18th of Winter, 513 AV
Anna felt lost. Drowning in a sea of despair and bitterness that was of her own making, a fact that only made it all the more hopeless seeming. She hated the feeling of being lost, it was too close to the feeling of weakness which disgusted her beyond belief. Her emotions were not just something she could just hold in check after all, yet in order to correct her fault that was exactly what she needed to do. It was rather like asking a person to build a wall around the whole of the land to separate it from the ocean, Anna couldn't just switch off. She was her emotions, they were what made her human and while they were twisted they were still hers.
Then again, they had also been the cause of every mistake she had made up to this point. If she hadn't followed her emotions Darren wouldn't be threatening her life, she wouldn't have threatened that stupid petching slave, and she wouldn't have enemies barring down on all sides. Thus she was lost, unable to not feel but recognizing why she might be better off being cold like the Nuit. It vexed her to know end, and she had plenty of time just to think about it Amaryllis had seen to that, the frigid bitch. Locked up in the Palsa Hydrasa until the time of her appointment to Wizard rank, chained here with bronze around her finger.
Anna stared up at the ceiling from her mat, not really wanting to do anything and simply just lay here becoming one with the idea of nothingness. Instead of these distracting thoughts she shifted her mind towards to Void, the very dimension of nothingness. Long bells had been spent starring into the inky blackness of the Portals she could manage to create, trying to actually understand it. Perhaps she needed to stare at it longer, to look in upon it. Perhaps that would clear her mind of these emotions, of these problems and circumstances that led her here.
The tall woman slowly sat up and positioned herself cross-legged, her long dark hair falling free about her face and her clothing her more common variety. She looked mostly the picture of good health, a rare thing to see among the pulsers of Sahova. Only the dark rings around her eyes and the slight drooping of her eyelids indicated to her true condition. Honestly being a wizard it was hardly surprising really.
Her sleep was haunted by specters of days past, often she found herself awakening in cold sweat from nightmares. First there was that girl lying on the floor of the Elements Sanctum, blank eyes starring up at her as they silently accused her of being inadequate. Then there was those horrid red eyes, shifting through her memories as she mentally cried out in anguish from everything being torn from her. Lastly there was her hand holding a blood stained dagger, vital fluid streaming down her fingers as a woman breathed her last breath in a traitor's arms.
Anna doubted that she would ever sleep soundly again, doubted there would ever be a day where the girl's eyes didn't accuse her or the red eyes didn't haunt her. Really, who wouldn't be a little unhinged by seeing what she had? Who wouldn't find the edges of their sanity fraying and their emotions starting to flare? No one could know the depths of suffering that she had fallen into, some caused by her own hand and others Lhex's cruel whims thrust upon her. She wouldn't speak of them either, lest she be seen as weak or even worse pitied by those around her.
A shuddering cold breath was taken in, tired grey eyes closing as she began to cycle her breathing. She needed to push all that aside and gain focus, to think about the concept of nothingness. Anna wanted the idea of the Void to fill her heart and soul, to take this petching horrid suffering away and let her be nothing. A fool's hope, but a hope nonetheless and on Sahova even a little hope was something.
Each intake of breath served to clear the clutter of confusion and the waves of despair, bringing some bit of clarity. She could hear her breath, she could feel her heart beating gently in her chest reminding her that blood still flowed through her body. Everything was slowly, ever so slowly, slipping away into one fugue-like state of calm, the torrent of her mind becoming placid.
The fading of the confusion brought with it the clarity of nothing, a black void in her mind that doused the fires of chaos and imposed some sense of order and finality. The Void was the beginning and the end of all thing, everything started as nothing and that was how they ended at some point. Every start had an ending and every ending had a start, the Void was both at once while simultaneous being neither. It was nothing, and in that it was one of the most powerful forces one could wield.
The concept held in mind Anna opened her sleep deprived eyes, raising her right hand and curling her fingers upwards. Personal Magic they called it, the magic of the self and the path to becoming more than the average mortal. Anna was wizened by her experiences, no longer blinded by her thirst for the arcane but rather understanding that it was a part of who she was now. It was a limb, a muscle, not something to be abused but something to carefully improve and understand. She had mastered the four elements, yet her journey was not yet finished. It had not even yet begun, for with more answers always new questions arose.
Anna focused upon that wellspring that existed within herself, on that force that made up her very identity and defined who she was. The sorceress gathered the vital pool that was her Djed and focused it beneath her outstretched hand. To control such magic of the self, one needed to expend pieces of themselves. Wizards, no matter how powerful they became, were still limited by their energy and by their Djed. No matter how powerful the master, they still had upper limits. Anna knew the upper limits of Reimancy, now it was time to explore those of Voiding.
