Solo First Signs Of Depression

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The Diamond of Kalea is located on Kalea's extreme west coast and called as such because its completely made of a crystalline substance called Skyglass. Home of the Alvina of the Stars, cultural mecca of knowledge seekers, and rife with Ethaefal, this remote city shimmers with its own unique light.

First Signs Of Depression

Postby Engghaen on May 24th, 2014, 10:03 am

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30th of Spring, 514AV

It was morning. No, actually, it was already late. Too late to get things done. Engghaen walked in a steady pace. This place was getting boring. The ever lasting curiosity she normally had for new places, new people, new creatures had faded away. It was all getting the same. There were haters, liars, cheaters, and she could rarely find anyone likeable. Why would they like her anyway? She was just a little girl, very small, nothing good to say, and she was clumsy. Very clumsy. She'd picked the wrong herbs for Brandon (*), she'd fallen off of a roof, she'd crashed into some glass on the Azure Market... She wasn't the smartest, most attractive person in the world. Rather, she was just seen as somebody to mess with. Nothing she did was serious, so they didn't need to take her serious. Occasionally she'd get mad. That was it. She never really did something. Never really accomplished something. It was all fun and games. And that was maybe what bugged her the most.

The girl wandered towards the Library. There, she stopped and put her back against some or other wall. It was actually a wonderful day, sun was shining, birds chirping, but it didn't matter. With a sigh she threw her head back, sending a wave of pain through her head. Maybe, if she'd just slam her head hard enough, all the stupid and annoying things would go away.. Maybe, if she'd do that, she'd be able to change. She needed to change. She was not interesting. She was not pretty. She needed to be. She needed to make people like her. And so she did again, and again. It hurt more the second time than it did the first and she stopped. This wouldn't work. Pathetic little girl.

''ow..'' the cat mumbled, rubbing one hand over the back of her head. There she could still feel the place she'd fallen on last time, when Bran saved her. Why did he even? Because he cared about her? Well, that's a first. There was no point in saving her. She wasn't worth saving, especially not by somebody that.. He was being liked. A lot. By women. Actual, real people. Not Kelvics. Not girls. No, serious things. Yet he'd saved her. As a friend. She shook her head. He was a weird guy. Maybe thieves always were. She liked him, but she could not let him choose her choices. Yet he did. He was. By caring about her.

Tears were filling up her eyes, the watery substance pushing, threathening to escape. Why was she crying now? She wanted to be someone, then she should act like one! Crying was certainly not something to be liked for.. Any minute she'd be standing there, crying, looking for her mother, like a little girl, the little girl she'd always been and always would be.. No. She would not. She was a little girl, but she wouldn't accept that. Quickly, she wiped her tears away. The world looked blurry, seen through little pearls of fluid that could mean so much to someone.

Defeated, the cat's legs protested and Engghaen slid down the wall until she sat on the cold stones. And there she wept about all sorts of things. Her mother, her father sometimes treating her cruelly, her stupidities, her flaws, her odd nightmares and her fears. Bells had gone by, or it might've been ticks as well. She didn't know nor did she care. She whined, like a little girl, sitting against the wall on a beautiful Spring day.
Everyone knows pain and misery,
But it's how we survive that makes us who we are.


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Engghaen
I'm not cute! I'm just... Fluffy.
 
Posts: 246
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First Signs Of Depression

Postby Engghaen on June 1st, 2014, 12:37 pm

Naju word count;; 1022
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Then she jumped up. Her sadness had made way for rage. She was angry, disappointed and above all frustrated with what had been happening until now. She growled. Oh, this is only getting better. Cats don't growl, do they?! It seemed like the only thing she still knew she was - a cat - was gone too. She remembered, that as a kid, she didn't like being a Kelvic. Sure, they didn't hate her for being one, but that didn't make it any better. She was different. She was not human, not as it should be. Humans and Kelvics weren't equal. At least, that's not what most people thought. Kelvics were animals. She once met a man who was very convinced of his own opinion. He scowled at her, screaming that she was nothing, she was just a cat and cats needed to be pets, not trying to get jobs or getting any love interest.

The cat started walking, barely realising where she was going. Oh, oh, oh. She didn't like the world at this moment, and luckily for her, the world din't like her either. She didn't walk with the attitude she normally had. Instead, the mood that had fallen over her concealed her, left nothing of her former plans, muses and behaviour. A bridge. There was a bridge. Oh, a lovely, high, and very dangerous bridge. In a few ticks, she stood on it and looked down. It was high. Very high. Oh, smartass, that's why they made a bridge here! She grinned. Oh, right. That's why they made bridges.

Curiously, she leaned down a bit further. What would happen if she'd let go? No, she couldn't let go. Brandon would be very, very mad at her. He'd miss her. That's what she wanted, right, for people to miss her...? No. Engghaen shook her head. No, no, no, no. That was not it. She was wrong. She needed to get out if here. This was a very bad idea. The girl pushed herself away from the edge. You're sooo stupid... Quickly, the girl got away from the bridge. ''Bad cat. Very, very bad cat. Not good. Mean. No.'' She didn't even see the stares of others she got. They thought she was crazy, and in a way, she was. A stroke kind of way, but it wasn't the heat. It was the frustration that had been building up inside her all along.

And back she ran, still not calmed down. This time her mood changed to annoyed, ready to swat any flies flying by. To passer-byers, she looked like the moodiest, grumpiest person ever. Still blinded and covered by her anger, she bumped into somebody. He grumbled. ''can't you see where you're going, young lady! Is it that difficult to be a bit social and think about others?!'' He clearly was not in the best mood either, and the man pushed her back.

He'd done it. He had been the last thing to unleash her anger. ''Oh, you, you, I'll get you, you filthy...petching...rampaged...swine!'' Because she still didn't know what she was doing and because of the uncontrolled rage she had, wording her thoughts didn't go well and the man laughed because of her gibberish. ''So you're calling me a swine, huh? Had too much drinks already? It's only afternoon, girl, get a hold of yourself!'' In Engghaen's eyes, this was a very heavy blame. She? Drunk? What was he thinking?! Her left hand slipped, and she tried to hit him uncontrollably. Out of all of her attempts, two hit him, but only softly. The man started laughing again, easily avoiding her hits. Why can't I just...Properly hit him?! Then she also let go of her other hand, now swaying to stay upright. Her actions slowed down and she saw herself hit him in his stomach, while he was too late to step away. The man fell back, his legs protesting. Shocked, she stood there, frozen. His head hit the hard stones and bounced off. Then he stopped moving.

She wasn't alone with him. The people crossing the streets had stopped to look at her. A child pointed at her. Oh, no, no, no, nononono! What did I do, what did I do?! She started stressing and all of the sudden the red fabric in front of the bull had gone away. Stammering, she walked back. What did she need to do? Run away? Get help? If she'd get help, they'd see her! The Shinya were here, patrolling, and they could come any moment and hurt her and... Quickly, she ran away in the other direction, the image of the man printed on her retina. In reality, it wasn't too bad. He'd maybe get a bit of a scar, but it was like walking against a wall. The blood that covered his skull made it look worse than it was, but she did not realise. To her, she was a murderer. She just killed somebody innocent...well, not completely, but only morons would kill anyone for something like that...

She sighed. This was sad. She'd have to leave the town now, or else the'd find her. The cat was sure that the man saw her face well enough to recognise her, and if she'd stay that meant she'd go to jail. Jail. That was a wonderful sight ahead. No, she'd rather flee and never come back than go to jail, even though she didn't want to miss Bran. She sighed. It was sad, but it had to happen. She needed to get away from here as quick as possible. That was a bad thing, but maybe it could be good as well. After all, she loved taking in the world, meeting new people, exploring things. She just hoped she could stay here for a while, find some friends, maybe somebody to call family... Guess that didn't really work out.

After a bit of thinking, she decided. If she wanted to go away,she needed to really go. Maybe she could explore the jungle for a change? With a deep sigh, she pulled her hood over her head. Time to look for Brandon.

Continued here
Everyone knows pain and misery,
But it's how we survive that makes us who we are.


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User avatar
Engghaen
I'm not cute! I'm just... Fluffy.
 
Posts: 246
Words: 87123
Joined roleplay: November 1st, 2013, 3:18 pm
Location: Lhavit
Blog: View Blog (2)
Race: Kelvic
Character sheet
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes

First Signs Of Depression

Postby Catastrophe on June 10th, 2014, 1:29 am

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Engghaen :
Skills

  • Planning: 1 XP
  • Observation: 1 XP
  • Socialisation: 1 XP

Lores

  • Introspection: Doubting Your Self Worth
  • First Glance at Suicide
  • Accidental Homicide: Killing a Man with Rage

Loot

  • N/A



Notes :
Woah there! Geez, killing a man without purpose? That sounds so terrible- how could you?! I liked this thread here Enggy. It was very personal and deep and a huge insight into what her mind is like at this current moment in time. I cannot wait to see where this goes from here and with introducing Brandon into the mix...!

Questions? Concerns? PM me! :)

c
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Catastrophe
I'm Your Biggest Nightmare!
 
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