[Flashback] Attention Divided

[Auldwin]

24th of Winter, 509 AV

It was an unimpressive scene set before Auldwin. He found himself near the shores which made up the edge of the island of Black Rock. The twilight crept down across the sky, obscuring an otherwise typical day. The clouds rose extra high in the sky on this day, those streamers of white appearing more like gashes across the stars rather than white puffy balls. Those clouds moved slowly, as if they were on break. Auldwin had spent quite a bit of time in that same spot, and to his knowledge they hadn't moved the entire time he'd been there. The soft sounds of the waves washing up against the rocky shore, kicking up sand and dirt was compounded with the audible emanations of various birds that cawed as they dove for surface fish.

Before the Ghost sat a series of rocks that had been painstakingly organized. Normally this would have not been necessary, but Auldwin found himself with so much time on his hands lately that taking the bells needed to organize chunks of earth according to their weight wasn't so difficult to fathom. Weight to a Ghost was a funny thing, as realistically Auldwin couldn't truly gauge the weight of anything. The only testing measure he had at his disposal was the stress that any one object placed upon his Soulmist. It never failed, the heavier something was, the more troubling it was for his Soulmist to manipulate it. That wasn't the only limitation however, another more troubling restriction seemed to always apply. No matter how busied Auldwin became in the pursuit of engaging his Soulmist, it seemed he could only manipulate one item at a time. This was unacceptable.

With the idea of breaking this restriction in mind, Auldwin set about focusing his prowess upon one of the minor sized rocks before him. Stretching his own hand outward he launched a tendril of Soulmist upon that rock and lifted it up into the air as he had done countless times before. To think that in the beginning he had such a difficult time maneuvering even a simple door, and now that task seemed so trivial. With the rock suspended in the air, rotating slowly before him, Auldwin focused upon a second rock and extended his hand toward it. Nothing.

The Ghost narrowed his eyes, as if such a thing would make his discipline suddenly become sharper, and tried again. No effect. Concentrating all of his effort on the singular rock, he tried to branch some of the effort of his Soulmist onto a secondary rock, but only managed to nearly drop the first. It was almost like he was trying to balance a rock a top a dinner plate. With one sitting in the middle, the task was possible. Add more rocks to the outer rim of the plate and everything started to tumble down. He still couldn't grasp an understanding of why the limitation was there. Was it due to some mental barrier? He knew other Ghosts could manipulate more than one item, did it simply take more practice? How could such a thing be so hard?

Determined he tried again, stretching forth his hand in an attempt to visualize his own incoming manipulation to that secondary target. He imagined what it would be like to apply some force to it, to watch it twist and move just as the first one. He even focused some of his emotion into it, as sometime that seemed to be the catalyst in making the objects move in the first place. Whenever he was at an impasse, he could always harness the power of his own detrimental state. Pull forth some of that lust for vengeance and malice and forge on forward, completing small tasks. Sometimes it was lifting more than he was technically capable of, or stretching his Soulmist farther than his normal range allowed. Still nothing.

"Come on! What am I missing?! Why won't you move. Just move a little bit. Is this really some sort of big secret? Some sort of big mystery? It's a rock! A stupid rock, and a rock that just won't move!" he shouted before blasting the rock clear from his view, only to have the first rock fall to the sand with a dull thud. "Augh!" he groaned, hurling that rock with his Soulmist as well. So feeble were all those attempts. Perhaps it took a calm mind? One that could reach a level of peace that Auldwin simply couldn't manage. Not yet anyway. Being a Ghost had to be some sort of divine punishment, whether the Gods wanted to recognize his place in the world or not. No way else could something so simple be some rage inducing.

[Auldwin]

Auldwin's vocal efforts attracted little attention, not that there was very much attention to attract on the outskirts of the island of Dira. A sea bird may have cawed in response, or perhaps it was just hungry. All the better though, Auldwin worked best when he was alone, he felt. Of course a good bit of Ghostly mentoring could always help as well. It was mysterious how things worked out upon the island of Black Rock. Almost as if someone, or something sensed Auldwin's distress, an elderly female Ghost dressed up in fine fabrics of the period floated down the shoreline, taking a moment to stop and listen to the male Ghost's frustrations. She looked about for a focus toward his words, but only found rocks as the target for his Soulmist based aggressions.

