[Issues found by Astator] Jack Overi'ik

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Jack Overi'ik

Postby Jack Overi'ik on November 17th, 2016, 12:23 am

Jack Overi’ik



Appearance


Race: I am a purebred Kelvic...
Gender: Can’t you tell by my voice and face that I’m a male?
Age: ‘Bout 18. Give or take...
Birthday: I don’t care to remember the day and month because I never knew, but the year was about 498 AV
Birthplace: In the back of a caravan...


Appearance: Well I’m a raven so… Oh. you mean my human form? Just take a hard look at me. I have jet black hair, probably due to animal color… I also decent sized mouth, well a decent size for a guy. I’ve seen mouths of all sizes and mine’s in the middle I guess. Nose size is of normal size in a normal teardrop shape including the bridge and not the nostrils. Ear shape and size well they’re…..normal as well? I mean generic would be a better word I think. My eyes droop a bit yes but that’s due to stress. Remember how red they are. The same color you’ll see should you cross me and I split you in half. My body shape is kinda generic so not much explanation there. I mean well, I have semi-muscled toned body. Nothing to caw about. Yes ladies the V-line is there but it’s not that impressive so don’t bother. Alright moving on I have a scar running from my left shoulder down to my right side. My height? Well I’m about… 6? Yeah 6 feet. My weight is about 150? Sounds right.


Character Concept


Must we talk more? Fine. oh… just likes and dislikes and stuff like that? Cool. My personality isn’t my own I’ll admit. But it became mine. I am very fond of sweets, and not just candies. I love cookies, cakes, doughs, and things like that. That part of me isn’t me, my own personality adores berries as part of my raven instincts as a human I also love apples. I detest those who believe they are better than me simply because I am Kelvic. I may be loyal but I am no slave and I shan’t be treated as one. I also hate direct confrontations. Why shed blood when words win battle much better? I used to have a bubblier side… he’s dead. I was once protective as well. He now sleeps for he has no use. I have none to protect. Now I am a recluse who couldn’t care any less of the world. Oh did I mention because of my klepto bird mind I tend to knick shiny or even helpful things? I swear I don’t mean it. It just happens. Doesn’t make me disabled it’s just bad habit. I return most things though. I currently follow three god/desses. Akajia, Yshul, and Sagallius are who I devote my life to, I mean it seems fitting for a raven to follow these gods especially when you read lores about the animal itself.
Character History


My history? Can we skip this please? No? Fine… it all began with a caravan. I was born into a slave trade of Kelvics. I never knew my mother because I was bought by a wealthy family on the same day. This family raised me along their daughter who I was chosen to protect. Despite them treating me like dirt and even as a slave some days, the girl, who’s name was Malara, never did me any wrongs and over the years we eventually became bondmates. We played games together, ate sweets, and prayed to the gods. While she was raised to worship Tyveth the lord of honor, she secretly worshipped the god/desses I would eventually worship for the rest of my life. She loved to have secrets and loved to keep things she shouldn’t. I remember when she hid the family jewels for three days and made it a game. We were both raised to learn humbled skills but I would take my own dedication to learn my own skills as a protector for in my teen years I was deployed many of times to escort and protect her due to her worth in jewels. But all good things come to pass. It was a cold and rainy night. We were in danger, our small group of guards were killed. I suffered a heavy wound across my chest that Malara stitched up. She left me in a secluded area while she went for the nearest town to find help. She was ambushed… I never felt so much fear from her in my entire life. Then I felt nothing but a scarring pain that would haunt me forever. She broke the connection between us to save me from suffering a fate worse than death. Don’t get it huh? Well how about this. You can survive losing most of your limbs you know, but what if you had to live without a soul or heart? She saved me from feeling that for if we were connected… I would’ve felt the light of her soul slowly fade into nothing. When the storm passed I set out to find her despite the pain. I found her body in a pool of red soaked earth. I brought her body to her family and outcasted myself as I donned her tattered travel cloak, vowing to find whoever was responsible for killing her. Since then I’ve been traveling, learning my trades and skills to someday have my revenge.


Language


Fluent Language: Common.
Basic Language: Bird.
Poor Language: why bother barely knowing a language? You’ll learn nothing.


