[Issues found by Luminescence] Zora

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Zora

Postby Zora Hearts on August 27th, 2019, 2:43 pm

Name: Zora
Age: 19
Race: mixed blood, isur+human

Appearance
Height: about 5’6
Weight: 150
Skin: pale, with an almost unnoticeable blue tint, right arm has a pale green tint
Eyes: green
Hair: black, almost straight, reaches lower back, sometimes worn in a braid over her left shoulder
Has a slender, but muscular build


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Last edited by Zora Hearts on August 30th, 2019, 12:34 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Zora Hearts
Player
 
Posts: 3
Words: 649
Joined roleplay: August 23rd, 2019, 6:05 pm
Race: Mixed blood

Zora

Postby Zora Hearts on August 27th, 2019, 4:14 pm

Personality
Like most Isur, Zora acts cold (and sarcastic) toward anyone who is not either family or a friend.
However, any who do fall into these categories, she is quite friendly with, becoming extremely extroverted, and often joking with them, and she would protect them to the death, be it hers, theirs, or whoever put their life in danger, and if a person she cares for should be hurt, she has no problem getting revenge, even if revenge means killing. However, she will not join a fight unless she’s fighting whoever is at fault.
She has a tendency to be overconfident and somewhat reckless, often jumping into a situation without thinking about it, resulting in her losing fights more often than not

Backstory
Zora grew up in Sultros with her human father, Isur mother, and little sister,
She spent most of her time taking care of her sister, since her parents were usually busy, and liked to tease and trick her sister, earning a bit of acting experience in the process.
When she was 18, she and her parents were away from home when they were attacked by a Zith, who killed her father.
She, her mother, and her sister later moved to Ravok, but Zora has been looking for a way to track down the Zith.


More to be added
Last edited by Zora Hearts on August 30th, 2019, 12:31 am, edited 4 times in total.
User avatar
Zora Hearts
Player
 
Posts: 3
Words: 649
Joined roleplay: August 23rd, 2019, 6:05 pm
Race: Mixed blood

Zora

Postby Zora Hearts on August 27th, 2019, 7:01 pm

Skills

Brawling: 15 pts
Larceny: 5 pts
Observation: 10 pts
Acting: 10 pts


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User avatar
Zora Hearts
Player
 
Posts: 3
Words: 649
Joined roleplay: August 23rd, 2019, 6:05 pm
Race: Mixed blood

Zora

Postby Luminescence on September 5th, 2019, 3:13 pm

Image
Let me shed some light on the situation

Welcome to Miz, Zora; we've spoken some through PM already. You have a good start, but you're missing a lot of information on your CS. You'll have to make some corrections before you can continue.

*Basic info: You should include Zora's full name in her CS. Please include a birthdate for Zora with a day, season, and year. Keep in mind it is currently Autumn 519 AV. You also need to list her gender and city of birth.

*Your history: I would highly recommend choosing a different birthplace for Zora. Isur very, very rarely mix with other races, and it is even more rare that another race would live in Sultros. Mixed Isur usually occur from the Isur parent being relatively far from home for an extended period of time, as per the lore page on Mixed Bloods.

Histories don't have to be incredibly long, but please provide a little bit more detail. Why were they out in the wilderness together? Why didn't the Zith kill all of them, and/or what or who drove it off? Why did they end up moving to Ravok? Also be sure to justify her skills. Where did she learn Larceny and Acting from? Also, I believe I mentioned, but keep in mind if you wish to use her mother and sister in your writing you will have to apply for them as NPCs.

*Your languages: You're missing your languages; you may have up to 3, one fluent, one basic, and one poor. I would suggest taking Common as fluent, and Isur as basic. If you decide to take a poor language please justify where/how Zora learned it.

*Your skills: Please list your skills alphabetically. You're missing 10 points; you're allowed to start with 50 starting package (SP) points, and you currently have 40 SP. You're also missing your racial bonus (RB), which as a Mixed Blood is +10 to any one skill up to a maximum of 30. Please denote your starting skills with SP and your racial bonus with RB.

I highly recommend not starting with Observation as a skill as it is by far the easiest skill to earn experience in.

*Your lores: You're missing your lores; you start with 2 lores, which are specific bits of knowledge. They can be about anything; people, places, skills, deities, etc.

*Your belongings: You're missing your list of possessions (a standard SP), your heirloom (a single item worth up to 50 GM), your ledger (standard starting money of 100 GM), and your housing (differs from city to city). Please read through the Starting Guide for more detail on starting packages.

*Other: Please take the time to read through the lore, Zora; you're missing a huge amount of information from your CS. I highly recommend using a basic template from here to fill out your CS; all you need to do is copy and paste it, and it will guide you and make sure you include everything. It also has helpful hints about each of the cities, so if you're going to be in Ravok, I recommend using that template. Also, don't forget to include your link to your CS in your profile. You can add it in through the User Control Panel.

Let me know when you have made the above corrections, and I'll remove this intervention. Otherwise, if you need any further help or have any questions, feel free to PM me.
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