[Issues found by Astator] Onyx Onewing

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Onyx Onewing

Postby Onyx Onewing on September 27th, 2015, 10:34 am

Onyx of Ravok


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Basic Information
Race: Zith
Birthday: 3rd Autumn 504 (Appears 22)
Birthplace: Small colony in northern Sylira
Gender: Male
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Onyx Onewing
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Posts: 10
Words: 7078
Joined roleplay: September 27th, 2015, 10:14 am
Race: Zith
Character sheet

Onyx Onewing

Postby Onyx Onewing on September 27th, 2015, 10:34 am

Physical Description


Onyx is short for a Zith, standing at a little over five feet. His most noticeable feature is his missing right wing, cut at the stump. His largely useless left wing usually folds around his shoulder, creating something of a a half cloak effect. He has a rough face, with a strong jaw and deep brown eyes. He has a crooked nose, broken ins some places and his yellow teeth are crooked, but sharp. Not the best sleeper, he always seems to have bags under his eyes, when he isn't working or reading, every exhalation sounds like a small sigh. His pale skin is mottled with spiderweb scars along his arms and chest which create tiny gaps in his silky black fur. Onyx's hair is thick and bushy, once very long but since cut into a short tuft. Only a long, thick black braid that he wears indicates its former length.

One of the most unusual things about Onyx is his desire to wear clothes. After so long of being practically naked in the slave pits, he has come to see clothing as the best representation of who a person is. However that's not to say he's obsessed with fashion. His clothing is chosen more for comfort, however colour and form do have their place. Loose shirts and pants are his main attire, with a slash on his left shoulder for his wing to fit through. He rarely if ever wears shoes, preferring to keep his feet free. While he often wears somber colours to match his fur, he enjoys hiding a little bit of bright colour somewhere,deep red cuffs, a bright blue kerchief...
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Onyx Onewing
Player
 
Posts: 10
Words: 7078
Joined roleplay: September 27th, 2015, 10:14 am
Race: Zith
Character sheet

Onyx Onewing

Postby Onyx Onewing on September 27th, 2015, 10:36 am

Character Concept

Living through the chaos of the Slave Pits, Onyx has come to greatly appreciate order, security and safety, the backbone of the Syliran knights. He has a very strong sense of justice, but his sense of right and wrong could often appear simplistic at times. He always strives to do the right thing, even if he doesn't always know what that is. In a way he wants to make up for his past, to try and forget the twenty five dead and bloated faces that stare at him whenever he tries to sleep. His sense of humour is dry to the point of non-existant, and he isn't one for smiling without a good reason to. But if said something funny, a bawdy joke or a clever pun, you'd be surprised to see his stone like face crack into a smile, to hear his great booming laugh.
It's not that he can't be happy, it's just that he finds it a lot harder to see the joy in the world now.

Fiercely loyal to those he names friends, he would go to hell and back for them, however this is oddly coupled with the fact that he wouldn't break the law in order to help them. He is a great believer in the system and believes it should be followed by everyone, including friends. It's not that Onyx would enjoy betraying them, he would feel it neccesary, he puts the law above his own to desires to almost fanaticism and believes the mercy can only granted by a judge and jury.
Criminals, or bureacrats who manipulate the law for their own ends are one in the same to Onyx, and must be purged from society in the same way a parasite
must be removed. He has sympathy for slaves and a passionate hatred for slavers, with a desire to hurt them which borders on the sadistic.

His largest weakness is his naivity, while he believes that everyone secretly desires to do the right thing, some are born criminals and can't help themselves.
This purely black and white view of things is harsh and uncompromising at times. He hates mages, as how can someone who can wield something power think themselves applicable to the law?
However he doesn't count mage knight in this category, in fact mage knights are the most honorable of all, risking their very sanity to preserve peace and order throughout Syliras.
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Onyx Onewing
Player
 
Posts: 10
Words: 7078
Joined roleplay: September 27th, 2015, 10:14 am
Race: Zith
Character sheet

Onyx Onewing

Postby Onyx Onewing on September 27th, 2015, 10:42 am

Character History
Growing up:
Onyx does not remember much of his early life, the memories have as much substance as a reflection on water. The flappign of wings and the echoes of their singing. He doesn't remember what they named him, or what they called his many brothers and sister, or what his mothers name was. In fact he wasn't sure if they even had names, but that seems ridiculous.

He knew he was stronger than many his age back then, strong and fast. Whenever he hunted with his brothers, he saw them looking at him from the corner of their eyes. They were looking at his size and speed and when he would grow strong enough to challenge his father for the coven. It seemed inevitable, but his father never made a move against him. Perhaps he was waiting for when the young Zith got older... Onyx would never know. He was only three years old when his life changed.

***


Captured:
They came in the daytime, when the coven was sleeping. Onyx can vaguely remember men in their coven, shrieking their gutteral tongue and firing arrows.
It confused him, these weren't slaves, these had shining and hard skin, he tried to resist, to fly away, but one of the men raised his hand, clear liquid
seeping from between his fingers. Onyx's eyes got drowsy and he fell.

