43rd of Fall 510 3 Hours after dusk
The cold night air was exhilarating in ways that Keres had almost forgotten. True, it had not been that long ago since Keres was out in it in the depths of a forest alone and frightened, but so much had changed in such a short period of time.
He sat with the hood of his cloak down so as not to obscure his vision, but his attention was not on the outside world. His thoughts swirled around in the front of his mind like some strange smoke. So much had change., but, perhaps, not enough.
Alone in that dark some weeks ago, he had felt the fear of his helplessness, and that had given him strength enough to survive, but here that sort of strength was almost worthless. Simply being silent and driven by emotion hatred and fear would not serve him here in the forest of man.
Sitting there, in the dark of some open square in Sunberth, Keres closed his eyes and let himself feel. He let the pain and rage of seeing his broth slain flow over him. Then, holding that feeling close, he tried to conjure the fear he had felt on being captured by the Zith. He added to that the feeling he had felt when looking upon the Zith family that he had grown to love as he covered them in their graves. He held these emotions close to him, feeling himself on the verge of tears and screaming rage. He felt the energy of desire with the crippling fatigue of fear simultaneously. He felt all of these things, for what he hoped was the last time.
One by one, he pushed each feeling out of his mind as best he could while still remembering the images. After a long time of this, he had finished as best he could. There was no doubt that he still felt each of the emotions to a large extent, but he felt more centered.
Where Keres' instincts provided him with insight in many situations his emotions did not seem to aid him in any reliable way. As the Zith had taught him, emotions dominate actions by sapping focus from them and giving nothing in return. Keres was not a Zith, and he knew it. A Zith would never have had the same failings and had other abilities that compensated. Nor was Keres Inarta. Certainly it was the Inarta blood that gave him such feeling, but he lacked the strict isolation that the Inarta enjoyed.
What did Keres have? From what aspect of himself or realm of his situation did he have to draw power from? He pondered that question as the night silently and coldly went on around him. He pondered it until his attention was broken by an old man walking down the street.
The man trudged noisily down the street, but he continuously glanced around him and peered into the shadows. Several times as Keres watched, the man slowed slightly and glared down a dark ally that Keres could see that nothing was in. Once, the man seemed to look straight at Keres, but try as the man seemed to, he failed to notice the half-blood critiquing his movements. At length, the man passed out of sight and then out of earshot.
Then, while remembering the detail of the man, Keres noticed. It had been forgotten to him from so long living with the Zith where he was considered disabled. His vision was considerably better in the dark than a Human's. This had always set him apart from the Inarta as much as his stronger instincts. He had abilities in the dark of night that these people around him did not.
This thought brought a smile to his face until he realized what he was allowing himself to do. No! Emotion is two sided. I cannot forsake one while indulging in the other, he thought to himself before forcing the pleasure from his mind. This was going to be difficult and he knew it. However, the benefit of forgoing the negative side of emotion was worth forgetting the pleasing side. He closed his eyes again and tried to regain his mental balance. After several minutes, a memory entered his mind. Not a memory that was pleasing or frightful. A memory that was empty of emotion. The Inarta had taught of many gods. Some they had spoken of much more than others, but two that had only been briefly mentioned seemed useful to Keres now.
The Inarta hadn't seemed to like these gods and the Zith hadn't seemed to pay any homage to any of the gods, but these two goddesses may me able to help guide Keres as he tried to gain his footing in this world.
He closed his eyes and though out into the world, Akajia, please look upon me the embrace of your night and guide my movements so that I may be like you, unseen by those I do not wish to see me. He concentrated and repeated this line several times before taking a deep breath and concentrating on a new line.
Gnora, notice me trying to find the ways unclouded by feeling and let it suit your purposes to aid me in overcoming this defect. he again concentrated repeating this line in his mind several times before returning to the task of clearing his feelings.
When he felt that he could achieve no more, he stood as silently as he could, and began to move back towards home. He moved from shadow to shadow despite the fact that no one seemed to be around who could notice him. He moved as silently as he could while also pushing back the flood of pride when his foot fell on an uneven stone but managed to still make no sound.
END