"My word boy, what on Black Rock are you doing?" she asked, her voice tainted with some accent that only faintly clouded her Common. Beyond it she was still clear enough in her question. Within her right hand a small fan accented with peacock feathers wavered, as if it was somehow going to provide a coolness to her face. Ghosts had the strangest proclivities despite being dead. Sometimes it was just reflex, other times it was an obsession.

Auldwin turned slightly in place to face the woman. Physically she was clearly his senior, although apparent age was quite deceiving in the realm of Ghosts. A child could have very well been a Ghost for ages past Auldwin's own death date. Auldwin himself hadn't been dead for very long, and was just barely middle aged when his death occurred, so it was most likely that the woman was superior to him in both aspects of time. Against his better judgement he finally responded to her, "I'm trying to move these rocks."

"Well clearly." she responded with a bit of a chortle, floating a bit closer, "And you seem to be doing a smashing job. Look how splendidly you've taught those rocks a thing or two." Was she mocking him? Or was she just not taking all his efforts seriously? Or maybe she just didn't understand exactly what Auldwin was trying to describe to her.

"Well I--no, not like that, of course I can move the rocks, I'm trying to move all the rocks at once." he attempted to further elaborate upon his Soulmist Projection based problems.

As if to inspect the few rocks that were left the elderly Ghost floated further forward, looking toward the rocky slabs of minerals before turning her attention over to Auldwin. For a moment she looked him up and down, as if she were sizing him up. Finally, after a bit of a long, awkward silence she responded, "That's impossible. Poppycock. Hogswash, you can't do such a thing."

Great, just what Auldwin wanted to hear. This lady really knew how to inspire people and make friends. Perhaps she didn't recognize the potential benefit toward being socially adept even in death. Auldwin wasn't about to take that response at face value though, not when he had seen things that disproved her words, "It's not impossible at all! I've seen plenty of others manipulate a bunch of things all at once. You must have seen it too!"

"Oh, my boy I didn't say no one can do it, I'm saying you can't do it. It's rather abundantly clear that you lack the ability to divide your attention. And don't think that because you could walk and chew oats in life you understand exactly what dividing your attention is. You need to exist on multiple levels, all at once." she went forth with her own explanation as her shadowy body coasted in a lazy circle about Auldwin, chastising him on his lack of apparent knowledge of such Projection.

"Humph. Well then let us see you do it." he retorted, pointing over toward the remaining rocks.

"My boy, why on earth would I want to do that? If I could lift all the rocks in the world it still wouldn't get me what I want. You need a reason boy. It's not like in life where you learn a skill to keep yourself fed. You don't need to stay fed, you don't need to stay sheltered. You just need to find that one thing you want above all else. If that thing is figuring out how to lift more than one rock at a time, then you've really got to reevaluate your priorities." her voice said like a sigh. It was as if she was disappointed in her own child, which was a bit taxing upon Auldwin considering they had just met.

What did she care what reasons he had to learn the skill, he just wanted to know it! He knew there was a way, he knew others could do it, so he wanted to do it. Wait, was that his reason? It gave him pause for a moment as he thought about it, was it simply to exceed his own expectations, the very thing he never did in life. "I want to do it because I know others can do it. That's good enough for me, and if you don't like it too bad. I'm not going to just accept failure, I've had quite enough of that. There's a way, I know there is, others have found it and I'm going to find it. And when I do I'll show you right to your face that it's not impossible for me. How's that?" he huffed. Not getting overly emotional about something he was passionate about was quite difficult as a Ghost. In fact keeping ones emotions in check as a Ghost was simply difficult in itself. It wasn't as if you could go to sleep and wake up to a new day, fresh and alive. You had to exist with what you had. You weren't going to grow any taller, you weren't going to grow any older and wiser, you had to work with what you had.

[Auldwin]

"Ohhh, so you want to elevate yourself above the ordinary. What gumption, what perseverance. But really now, self improvement is always done with some other goal in mind. Even if you just want to distinguish yourself amongst all the other dead folks waltzing rather depressingly around here. Oh don't get my wrong, I wanted to be the best at something as well back when I was a young girl. Funny how 'more important' things get in the way. Before you know it the years have past, you're old and grey and, well...sometimes you just end up here, don't you?" the woman said, appearing almost careful not to reveal much information about herself. Still, what she had said was at least somewhat inspirational, and that was good enough for Auldwin's purposes. Little did he know the woman could go further.

