[Issues found by Astator] Rai Mar'Zam

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Rai Mar'Zam

Postby Rai Mar'Zam on September 26th, 2016, 7:38 pm

Name: Rai Mar'Zam
Race: Akalak
Age: 23
Weapon: Longbow, dual shortsword
Skills: Archery, Acrobatics, Hunting, Wilderness Survival, Investigation, Land Navigation, Stealth, Dual Weild, Endurance, Running (If I chose too many skills tell me and I will narrow it down.)

Archery: 30 points
Acrobatics: 15 points
Hunting: 15 points
Wilderness Survival: 20 points
Investigation: 10 points
Land navigation: 10 points
Stealth: 25 points
Dual weild: 15 points
Endurance: 10 points
Running: 20 points

Equipment:
-1 set of clothing
-Food and water for about a week
-Weapon: Longbow, 2 shortswords
-40 arrows
-10 sticks for firewood
-Flint and steel
-Shelter: cashed in
-old cloth handband from his father

Money: 600 gold Mizas

Background Story: Rai was just a young boy, around 8 years old when he was forced to leave Riverfall. His father was a thivious man. He did jobs for other Akalak, which didnt always end up well. Well, at least not in this case. His father burst into their home, grabbing Rai, telling him to take only the most important stuff. Rai quickly grabbed his belongings, staring at his father in fear. Father grabed his hand and dragged him outside, suddenly running as if the biggest, most ugliest monster was behind them. Rai had no idea what was going on, but he trusted his father and kept running hoping it would all end soon. As he looked back he spotted 3 large Akalak running after them. At this point Rai realised what is going on and sped up as much as he could. His father started running even faster and rushed outside Riverfall with Rai.

They were outside now, out in the wilderness. Rai looked at his father and figured they should of have probably stayed inside the city. Rai screamed in fear as just few meters away a large, greasy, 3 horned monster growled in front of him. The monster was green, smelly, had bunch of scars and red eyes. His father pushed Rai behind, and just as the monster swiped at him, he dodged, barely and stab it into the chest. The monster growled in pain, kicking and swiping at him until it finally managed to push him down onto the ground. Father quickly stood up, now unarmed, grabbed Rai and headed deeped into the forest of Mizahar.

They ran and ran and finally, after 30 minutes they stopped. Rai's father sat down to rest for a bit unlike Rai, who begged him to explain whats going on. Just as his father told Rai to sit down a akalak appeared behind them. He grabbed Rai's father with a dark smirk on his face. He mumbled something like "You will not steal from us ever again." and stabbed Rai's father. Rai screamed desperatly, trying to reach his dying father before being pushed down by other Akalak. His father was now on the ground, dying and the 2 others were just laughing and walking away, leaving Rai there.

Day and half later, Rai was found by 4 Inarta adventurers. He was hungry, thirsty, afraid and sad. He was taken to Mount Skyinarta and raised there.

15 years later and he is now, a very skilled Archer. He is proud of his skills with a bow, and his shortswords. He is very skilled at running, jumping and climbing along with navigating in the wild. He doesnt have a great meaning or purpose at the moment, except finding the people that murdered his father.
Rai Mar'Zam
Player
 
Posts: 2
Words: 2292
Joined roleplay: September 26th, 2016, 5:41 pm
Race: Akalak

Rai Mar'Zam

Postby Astator on September 27th, 2016, 11:20 pm

Image

Let's see what we can do for Mizahar for you? New eh?

Well I highly recommend reading the following - Starred stuff are things you better read else won't get any help. :

After becoming acquainted with the lore intimately, do not fear! There are hundreds of Helping Hands (Totally intended there) to assist you on your way to the Eternal Bog of Mizahar - You can find them in the Chat, green people are chat moderators and they are highly knowledgable and are super friendly, if they are not available for whatever reason, ask around several of the players there are vets and know a fair deal of the lore. If they do not know something, they will redirect you to someone else or try to locate the answer for you. if at anytime you see a red name in Chat they are Founders, turn to them if they are actively around and they can help you as well!


