Closed The Tea Connection (Amelia)

[Valerius Nitrozian]

Valerius smiled very faintly as Amelia claimed to have a strong will. „Others have said that before, and yet they fell prey to the temptations of the arcane arts“, he remarked. „Do you think you will still be sane in a decade or two? In Zeltiva I spent some time studying the theory of magic. I too saw that it could be useful, that it could be used to protect my family and myself, but in the end I decided against becoming a mage. I was afraid that, no matter how strong willed I was, the temptation would be stronger. If you are really able to resist it, then you have my utter respect, Miss Cross.“ As she remarked that learning the Ancient Tongue was a challenge, he arched an eyebrow. „You do not know it then?“ he asked. „You surprise me, Miss Cross. I thought that most mages had some knowledge of it. Many of the older texts have been written in it. It is the language of our ancestors.“ She would notice that the expression on his face softened somewhat as she called him a gifted scholar. He was not immune to compliments. „Ah, I do not find politics boring“, he told her and took a sip from his drink. „As I told you politics can be quite enjoyable, besides having some political knowledge is vital for a member of House Nitrozian. Most common citizens have little interest in them though. I’m glad that you are different. Tell me, Miss Cross, what do you think of the current political situation?“ He looked directly at her as he asked the question. He took note of her statement that she liked singing and dancing, but said nothing. His Konti slave, Melenna liked those things as well and would sometimes sing for him when they were alone in his suite, but he had always thought that an interest in singing, dancing and acting was unbecoming of a man like him, a man that had such great ambitions. He was worried that he would be seen as weak because of it. He was just about to ask her why she thought he had asked her to meet him, whether she thought that it was because he found her attractive or because of a better, more sensible reason, when another statement of hers caught his attention. „Fortune telling, Miss Cross?“ he wondered. „Are you a seer? Could you tell my fortune?“

[Amelia Cross]

If only she got a copper for every time someone said something along these lines, she could probably buy an estate somewhere near the temple. The pale girl had learned that all of this is not safe, for your mental or physical health. With every bell spent in the institute where she studied the effects of overgiving and all follow-up effects of magic, she questioned herself more and more. Why did she even want this? And the answer is always the same, to be worth something in her father’s eyes. If going insane and paranoid, but powerful enough to earn respect from her father and maybe even the city…she could deal with it, she was sure. Then again, the girl was confident she would not go insane…but only time will tell. ”I’ll either go insane within the nearest 2 years or die out or recklessness, if the bad scenarios are the ones we play by….” she spoke calmly, making it clear that she is quite well aware of the danger magic holds. But the topic was getting too heavy, and she had to lighten it up ”but in a decade or two, who knows, you might hear bards singing songs about my greatness” she finished with a smile that made it quite clear that she was done with the topic of magic and anything that had the slightest association with it.

None the less, she noticed how his face grew more human like when the topic of language had sunk in the conversation fully. Faintly she recalled that the mention of language and studies as a whole, brought up more human like emotions and a bit of a more natural tone in his voice even during their last encounter. She still had no idea how to use this little scratch of information to benefit herself though, after all, she was not much of a linguist herself.”I should probably ask for classes from my mentor” But she didn’t want to note on the topic further even if she felt like it could be of use, better to have him closed up than have herself on the open.

Speaking about politics with the Nitrozian was also not something she would really chose to do, not because she couldn’t, more so because she thought he might find her opinions ‘wrong’. Valerius was a child of Ravok to the bone, he was fed the way Ravokians think with the milk his mother gave, she was sure of it, while Amelia carried the mixed opinion of completely opposite cities. ”Political discussions could get quite passionate, I don’t find them suitable for tea, but I can’t deny you my opinion” the girl explained as she toke a sip of her tea once more, slowly, buying herself time to think you could say.

