[Issues found by Luminescence] Nesy

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Nesy

Postby Nesy Celvius on September 25th, 2019, 8:29 am

Nesy Celvius


Appearance

Race:Human
Gender: Male
Age: Human
Spring 55th.:
Birthplace: Syliras.

Appearance: Nesy's very strange. His eyes are quad-coloured which means that his eyes are green. Altough his pupils are black. Nesy's skin is white as any other human and his body futures seem pretty normal as well. By normal it means that his skin is a yellowish white and a little buff as well.

Character Concept

So Nesy Celvius is a unique human. His parents were strange. But they were very kind so he has been treated. So this concept is of a character human that is an adventourous dude. He is very intelligent and his strength is strong but not very strong. He can lift about 100-150KG if we say so. But his combat is a little weaker so. Nesy isn't made for combat and he's made for peaceful pruposes. Altough it can be changed. So Nesy's an adventure constantly seeking for knowledge like similar to what a scientist would do.

Character History

Nesy has been living in a family that was kind and noble. They treated him right and they gave him food and enough water-supply. Nesy was born in an unknown location. He was born in an isolated forest and appearently his parents had a small little house in the forest. So Nesy is an adventure who wishes to travel through the lands of Mizhar. When he was 18 he was eventually an adult who could take care of himself. His parents told him goodbye and so he left the house to the unknown lands beyond.

Language

Fluent Language: English
Basic Language: ...
Poor Language: ...

Skills

Please list skills in alphabetical order by competency

Skill EXP Total Proficiency
??? # SP # Novice
??? # SP # Novice
??? # RB, # SP # Competent


Lores

Please choose two specific pieces of knowledge (lores).

Possessions

1 Set of Clothing
-Simple Shirt
-Simple Pants
-Simple Undergarments
-Simple Coat
-Simple Boots
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Wood)
-Brush (Wood)
-Soap
-Razor
-Balanced Rations (1 Week's worth)
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel
100 Gold Mizas

Heirloom:

Housing

[b]Location:
Syliras. Somewhere near.

House: A normal wooden shed for 3 people. There are 3 rooms with a living room in the middle connected to the enterence of the wooden house. It was a dark wooden house made out of dark oak with a chimney.

Ledger

Purchase Cost Total
Starting +100 GM 100 GM


Thread List

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(Character work in progress!)
Nesy Celvius
Player
 
Posts: 3
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Joined roleplay: September 25th, 2019, 6:25 am
Race: Human

Nesy

Postby Luminescence on September 25th, 2019, 6:40 pm

Image
Let me shed some light on the situation

Welcome to Miz, Nesy! I know that this CS is still a work-in progress, but there are some red flags that I've noticed, so I'm going to stop you before you get too ahead and have to make more corrections than necessary. I'm going to be a little bit blunt here; it's clear that you need to spend some more time looking through the lore. Your Welcome PM has some useful links to guide you and help you get started, as well as to show you the basics.

I'll go over what would need to be fixed should this otherwise be a completed CS so that you know what direction to go in from here. :)

*Your birthdate and age: You need a complete birthday, including a day, season, and year. The current date is autumn 519 AV. You also seem to have put his race where his age should be.

*Your appearance: If you want to play a Human, that means your character needs to look like a normal Human; no unusually coloured eyes (for a Human) are allowed.

*Your concept: You say that Nesy's parents 'are strange'. What do you mean by this? Also, please avoid describing your character as having certain skills/being good at certain things unless you actually have those skills to back this description up. If you want to describe Nesy as strong, for example, you should probably take some points in the Bodybuilding skill.

*Your history: What do you mean by Nesy's family was 'noble'? Nobility doesn't really exist in Miz as it does in real life. Also, the wilds of Miz are incredibly dangerous. People do not live alone in the woods in small huts permanently because they wouldn't be able to survive. Nesy has to have been born in an actual established city.

*Your languages: English is not a language in Mizahar. Common is the most widely spoken language.

*Your housing: Syliras is a city based inside of a fortress and has specific housing; you will need to use the housing appropriate to Syliras.

*General: Please be advised that Syliras will only be opening next season; winter starts in December. I would also recommend taking a look at the pre-made CS templates and using the one for whichever city you decide to start with rather than the general one, as it will come with useful tips and information about that specific city.

Also, make sure to remember that a CS is OOC information; even if Nesy might not know something (like his birthday or where he was born), you need to include that information.

If you need any help or have any questions, please don't hesitate to PM me or pop into our Discord chat. As I mentioned, your welcome PM and the Starting Guide have useful information that I recommend looking over (it will help explain skills as well as other things, for example) before you continue. If there's anything that still confuses you or that you're still uncertain about, please don't hesitate to ask!
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Luminescence
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