[Issues found by Astator] Sel Katar

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Sel Katar

Postby Sel Katar on October 19th, 2016, 9:29 pm

Sel Katar, Budding martial Artist


Image

Name: Sel Katar (Goes by Shio)
Age: 27 (489 Fall 37th AV)
Gender: Male
Race: Human
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Physical:

He weighs a light 115 lbs , and stands a average 6ft. There is very little body fat on him, as he trains constantly to keep his body in top condition. He wears normal robes, is tan skinned, and has short black hair. He carries no weapon, and simply walks in his most basic of clothes. He has many wounds on his body from training, he does not fight, but his rigorous training has left his body battered and bruised.

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History:

Born on Zeltiva, he was brought up in the mountains to a family of devote martial artists, he grew up being told that he shouldn't trust anyone, and the religions of the modern world were of dubious origin. He lived a life of little, learning martial arts from a very young age, being exposed to many teachers, showing many different arts. They believed they should not put their trust in any god, and that they should believe in themselves, and should not owe themselves of their successes to any deity.

When he reached the age of 15, his family home was raided by mercenaries for its many books on hidden martial arts, his family were cut down in front of him, he watched as their blood covered the walls. This would haunt him for as long as he lived.

The mercenaries looked upon the boy in pity, they laughed at him as he cowered in the corner. They threw a head band, soaked in blood at him, and told him to be scared, and to remember this day as the day he lost his family.

They told the boy he wasn't worth killing, that a boy who couldn't defend his family should live in their own shame, leaving him with the worst scar possible, shame. He was thrown out of his home, and watched as It was burnt to the ground. He has no recollection of where his home was. Only that it was in the mountains, and it used to be so... beautiful.

From that day he went to the city, everyone he told ignored him, he was a young, scared and lost boy. He slowly built a life for himself, learning to trade and survive, but that day followed him like a shadow. It had turned him cold, blank, lifeless. He no longer made relationships. He was scared of losing more friends. He would never recover from what he saw.

He now travels, he has no home, he prefers to go from place to place. And seek redemption
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Personality:
He is a cold and calculative man, who has been brought up on respect and honor, but some of these ideals have been lost over time. He does not care for many people, but he does love Martial arts, he has the upmost respect for users of martial arts. He respects loyalty and work, and he will repay any debt he must.
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Equipment:
He has a basic shirt, trousers and cloth robes. He has basic survival supplies, and has the headband of his murdered father.
A Bo staff
A small knife
Camp fire materials
A small satchel to carry items
A staff on his back, a simple wooden Bo staff.
50 Gold Mizas (deducted from Bo staff)
==============================================
Lores:
His martial arts training. This will be elaborated upon as time goes by. This is his current:
He has been trained in many forms of combat, allowing him to adapt to most battle situations. He can fight against armed enemies etc. He mainly uses an ancient martial art which turns an enemies attack against them. As he is still learning, he has much to learn, and he fights in anger many times.

Weapon:
As time goes on, he improves his Bo staff as a homage to his fallen family. Over time he carves the names of those he loved into the Bo staff, it reminds him of his goal. He improves it when he can, welding metal around it, strengthening it when he has time.

Attacks:
Jab
Foward stab
Basic stances
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Skills:
Unarmed Combat: 30 (Starting points)
Acrobatics : 20 (Starting points)
Blacksmithing: (15+ racial bonus)
Last edited by Sel Katar on October 22nd, 2016, 10:24 am, edited 13 times in total.
Martial arts is not a sport.

It's a way of life.
Sel Katar
Martial Artist
 
Posts: 3
Words: 961
Joined roleplay: October 18th, 2016, 9:18 pm
Race: Human
Character sheet

Sel Katar

Postby Astator on October 20th, 2016, 2:28 am

Image

Welcome to Mizahar!

There are things wrong with your character sheet... That's okay It is an easy fix. However I do strongly suggest reading the Starting Guide. It is a a well written document.

  • What library? This confuses me as not many people would have a library in their home. Books are expensive and pricey.
  • Again why didn't the mercs kill Shio as well?
  • You have added that he went into the city of Zeltiva... Uhhh... So where exactly does his family's house sit?
  • Please list all your basic equipment. If you read the guide you would see that. - Cloth Robes are not basic equipment
  • There are a number of errors with your skills, please read the following synopsis:
  • Look at the Skill List for assistance.
  • Martial Arts is not a lore, nor a skill.

  • Lores are specific bits of knowledge that can be added to but not changed as you progress. Your current lores are invalid. What kind of training? What did he learn? Weapon is not a lore (it is a weapon skill: Weapon(weapon name) or Weapon:Weapon Name. It could be a Lore is you added on to it. IE- Bo Staff: How to jab strike.
  • You will need to attach your character sheet to your profile. Copy and Paste the URL into the location called Character Sheet found on this page: Edit Profile and click save.
  • A bo Staff is not part of the standard basic equipment, please deduct the price from your current money (use a ledger please)
  • So... Where is he staying now?

Seriously, please read the lore. I have posted links and am requesting that you ready them once more.

Once you have fixed all that please private message me and I can help you from there. The private message is the little envelope below my name.

Thank you,
Astator
Which way do you want to go? Up or Down?

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Astator
Helping Hands.
 
Posts: 238
Words: 101175
Joined roleplay: January 30th, 2013, 3:34 pm
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Sel Katar

Postby Sel Katar on October 20th, 2016, 7:19 pm

Changes made
Martial arts is not a sport.

It's a way of life.
Sel Katar
Martial Artist
 
Posts: 3
Words: 961
Joined roleplay: October 18th, 2016, 9:18 pm
Race: Human
Character sheet

Sel Katar

Postby Sel Katar on October 20th, 2016, 8:26 pm

Changes made again
Martial arts is not a sport.

It's a way of life.
Sel Katar
Martial Artist
 
Posts: 3
Words: 961
Joined roleplay: October 18th, 2016, 9:18 pm
Race: Human
Character sheet


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