[Issues found by Astator] Rune Lyer

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Rune Lyer

Postby RuneLyer on June 13th, 2016, 1:01 am

Race: Mixed Human (Konti)

Age: 20

Gender: Female

Birthday: 27th Winter

Starting City: Nyka

Birthplace: Unknown


Appearance: As any Konti, Rune is pale and has very fair hair, but is usually mercilessly pulled into a bun at all times, the texture silky and soft. She has dazzling frost blue eyes, and is about 5"5. She also has gills in all the same places.

City: Nyka

Character Concept: Though uncharacteristic for a Konti, Rune is very tough and quiet, but not afraid to speak her own opinion. She usually acts out only when necessary, and is very clever and witty. Though she understands many people to a deep level like other Konti, she has been through much more things than those of the White Isle, and is battle-hardened and not eager to trust everyone. She is very kind and affectionate when need be.

Strengths: Courage, Intelligence, Wisdom, Kindness, and a quick-thinker.

Faults: Easily provoked, easily hurt by those she comes to trust, and becomes very defensive when asked about her childhood.

Likes: Silence and Solitude, Intelligent quiet activities, and traveling.

Dislikes: Close-minded people, slave traders, and arrogant people.

Background: Rune's mother was captured by slave traders and brought to Kenash before Rune was born. Since the slave traders got higher and higher bids for her mother, they started to wait for the highest bid and left the Konti alone until the highest bidder, with no other higher one, came. Somehow, however, during isolation, Rune's father, origin and race both untold, came and fell in love with Rune's mother, who fell in love right back. Rune was born as a result, and the slave traders, though furious, were glad to have another Konti slave. Once she had grown old enough to be ten, Rune's mother gave her the locket, and made her escape, trying to send her towards Riverfall, where she hoped that Rune would at least be safe. Instead, Rune snuck onto a boat onto the Suvan Sea, making it to the Taldera region. She stole and hid and traveled and was near starving and weak once she reached Avanthal, somehow not being lucky enough to reach the other cities, and was very near death. The Vantha accepted her into their city, and she grew up to be as strong and hardy as them, though a part of her yearned for the adventure, not terribly interested in the repetitive cycle of daily life. She left Avanthal at Age 15, and has been traveling around the region ever since. She never talks about her past, and her divination powers have been severely limited due to the fact that she never had any proper training. Now at Age 20, she has begun to venture into the Sylira and starts her story in Nyka, intrigued my the monks practices but understanding not to reveal her race around them, since outsiders are not as welcome.



Starting Package

Family Heirloom: A beautiful locket necklace with a deep green gem inside a silver heart is the last memory of Rune's mother and also belonged to her father.

Housing: 1 large tent (4 person), large tarp, 100 ft of rope, flint & steel, lantern, 2 torches, bedroll, blanket, fishing tackle & hooks, a compass, a riding horse, a full set of tack, and a large set of saddlebags

Skills: Weapon: Dagger (10 points), Wilderness Survival (10 points), Hunting (10 points), Unarmed Combat (10 points), Flux (5 points), Observation (5 points).

Equipment/Possessions: 1 Set of Clothing (cloak & footwear included)
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
1 Set of Toiletries (comb, brush, razor, soap)
Food for a week or 1 bottle of embalming fluid (for Nuits)
1 eating knife
Flint & Steel
Dagger

Lore: Edible Plants, Fast-Reading

Language: Fluent-Common Basic-Vani Poor- Kontinese
RuneLyer
Player
 
Posts: 1
Words: 869
Joined roleplay: June 12th, 2016, 11:58 pm
Race: Mixed blood

Rune Lyer

Postby Astator on June 15th, 2016, 3:56 am

Image

Welcome to MIzahar! We have some issues that you need to fix before you can thread. So let’s begin!

  • Your race is either Mixed Human, or Konti. Not both. No you can’t be a half breed Konti-Human, doesn’t work. Konti only breed straight up Konti. Unless they are mating with Akalaks than it is a 50/50 chance of an Akalak and even rarer 5% chance of an Akontak.
  • You must list your FULL Birthdate And birth place. None of this ‘Unknown’ crap. Doesn’t work. It is Out of Character info, even if your character doesn’t know it, they are born somewhere, even if they don’t know it.
  • No weight mentioning? She is five-five and what? Obese, bean pole thin? What? Give us something other than the obvious nothing you wrote there.
  • The very first line in your Concept is just wrong. Konti are very much tough and quiet, and can be outspoken. In fact they all are. Nothing of your Concept makes any sense. A concept isn’t a personality blurb it is a character concept, as in what kind of character are they?
  • Betcha right now that Rune’s Father’s race was known, and therefore could be easily figured out where he was from.
  • So Rune was born in Kenash yet fled on a boat through the Suvan to Taldera… How long did it take her? Cause that is one hell of a long trip and she would’ve been caught super quickly. ‘Specially at all the stops, and with her lack of skills in anything that could’ve kept her alive.
  • She some how managed to travel, hid, and steal food in the frozen tundras of Taldera to get to Avanthal? At age 10 a Konti is still a child she wouldn’t be going anywhere alone.
  • [quote] her divination powers have been severely limited due to the fact that she never had any proper training [quote] Unless you mean her mark of Avalis and her Konti Gift (both of which need to be applied for at the Help Desk. The gnosis mark will be given, but you need to get approval for the Konti gift)
  • You are a novice in Wilderness Survival, what environment?
  • You are lacking your Skill Racial Bonus
  • Please list the Clothing found in your Starting Package
  • As you are not a Nuit please remove the Embalming Fluid.
  • Where did you get the dagger? Please list your ledger and remove that.
  • Your lores are too broad. Edible plants of where? How do you know they are edible? Fast-Reading isn’t even a Lore. It might fall under a skill set, but that is pushing it.
  • How did you learn Vani? I understand you want to Avanthal in your history, but how did you leanr it?
  • Your user name must have the space between Rune and Lyer.
  • Please attach your character sheet to your profile. Once you have gotten your Storyteller Secrets thread from the Help Desk with your Gnosis and Konti Gift you will need to attach that too.
  • Your race needs to be fixed in your Profile from Mixed blood to Konti. If you are going Konti.
I suggest reading the Starting Guide, Starting Package, and the Race Lore Pages.
Once you are done with the fixes please private message me using the little envelope to the left underneath my name.

Thank you,
Astator
Which way do you want to go? Up or Down?

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She said down...


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