Skills


Skill EXP Total Proficiency
Disguise 10 SP 10 Novice
Impersonation 10 SP 10 Novice
Hypnotism 30 SP 30 Competent
Unarmed Combat 10 RB, 0 SP 10 Novice





Lores


Helpful Lores: (Pick 2)
Lore of Syliran Geography
Lore of Syliran Culture


Possessions


1 Set of Clothing
-Simple Shirt
-Simple Pants
-Simple Undergarments
-Simple Cloak or Coat
-Simple Boots
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Wood)
-Brush (Wood)
-Soap
-Razor
-Balanced Rations (1 Week's worth)
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel
100 Gold Mizas


Heirloom: This cloak is all of what I have left from my bondmate. It was made with silk and has a large amethyst circled in gold as the bonding piece that closes the cloak, located at the neck. With the amethyst is the family symbol, a jack o’lantern. Unfortunately it is slightly tattered at the bottom. The cloak itself is lined with ornate golden thread trimming.


Housing


Location: I don’t particularly live anywhere. I tend to sleep in trees


House: Joke’s on you. I don’t have one, I’ll be taking that additional 500 GM now.


Ledger


Purchase Cost Total
Starting +100 GM 100 GM
House cash in +500 GM 600 GM



Thread List


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Jack Overi'ik
Player
 
Posts: 1
Words: 2163
Joined roleplay: November 16th, 2016, 11:16 am
Race: Kelvic

Jack Overi'ik

Postby Astator on November 17th, 2016, 2:10 am

Image

Welcome to Mizahar!

Well I do enjoy your attempt to making your Character Sheet a fun read and personalized... There are a number of issues! Don't worry these can be fixed. So let's begin!

  • Please rewrite your whole Character Sheet. It MUST be in Third Person.
  • Your age cannot be 'About...' It is either he is 18 or not.
  • Speaking about Ravens. Here is a quick google search gave me:
    The most intelligent birds. Share: 1.The raven is the largest bird of the crow family: it is twice heavier than a common crow at 1.3 kg (3 pounds), being 60 cm (two feet) long, with a wingspan of almost 1 m (3.3 ft). Ravens can live 40 years in the wild and 70 in captivity.
    This means at 18 years old you are almost half your age and therefore not likely to be alive much longer in the harshness of the world known as Mizahar. Keep this in mind as Kelvics age according to their animal form.
  • Your Birthdate MUST be known. This is Out of Character information, not In Character Information, so this is a required field. We have 4 seasons (Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter) and all seasons have 91 days, Winter has 92. We start the Winter of 516 December 1st.
  • You CANNOT be born in the back of a caravan, you will not survive. Period.
  • Please tell us what your Raven form looks like.
  • How did you learn Hypnotism?
  • I do believe the language of Bird is Avian.
  • In your possessions you list Cloak OR Coat.. It Is ONE or the other. Please choose.
  • The cloak you acquired from your former... Bond? I think... Must be your heirloom... I brought her body to her family and outcasted myself as I donned her tattered travel cloak …
  • Your Heirloom is WAY over the limit of 50, also... It totally is not a travel cloak, unless she was filthy rich and if that is the case, where are you from again? Let me explain, please adjust the price of your cloak and the description of it:
  • The cloak is 5 SM (base price)
  • It is made of silk making is immediately x25
  • The clasp is x20 due to it falling under 'Fine Buckles and Chains' due to the clasp being made of a precious metal.
  • The stone in the clasp is a large amethyst and was carved it means it would have to be faceted because that stone is typically prismatic with points on the ends. It is already 4.5GM alone seeing as large is not very descriptive, but it needs to be large enough to be noticeable and a clasp, we are looking at something about an 1 inch in width, 1 inch in length, and .2 inch in height... That is a Carat weight of ~19.06 . According to the Gemstones Lore page, that would fall within this range: 11 Carats - 20 Carats = Listed Value x 3 (Availability +2) Which 1st makes it a Very Rare gemstone. Meaning we are looking at 4.5*19.08 = 85GM 7SM 7 CM for the stone's weight alone, times that by 3= 257GM 3SM 1CM for the stone completely..
  • The Modifier to the cloak is: x5 due to the 'gold threaded trim' being considered Brocade
  • This means the price of the cloak equals: 5*(20+5+25). or 5*50 = 250SM or 25GM . Add in the Gemstone on the clasp and you have: 25GM + 257GM 3SM 1CM = 282GM 3SM 1CM... Which is 564.62% MORE than your Heirloom limit of 50GM...

  • You must receive Storyteller permission to live inside of a tree out in the wild. Also, how do you expect to live in the wild without wilderness survival?
  • Seeing you cannot live in a tree you will need to pick an inn to live in, as you have cashed in your housing package for the 500GM additional to your starting 100GM.
  • Please attach your character sheet URL to your profile.

Once you have completed all of this, please private message me via the little envelope to the left underneath my name. Any question please ask.

Thank you,
Astator
Which way do you want to go? Up or Down?

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She said down...


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