[Rista's Scrapbook] That wasn't meant to be

[Rista]

I completely forgot... I actually bought something else on the market! Namely, this little thing! I love it, don't you love it? I absolutely adore it. I want my hair to grow a bit longer so it's easier to make it stick though. ^^ I love hair jewelry to be honest. I have myself a dread, as some might know; quite recently made, just a couple of weeks ago, and when that grows longer I want to place shiny things in it; Ring, pieces of nicely colored yarn, things like that. It might also get a companion, in a slightly less obvious place... Anyway, hair. I love it! I actually like my hair quite a bit, purely aside from how I never tend to like my haircuts. It's thick and somewhat straight, it has a rather nice blond color (doesn't show very well on the pic) and it's beginning to get quite long. By Christmas it should reach to my shoulders, and hopefully by summer, it will be past the shoulders at least a little bit... I want to grow it out, seriously. I'm tired of having to cut myself several times a season, waste money on hairdressers and dyes and things like that. I think the natural look suits me pretty well, and if people disagree; too bad for them. I want to be able to braid it, tie it up when it's hot, make pretty hairdo's and generally feel comfortable with it. And if that also means that I can begin a collection of pretty combs and hair-slides, then all the better! I had one quite similar to this before, but didn't realize how to use it... wonder where it went...... *goes to look for it*

[Rista]

!!! This... This is harassment, isn't it? I mean, how am I supposed to resist that? xD FLuFf.. so fluffy, and pettable.. This isn't fair...

[Rista]

Where did it go? My muse... no, rather my imagination? I can't find it. I don't think I have it, have you seen it? It's not that I can't write. I can, I can write good replies to posts and I can help the story on and give people something to reply to, my finger itch when I have nothing to reply to and I crave more threads and more interaction... So far it's all good. It's when I'm supposed to do something on my own that I stop functioning. I don't get anywhere at all. I've been complaining lately that I don't have anything to do, and people suggest that I write solo's and flashbacks, and I totally agree; I should do that. So why don't I? Partly it's laziness, I suppose. But more than that, it's a complete and utter lack of imagination. I have no idea what one might do between working and practicing. What do you do on your spare time? What do fourteen year old girls do with their time, when not practicing archery or working bendi? I don't know. I spent my fourteenth year angsting about not having a boyfriend, loving horses and sitting my the computer collecting pictures of horses. I didn't hang out much with people because there were none I liked and none that liked me, I didn't have any real close friends. I disliked being outdoors so most of the time I was inside, reading or reading.. or reading.. Wow, I kind of wasted a lot of time, didn't I... The point is, I don't have any personal references to lean back on, and my imagination is running dry. I don't even know how to fix it. I mean, writing blocks can be cured by writing, but how do I cure a leaking hole in my mind, that lets all the ideas slip away? It's annoying. it's frustrating.. I want it to stop...

[Rista]

To Do: Rista Reply to Student thread Finish 'A handful of Strawberries' Flashback Get Archery to Competence Get Brawling to Competence Train Storytelling, Falconry, Hunting, Tracking, Stealth, Intelligence skills.. Vileia Get her back into game Find a job Meet people Establish a home Bond with someone Learn skills Get a gnosis? Mikkeyla Write History Flesh out parents story Finish Home description Furnish the cottage Decide whether she'll have gnosis or not. Submit HD Ticket for NPC (Granny) Start writing Flashbacks for more skills. Ready to play! Seems I have more to do than I thought. Next time I complain about not having anything to write, please hit me in the head with something solid. Okay? Self Go buy something to eat! Now!

[Mikkeyla]