”It’s in a state of calm before a storm, a soon to come storm. My father claims I am paranoid when it comes to Ravok political fields, but I think not. The Rising Dawn is not handled too well, people prey instead of act, and I doubt it will be too long until we see more of their vandalism…Also, with Gru’Tal and his soldiers returning to the city, I bet the Dawn will use a big event regarding their welcome as a chance to ‘shine’…don’t you agree? They have been silent for unnaturally long now” Amelia liked storms, but somehow she felt that this was more than just a blabber to keep the conversation going. Ever since she heard that the Druvin is returning, she had a bad feeling. ”not to mention, the whispers between the situated state, that I am not the only one with paranoia problems, but others have different ideas”

The question regarding her fortune telling was a surprise, she expected him to arch a brow, frown and drop a negative comment about it not being of anything worthy. But here he was, asking if she could read his fortune, some people are truly hard to read and Mr.Nitrozian was one of those.”I wouldn’t call myself a seer, but with my common encounters with Konti seers I have learned a thing or two, reading from palms and cards, tea and coffee…among other things. There is more to the art than meets the eye, though I would call it science more than art”

…so, do you wish to have your fortune read?” sweet in her voice, a light smile, but somewhere in between those words you could feel that there was a spark of a challenge, inviting him to try…and give Amelia some insight on the man. Let her see what he might have never said.

[Valerius Nitrozian]

„You are very self confident, Miss Cross“, Valerius observed. „If you really think that bards will be singing songs about you in a decade or two, I might have to watch you.“ He too felt the constant need to prove himself. He too wanted to be worth something – in his grandfather’s eyes – but he was not willing to go to such extremes as Amelia. Valerius Nitrozian valued his sanity and his physical beauty more than such power. As she admitted that she should ask her mentor for classes, he nodded. „If I may ask, who is your mentor?“ he wanted to know. He thought of offering her classes in Nader-canoch himself to bind the Cross family more closely to him, but decided against it for the time being. Maybe he would bring the topic up again at a later date though. „As for political discussions, I agree that they are not really suited for tea, but please humor me this one time, Miss Cross“, he continued. He needed to know more about her before he associated himself with her further. Surprisingly her views on the current situation in Ravok matched his own.“A certain amount of paranoia is vital“, he carefully remarked. „I do agree that the situation with the Rising Dawn could be handled better. I was there when they attacked the Temple of the Black Sun, and I witnessed our people’s reaction to it. Something is definitely up. I would advise you against openly criticizing the actions of the Ebonstryfe and the Black Sun though.“ He briefly looked around the cafe to find out if anybody was listening to their conversation. As he had said, a certain amount of paranoia was vitial. The next topic – fortune telling – was a little safer. „I have to tell you, Miss Cross“, he said as she told him what she had learned. „Until a few months ago I thought little of fortune tellers and their work and believed them all to be frauds. But I acquired a Konti slave in the meantime. She has changed my opinion on some things.“ She had also taught him to be even more careful than he had been. Part of him was constantly worried that Melenna was going to find out some of his most carefully hidden secrets, but another part of him was curious, beyond imagination. He could not help but wonder what fate, what the gods had in store for him, whether he would ever be anything besides Sitanos Nitrozian’s grandson and Amanda Nitrozian’s assistant, the man who had failed to attract Rhysol’s attention so far. „Yes, I would like to have my fortune read“, he replied. He did not smile, but was completely serious – and slightly cautious.

[Amelia Cross]

Amelia couldn’t help but feel that Valerius still didn’t approve of her choice, of magic as a whole. He seemed to be one of those, who would so willingly take the power, but just the idea of risk scares him away from it, like a rat. Pathetic, but reasonable at the same time. But this was a great difference between the two, if Amelia saw danger, and felt that she had even the slightest power to control it and gain, she would take it. After all, life stats once your comfort zone ends, but she doubted a man of house Nitrozian knew when comfort ended.

When asked the name of her mentor, Amelia’s mind faced doubt. A name of a mage was of great power, and in a city of this, to a man of a powerful family, a name gave too much. Then again, she didn’t have to tell her of Clyde, after all, she studied under bout him and the Institute…what gave her enough names to drop. ”Luvet” she simply said, ignoring the fact that the man was a morphing teacher. Valerius didn’t know the disciplines of magic Amelia studied, so even if he knew Luvet, he wouldn’t link her on lies or ‘hiding detail’. Yet, this was all she was willing to say, cutting this whole topic of magic short. She had already gone too far for her own good, with a man who is practically a stranger.

They had similar views, and it was a pleasant surprise. She did however forget about the whole ‘don’t blame the Sun or Stryfe’ deal, but Amelia didn’t let that comment stick around her head too long since she hadn’t been too loud and she was not too openly against them or blaming them in the faults of this city, just a bit of critic if you let her put it that way. ”Did I sound like that much of a critic? I didn’t intend to” she tried to excuse herself as sincerely as she could.

