The language barrier was one of their biggest problems, if one didn't count that his people had captured her and she had spent most of a season feeling like his slave. It was very easy for Taylani to just assume the worse meaning in his words, it was also safer and easier for her personally to assume such because it gave her a shield against the confusing conflicts in her emotions over him. This shield kept her from losing herself completely to him, at least in her mind.
She so desperately clung to what she perceived to be herself, that the thought of giving him any part of her that was not wrested from her forcibly was tantamount to her breaking. Yet wasn't she already broken? She certainly was not the same Taylani that he had bought on the auction block. That Taylani might have been strong, protecting herself with a hard covering, that one might have been bold and as solid as any rock. Yet Fallan had scoured that strength from her as surely as the wind scours the mountain. Over time with enough force, even the mountain becomes small and polished something that only barely resembled it.
Yet, wasn't this exactly how gemstones were worked? Didn't even the most beautiful of diamonds start off as a ugly, hard, black lump of coal. It takes quite a bit of force to break down, scour, and polish to reveal a diamond. Be that or not, Taylani was not the same person he bought, the very fact that she was considering his words carefully showed that.
His words were difficult to understand, she tried not to dwell on the fact that he again compared her to a horse. The fact that she knew that his people highly valued their horses helped, though it didn't help the reinforcement of the idea that she was some sort of pet, kept and trained. She felt she understood the idea that he wanted to bed her and that it was more then that, he didn't want other men to bed her. Even in her naivete' Taylani had known that men had a bit of jealousy factors. Though it amused her bitterly that his seemed to have kicked in before he had any claim on her.
She also was not blind to the fact that it might have gone much worse. If she had been more desirable, then he might have been out bid. If she had been someone that people wanted then she could very well find herself in a pavilion with a man who was less kind then Fallan was.
She looked down as his finger taps her chest, standing so close to him that doing so caused her brow to rest against his collarbone. She felt his warmth surrounding her, smelled the smell that she would forever associate with him. That aroma of horse and leather, combined with an earthy smell, that always even in the height of her hatred reminded her of solid strength. Not of safety, for even now she recognized the danger in him. Not danger to her physical well being, but to her emotional and mental.
When she finally spoke, she did so without looking up, not trusting her eyes not to give away the slight panic that rose in her mind at his last words. She also did so slowly, considering her words carefully, not wanting to aid to the communication barrier. Wanting him to understand, not sure if she really understood.
"But you did make me a slave. I tried to stop it..but I couldn't. You made me a slave by twisting my desires against me." She wasn't even speaking of only the use of her body, though that was the largest obstacle she had. "That is not easily forgotten. Nor is it easily remedied by words that I am no longer a slave."
Finally she looked up at him, no anger or bitterness in her features, there was no darkness behind her eyes. "No matter what path we take, there will always be a part of me that will always be your slave whether you truly intended that or not." She wasn't quite sure that he hadn't intended that. The part of her that seemed now indelibly tied to him, will always be tied to him.
"You ask much of me. You ask that I accept that part that is your slave, for to be able to open my heart to you is to forgive that." Her brows furrowed, as she tried to put into words what caused her heart to hurt. Even speaking the language she was fluent in it was difficult to express the feelings she felt. It was in that moment that Taylani softened. It was a visible softening, her body losing most of its tension and her lashes widening. For it was in that moment that she truly understood exactly how hard it must be for him to try and sort out his own words in a language he was not fluent in.
"You ask me to surrender everything to you. You took my body, and ended up making it to where..even when you gave me my freedom that I willingly surrendered my body to you." Taylani took a deep breath, stepping just a half step back, to create room between them not because she desired space from him but to be able to demonstrate her words. Her hands glided from his shoulders down to his larger hands, her fingers closing around his and she pulled his hands to her still-flat belly, pressing his hands over the place their child grew. "You invaded my body. In more ways then one and now you ask that I surrender the last thing I have left of me."
She did not shed tears, which surprised her as it has been a very long time since she hadn't gotten watery eyed when she had thought of the circumstances on how their child had been conceived. "I told you that first night that I did not have the strength to give you more then my body. Yet I have found strength to do much more then I thought. You told me that Semele would give me strength to do so...Perhaps your right. Maybe Semele will..but you have to have your heart open too. I can't surrender that..last part of me without you surrendering too."
