[Kaleidoscope's Scrapbook] A Myriad of Things

[Kaleidoscope]

A myriad of things, of stars, trees, birds and the earth herself.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet... Welcome to my scrapbook!

I thought I would explain a little bit about myself. Something about my ideals, my values, how I see the world and what things mean to me.

Sometimes I find it hard to get words out, and this scrap is no different. But I wanted to start by saying something on what and who I am.

I'm quite an easygoing person, anyone who knows me in real life could testify to that. I try to be friendly, most of the time. I'm someone who hates conflict. I hate fighting, because there's no need for it, ever. I'm the diplomat, always trying to find the right way for both sides of the argument, always finding both positives and negatives for each argument.

What I am, is someone who tries. I'm someone who is always learning. In some ways, a perfectionist. I might be wrong a lot of the time, but I will always work to make things right.

I try to be transparent. For that purpose, I want to say now that my PC is Karin Ironyach. I will also say that although I'm not a veteran player, I am trying my very best, and I'm proud and glad to be a part of Alvadas.

For something a little less serious, some little facts about me:

• I love making lists,
• I am 21 and lived in Wales, UK for 10 years of my life, and as such I consider myself Welsh even if I'm obviously not,
• I have a boyfriend who I am unashamed to say I love very much, but only get to see infrequently,
• I love hard sci-fi, a grand majority of books by Stephen Baxter, and everything written by the great Jasper Fforde- if you haven't read the Thursday Next series, you should.

I don't particularly have any intentions for this scrap, apart from to say when I will or won't be available, and for any discussions and opinions I'd like to air.

I just pray to all the gods and goddesses of Mizahar that I don't bore the tears from your eyes... xD

[Kaleidoscope]

Some late night thoughts

I can tell when I start to spiral into Mizahar again: when I'm stuck late at night, unable to get to sleep because plots are jostling in my mind for attention, and my fingers itch to type.

But the main thing I want to say this evening is this: I am always completely and phenomenally blown away by how well everyone on this site writes. Perhaps it's not said enough. We can get so caught up in job threads, constantly pushing onwards and upwards, always striving to be better... that we forget sometimes the quality of the words that we already have.

I really mean it that everyone who is a regular writer on Mizahar is a brilliant one. You each have your style, your different character traits, different mannerisms and ways of portraying events. But each one is unique and special. They might not all be my cup of tea, so to speak. But that's okay.

If, like me, you worry, measuring yourself against others and doubting your own skills. My answer to that is, don't. Don't ever doubt yourself, or use others as your measuring stick. Be your own measuring stick, as corny as it sounds.
Know that what you write is amazing. Not everyone can do it, but you can. Believe in yourself.

Of course, striving to be better is never a bad thing, I'm not trying to dissuade that, as I myself am always looking to improve in any way that I can. All I'm saying is... don't forget that you're getting better from an amazing background of stories. That even if you don't have the time to write masses, or if you are jaded with your writing style, it's still amazing, read-worthy stuff.

And on that note, I will turn off the cheese machine and go to bed. But I hope this means something to someone out there.

~Kal

[Kaleidoscope]

TITLE

Service Update: (for anyone who reads this thing)

I am going to be very busy, as I am moving into the final months of my final year at university, with about a month to get my final project done, as well as the handful of things for other modules. However, I'm not going to abandon all hope and Miz. It just means, be patient with me!

Thanks for understanding.
X

[Kaleidoscope]

Thoughts regarding the exchange of opinions

Arguments. Nobody likes them, right?

Except, I am continually proved wrong, because so often it seems, whether here or on the internet in general, or in life, that people love to argue. They love to state their views, and bash down and ignore others.

I don't understand it, because I've always hated to argue. I see these people on the internet, who are utterly convinced that they are right, and that everyone else is wrong. Doesn't matter what it's about, whether it's religion, politics, even something as inane as which petching cereal is the best, they 'know' they are right.

What I want to know, and what I don't understand, is that it's not so difficult to be polite, right? Does it really hurt so much to discuss, rather than argue? Because, at the end of the day, you might actually learn something. You might learn that you were wrong, but that it's okay to be mistaken. You might learn that not everything has to be a competition. Maybe you'll learn that respecting someone else's opinion, even if you disagree with it, leads to greater understanding and ultimately less hate.

I try to approach arguments waving the white flags of discussion. I'll listen to you, and I'll try and understand you. I'll probably come away from the discussion having learnt something new, or have been able to see things from a different perspective. I'm not a hateful person, and I'm actually quite optimistic and hopeful, most of the time. Whether that's a result of that mindset, or whether I'm just naive, I don't know. But I wish that instead of talking and ignoring, people would start to listen and learn. Then maybe the internet (and people in general) would be that much less hostile.

~Kal

[Kaleidoscope]

Aspirations

Recently I've been thinking about my own place here on Mizahar. I feel incredibly lucky to be in the place that I am. I have a wonderful city with wonderful players. (Yes you, Alvads. Thanks for choosing to be awesome and coming to Alvadas). I'm proud of where Alvadas is, and I'm proud of what I've done so far. Sure, there's always more to be done. My grading has been going shamefully slowly, and replies to plots have slowed recently. Yet, I'm still going to go ahead and blow my own trumpet for once. I am really happy with where Alvadas is at the moment, and I'm really happy to be growing with it, and with the players.