Konti slave, well, Konti where beautiful that much Amelia knew from having befriended quite a few. They were also considered pricy and exotic slaves, for the long live span they had, they were also great investment especially if they had the gift of healing…yes, she could see this man having one of those just for the sake of looking a bit more prestigious maybe? ”Konti are beautiful, aren’t they? Something about their appearance is just so amazing, they make worthy investment as slaves” the girl decided to not speak of the friends she had on a sentimental level, but also, not to leave it like this ”but if you let them speak, they can be so much more, after all, most everything I know as a fortune teller I have learned from Konti seers…not to mention, their language is beautiful, its really a pleasure to hear them speak and sing in their native tongue, a reason I enjoy studying it”

Regarding the offer to read his fortune, Amelia didn’t expect him to agree to a reading. She however didn’t think twice before offering her hand to the man ”give me your palm, and I will tell you, but keep in mind, that not everything I tell is pleasant…after all, I have had a few people want to chop my hands off for the things I say”

[Valerius Nitrozian]

„I thank you for your trust“, Valerius replied as Amelia told him the name of her mentor. He made a mental note to make inquiries about the man – at least he assumed it was a man – later on. He had no idea that „Luvet“ was really a mage named Clyde Sullins that he had met on two occasions so far – once to discuss the art of magecrafting and once at the party where his grandfather had nearly been killed. He had not recognized Mister Sullins then though. „And yes, Konti are beautiful“, he agreed. „They are among the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen, and they have several unique gifts besides the ability to sometimes see the future. The fact that they can only give birth to other Konti is unfortunate though.“ If it weren’t for that, he would eventually have taken a Konti of sufficiently high birth to his bed to do his duty to his family, despite his general dislike for such acts. Konti were a little less repulsive than other beings. „You speak Kontinese?“ he asked and arched an eyebrow. „I wasn’t aware of that. My slave has not taught me to speak her language so far.“ He would have to ask Melenna about it when he returned to the Nitrozian Estate. It would give them something besides music that they could fill their evenings together with. As she asked him to give her his hand, he hesitated for a moment, only in part because he was worried about what she would see. He generally didn’t like touching other people. But then he extended his right hand. It was completely steady and didn’t tremble at all. He looked into her eyes and then he spoke, „Tell me what you see, Miss Cross. Tell me what will become of me. And do not worry about having your hands chopped off. I wouldn’t do something as barbaric.“

[Amelia Cross]

A thanks was worth little, actually, she would say it was worth just the breath of air it toke Valerius to say it. While the information, the name, if Amelia had been truthful, could have been quite the powerful tool. But since it was all a lie, she didn’t let herself be bothered with the dry and quite boring way he reacted to it. Even if he did take mental notes of it, Amelia would not have done anything bad. Her true mentor, the one she was bound to, was not mentioned. The teacher at the Institute of Higher Learning was just another teacher. He might or might not remember his students, giving Amelia the perfect excuse, she was not a native, she was fresh in the Institute, it would only be natural that the man would not remember her even if he did teach her something.

”yes, they have multiple gifts, including the long lifespan they possess, the ability to breath under water…interesting they truly are” she had to add in, but she was not sure how to respond to the comment of Mr.Nitrozian regarding the fact the Konti give birth only to Konti. It didn’t sound like he was fascinated by this, he seemed disappointed, could it be that he wanted to have a…half breed daughter or son of a konti? The idea alone made the image Amelia built of this man shatter, but she didn’t want to quite believe it, no Ravokian would prefer a none-human over a human…right? Or had she found someone to counter those opinions? She had the chance to push her luck here, well, that was exactly what she intended to do ”for a moment there, you made me think you’d like to have a child carried by one of them” her voice was adjusted to sound so much more playful than anything else, but you could see that glimpse of curiosity in her eyes, that true form of Amelia that just had to know everything.

For a man of languages, for someone who seemed to be quite found of Konti as a race, to not know their language, Amelia was indeed shocked. Instantly the idea of saying something in their tongue flashed, but she suppressed the urge. Pride was not something that looked good upon the first few meetings, and her own knowledge of the language was poor enough to not be able of give much insight on it…but ”I’d feel so sad if you’d chose a slave to teach you, If I offer my own services” confident, at least it sounded like that. If nothing, she would at least bluff her way out of things, and the fact he was interested in languages provided an opening she couldn’t miss on.