She so desperately clung to what she perceived to be herself, that the thought of giving him any part of her that was not wrested from her forcibly was tantamount to her breaking. Yet wasn't she already broken? She certainly was not the same Taylani that he had bought on the auction block. That Taylani might have been strong, protecting herself with a hard covering, that one might have been bold and as solid as any rock. Yet Fallan had scoured that strength from her as surely as the wind scours the mountain. Over time with enough force, even the mountain becomes small and polished something that only barely resembled it.
Yet, wasn't this exactly how gemstones were worked? Didn't even the most beautiful of diamonds start off as a ugly, hard, black lump of coal. It takes quite a bit of force to break down, scour, and polish to reveal a diamond. Be that or not, Taylani was not the same person he bought, the very fact that she was considering his words carefully showed that.
His words were difficult to understand, she tried not to dwell on the fact that he again compared her to a horse. The fact that she knew that his people highly valued their horses helped, though it didn't help the reinforcement of the idea that she was some sort of pet, kept and trained. She felt she understood the idea that he wanted to bed her and that it was more then that, he didn't want other men to bed her. Even in her naivete' Taylani had known that men had a bit of jealousy factors. Though it amused her bitterly that his seemed to have kicked in before he had any claim on her.
She also was not blind to the fact that it might have gone much worse. If she had been more desirable, then he might have been out bid. If she had been someone that people wanted then she could very well find herself in a pavilion with a man who was less kind then Fallan was.
She looked down as his finger taps her chest, standing so close to him that doing so caused her brow to rest against his collarbone. She felt his warmth surrounding her, smelled the smell that she would forever associate with him. That aroma of horse and leather, combined with an earthy smell, that always even in the height of her hatred reminded her of solid strength. Not of safety, for even now she recognized the danger in him. Not danger to her physical well being, but to her emotional and mental.
When she finally spoke, she did so without looking up, not trusting her eyes not to give away the slight panic that rose in her mind at his last words. She also did so slowly, considering her words carefully, not wanting to aid to the communication barrier. Wanting him to understand, not sure if she really understood.
"But you did make me a slave. I tried to stop it..but I couldn't. You made me a slave by twisting my desires against me." She wasn't even speaking of only the use of her body, though that was the largest obstacle she had. "That is not easily forgotten. Nor is it easily remedied by words that I am no longer a slave."
Finally she looked up at him, no anger or bitterness in her features, there was no darkness behind her eyes. "No matter what path we take, there will always be a part of me that will always be your slave whether you truly intended that or not." She wasn't quite sure that he hadn't intended that. The part of her that seemed now indelibly tied to him, will always be tied to him.
"You ask much of me. You ask that I accept that part that is your slave, for to be able to open my heart to you is to forgive that." Her brows furrowed, as she tried to put into words what caused her heart to hurt. Even speaking the language she was fluent in it was difficult to express the feelings she felt. It was in that moment that Taylani softened. It was a visible softening, her body losing most of its tension and her lashes widening. For it was in that moment that she truly understood exactly how hard it must be for him to try and sort out his own words in a language he was not fluent in.
"You ask me to surrender everything to you. You took my body, and ended up making it to where..even when you gave me my freedom that I willingly surrendered my body to you." Taylani took a deep breath, stepping just a half step back, to create room between them not because she desired space from him but to be able to demonstrate her words. Her hands glided from his shoulders down to his larger hands, her fingers closing around his and she pulled his hands to her still-flat belly, pressing his hands over the place their child grew. "You invaded my body. In more ways then one and now you ask that I surrender the last thing I have left of me."
She did not shed tears, which surprised her as it has been a very long time since she hadn't gotten watery eyed when she had thought of the circumstances on how their child had been conceived. "I told you that first night that I did not have the strength to give you more then my body. Yet I have found strength to do much more then I thought. You told me that Semele would give me strength to do so...Perhaps your right. Maybe Semele will..but you have to have your heart open too. I can't surrender that..last part of me without you surrendering too."