The Sorceress focused upon a singular point above her hand, willing her Djed to empty out the tiny space. Her face was a mask of utter concentration as eldritch words fell from her lips, the language of a world long forgotten by most. It was a language that possessed power all its own, one that had few words but yet all got their point across beautifully. It was a language Anna appreciated for its simplicity.
"Sutla Gug. Gug Sutla."
"Sutla Gug. Gug Sutla."
"Sutla Gug. Gug Sutla."
The incantations in Nader Canoch repeated over and over, aiding in keeping focus as she focused upon the point above her hand. It was not until thirty ticks had passed that some manner of result was felt first, and then seen. A rush of energy was sapped from her body, her Djed being consumed to give birth to the new born Portal to the Void. A mere pinprick of shifting midnight hovered above her curled fingers, hungrily devouring her vital energy.
A tug pulled at her mind, the urge tickling her passions as she felt pleasure tingling down her spine as her breath was stolen in cold puff. It was always amazing just how much these Portals could take from her, they were so very small and seemingly insignificant. She remembered her sisters Portal, it had been rather large and looked like it could swallow a person easily. Her own were paltry by comparison but Anna felt that they could eventually reach her sister's level. The tall sorceress had experience on her side.
Carefully Anna fed the Portal a gentle influx of Djed, attempting to stabilize the new born bridge between This Side and The Other Side. Her concentration was upon it and only it, trying to keep it open was a struggle in and of itself. It was much the same as when she had been just starting with reimancy, when it had been nearly impossible to just generate res. Yet she had mastered the four elements, what then could she accomplish given enough time with the art of Voiding?
Anna stabilized the tiny Portal and the slowly, cautiously, began to feed it an increasing amount of Djed in an effort to expand it. The tiny Portal began to expand, the glimpse into the Void becoming larger and larger slowly but steadily. This was a dangerous phase as it was when she felt the heart-wrenching desire to just keep going. The urge whispered insidiously in her mind of such maddening power, of consuming the whole of Sahova in a single massive Portal. However Anna gritted her teeth and pushed the desire away, continuing the expansion until a Portal the size of her fully stretched hand came into being.
Anna felt lost. Drowning in a sea of despair and bitterness that was of her own making, a fact that only made it all the more hopeless seeming. She hated the feeling of being lost, it was too close to the feeling of weakness which disgusted her beyond belief. Her emotions were not just something she could just hold in check after all, yet in order to correct her fault that was exactly what she needed to do. It was rather like asking a person to build a wall around the whole of the land to separate it from the ocean, Anna couldn't just switch off. She was her emotions, they were what made her human and while they were twisted they were still hers.
Then again, they had also been the cause of every mistake she had made up to this point. If she hadn't followed her emotions Darren wouldn't be threatening her life, she wouldn't have threatened that stupid petching slave, and she wouldn't have enemies barring down on all sides. Thus she was lost, unable to not feel but recognizing why she might be better off being cold like the Nuit. It vexed her to know end, and she had plenty of time just to think about it Amaryllis had seen to that, the frigid bitch. Locked up in the Palsa Hydrasa until the time of her appointment to Wizard rank, chained here with bronze around her finger.
Anna stared up at the ceiling from her mat, not really wanting to do anything and simply just lay here becoming one with the idea of nothingness. Instead of these distracting thoughts she shifted her mind towards to Void, the very dimension of nothingness. Long bells had been spent starring into the inky blackness of the Portals she could manage to create, trying to actually understand it. Perhaps she needed to stare at it longer, to look in upon it. Perhaps that would clear her mind of these emotions, of these problems and circumstances that led her here.
The tall woman slowly sat up and positioned herself cross-legged, her long dark hair falling free about her face and her clothing her more common variety. She looked mostly the picture of good health, a rare thing to see among the pulsers of Sahova. Only the dark rings around her eyes and the slight drooping of her eyelids indicated to her true condition. Honestly being a wizard it was hardly surprising really.
Her sleep was haunted by specters of days past, often she found herself awakening in cold sweat from nightmares. First there was that girl lying on the floor of the Elements Sanctum, blank eyes starring up at her as they silently accused her of being inadequate. Then there was those horrid red eyes, shifting through her memories as she mentally cried out in anguish from everything being torn from her. Lastly there was her hand holding a blood stained dagger, vital fluid streaming down her fingers as a woman breathed her last breath in a traitor's arms.
Anna doubted that she would ever sleep soundly again, doubted there would ever be a day where the girl's eyes didn't accuse her or the red eyes didn't haunt her. Really, who wouldn't be a little unhinged by seeing what she had? Who wouldn't find the edges of their sanity fraying and their emotions starting to flare? No one could know the depths of suffering that she had fallen into, some caused by her own hand and others Lhex's cruel whims thrust upon her. She wouldn't speak of them either, lest she be seen as weak or even worse pitied by those around her.
A shuddering cold breath was taken in, tired grey eyes closing as she began to cycle her breathing. She needed to push all that aside and gain focus, to think about the concept of nothingness. Anna wanted the idea of the Void to fill her heart and soul, to take this petching horrid suffering away and let her be nothing. A fool's hope, but a hope nonetheless and on Sahova even a little hope was something.
Each intake of breath served to clear the clutter of confusion and the waves of despair, bringing some bit of clarity. She could hear her breath, she could feel her heart beating gently in her chest reminding her that blood still flowed through her body. Everything was slowly, ever so slowly, slipping away into one fugue-like state of calm, the torrent of her mind becoming placid.
The fading of the confusion brought with it the clarity of nothing, a black void in her mind that doused the fires of chaos and imposed some sense of order and finality. The Void was the beginning and the end of all thing, everything started as nothing and that was how they ended at some point. Every start had an ending and every ending had a start, the Void was both at once while simultaneous being neither. It was nothing, and in that it was one of the most powerful forces one could wield.
The concept held in mind Anna opened her sleep deprived eyes, raising her right hand and curling her fingers upwards. Personal Magic they called it, the magic of the self and the path to becoming more than the average mortal. Anna was wizened by her experiences, no longer blinded by her thirst for the arcane but rather understanding that it was a part of who she was now. It was a limb, a muscle, not something to be abused but something to carefully improve and understand. She had mastered the four elements, yet her journey was not yet finished. It had not even yet begun, for with more answers always new questions arose.
Anna focused upon that wellspring that existed within herself, on that force that made up her very identity and defined who she was. The sorceress gathered the vital pool that was her Djed and focused it beneath her outstretched hand. To control such magic of the self, one needed to expend pieces of themselves. Wizards, no matter how powerful they became, were still limited by their energy and by their Djed. No matter how powerful the master, they still had upper limits. Anna knew the upper limits of Reimancy, now it was time to explore those of Voiding.
The Sorceress focused upon a singular point above her hand, willing her Djed to empty out the tiny space. Her face was a mask of utter concentration as eldritch words fell from her lips, the language of a world long forgotten by most. It was a language that possessed power all its own, one that had few words but yet all got their point across beautifully. It was a language Anna appreciated for its simplicity.
"Sutla Gug. Gug Sutla."
"Sutla Gug. Gug Sutla."
"Sutla Gug. Gug Sutla."
The incantations in Nader Canoch repeated over and over, aiding in keeping focus as she focused upon the point above her hand. It was not until thirty ticks had passed that some manner of result was felt first, and then seen. A rush of energy was sapped from her body, her Djed being consumed to give birth to the new born Portal to the Void. A mere pinprick of shifting midnight hovered above her curled fingers, hungrily devouring her vital energy.
A tug pulled at her mind, the urge tickling her passions as she felt pleasure tingling down her spine as her breath was stolen in cold puff. It was always amazing just how much these Portals could take from her, they were so very small and seemingly insignificant. She remembered her sisters Portal, it had been rather large and looked like it could swallow a person easily. Her own were paltry by comparison but Anna felt that they could eventually reach her sister's level. The tall sorceress had experience on her side.
Carefully Anna fed the Portal a gentle influx of Djed, attempting to stabilize the new born bridge between This Side and The Other Side. Her concentration was upon it and only it, trying to keep it open was a struggle in and of itself. It was much the same as when she had been just starting with reimancy, when it had been nearly impossible to just generate res. Yet she had mastered the four elements, what then could she accomplish given enough time with the art of Voiding?
Anna stabilized the tiny Portal and the slowly, cautiously, began to feed it an increasing amount of Djed in an effort to expand it. The tiny Portal began to expand, the glimpse into the Void becoming larger and larger slowly but steadily. This was a dangerous phase as it was when she felt the heart-wrenching desire to just keep going. The urge whispered insidiously in her mind of such maddening power, of consuming the whole of Sahova in a single massive Portal. However Anna gritted her teeth and pushed the desire away, continuing the expansion until a Portal the size of her fully stretched hand came into being.