As the man’s hand outstretched towards her, the melody of victory came to her head. She felt like a doll master, this man looked like he would believe everything she said. But no, Amelia wouldn’t let herself go too far with fake and manipulative statements. What she wanted, was to actually found out more about this man, the rest, depended on what she would see. ”I trust you, but do you trust yourself?” oh how she loved these little questions.

The pale woman looked at the palm of the man, what surprised Amelia, was that she saw marks of actual labor on its surface and the line of work didn’t keep silent, his work was not just mixing ingredients for poisons. Hinting that the man had either lied, or just kept a few things out when speaking of his carrier, then again, it might be something dealing with kelvics. Carrying them and gathering ingredients for poison, which might be the labor the man was disgusted with in the past? Yet it was confusing, since it didn’t make sense. A man of his standing could get someone to do these things. ”well, let’s begin with your past, looks like your past job wasn’t as nice as you liked it…you actually felt disgust with it…maybe even shame of it?” her tone was so emotionless that it was hard to tell, was she fooling or was she completely confident in her words, it was up for the Nitrozian to defend or agree.

”but it does get better, better from the point of carrier…but shadows, bloods…death, I’m guessing your job with kelvics and interest in poisons isn’t always separated?” her voice keeping steady, and face calm as ever, not a single twitch of her porcelain mask ”tell me, before I look into things I shouldn’t see, and tell you things you don’t want me to tell you, is there something specific you want to know? Or is it the good old ‘power-women-money’ scheme men have?” too late for this question, but better late than never.

[Valerius Nitrozian]

„Like, Miss Cross?“ Valerius asked. Would he like to have a child by a Konti? No. If he had any say in that matter, he’d rather never become a father at all. He didn’t really know how to deal with children, they confused him, they just weren’t logical, and he wasn’t sure if he could tolerate a second person like him either. He just found Konti a little more interesting than most of the human women he had met so far. He discriminated against all other races, besides Eypharians maybe, but Konti were beautiful and elegant. „I don’t think like is the right word. You must have misunderstood me, Miss Cross.“ If he hadn’t cared so much about good behaviour, if he hadn‘t been completely sober, he might have asked her if she wanted to carry his child rather than a random Konti – he could not help but wonder if she wanted more from him – but he would not do that. Never. He did not want her to get the wrong impression of him, although being seen in public with her suited his purpose. He should not have talked about his interest in the Konti race at all – although it was less inappropriate than some of his other interests. „Are you really offering to teach me Kontinese?“ he wanted to know. „I would appreciate that. I would rather be taught by a freeborn woman like you than a slave.“ „Why should I not trust myself?“ he asked. He found her question strange to say the least. „I am the only person that I trust completely, Miss Cross. I never lie to myself and never to anything behind my back. I have complete control over my actions and my thoughts.“ That was not entirely true, but he would never admit that. There were strange thoughts that sometimes entered his mind, but he always made them go away. As she spoke about the disgust he had felt for his past job, he frowned and almost pulled his hand away. How did she know that? „My aunt and I had some disagreements over what my work should consist of“, he replied. „Fortunately she realized that a different position would suit me better.“ Had Miss Cross secretly spied on him? How had she found out that he had been forced to clean Kelvic cages, to bathe the creatures, feed them and remove their excrements? He had never mentioned it to anybody, worried that they would laugh at him. „Sometimes dealing with poisons is necessary in the medical field“, he informed her. Did she know that he had poisoned a Kelvic, that he assisted Doctor Alzelin with experiments that most people outside of Ravok would disapprove of? „Money and power are important, Miss Cross“, he told her. „But besides that tell me whatever you think will be of interest to me. Consider it a challenge.“

[Amelia Cross]

Amelia listened to the excuse the man put up forth and with a polite and quite well pulled off node she agreed that she might have misunderstood his words, for the sake of skipping an argument that would backfire. While in reality, it was nothing but an act. It felt like the topic was far too touchy for him, only driving her curiosity further, wanting to ask more and push it further. And while she could see the idea of discussing children and similar topics on the first proper meeting a bit odd, it wouldn’t really stop her...in most cases. If she went on too straight forward, it might just seem strange and scare off an useful friend. This statement, it made her rethink the topics she has been brining to the table so far, not the nicest of all if she dared to say so. But could she be blamed for curiosity? Valerius was interesting all in all. He was secretive to a degree that made it fun rather than intimidating; he was distant and had an invisible wall around him that only increased Amelia’s desire to bring the wall down.