He awoke in a cage, a prison of cold metal. It wasn't even large enough for him to fully open his wings, and it was packed with himself and all of his brothers
and sisters. He was the oldest by a good year and noted that there was no second cage and no sign of his elders. The cage was in a cart of some sort and was pulled along by a horse, the man driving the cart spoke to them often in his gutteral tongue. Onyx couldn't understand much, but one word was repeated often enough for Onyx to discern the meaning. They were his 'birdies'. He whistled at them at would croon with delight when after a day or two of starving them, would throw a cold sausage in to see the cage erupt with screeches and claws. Onyx took the sausage each time and stared at his captor in the eyes as he ate. The man only smiled.

The rocky lands that they called home slowly vanished around them, the ground leveled and trees seemed to be everywhere, filling the air with their scent. The man driving them picked up the pace, crackign the reins often and riding long until the evening. He awoke them each morning, because the sounds of their screeching kept him awake at night. They revelled in the night calls, but as the days wore on, Onyx grew irritable, tired and hungry. He planned his escape.

They arrived in a city, Onyx knew before he had opened his eyes, the stench of man was everywhere. The scent of waste and sweat clogged the air and the people!

The noise they created made Onyx want to bite through the bars and fly away. His brothers and sisters didn't fare much better, earlier that week one of the weaker Zith in the cage died and its starving sibling fiested on it with gusto, Onyx wasn't even sure what gender it was, for they even cracked the bones and sucked the marrow from inside.They arrived by water and the man outside raised his hands at them again, a clear fluid flowing from his fingers, all of the Zith in the cage blacked out.

***


Slave Pits:
Onyx awoke to find himself shackled to a wall, the smell of rancid water hanging in the air. Beside him were his siblings,also shackled and noticeably fewer than had been in the cage.

The day passed slowly, with them waiting in the sun, they didn't bother to make a sound, their owner was sitting in a chair nearby with a horsewhip hanging from
his belt. Another man arrived, wearing fine silk clothes and gold rings in his ears. He looked at Onyx's siblings curiously and ventured forward to the man in the chair, barking words in that horrible language. Their owner grunted and waved at them and with a wide smile the silken man was at them, poking their arms, opening their mouths to inspect teeth. He seemed unafraid around them which Onyx thought was strange at the time, but came to understand later. They were all young, tired and malnourished, about as harmless as a newborn puppy. The silken man regarded Onyx for a moment and with a whistle, pointed at him. The slaver glowered at Onyx as he pulled out akey and slowly placed it into the lock at the wall. He opened it with an oiled click.

Not wasting any time, Onyx shoved his would-be owner to the ground, spreading his wings quickly to take flight, to forget this awful place. The fate of his siblings
gnawed at him a little bit but there was little he could do in any event. But it didn't transpire as hoped, the silken man moved quickly and dodged the shove, drawing a shining curved blade from his belt and a sharp smile on his face. A slash, a flash of red and Onyx blacked out. He awoke in near darkness. For a moment he believed he was still in his caves and what had transpired was merely an awful dream. But pain racked his body as he opened his eyes and looked around. Beside him sat a huge gorilla, looking at the young Zith with patient eyes. It layed a massive hand against it's chest.
"Java." it said. Onyx looked at the creature in confusion as it dawned on him that he wasn't wearing a collar! He spread his wings, he jumped, wishing nothing more than to fly away from this horrible place, but he crashed to the ground- hard and when he turned his head he understood why. His right wing was missing, replaced by a surgical red cut going down his back. He would never fly again.

The Jamoura, Java took care of him as the days passed by like a blur. His owner came to visit him at one point, Zarok the silken man. Onyx doesn't remember that conversation, but as the weeks went by and training began, he got the idea. He was to be a pit fighter, Zarok believed his slaves fought better when given some incentive, so if they either killed 25 combatents or survived 5 years in the pits (whichever came first), he would grant the slave freedom.

Surprisingly enough, it had its intended effect, Onyx mourned the loss of his wing, but he recognized that he could have lost his head instead, he fought and trained.

The days were spent training, the nights were spent with Java the ape. Despite having been captured by Zith himself, Java didn't feel any ill will towards Onyx, he taught him how to speak common, history, philosophy.. Onyx devored the stories hungrily, but what impressed him the most were the stories about the Syliran knights. They were noble and strong and never afraid. Even though Onyx would never have admitted it back then, he often fell asleep dreaming of knights fighting villains, of being a hero.

Names were tricky, as was his image. Zarok liked his slaves having legacies, stories to tell the grumbling crowd. For a while Onyx was called Nightwing, then Raven Biter, as to how he finished off a kelvic opponent. The crowd liked One Wing and One Wing stuck. To this day calling him it is one of the few things that truly angers him.

They played off the slaver idea for a while, the crowds loved the irony of one of the biggest slaver races fighting in the pits. Sometimes Onyx wondered if his own
kind had ever tried to watch one of his fights and what they thought about it.He used a whip for a while, daggers but settled on a bastard sword. As Onyx wore more and more battles, Zarok had a stone embedded roughly in the hilt, a large piece of black onyx.