"Now, that as it is I'd hate to watch a man wasting his time without even knowing what it is he's looking for. You're reaching into the proverbial haystack, fishing around for the needle. Oh you'll find it, my boy. It might be years down the way, but you'll find it. Or, you can burn away the hay. Then all that's left is the needle. Interested?" she raised up her eyebrow as she Materialized into view. Her skill at Materialization was clearly far superior to Auldwin's, and it made sense as to why. Clearly the woman thought more of herself than he, and she could recall that which she felt of herself more clearly in life. She also had many more years to examine just who she was, and understand the various intricacies of her form better than Auldwin ever could. It didn't flicker, nor was it distorted. There was a level of inconsistency compared to a real person, but for all intensive purposes the woman walked with an appropriate air of vitality. She really was walking, her legs and feet seemingly striking the shore beneath her dress in proper sequence as she moved around Auldwin's peripheral until she reached the front of the rocks.

"You ever juggled? What am I saying, most probably not." she closed her ghostly fan and tucked it somewhere beneath the folds of her similarly unreal cloth. "Juggling involves some division of attention. You see you need to be aware of what you're juggling. How quickly it moves into the air, how quickly it comes back down, where it comes back down, it's weight, it's shape. All those things, you can't just throw a trio of oranges up into the air and catch them, eventually you're going to drop one. There's a system, a pattern, a rhythm, just like dancing. Dancing was always a talent of mine, if you must know. Ever since I was a child I floated across the dance floor. Quite ironic since now I quite literally float everywhere I go, oh ho ho ho..." she laughed momentarily, a laugh that was equal parts haughty and eerie. The back of her hand covered her mouth as she let out that laughter, infused with the humor of her own joke. Finally she lowered her hand and continued.

"You look confused, but that's to be expected. I'll bet you've always focused on one thing all throughout your life. Emotionally I mean. You've probably realized by now that emotions are a big part of being a Ghost, correct? Men always struggle with their emotions, why else do you think all of those fancy, popular Ghosts are always female? Oh ho ho ho...ahem. You need to understand the importance of what it is you're effecting with your Soulmist, and when it's more than one thing, you need to find importance in both things." she seemed quite confident in her ability to explain the process to Auldwin, but still, even after all of that, none of it was making any sense.

"Right, well, how do I go about doing that? The rocks were important to me, after all. You know, I need them to get better at this." he replied, nudging one of the rocks few remaining rocks halfheartedly with his Soulmist.

"Oh yes, I can surely see. Just like a man, it's all about you. You want to think a rock is important because if you don't, you fail. There's more to it than that. A rock is important because it's a part of a whole. Look at everything we left behind when we became like this. Look how much power that rock has over you now. Now you sit at that rocks feet, trying desperately to unlock some sorts of cosmic Ghost secrets from it. You haven't yet realized there's nothing to unlock, there's just something to experience. When you touched that rock when you were alive, it was but a physical sensation. Now, in this place, when you touch a rock you do so with your very Soul. Isn't that just splendid? How could you ever want a deeper connection with everything around you than to touch it on such a level?" Clearly the woman was very into this whole Soulmist thing. Auldwin couldn't believe that she had absolutely no aptitude for doing it herself. Inside he wondered just what she was hiding from him.

Still, the way she spoke was completely foreign to him. Even if he wasn't as 'emotional' as she felt he needed to be, he couldn't even pick a direction to go from everything she had just said. It was like a bunch of poetic non-sense, where was the specifics? Time to go fishing for answers, "Ok. Right. So, if I understand some importance in connecting with the rock...with my Soulmist...then I...cut that understanding in half so I can do it with two rocks...then each rock will have some importance...and I'll...multiple the two..." Auldwin fumbled about, looking toward the woman as if the facial expressions she responded with were going to point him in the right direction. At first a wide smile crossed her lips, as if he was treading through the correct waters. Slowly that smile faded away, until finally she was left shaking her head. Clearly Auldwin had missed the point somewhere along the line.

[Auldwin]

Auldwin most likely would have continued speaking if the woman didn't step in with a timely and rather loud clearing of her throat. Auldwin looked toward the elderly one for a moment, before glancing back to the rocks. In that split moment he tried to search for any other particular epiphanies he could relate with, but finding none he finally responded, "Is that not right?" When he said it, it came out as if he knew it wasn't right, as if he was just seeking confirmation about something he already understood. Yes, the fact that he was confused was quite possibly the only part that he understood.

"No, it's not right at all. Alright, let's try this a different way. Materialize. Yes, you heard me, come now, pull yourself together. Let me get a look at you, it will give me a better idea of just what kind of insensitive numbskull I'm dealing with. Quick quick now, I haven't all day." her wrist rolled about as she appeared to be physically gesturing for him to perform some kind of magic trick. Unable to figure out any other way to move forward, Auldwin essentially did as he was told. Just like the woman expected his Soulmist came together, concentrating into one focused shape. The color in his body slowly flooded back upward from his boots to the hair that traveled down the sides of his head. In a few moments he was whole again. As whole as he was going to get. The madam stepped slowly around Auldwin in a circle, flipping her hand fan back out to cover the lower half of her face. He could see the detail in her eyes as they moved up and down, as if she was trying to find something hidden within him.

"Ok, I think I've got it now. Lets see...go ahead and pick up a rock, any rock. Just one." she requested rather simply of him. Auldwin could find no harm in her request, especially if it would help him further understand the secret of his Projection. As such, he simply reached out with a Materialized hand and with a combination of his Soulmist abilities and his Projection, he picked it up. "Good, good. Now...tell me you feel as strong about that rock as you do about your wife."

Just those words were enough to make Auldwin's Soulmist collapse and have that rock falling back down to the ground, "What did you say? My wife? I could never love a rock like my wife, that's ridiculous. And how did you know I had a wife? What sort of trick is this?" he was clearly upset now, but the woman didn't appear at all impressed by his showing of favoritism.

"First, I didn't say love the rock, that's foolish. I'm telling you to feel as strongly about it as you do to your wife. You say you were married, but that ring you've Materialized is possibly the clearest possession upon your entire body. There is no trick. You've spent your life focused upon one thing at a time, emotionally. That's a guess, but I'm right aren't I? You didn't get very angry, or very sad, or very jealous, and if you did your feelings were very focused. All those muscles you had once upon a time are gone now, my boy. All that remains is...this..." she gestured to her own mass of Materialized Soulmist. It wasn't something to be ashamed or proud of, it simply was. When you can feel as strongly about that rock as you feel about your wife, you'll be able to lift two rocks. Or three rocks, or as many as you will. It will mean that you've finally seen the equality in everything that is. There is no greater or lesser, there simply is or is not. There is no negligible or important. To Ghosts like us, everything simply is."

The woman seemed to be growing a bit weary, Auldwin could see it in her eyes. Perhaps she was just tiring from being Materialized, but that wasn't very likely. She seemed more skilled at it than him, and even he wasn't beginning to lose his focus just yet. It was more likely that she was simply growing tired of him, he assumed. He wasn't even certain that anything the woman said was the truth. She hadn't demonstrated any Soulmisting abilities at all, outside of Materialization. That was like someone whom had never hammered a nail telling him how to build a house. Could he really trust someone like that? Despite the doubt he felt, the woman certainly seemed to have plenty to say upon the matter.

"But what do I know after all?" she added to her previous statement after a long bout of silence between the two. Her final word was accented with the sudden shutting of her fan, and the subsequent de-materializing of her form. She began the previously unmaintained cloud of Soulmist she was, the various curves of her body and intricate fabrics of her dress losing their luster, their detail, and their vibrancy as she did so. Just like she arrived, she turned in an about face and began to float away from Auldwin, moving back toward the heart of Black Rock to do whatever it was she spent her days of death doing.

[Auldwin]

Auldwin kept himself in his Materialized form, all the more chance to practice it, he supposed. That woman, as strange and mocking as she was, certainly had an eye for details. Out of all that he was, she noticed his ring, something he similarly noticed in the past. Whenever he would Materailize his body and force his Soulmist to retain the shape of his previous mortal form that ring was always the part that had the sharpest edges, the best definition, and the most visual overall clarity. That ring meant something, after all. Something that went past death as far as Auldwin was concerned. He had worn it, placed it upon his finger with the promise that he would always be there for his wife, help and honor her, and never forget her. Some made their promises until death, but casually he and her had determined that even in death they would make sure to remember one another.

