a moment longer, to allow the soothing venue to work on Khiara's tormented heart. He turned to press another gentle kiss to her head. "And if you mention one more thing about being a burden, I will hoist you over my shoulder and parade you through the streets of Riverfall to prove you are no burden at all." Van's light remark was made softly, the gentle smile apparent in his tone.

[Khiara]

As Vanator spoke, Khiara found herself wiping her cheeks again, jaw clenched against the tears that had returned. Goddess, the thought of Avanthal covered in ice was a welcoming thought, but she couldn't bring herself to go home. It was too early, too painful. Feeling the press of the warm man's lips on her hair, the young vantha closed her eyes, brow furrowed. A small laughed escaped her lips as he mentioned carrying her through Riverfall, an amusing picture in her mind. Sitting up gently, Khiara wiped her cheeks again, taking a deep breath and sighing it out. She turned her lavender eyes on Vanator once again, gold swimming just along the edges.

"I'll be good." Laughing a little again, she shook her head, a sad smile on her lips.

"I tried that Vanator. I took your advice and I opened myself, allowed myself to care for others. I took comfort in Pygmy, yourself...even Kashik once. But..." She shrugged her shoulders, but she didn't cry this time.

"But Pygmy left, and I couldn't go with her. And I couldn't be around you, knowing how hard it was...especially that you were getting married. Are married." Her gaze flicked to his neck again, before back to his face.

"Vsenri was all I had left. Everything I've ever been, ever done, ever loved - everything is connected to him. And now...I might loose him too." Pausing, the young woman shook her head.

"I don't know whether the Goddess is testing me or punishing me. Every turn I take seems like a fresh start, a new day. I find what I need, and then like so much snow in the wind, its blown away. I'm cut open anew...and I'm expected to get back up and start again." Looking distant for a moment, the vantha frowned.

"I just don't know what to do any-more, Vanator. But for now," Focusing on him again, Khiara smiled.

"For now I'll come with you, willingly, on my own two feet. Burdenless, of course."

[Vanator]

When Khiara lifted her eyes again to Vanator, wiping tears from her cheeks, her irises had taken on a lavender hue, familiar to the Drykas as a sign that her emotions were evening out. He gazed at her, his focus expanding from the beautiful eyes to take in the soft features of her bruised face. She looked so young, little more than 20 years of age he had guessed. Too young to have suffered so much. Her youth did not deter his affection for her, just as it hadn't for Kashik, being about the same age. Kashik. Sometimes he forgot how young she was. She was brash, full of life and ambition, so different in personality from the subdued Vanthan. He had been a bit surprised to learn the two of them had befriended each other in Endrykas, Kashik taking Khiara to a raucous party at her pavilion. But he did see that side of the northerner begin to surface at the reception. He smiled at the memory of the night, still hearing her lilting accent singing a bawdy song as they all danced. His imagination drifted, wondering what would have transpired had he gone back to Khiara's tent instead of returning to his own with Pygmy. He knew what would have happened, and it would have only complicated matters all the more. Khiara's soft laugh and strained smile lifted Van's spirits a bit, encouraged that perhaps she was not totally lost to her emotional darkness. "Khi, I know how hard it has been for you." Vanator felt a pang of guilt. It was his fault, really, that Pygmy left Endrykas, leaving behind not only him, but Khiara. And there was no need to rehash the complication their desire for each other had posed, and the reasons they still denied themselves of each other. He could even blame himself for the Vanthan striking out on her own, leading to Vsenri's accident. All of it could be traced back to his actions. But the girl did not blame him. It would have been easier for Vanator to take the fault, than to see her lay all her woes on her own shoulders. "I don't claim to know the mind of the god's, but I can hardly find any sin you could have committed that would merit what has happened to you. But I have heard some say, of benevolent deities, that they do test their followers, for their own good. Just as fire brings out the impurities in gold and silver, trials tend to build and hone one's character. I have also heard it said that such gods and goddesses do not push their worshipers further than they are able to bear, for what good does it to destroy one who gives you devotion? I don't know if any of that is true, but, even in the depths of the pain you feel now Khiara, I believe... I know that you will be alright." Van could not resist reaching up to stroke her silky dark hair, brushing aside a stray strand that had fallen across her face. "I am glad that you are here, I really am. Everything lately has moved so fast, and has been in such upheaval, having you here gives me some sense of stablility. So there is some selfish motivation behind asking you to stay around." He gave her a small smile, his sentiment confirmed in his eyes, gold-flecks glowing in the moonlight against his hazel irises. "Why don't we go, I think the best thing for you right now is a good night sleep." He stood, holding out his hand as an offer to help her up.