Well, Amelia’s own knowledge of the language where poor, but she could make up for it. Somehow, she just wasn’t quite sure how. Her first idea was to get her own slave, a konti. Amelia might act a lot of things, but she would not use her as a slave, more like a good servant. She had little doubt that she would have trouble befriending a konti, and she could teach her…and then she could teach that to Mr.Valerius ”yes, I’m sure it would be an experience worthwhile, not to mention, you could give me a tip or two on basics of the ancient tongue…win win situation, don’t you agree?” just the bit of her flirtatious tone sneaking out, to make her statement sound not so official.

The way he was trying to prove that he trusted himself so much, it only made the fortune teller smile a bit more. A person that defends himself so eagerly and with such passion, its usually a sign of lies and even though she had nothing but her own thoughts to back this theory up with, she was more than sure that he himself, did not believe at least some aspects of that sentence. But she had no rights to claim otherwise, and if she still wished his good grace, she was in no position to attack him.

Her black eyes glued to the man’s facial features as she spoke, the frown when she first stated the disgust of his job, that was a painful thing. Making the girl wonder, what might he have done? The hand of his didn’t show any of the detail that the Nitrozian would rather take to the grave, than actually let someone know, and she was sure he wasn’t telling something ”yes, your job…its clear this is something you enjoy more, but its still not what you wish to do…it looks like you are under…under someone’s guidance and not…not on your own if I dare to say so? Looks like you are, baby sited?” she mentioned, just looking down at his palm.

She kept the words he said in mind though, he wanted to hear of power and money, but what surprised her, he had no mention of women. She had seen that people coming from different backgrounds, different cities…their desires to know varied, but for a man, the same idea staid…could it be that this man was not interested in women? No, obscure, what man in the right mind…

Amelia placed her index finger on the middle of his palm, gently and with little pressure she guided her finger from there, along the line of his fate. Amelia had a habit of doing this when she would run out of things to say, and not that she was a bad fortune teller, just reading money was never good. It never came easy, she was much better with emotions and romance…what she could hardly pick up on this man. ”can’t keep doing this forever” the girl cursed in her mind as she traced her finger along the line of his mind, strong, steady…but somehow rippled and in arguments. This was the line she had to pick up to see the story of Mr.Nitrozian.

”Now, you are wearing a mask, you are not as honest as you would like to come off as…your mind says it all, you wish for something that you want, but don’t need…” She has seen this same patter on many, usually on the friends of her father, they follow the sun and crave the thing that they think they need. The Sun and Rhysols approval, while in reality, the might need something else. ”needs and wants are different things, and you don’t harmonize them enough…you want, but ignore your needs” not the sunniest words she could say, but the honest ones.

She saw a mess, a chaos in his future…at first, she was sure it was something sad, but then, when it crossed with fate and health…power and fame…she realized, this man has greatness up in front of him, but the trail will be covered in blood and dead bodies, shame and his own death? It couldn’t be. She hopped the image was false, in silence she traced the pattern over and over, trying to imagine something else, doing that one thing a fortune teller should never do…overthink. Eventually she found a different story to fill him in on…but its still not something Amelia would find a pleasant story.

[Valerius Nitrozian]