Over the next four years as a slave he fought 24 battles, quite a few were team battles and Onyx found during the fights he was rather good at planning and giving orders, sometimes it was only because of his strategy that himself and his small band of slaves would survive a battle in the pits. However despite this it was rarely easy and Onyx's body is dotted with numerous nicks and scars from close calls against other slaves.

Throughout his time in the pits, Onyx fought the following:
16 Humans
4 Kelvics
3 Akalak
1 Dhani

As his final fight approached, Onyx wondered about what he would do with his freedom. Talking to Java about it, Onyx realized that in reality Java was freed many years ago, but his unique appearence would mean that he would more than likely be enslaved again the moment he set foot outside the city.

Even if he were to get far enough to apply the citizenship papers, it was doubtful that a Jamoura would be granted the same rights as a human. He urged Onyx not
to stay in the pits, or to dawdle and wait for papers. He was a fine fighter and no slaver would be above kidnapping him for their own stables. Zarok announced
that Java would be fighting again, and threatened to expel him from the roster if he refused to fight. Java didn't seem to mind but Onyx was aghast. He begged Java to refuse, to leave and to go back home to his own kind. But the old Jamoura refused, saying that he has had enough blood on his hands, it was far better than his family thought he had died in the wilds, than to go back a murderer. Java begged Onyx to kill him quickly in the Oit, he did not want to suffer.

There was an ashen taste in his mouth as they fought, Java pretended to fight, grunting and pounding his chest to appease the growing crowd. With teary eyes,
Onyx cut the old ape's throat as the people around him cheered. Onyx didn't stay long after Zarok let him leave. He was given 500 gold mizas as well~ his original price apparently, a pittance compared to what the pits made, but it confused him all the same. There was something like fatherly pride in his old slavemaster's face as he let him go.

The money was spent quickly, Onyx got out of the city as fast as possible, he didn't think for a second that the city would give him citizenship papers, indeed he wouldn't have been surprised that after his first night of 'freedom' he'd wake up in another cage. He spent the majority of his money on transport to Syliras, the home of the knights and with a bit of luck, his salvation.
Last edited by Onyx Onewing on September 27th, 2015, 10:48 am, edited 2 times in total.
User avatar
Onyx Onewing
Player
 
Posts: 10
Words: 7078
Joined roleplay: September 27th, 2015, 10:14 am
Race: Zith
Character sheet

Onyx Onewing

Postby Onyx Onewing on September 27th, 2015, 10:43 am

Training (Skills, Arcana, Gnosis, Lore)

Fluent Language: Common
Poor Language: Zith

Skill EXP Total Proficiency
Observation +10 RP 10 Novice
Brawling +26 SP +26 Competent
Leadership +14 SP 14 Novice
Weapon: Bastard Sword +10 SP 10 Novice


Lore of Ravok Slave Pits
Lore of the Syliran knights
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Onyx Onewing
Player
 
Posts: 10
Words: 7078
Joined roleplay: September 27th, 2015, 10:14 am
Race: Zith
Character sheet

Onyx Onewing

Postby Onyx Onewing on September 27th, 2015, 10:43 am

Equipment, Posessions Ledger

1 Set of Clothing
-Simple Shirt
-Simple Pants
-Simple Undergarments
-Simple Cloak or Coat
-Simple Boots
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Wood)
-Brush (Wood)
-Soap
-Razor
-Balanced Rations (1 Week’s Worth)
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel
100 Gold Mizas

Heirloom: A piece of Onyx pulled from his old fighting sword, it's crudely tied in a battered leather thong.

Housing

Location: Syliras

House:A 20x20 apartment situated deep within the interior of Stormhold Citadel and does not include any windows, only ventilation shaft to bring in fresh air. Each hallway is lined with torches which are kept lit at all hours of the day, allowing for light and giving residents free access to something to light their hearth from. A diagram is included below:

Image

Ledger

Purchase Cost Total
Starting +100 GM 100 GM
Last edited by Onyx Onewing on September 27th, 2015, 10:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Onyx Onewing
Player
 
Posts: 10
Words: 7078
Joined roleplay: September 27th, 2015, 10:14 am
Race: Zith
Character sheet

Onyx Onewing

Postby Onyx Onewing on September 27th, 2015, 10:44 am

Thread List

Dreams

Flashbacks

Autumn 515
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Onyx Onewing
Player
 
Posts: 10
Words: 7078
Joined roleplay: September 27th, 2015, 10:14 am
Race: Zith
Character sheet

Onyx Onewing

Postby Astator on November 17th, 2015, 1:58 am

  • You state you wore born on the 6th of Fall 504, that means you are 11. Please, at least state that your character is actually 11, as the 'appears to be 22' will and can lead to confusion.

  • Also this quote:
    Throughout his time in the pits, Onyx fought the following:
    16 Humans
    4 Kelvics
    3 Akalak
    1 Dhani


    The above mentioned tally is highly unlikely with your current skills as they are stated. I suggest going back over your history and adjusting the kill tally, or maybe reworking it so that it would be more understanding with those skills.
  • You can not have both the Cloak and the Coat, please pick only one.

When you have corrected these errors please PM me by hitting the envelope on the side and letting me know. Until then, you are not able to thread.
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