'You can't live without me, and I sure wouldn't let you be dead without me either' he could remember her jokingly saying to him one evening when she had managed to scour around and find the last clean pair of socks he had to wear to work. It was the little things she did for him that kept her so freshly ingrained in his memory. Even if he couldn't remember how his favorite foods tastes, he could still remember the various antidotes she had for him. Perhaps she was somewhat plain in appearance, but her personality was filled with color. That color eclipsed his own, and he assumed he had to possess some important qualities that weren't immediately obvious to him that kept her so interested in him. Still, just as she said he wasn't about to be dead without her. That woman, that old goat of a Ghost that he had just met had picked up on that. How did she pick up on that? What made her such a know it all? Who was she to think that she could tell Auldwin how he felt?

Probably the most annoying part of everything she had said, was that she was absolutely right. It brought Auldwin's thoughts about her confusing terminology to the surface. How could she so easily speak about feeling strongly for something that had no real importance to him? His wife had been there for him, worked with him when he needed it, cooked for him, even played cards with him, but what had that rock done? Nothing that he could immediately perceive besides drive him crazy with being unable to move more than one of it's brethren at a time.

She kept going on about how important the experience of being able to interact with the rock was, and such an abstract belief was just difficultly perceived in Auldwin's mind. Auldwin was always a straight forward guy. Perhaps he wasn't so good with his feelings, or cunning, or even all that creative, but he had always assumed he had common sense at the very least. The tone that she used, the way that she spoke of this feeling, it was as if it should have been second nature.

Trying to find that nature, Auldwin focused his Soulmist upon the hapless rocks at his disposal, extending as much of himself as he could into his Projection. He reached out while in his Materialized state, almost trying to vocally commune with the rocks, "C'mon, I'm giving you my total attention. How much more can you ask for?" he spoke, reaching outward, his right hand gripping it's intended target tightly while his left simply lost all cohesion and routinely slipped through the secondary rock. Maybe that lady was right, that rock did have all the power in the world over him.

"Look at me. Struggling like this for a rock. Just for that one instance in seeing a rock move. It's like trying to get my wife to change her mind, it was impossible." It certainly was. Auldwin could recall the constant discussions the two would have about what to have to eat in the evening. His wife always knew exactly what she wanted, and yet she would ask Auldwin for his recommendation. If his thoughts were the same as hers, she would be happy enough. If they were completely the opposite, she would coerce him until his viewpoint matched hers. She was quite good at that. Manipulation at it's best, that sort of thing did well to achieve his respect.

Respect. Wait, was that it? Did that have something to do with everything the woman had spoken of. She talked about feelings, strong feelings. Feelings as strong as those he had for his wife. Love was the most talked about and most visual feeling through their actions, but was it that respect was even more powerful? Did he listen to her because he loved her, or respected her? He did both of course, but respect was something he had not considered for a non-living creature, until now. It reminded him, you could respect the power of the storm, or the beauty of the lightning, but could you respect something as simple as a rock?

Auldwin tried. He tried his best to believe that a rock could deserve his respect. After all his struggling and all of his efforts, the rock had one up on him. Maybe there was no secret, but there was definitely something to be learned through it. Why not, give the rock that power. Don't simply manipulate the rock, let the rock manipulate you. Auldwin knew he couldn't change his wife's mind, but why did he try always? Was it stubbornness, or simply routine? It was time to step outside of that routine. Just for once. Just for now. Just to see where it got him. He could feel his Soulmist aching from the use. All that Materialization, all that Soulmist Projecting. A simple rock could tire him out and cause him so much pain. Sure, he could respect that. He could understand that.

He must have understood more than he thought, because it was just then, just that one time that the secondary rock...even while he held tightly onto the first...twitched.

[Growl]

Appreciation Time! Name: Auldwin Experience: +3 Soulmist Projection, +1 Materialization Lore: Move You Petching Rock!, Is She Making Fun of Me?, Learning From Another Additional Notes: PM with questions or concerns.