Valerius himself was not completely aware that he was just making excuses, that he was avoiding certain topics. He didn’t want to think about them. He believed what he said. He believed that being admired, that being respected and liked by his grandfather, that rising through the ranks of the Black Sun was more important than anything else in the world, certainly more important than that ridiculous thing called happiness. He would marry a woman – a woman that could give him human children – he was convinced that he could perform satisfactorily, even if there were no feelings involved – and he would receive Rhysol’s marks and worship him and only him and try to kill off all his doubts and all of his unwanted, unwelcome and inappropriate feelings, until the day he died. He was beginning to doubt his decision to allow Amelia Cross to read his palm, but he would not take his permission back now. He didn’t want her to think him a coward. Besides, he was still curious about his future. He wanted her to confirm how rich and powerful he would become. If she said something that he didn’t want to hear, even if it was the truth, he would either threaten her, call her a liar or bribe her and ask her what she wanted from him in exchange for her silence. Satisfied that he had a plan, no matter how the little fortune telling session went, he coolly replied, „Indeed, Miss Cross. It would be a win-win situation. I’ve wanted to pass my knowledge of the Ancient Tongue on to somebody else for a while now. If everything goes as planned, you will become my first student.“ „And no, I’m still not completely satisfied with my current job. I wish to become my aunt’s equal. I have to disagree with your claim that I’m babysat though. My aunt seems to believe that I need a mentor, that I don’t know enough to conduct my own research yet. That isn't exactly the same as babysitting. She underestimates me, don’t you agree?“ It was worse than that, of course. He’d had an argument with his aunt once. Apart from everything else she seemed to think that he underestimated their Kelvic test subjects. She disagreed with the fact that he viewed them as worthless animals. He would never tell Miss Cross that though. He also wouldn’t say bad things about such a powerful woman as Amanda Nitrozian in public. It could always backfire. It would almost certainly backfire. You never know who was secretly listening. „And what makes you think I’m wearing a mask, Miss Cross?“ he asked. He sounded too arrogant – by far. „Did my palm tell you that? Did you see it in the lines of my hand? You say that needs and wants are different things. Tell me what my needs are – if you think you know, but keep your voice low. Yae Varone doesn’t need to hear it.“

[Amelia Cross]

Amelia was glad to hear him say that he would agree to tutor her. She realized this might be an expensive affair to get into, considering that eventually she’d have to find either a tutor of Kontinese or a konti slave, but she couldn’t let this opportunity fly pass. Not to mention, it was hard to find someone who could actually tutor you in the art of the ancient tongue in this city, someone proper with good knowledge and skill. Who knew, if she was kind enough to the man’s ego, she might just earn the liking of the family.

If the man wished to live a lie, she wouldn’t really be the one ringing the bell for him to wake up. Some lives, were much better off lived fake than sorry, but she couldn’t put the puzzle together. The image Valerius had created for her, was near perfection from the point of view of the average citizen of Ravok. But as she looked at his palm and at those occasional outbreaks of small emotion on his face, avoidance of some topics, you could see he was hiding something, something more than just a bad habit or two. Above all else, being part of the Nitrozian household, he shouldn’t have had much trouble to deal with in the past…why can’t palms put names and dates on things, why couldn’t Amelia see them. ”offering him to use cards now, would be foolish, especially in public”

The woman was sure, he was lying to himself, but that was nothing but her own guess against the word of a stubborn man. How to respond to his question though? She knew that sugar coating her lines wouldn’t work all the time. This was also a touchy topic, one he seemed to like, but at the same time not quite enjoy fleshing out. ” I’m not the one to pass judgment on this, after all, I don’t know you that well” was her answer, and she could have left it like this, but no, she decided to go just a bit further ”but, that can be fixed” adding color to it.

”I know one, when I see one” ”after all, I wear one to” finished in her mind, but she began relating to the man, in terms of hiding true natures and possibly even more than that from the general public. But if Amelia switched her masks so often, that different people knew different women…than in Mr.Nitrozian’s case, she was sure he had just one that he wore for years now. It seemed so worn on to him, that it was hard to tell where it ended and was it even a mask or just her own paranoia?

A fortuneteller does not like it when they are talked to in this manner, if it had been just any other merchant…chances are she wouldn’t bother and would splash the content of her glass in his face before leaving…or just read him out like the nothing she usually saw these people like. But in once more, this situation required different approaches. Firstly and most importantly, she was the one who needed to be on the good side of this man, not the other way around…secondly, she saw his life, he was meant for great things, horrible…but great. ”don’t think me a fool, I know what I see…while its clear that your own eyes are blurred”

”you see, a want of a spoiled child would be to have even more…while he would really need a good slap across the face and having his mind set straight” and with that she looked around...the people here didn’t seem to be worried of their chatter, but Amelia wouldn’t care. She was surprisingly immune to people and their insults, and she liked watching a crowd…but this time, she should probably adjust her mask a bit tighter on her face and agree to be a bit more silent with her words.

”well I can be short and simple here” she leaned a bit closer, over the table and let her voice become a bit softer ”you darling, need freedom from this city, a fresh perspective…and a lot of fate, not pride”