And here I was, thinking I didn't like being in chat that overly much. I always thought that, Hey, the people are nice but you know what, the pace it too much, can't keep up with all the blonking and the fast replies and the whispers and all the inside jokes I almost understand but not quite... So why is it now, that when I can't access chat at all, I sweat and click the button over and over again just because maybe, somehow through some lovely miracle, it will let me in? I shouldn't even be sitting here right now. I should be working on my characters, writing posts, perhaps even dealing with some school matters or something. Anything, besides staring at the screen, wishing you could log into a page that you only pay half-hearted attention to at best. Oh irony, how I hate when you come crashing down around my ears. :T Oh, and if you didn't know then I'm still Rista, or more exactly Malin, or Chan - depending on what you prefer to call me by. This is the latest addition to my growing harem... Only need a rooster to preside over the hen-house now, and the cast will be complete. For some reason, I'm also slightly irritable today. I broke a promise I made myself, and I did it in such a cowardly way that I don't feel like facing myself in the mirror, let alone facing someone else. It's not like the world will go under because of it, but it's annoying to know that I can't trust myself. I say so many things and then I don't stick to them, always taking the easy way out.. Or at least, what seems to be the easy way out at that particular moment. In the long run it seems that I always make things more difficult for myself than what it has to be. My mind is scattered, unfocused, I can't gather myself around any particular task for more than a little while before I veer off again, staggering from topic to topic like a drunkard bouncing between light posts. I could continue this rant, but I'm already sick of hearing myself whining, even if it's just in my head. I'll spare you the annoyance and just end things here. I should probably just go to bed... I know I won't, but I should. I'll keep mulling over that thought. I should.. I'll just go back to clicking that button. Damn, this is depressing. Someone, just slap me in the face or something, okay?

[Rista]

[Rista]

Okay.. So I've been saying for months now that I was going to throw up a picture of myself into the scrap. For some reason or another I've decided that it would be a good idea, that it was fun and so on.. But I still didn't do it. I suppose I was just lazy. But no more! Here it comes, ladies and gentlemen, for all those of you that have been wondering and waiting... hehehe, yeah. anyway, here's me. Boo! : It's okay now, you can come out. The ego trip is over... I really should go post instead.

[Rista]

Words. How they affect us. It is incredible how such a simple thing can have such a great impact on our souls. A word can lift us up to great heights. A word can trip us and drag us down. A word can mend, a word can break, a word can change our entire world. We encounter them every day, whether we want to or not. Words are everywhere. And they do affect us, whether we wish for it or not. Your words hold power over others. Be careful, don't use them lightly. A stray word can shatter a fragile soul, and it it far easier break than to mend a wound or ease the pain of old scars. It is always easier to damage than to heal. I love you. I need you. You are safe here. You can trust me. I won't be going anywhere. Don't make promises you cannot keep.

[Gossamer]

I completely disagree. Words can only effect you to the extent you let them. Life is all about changes and as such is often a series of broken promises, mostly outside of the control of the folks who made them. We are never truly safe. We are never truly accepted. Understanding is a lot harder concept to embrace but a lot easier to rely on.

[Rista]

If this is true, then I want life to last forever. Because I know people that I would never want to forget, no matter how far away they are or how long it's been since we met. Sometimes I feel old. At times I'm simply so tired when I think of the day behind me and the ones that lie in wait, because I can't imagine something happening that would make me surprised. It seems impossible that anything could occur that I didn't expect, that something could change the way I see and hear and feel. It's like I've seen it all before, been there and done that, nothing is new, nothing is worth the trouble, because what could I possibly learn that I didn't already know? Recently though, I've come to realize the arrogance in that kind of thinking. Recently, I've begun to realize just how young I really am. I don't really know anything, do I? Revelations keep tumbling down over my head. The other day I was complaining to a friend about how I was starting to slack off from school, how I felt that my grip on things was slipping and that I didn't know what to do, what to rely on. The answer I got was so simple, that I was astounded by how brilliant it was and how stupid I must be for not realizing it. "Just don't slack off" Simple, isn't it. So how come those simple, logical words managed to shake me up like that? You are probably right, Goss. Words only affect us when we allow them to. I still hold a deep respect for them none the less, and I gladly let myself become affected by the words of people I love. I appreciate the ability of a simple phrase to shake my entire perspective of the world, especially when they come uncalled for and without being requested. Last year, a person at school asked me why I was so quiet, why I hadn't come over and sat by them on a party the night before. I replied that I had thought about it, but the right opportunity never seemed to come.. "Don't think about it. Just do it" were the words that I received. Just do it. Hahaha, isn't it liberating? To not think, not worry, not weigh the options and look and long for the right, just that right opportunity. Instead just follow the impulse of the moment, let thought and action happen at the same time... Not good in all contexts perhaps, but oh, how I want to be able to follow that advice. It's so easy to sink into this maelstrom of thoughts and feelings and predictions, where I paint up the entire scenario of the event before my inner vision and see exactly the things that could go wrong, only to accept them as reality and thus remain frozen in one place. You don't know until you try. Don't think about doing it it, just do it. I want to live like that.