There are a few things that I want to do though. One is that I want to outline exactly what the outskirts of Alvadas are like, and develop the Patchwork Port more. This is mostly because of the recent plot into the Unforgiving, and something I've been working on behind the scenes.

My second aspiration is to give more back to the site. Something that I think Goss said in a scrap a while back plays on my mind a lot when I'm on Miz. I'm always analysing myself to see if I'm giving more than I'm taking. Usually it's the latter, which I'm trying to change. One thing I was thinking about doing is introducing the challenge of a 'pay it forward' month. If you haven't seen that film or heard of it's ideal: it's basically an idea that you do a good turn for someone else, without expecting or getting anything in return. All the receiver has to do is do a good deed for someone else. In terms of Miz this could mean doing a couple of grades (if you're a grader), offering advice to a newbie, helping someone in a thread to gain a skill they wanted without doing anything specific for your own character... I'll be doing it through October, I think. Maybe it'll work, maybe not. But hopefully it'll be fun!

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Also, I really do want to give a special shout out to my Alvadas folks, as I really am very grateful for how sensible and polite you all are. I really enjoy reading all your stories. I've got a high five for you all.

~Kal

[Kaleidoscope]

Quotes

“Reading, I had learned, was as creative a process as writing, sometimes more so. When we read of the dying rays of the setting sun or the boom and swish of the incoming tide, we should reserve as much praise for ourselves as for the author. After all, the reader is doing all the work - the writer might have died long ago.”

“Humans like stories. Humans need stories. Stories are good. Stories work. Story clarifies and captures the essence of the human spirit. Story, in all its forms—of life, of love, of knowledge—has traced the upward surge of mankind. And story, you mark my words, will be with the last human to draw breath.”

-Jasper Fforde, First Among Sequels

“Sometimes, a word succeeds beyond the wildest dreams of its creators, like a virus sent into the world to infect common speech.”
-Jasper Fforde, The Eyre Affair

And just for fun:

“The name is Schitt," he replied. "Jack Schitt.”
-Jasper Fforde, The Eyre Affair

[Kaleidoscope]

OOC

On self-failings and self-evaluation:

Some of you may have noticed that, as of late, I haven't been as active as I may have liked to be. You may have noticed me logging in to chat and then not saying a word before disappearing. You may have noticed I promise a whole load of stuff and then never deliver. You might be looking at Ahnatep's forum and thinking it looks awful quiet. Or you might not have done. Either way, I wanted to talk about purely selfish things in this scrap, and explain a little bit of why I'm a crap-head ST. Sorry in advance. I also wanted to point out I'm not here for the pity points, I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for listening.

Self-failings:
One of the biggest reasons I sometimes struggle to write is a fear of failure. In fact, I could probably hazard a guess that one of my biggest fears in general is fear of failure. But on Miz, my biggest blocker is that overriding anxiety. Failure means many different things to many different people, but to me it means an umbrella of things. The first is an obvious one- actual failure. I am a perfectionist, meaning I will type something out and then hate it seconds after I've posted it. But that isn't the problem- the problem is continuing plots. I may start out with a brilliant idea, that I think is wonderful. And slowly, over the course of a day, a week, a month even, I will gradually pick more and more holes into it until it's become an absolute shambles. So I will start a plot, players may join, and then slowly I will look at the plot, look at my writing, and ever so gradually start to hate it. I will think of other things to add to make it more interesting, but overall I will gradually start to distance myself from it. I can name a few: the end of Winter group plot in Alvadas. Guilded Truths, in Lhavit. It isn't that my interest wanes, it is that I lose confidence, and a sum it's going to fail. I could blame it on players in my head, but in reality it's my own fault. I fear that I will fail, and because of that it automatically becomes a failure already. It's... a vicious circle, which I find very difficult to break.

This also happens in my own life, although I don't want to get too personal. I get caught in a cycle of predicting I'm going to fail, which then means I don't try, and then I auto-fail. I don't apply for a PGCE because I already think I won't succeed. I don't apply for a better job because I already believe I won't get it. I don't f-ing tidy my own room because I automatically think it won't help so why bother? And in reality, I know that if I listened to the people that say, 'You're awesome!' or 'Just do it!' then I could probably do all of the above. But I don't. Or can't. So I fail.

Self-evaluation:
Yet even typing out this incredibly stupid scrap helps. Self-evaluation is probably one of the only things I am very good at, and although it makes me feel horrible as I understand my own failings, I can see where I go wrong. I can see that I'm too stubbornly independent to ask for help (thank you Prophet for offering to help even if I probably come across as super ungrateful at times), but that I probably should even if it does make me feel like even more of a failure. I can see that I should stop being such a whining moaner and just do it, as the catchphrase goes. I can see that I'm incredibly stupid. So, despite this scrap being pretty meh-blegh, there is a little sliver of hope and optimism. Sometimes, all a girl needs is some mental kicking down before she can stand up again.

To finish off, here's a quote from my favourite film, Amélie:

Hipolito: "Failure teaches us that life is but a draft, a long rehearsal for a show that will never play."