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60th Day of Fall, 510 AV The distant sound of the 12th Bell is heard throughout Syliras... Her whole body hurt. It wasn't a particular injury or extremity that could be blamed, rather her lifestyle. Every morning without fail, the training and exercise would take hold, becoming the roots of that day, that fraction of her lifetime. Though, there were injuries. Her right forearm sometimes still ached, as well as her right hip. These dull aches were a reminder of failure and carelessness... something she had plenty of time to think about as of late. Pain sat alone, well away from the city gates of Syliras. The crowded corridors and thundering volumes further intensified by echoes were too much right now. She found herself wandering, lost in thought. Even her faithful dog had been left behind, though not in contempt of his company. He too was tired, choosing to lounge about her room back at Traveler's Row rather then venture out this fine day. So, it was here at the shore of the Suvan Sea Pain found herself once again. It was one of her favorite places to escape to. Just far enough from the city to feel both isolated and safe at the same time. Her muscled body was perched on a rocky overhang, a decent drop leading directly into the sea if she were to fall. No beautiful beach scenery here, only sharp rocky outcroppings and small waves attacking them in an endless frothy barrage. Pain's clothing were dry; she had walked here rather than her usual routine of running through the knee high water. She was deep in thought. Not a common occurrence, as her usual day to day thought processes could be described as basic at best. Today, however, and for several days before, she seemed to have slipped into a slight depression. "Why the petch do I do this." She said to no one, blindly grasping at the stony surface near her and clutching a thin shard of stone. She tossed it into the sea, and watched it disappear as if it had never been thrown at all. Her question, of course, had little to do with rocks and oceans. It was about her skills. Her fighting. Ever since returning to Syliras, it seemed to have overtaken her life, swallowing it whole and devouring her. So, perhaps it did have a bit to do with rocks and oceans. She felt like the rock, and her own aggression and fighting was the ocean. Taking over, and controlling her. She thought about it often. Enjoying a cool evening in Syliras, sketching a casual exchange between strangers. Killing three men that same night. Exploring the city, and all of it's locales. The primal urge takes over, a brutal fight in a cage for other's entertainment. A private conversation with a friend away from the city. Two assailants... the memory of straddling that man, only seconds away from gouging out his eyes in a fit of absolute rage. A simple jog... trying to teach a Squire to fight for the good of Syliras. But unable to stop... knocking him unconscious, unable to control herself. Every damn day. She sighed. For the longest time, she told herself that it wasn't about the fighting. It was about being the best she could be, being strong and fit. Being a strong woman. Pain shook her head, as if casting that fleeting thought to sea. "Cause... I like it." She said, answering her own question so simply that had their been anyone to hear her, they would have been flabbergasted. Pain was not one who could vocalize her thoughts with eloquence, only brevity. However, what she said was the truth. She did like the fights. The competition, the adrenaline, the excitement. She also liked winning. She liked seeing someone who had threatened or challenged her crumple to the ground, defenseless. Then and only then, she had power of them. Why did that matter? These were the questions that bogged her down, made her sluggish. She'd sort it out in her mind soon, that much she knew. She was not one to be broken by her own thoughts. Pain had figured out the hard way that if you fought as she did and didn't have some reservations about your own motives every now and again, you may have more reason to worry than if you did. "Should have brought Tanny along, lazy bastard." Pain said to the sea, speaking to it now seeing as no one sentient was present. "He's got life down to a science... wonder if he thinks about this stuff." Pain said. Her thoughts wandered from Tanny to someone else she knew, and his own thoughts on fighting. His name was Stitch, a blind man who could most definitely see... and fight like no one else she knew. He was firmly opposed to taking life, and his own inner turmoil was far greater than Pain's. At least, it had been when they last crossed paths. She thought of what she had said to him, something that she thought about often. "It's easy to learn to fight... but it's hard to learn how to fight." She said the words aloud, gazing into the distance. It was true. She had a beast within her that would send her into a frenzy when angered or pushed. It could make her kill. So far, no one who didn't deserve it had been subjected to the beast... but that didn't mean it couldn't happen. What if it did? The source of her troubles. When the thrill of battle and the euphoria of adrenaline turned into the anguish of taking life. It was so easy for her to cross the line. "Dammit." She said, rolling to her feet and brushing off her bottom. No answers today. She turned, staring into the distance where the walls of Syliras were clearly visible. She could run back. She should run back. Not today. It would take a long while, but Pain simply strolled back to the city gates. |