[Issues found by Astator] Sutun

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Sutun

Postby Sutun on April 4th, 2016, 2:57 pm

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Appearance

Race: inarta
Gender: Male
Age: 42
Birthday: 12, winter
Birthplace: Kalea
Appearance: What do you look like?
Sutun is a stocky, middle aged man. He keeps his long red hair in a ponytail, at al, times. He also has a bushy beard covering the lower half of his face.
He has light blue. He has a muscular figure, more suited to run than fight.

Character Concept
He is an archer, wanting to be the best at the bow that ever lived. He fights for the greater good, only if he sees it as such.
Let's talk about you some more.

Character History
Sutun was raised a hunter, his family relying on the gains of the outside world. Sutun was raised to be resilient against the forces of the outside world. He stayed very close to his father, until he died on a hunt. He was now responsible for the food income, as well as his mother was housekeeping.
This continued until he was of age. He then ventured outside to the world to start a life of his own. He brought a longbow and that is what kept him alive for years.
He lived in the wild, constantly moving around, taking whatever job was given to him, from bounties to farmwork. He worked relentlessly. Until he reached his current age. He now wants to be something, and to have people believe in him.





Language

Fluent Language: Common
Basic Language:
Poor Language:

Skills


Skill EXP Total Proficiency
Skill 1 # 10 # Archery
Skill 2 # 8 # Brawling
Skill 3 # RB, # SP # Competent


Lores
-

Please choose two specific pieces of knowledge (lores).

Possessions

1 Set of Clothing
-Simple Shirt
-Simple Pants
-Simple Undergarments
-Simple Cloak or Coat
-Simple Boots
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Wood)
-Brush (Wood)

-Soap
-Razor
-Balanced Rations (1 Week's worth)
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel
100 Gold Mizas

Heirloom: Long wooden get bow

Housing
-tent
-7x7

Location: varies

House: Tent package



Ledger

Purchase Cost Total
Starting +100 GM 100 GM


Thread List

Link your current & past threads here!
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Sutun
Player
 
Posts: 1
Words: 618
Joined roleplay: April 4th, 2016, 12:05 pm
Race: Human, Mixed

Sutun

Postby Astator on May 10th, 2016, 11:07 pm

Image

Welcome to Mizahar, however you have several grievous errors made in your character sheet that must be addressed before you can start roleplaying. Let’s begin?

  • What year was your character born in? I understand it is simple math to complete the date of birth, but I really do insist you add the year. Remember since the current timestamp is Spring 516 your birthdate has not passed yet, so you would need to account for that by doing your birthyear based off of 515.
  • You cannot be born IN Kalea, as that is the region. Where in Kalea were you born? No you cannot be born outside of a city, no you cannot live in the wild.
  • He has light blue
    He has light blue what?
  • Your History needs to be more developed, as it is currently it is pretty uninformative, where is he from, who taught him what, etc? Brief is good and all, but add some substance.
  • Your skills are all wrong. For starters you have Archery which is not a skill, that would be more Lore based content. Your weapon apparently is a Longbow, so the skill you are looking for is Weapon(Longbow) or Weapon: Longbow.
  • Speaking of skills you only have 18 used? Yet you start with a total of 50SP and a Racial Bonus. Please take the time to fill out the rest of this skills, no you cannot bank them for later. You use them all or you lose them.
  • On the note of skills, you must denote where your skills are coming from: Starting Points (SP), Racial Bonus (RB), and once you start getting grades XP (Experience Points).
  • You have no Lores listed. These are specific bits of information that do not change but can be added to. Example: Archery: Bending the Bow to Attach String Using Body.
  • You cannot start with both the Cloak and the Coat, you MUST choice one or the other.
  • A Long wooden get bow? If you mean Longbow as in the weapon this is not acceptable as an heirloom as heirlooms must be an item that is below the 50 Gold Miza threshold that your current heirloom goes over by a minimum of 25 Gold Mizas.
  • Location cannot be Varied. Please pick a location
  • Please list the content of your tent package in your possessions. Note, you cannot live in the tent outside of a city and most cities do not have a place to pitch a tent.
  • You must attach you character sheet to your profile in order to continue on. You can do that here: User Profile and using the following link:
    Code: Select all
    http://www.mizahar.com/forums/topic64493.html
  • I have detailed your ‘Approved’ post as that is not necessary when you are done making these corrections please do the following directions.
Once you have completed the above mentioned issues please private message me by clicking the little envelope to the left below my name.
Thank you,
Astator
Which way do you want to go? Up or Down?

Attention Players, Graders, and Storytellers:

A character sheet does not require the green checkmark for the player to roleplay. This is just a notification to all that the character sheet has passed through the Liaisons thorough checklist and meets Mizahar standards.

All sheets with a large red X or a speech bubble beside their thread title do not recieve grades and cannot continue threads they are currently involved in until all issues have been fixed and verified.

She said down...


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Astator
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Joined roleplay: January 30th, 2013, 3:34 pm
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