With that handy work out of the way I want to address the major errors of your character sheet:

  • What is your character's birthdate? There are 4 seasons in a year: Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter. We are currently in the year 516AV in the season of Fall. Now time is fluid stamping on Mizahar: Meaning that during the season you can write threads to any date in that season. Each season has 91 days, Winter has 92.
  • Where was your character born?
  • The following is all about your skills. There is just a lot there, so I am going to cover it now!
  • The Weapons, Skills, and then Breakdown is just unnecessary... Leave it simple: Just the breakdown.
  • You REALLY need to re-read the Starting Guide. Seriously you have... -holds up hands and starts counting- 170 points... Uhh, That's 120 points too much right now at starting. You get 50 Starting Points, not including your racial bonus, which is +10 Unarmed Combat , as you are an Akalak. Also, NO you cannot split your Racial Bonus apart.
  • You MUST denote where your getting all your points from: SP is Starting Points, XP is Earned Experience Points, and RB is Racial Bonus.
  • You can start with a minumum of 5SP one skill and a maximum of 30 in one skill as your Starting Points + Racial Bonus allows for. This means you can have a max of 11 skills (10 skills at 5SP and 1 at racial) all the way down to: 2 (20SP+Racial, and 1 30SP skill).
  • Archery is NOT a skill, for the love of gods it is not a skill. All weapon based skills are denoted as either Weapon(weapon-name) or Weapon: weapon-name.
  • Dual-Wield requires a Weapon skill of at least 30XP in it prior to you actually being able to put points in it. Period. Read the lore. More specifically, read this page: Dual Wield Page.
  • You mentioned you dual wield two short swords... No Weapon(Shortsword) skill to 30, means NO.
  • With Wilderness Survival at 20 you MUST pick an environment you can survive in, lore page here: Wilderness Survival

  • You MUST list what you have in your starting gear. That means: the clothes, your housing (omitted as you are cashing in housing, see note below), etc.
  • Anything that is not basic gear needs to be purchases this means you do NOT have 600GM, you have 600-whatever the cost of your supplies is.
  • Housing: Where are you starting? Where do you live? Where do you stay?... Uhh.. yeah where.
  • Your History means little it has no substance, no meaning. You make zero mention of your race, no emphasis on what they are about, their quirks, how they got to where they are, where they are, etc.
  • Inarta hunters wouldn't be in the sea of grass they would be flying above on their Wind Eagles. They are call Endals, there are Avoras and Chiet Inartan Hunters by they are in the Unforgiving in Kalea...
  • A large greasy three horned monster? Where are you finding these things? C'mon read the lore.
  • Seriously, just re-read your race choice too. They have dual souls, two names, etc. A whole rich culture and lore.
  • Where's your starting lores? You can two. Lores are specific bits of knowledge that do not change, these are not to be confused with The Lore, which is our bible of sorts.
  • You last sentence is totally a lie, he is not skilled in anything. Simply put, he is a newbie.
  • You must link your character sheet to your profile. That is easy to do-- copy the URL to your character sheet, not the link to my post and go to this link and locate the text field that says: Character Sheet and paste it there, then hit Submit.

As I mentioned previously and several times through out my list: READ THE LORE. If you need help, please Private Message me, that's the little envelope below my name. You are not to thread without getting your character sheet fixed and this intervention removed. No grades, no posting, etc.

Once you have fixed what I have asked above please also private message me.

Thank you,
Astator
Which way do you want to go? Up or Down?

Attention Players, Graders, and Storytellers:

A character sheet does not require the green checkmark for the player to roleplay. This is just a notification to all that the character sheet has passed through the Liaisons thorough checklist and meets Mizahar standards.

All sheets with a large red X or a speech bubble beside their thread title do not recieve grades and cannot continue threads they are currently involved in until all issues have been fixed and verified.

She said down...


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Astator
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Joined roleplay: January 30th, 2013, 3:34 pm
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