[Issues found by Astator] [ready for review

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[ready for review

Postby Gwenieve on September 28th, 2016, 2:19 am

Gwenieve (Gwen)


Race: Konti
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Birthday: 13, Spring, 494.
Birthplace: The White Isle

Appearance: Height 5‘3 Weight 125 pounds
Gwen has a body type similar to one of a dancer. A fit waist short torso long slightly toned legs and long neck. She has sharp facial bone structure cheek bones being most notable. Doll like facial features large violet eyes framed by dark lashes and a small nose and mouth. Her hair is white and reaches her waist line and in normally kept in tight braid. She is slightly tanner then most of her race but thats not saying much and she would still be considered rather pale by most. She has a slight spray of freckles across her nose and her gills are a pale pink color.

Character concept
Gwenieve is rather calm and soft spoken. She is delicicate graceful and kind. She isnt very crafty unlike the other members of her race preferring music and poetry to iron smithing and metal crafting. she is very passionate about these things especially music. She tends to keep to herself and blends in with the backround. she could be in a room with you and you might not even realize it. She is polite but rather shy when u first meet her but she tends to warm up to people rather quickly. Shes a tad naive and childlike. She is very curious and constantly seeks adveture and exploration

Konti Gift ; Animal Empathy

Character History
Gwen was born in the white isles to a family consisting of her mother Eleia, her grandmother Ana, and her two sisters Eve and Ivy. She had a happy childhood. However as along as she can remember Shes always longed for adventure a wondered about life out side the island so on her 22nd birthday she traveled to ravok which she now resides .





Language

Fluent Language: Kontinese
Basic Language: Common
Poor Language: Tukant



Skill
EXP
Total
Proficiency
Weapon skills (Sword)
30
30
Competent
Stealth
10
10
Novice
Music Skill
(Violin)
10
10
Novice



Lores
Lore of Ravok Layout
Lore of History of Ravok



Possessions

Set of Clothing
-Simple Shirt
-Simple Pants
-Simple Undergarments
-Simple Cloak or Coat
-Simple Boots
Waterskin
Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Wood)
-Brush (Wood)
-Soap
-Razor
-Balanced Rations (1 Week’s Worth)
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel
Gold Mizas

Heirloom: small steal

Housing

Location: Ravok

House: An average sized, single room apartment with a bed, table, a couple chairs, wardrobe, and complimentary chamber pot.

Ledger
Purchase Cost Tota lStarting +100 GM 100 GM
Gwenieve
Player
 
Posts: 5
Words: 1726
Joined roleplay: September 26th, 2016, 1:55 am
Race: Konti

[ready for review

Postby Astator on October 1st, 2016, 2:09 am

Image

Hi there welcome to Mizahar! There are several errors we need to handle before you can actually start posting – or continue to post if you have already started. So let's begin!

  • I want to start with the utterly obvious: Your Character Sheet title and your Display Name/Character Name must be the same. Simple fix and you can do it when you make all the other changes.
  • Please link your character sheet to your profile. You copy the url in your browser's address bar, go to this link, and then locate the box next to 'Character Sheet' paste in said copied url and then hit submit.
  • This doesn't just irritate me, it irritates us all. Please take the three seconds it takes to paste your character sheet into a word processor and actually spell check it. You are using... Letters in place of words: 'u' instead of 'you'; you have several words that are not capitalized when they should be. We pride ourselves in our writing, we may not be the best, but we do like to see respect given to the written word.
  • Your Concept screams almost completely Mary Sue-ish... It is like chewing on cardboard, but I am reading it.
  • All Konti Gifts must be approved by the Help Desk, for that I am going to direct you there. Please read up on what is expected for a Konti Gift in the Konti Lore. Links are here: Konti and Help Desk. Once your gift and your gnosis are approved you will receive a Storyteller Secret and can place it in the corresponding location in the link provided above where you link your character sheet.
  • ... Your history is so devoid of anything it is almost like I am eating a poorly made cardboard pizza to go with the cardboard Concept. I would honestly hope you have some massively awesome plots to blow us away OR you are just holding back... Please, add or update or something with this history.
  • How did you learn Tukant? I want to assume... BUT! I can't, so. Please add that to your history...
  • Your skils are oddly baffling. I would suggest using the following format:
    Code: Select all
    [table]Skill|XP|Total
    Skill 1|###|###
    Skill 2|###|###
    Skill 3|###|###[/table

    The following is important, so please read it closely:
  • All Starting Packaging Skill Points must be marked to be clear. SP is used to denote these.
  • All earned experience points are marked as XP.
  • A Racial bonus is marked with RB.
  • Racial Bonuses CANNOT be split apart. You get: +10 Fortune Telling or Medicine . Keyword of OR
  • The skills you have as followed need to be reformatted: They are Weapon:weapon name OR Weapon(weapon name); Playing Musical Instrument:instrument name OR Playing Musical Instrument(instrument name).
  • Swords is not a singular weapon. And before you try to argument with me: A Short sword is used differently in every fashion than a Longsword or a Greatsword or a Batard sword or a Katana, etc. Different sword different style/technique... Different.

  • Coat OR Cloak. OR is a boolean operator. Choose one.
  • Small steal?... WHAT in Hai is that?
  • How did you get to Ravok? You walk? Fly? Swim? Take a boat? Caravan? Gods please tell me in your history.
  • Dear gods, please use the above provided code to create a ledger table too, it will be easier for you and everyone else.

If you need any help whatsoever please Private Message me (the little envelope below my name) and ask for help. Seriously, don't rush this process it feels that you have. Once you have fixed all the above issues please private message me and I will review it.

Thank you,
Astator
Which way do you want to go? Up or Down?

Attention Players, Graders, and Storytellers:

A character sheet does not require the green checkmark for the player to roleplay. This is just a notification to all that the character sheet has passed through the Liaisons thorough checklist and meets Mizahar standards.

All sheets with a large red X or a speech bubble beside their thread title do not recieve grades and cannot continue threads they are currently involved in until all issues have been fixed and verified.

She said down...


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User avatar
Astator
Helping Hands.
 
Posts: 238
Words: 101175
Joined roleplay: January 30th, 2013, 3:34 pm
Location: The Labyrinth
Race: Staff account


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