PM to join Forward onto dusk (Karyk)

A prelude to the storm

(This is a thread from Mizahar's fantasy role play forums. Why don't you register today? This message is not shown when you are logged in. Come roleplay with us, it's fun!)

A city floating in the center of a lake, Ravok is a place of dark beauty, romance and culture. Behind it all though is the presence of Rhysol, God of Evil and Betrayal. The city is controlled by The Black Sun, a religious organization devoted to Rhysol. [Lore]

Forward onto dusk (Karyk)

Postby Hwyn on September 5th, 2017, 6:11 pm

Image
Title and Date



It was terrible, even when he heard the person above them sounding concerned he didn’t’ want to accept this situation. It was as if all odds were against him nothing good ever happened, and when it rained it poured. Even as he could feel himself being hauled up he was miserable.
Flopping onto the aged timbers of ravok wetly he looked at his rescuer the same man from before. Had he been following him? Had he heard the splash and come to help? It seemed to convenient. Maybe he’d been his assailant and had done it out of some cruel since of humor, the sanity of strangers was something he hadn’t put stock in since Alvadas and seeing the man now it was har dot believe he was a benefactor. It wasn’t like he could repay him in fact he’d intentionally tried to get away from the man. Yet here the man was seemingly concerned about him.
Shaking his head sadly Hywn just sighed and shrugged. He was vile, the man before him vile, almost all people who had had the time to experience the world, grown up, were vile. He just wanted to go home to the orphanage, crawl into his bed and never leave the place again. But he wasn’t allowed to say that. So he forced a fake smile over his face and looked at the man. Standing shakily the bile drenched child bowed.

“t-thank you, I-i-I never saw the man who attacked me. It’s not like it matters anyways. I’ve little worth anyways just a possession of this city and it’s inhabitants to be used as they want.”
Shrugging he bowed once more that same sick sad smile wearing thin on his lips.
“thank you sir, I’m sure t-that a good turn will come your way for your d-deeds today.”

With that Hwyn turned around hiding a cold shiver and silently thanked the gods that his stomach was already empty else he might wretch again at his sorry soiled state. You aren’t wanted he reminded himself, so you must want yourself, if you don’t nobody will.

Standing a bit taller he shook himself, collected his violin from where it lay on the side of the path, turned and bowed once more and began to leave. He’d hadn’t talked to another person outside of the orphanage in some time. And the stranger made a strong case for why not going anywhere alone was wise. But he was still alive, and if people cared to assault him, or help him, or ask his well being. Then that proved he was still alive, and that alone made the day a little better.

Looking up he sighed, the rain finally started with a crack and for the first time since he moved to the city.

It rained in Ravok.
User avatar
Hwyn
Soul endowed plushie
 
Posts: 363
Words: 275288
Joined roleplay: May 3rd, 2015, 1:26 am
Location: In Eva's pocket
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Plotnotes
Medals: 2
Featured Character (1) Donor (1)

Forward onto dusk (Karyk)

Postby Madeira Dusk on September 23rd, 2017, 5:19 pm

Image
Grades Awarded!

Don't forget to edit/delete your grade request!


Hywn

Skills
  • Singing: 2XP
  • Play Musical Instrument- Violin: 2XP
  • Socialization: 4XP
  • Persuasion: 2XP
  • Observation: 3XP
  • Fashion Design: 1XP
  • Endurance: 1XP
  • Swimming: 1XP
  • Acting: 1XP

Lores
  • Singing: basic shanties
  • Sticks and Stones: steeling yourself against praise
  • Optimism: for liars and scammers
  • Fashion Design: Ravokian fashion
  • Endurance: fighting fatigue and nausea
  • Socialization: exit stratagy
  • Acting: pretend you're okay

Awards & Retribution
Down with the Sickness: Hywn's outfit will need several consecuative washes before it is fit to wear again.

Notes
This was the first thread I've read of Hywn, and now I see why you were a feature character! You've got great character ideas and intriguing dark thoughts. I love how you connected past experiences into our little PC's motivations and mannerisms, but didn't overwhelm the reader with references to threads they might not have read. I will definitly be adding Hywn to the list of PC's I've got my eye on. :nod:

Constructive critisism time! I do not write professionaly and just generally have no idea what I'm doing, so take everything I say with salt.

You're a beautiful writer, and all your creative skills are amazing, but your technical skills can be improved. You've got some run on sentences that can be pruned and thoughts in desperate need of commas.

I have endless trouble with this too, and my english teacher suggested I read everything I write aloud to myself like I'm on TV. Then every time I take a breath, I put a period. And every time I pause or my voice changes tone, I slap down a comma. This might work for you too!

If there is anything I've missed, or you've got questions about you grade, make sure you let me know!


Karyk

Skills
  • Organization: 1XP
  • Observation: 4XP
  • Socialization: 3XP
  • Persuasion: 1XP
  • Rhetoric: 1XP
  • Endurance: 3XP
  • Body Building: 1XP

Lores
  • Persuasion : derailing with optomism
  • Charity: raising spirits
  • Hywn: first impressions
  • Mast-Friend: a sturdy friend?
  • Endurance: fighting fatigue and nausea
  • Endurance : lift with your shoulders!

Awards & Retribution


Notes
This was an excellent thread, Karyk! I love reading about protagonists in tough life situations. And I love reading about fuck-up protagonist in tough life situations even more. It takes a special type of PC to make me both want to punch them in the face and give them a consoling hug. Karyk is very human, very down to earth, and a thousand times more tragic than your average dark-past woe-is-me character. I love him dearly and look forward to more of his stories!

Got question/concerns? Let me know. :nod:
User avatar
Madeira Dusk
long may she reign
 
Posts: 1774
Words: 1599220
Joined roleplay: October 11th, 2016, 7:45 pm
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 11
Featured Contributor (1) Featured Thread (3)
Mizahar Grader (1) Overlored (1)
Donor (1) One Thousand Posts! (1)
One Million Words! (1) Lhavit Seasonal Challenge (1)
2018 Mizahar NaNo Winner (1)

Previous

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest