Closed [The Stables] Finding a Center (Taurina)

[Azmere]

22nd of Summer 518 AV
10th Bell

The broken man moved with a slight limp. Even though he had slept in a bed for the first time since he awoke under the crust of the earth, his body was still in poor health. His posture was slightly hunched with sloped shoulders and a hanging head. The large grey beast next to him walked along with short steps and stopped on occasion to compensate for its master’s irregular gait. That day when the sun first became a reality to the scarred warrior had introduced -or reintroduced- the notion of horses to the man. He was instantly fascinated by the magnificence of the graceful creatures. They were powerful, peaceful and possessed a level of intellect that could easily be seen if one stared into the large glassy eyes.

The map he’d been given upon arriving at Riverfall’s gates was a mystery at first but he slowly worked his way through it. Now, he stood upon the farside of the bridge from his place at the Cora apartments and looked ahead to the crossroads then checked with his map. He looked past the massive structure to his right, the map put a name to it, Gideon. The man with multicolored eyes suddenly thought this Gideon must be somebody important and made a note in his mind to not get on the wrong side of this fellow. In truth, he had no intention of getting on anyone’s bad side but he was not so naive to think that things always worked out. Even without his memories, life in the tunnels and caverns rarely went as planned. So he put one foot in front of the other and followed the main road. Once the line of site past the arena was cleared, his right side revealed the gates where he had entered days before. That was not the way to go.

The gold and blue gaze looked to the building opposite the gates and recognized it as the place he’d been shown which offered help to those looking for work. While making money was important, the recollectively challenged man was unsure as to what he would even say under skills. ‘I can survive in dark, smelly places and I don’t talk much.’ What sort of job would that land him? There was very little drive to walk through those doors but the scarred face took a second glance as he trudged through the junction. He knew there would come a day very soon when he would have to take a deep breath and force himself to apply for work.

Next on the path was a tower. People referred to it as the home of the Stormlord. Zulrav. Men talked of this god like he was someone that the scarred man should know; would have known. The tapered structure and its winding staircase made a heavy mass drop into the wanderer’s chest like a bag of rocks that caused him to sway on his feet. A whimper escaped the muzzle of the dog but the faithful companion pressed his big body into the weak leg of his master and the two leaned into one another until a stasis was reached. The amber and azure orbs flicked up and down the white stones several more times before he decided to move on towards his destination. The next building was what many referred to as a smithy. Armor, weapons and the like were crafted there; a residue of soot,smoke and heat lingered around the building like a shield that kept those away who didn’t wish to taste the glint of metal and sweat.

On the other side of the street was his destination; the stables which housed the horses in Riverfall. The building opened into a huge yard where several dozen horses of all sizes and coats dances, played and grazed. The sun bouncing off of hithers and rolling muscle reflected in the face of the man without a name. His pace quickened as he made his way over to the fence and when he got there, his arms folded over the top rail. The scarred face came down to rest on the tattooed arms as a pair of all black horses raced by without any concern for the spectator.

There was a span of time that passed before a woman came up on horseback and kept her mount off some fifteen feet while she stared at the man and his dog with the frosty eyes. The cobalt and maize eyes turned to her but repeatedly left her face to trail the progress of several of the great creatures as they chased one another around the open yard. When she spoke, he stared at her but only briefly as the weight of her stare was too much fo him.

“Are you Drykas, stranger?” Her hands bent into some symbols or signs...or a seizure. It could’ve been anything for the man didn’t recognize it. He did pick up on her words though and she spoke his language.

“I- don’t know.” He replied softly. His voice broke from sound to a crackling whisper. He fidgeted with his hands like he was fighting and urge to move them so he took them from the rail and turned the shaking digits and weathered skin to his dog. “Hey Storm. Easy. Easy.” He whispered to the dog. The canine seemed perfectly at home around the much larger animals, however- the words were more of a verbal self-assurance to himself than a command to his companion.

The woman tilted her head and rode her mount a bit closer. The saddle she rode was far different than the ones the knights used and her horse had a very different kind of look. “You have marks like a Drykas.... I should know.” She turned her steed around to show her opposite leg and pulled her skirt aside to reveal a braided row of ink intertwining itself around her calf and up inside the fabric beyond his vision. “Mind if I ask why you’re here?”

Now, the scars turned to face the woman. He knew why he was here and since it was the first thing he truly felt...actually believed...he spoke it clearly and with a hint of pride. “These animals make me feel something.”

[Taurina]

The muffin was warm and fluffy as the woman with brindled hair tore off pieces and stuffed them in her mouth. Sugar and spice blended together across her tongue in subtle bursts of flavor as crisp exterior became soft and the fluffy insides just seemed to melt. A soft moan of pure ecstasy escaped her as eyes closed and she sucked the remaining bits of sugar and cinnamon from the tips of her fingers. Gods.. Olkaot sure did know how to bake and Kris never steered her wrong when it came to what she should try next. Taurina was sure she would have lined her toned body with a thick layer of fat by now if it had not been for the rigorous training she had been keeping up for nearly an entire season now. Though, despite all the work, the male who trained her would have been most disappointed to learn of her guilty pleasure, always going on about health and taking care of the body despite the fact that hers never had -never would- change. A smile twisted on the Drykas’ lips at the thought. Some things were better kept secret. And she was allowed to have at least one or two of those.

Caramel tinted eyes opened just before hands were shoved in pockets and the Ethaefal began to meander over the bridge that connected the two sides of Riverfall by crossing overtop the bluevein river. A scarred hand reached out to allow for fingertips to graze over the top railing as her gaze wandered down towards the waterfall and the river beyond it. She liked the sound of it, of the rushing water. There was something peaceful about all that power moving swiftly in a continuous stream that rarely wavered. She was unsure of exactly what it was but she had been spending more and more time around it. Finding places to hide and sit just so that she could listen to it. So she could let it drown out the noise of her life, of her fears and doubts. Allow it to clear her mind so that sketches might be formed more easily by her hands. She had tried many times to sketch the waters themselves, but it had never been right. Such wildness could not be captured. Could not be contained. The idea had been scrapped for a sketch of a few birds instead.

Taurina moved on past the waterfall and stepped onto the main road of the other side of the city. Today was not a day she would idle away with personal sketches and pretty dreams. No, she had promised herself that today was a day for Starfire. That was why she wore her teal toned pants and light tan shirt, a new pair of leather boots she had finally made herself invest in molding to her feet, instead of the dress and sandals she usually wore around the city. The strider needed it, deserved it, and she knew that she did as well. Things had been better lately, a talk with the Drykas owner having gotten some things cleared up, but conditions were still not great. Would not be for the stables were not the plains. Starfire did not like cages and in essence that was what Taurina had forced him into. She had taken something wild and beautiful who was once with the earth and brought him to a place with fences and people and walls. It was cruel. But anytime she thought about sending him back without her.. she could not do it. Not after losing all she had lost. She hated herself for that. Hated herself for that weakness. Just not enough to do anything about it.

The streets were filled with people today. Akalak, Konti and human alike. Probably others such as Taurina herself, or maybe even some completely foreign to her, as well. She did not pay any of them much heed. She found she did not wish to care much for others, not these days. It was far easier to be a stranger to all than a friend to few. Friends hurt, so did family. Losing them came at a great cost and Taurina was unwilling to pay it again. She had Alekxandra and that, she told herself over and over, was enough for her. The relationship with her bondmate had been rocky at best lately anyway. With the Nakivak contract coming between them… Taurina pushed thought of that away. No use getting herself worked up over something she could not change. Still… She found herself staring at ladies wrists looking for the telltale sign of bondage more often than not lately. Looking and wondering what fate awaited them. What Akalak would take up their contract. Would he be someone kind and at least halfway caring? Or a brute who would just use and use until there was nothing left to give? She always hoped for the former, for their sakes.

A sigh guttered through the Drykas small form, the hand that had touched the railing reaching back and running over the loose braids of her twisted hair. It was still slightly damp from the bath she had taken before walking down to the bakery. She did not mind. With the full heat of summer settling in now it would not be long before whatever moister remained dispersed and a different sort of water coated her once more. Oh well, it was what it was. Fingertips ended on the edge of the wrap she had, and would always, entwined among the braids. Mark of her Drykas heritage, of her family. She wrapped it once, twice, around her index finger before letting go and releasing another sigh and shaking her head just slightly.

The ache from the season past had lessened, but she continued to miss them all dearly. She wondered after them during the quiet hours when she tired of rolling current problems with no solutions over and over again in her mind. She wondered if Rufio had remained or if her wandering soul had taken her back out into the grasses. She wondered how the goats were, if more kids had been born in the spring, and if any of the mares in their small herd had foaled. She wondered if Asher was taking joy in his herds and if Lodai had found a reason to make them all throw a party or two. She smiled sadly at the thought. Last, probably most often, she wondered how Jasmine was adapting to motherhood and wished to know just how beautiful the baby was, whether it was a boy or girl. It would have stung to know, but sometimes Taurina wished she did. Wished she had stuck around just a little longer to find out, maybe help ease the burden in those early days before leaving to take care of her own heart.

The stable came into view, a herd of those big black horses moving as one in the paddock. Taurina smiled absently as she watched them. Animals content with their home, never having known any different, any better. A tragedy. A blessing. The Ethaefal looked away from them and allowed her gaze to go searching for the shock of white that was surely among them somewhere. She did not notice the Drykas woman talking to the stranger and his dog then. Did not allow her gaze to focus on the group but instead glaze over them as she searched for what was important to her. She found him too, a flash of moon white amongst the solid black of the others standing in the shade of a tree. Taurina smiled when she saw him, hands bending in greetings and an order to come. Feet carried her towards the fence, towards just yards away from where the others were.

It was a bark that kept the woman from reaching the fence. Her gaze lowered and turned, confusion twisting her features as the large dog with grey fur bounded towards her with tail wagging and tongue lolling. Taurina tilted her head, just slightly, the tickle of a memory weaving its way through her mind. Starfire was forgotten, though he had come to the fence and allowed his attention to drift to the man so near whose scent he knew, momentarily as the Ethaefal stepped towards that dog. As he came up to her and rubbed against her legs, licking the hand that relaxed frozen at her side. Eyes as blue as a clear sky looked up at her and Taurina felt her mouth dry as a ball formed in her throat. He looked so much like.. like..

“Grey?” she choked out in unpracticed pavi, taking a step backward in her confusion. The dog barked as if in confirmation, tail wagging a mile a minute. “But you.. you are.. how are you here? You went with…”

Taurina did not dare look up. Did not dare try and see who exactly that stranger was who had somehow come to possess the dog of her lost love. Did not dare because she did not think she could handle it being anyone but Azmere. Did not dare because even if it was somehow him… If he had somehow come back to her… She did not know if she could handle it. If she could handle her heart breaking all over again. But then, if it was him… If he somehow had beaten all odds and cheated death… Even if the wall she had build came crashing down and her raw heart bled again… It would be worth it. It would be worth it because he would know how to put her back together again. He always knew how to put her back together again.

The gaze of caramel rose slowly, so slowly, to meet whatever part of him faced her. It did not matter if he looked at her or not. Even if he turned from her she knew him. Even sickly and pale and broken, she knew him. Those scars, that stance, those eyes… those wonderful and beautiful and mysterious eyes full of stars and galaxies…

“Az…Azmere…”

It was not a question.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

Ledger-2 cm for muffin (price taken from a loaf of bread)
-1 GM for high leather boots

[Azmere]

Azmere looked at the horse with the heavy mane that the self-proclaimed Drykas woman rode. The look in the creature’s eyes was intelligent- even moreso that the oft-knowing gaze of Grey. The blue and gold stare leaned in to scour the mount for answers hidden within the deep, dark pools of its glassy eyes. Instead, what he saw was a man, broken and lost, staring at a horse like one who was a few steps away from being so self-absorbed that he wouldn’t be of use to anyone or anything.

The pause must’ve been long enough to elicit some kind of response for the woman turned her horse and gave the scarred fellow a rather stern look. She wasn’t mad but something was eating at her underneath the skin and it caused the rider to shift a bit in her seat. “I don’t know what you’ve been through, stranger, and I don’t expect you to tell me but don’t harm my horses.” She made another flurry of signs with her hands but the wanderer could only stare in blank acceptance as he recognized that these motions were intentional even though they made no sense to him.

“I would never harm your animals.” The thought of such damage washed upon the former ankal’s face with disdain and even a bit of shock. He stared at the woman with hurt eyes, almost offended that she would suggest such a notion. The warrior shifted his weight against the fence and lifted his left boot to rest it upon the bottom rail. The big dog next to him stiffened then made a noise before taking off along the row of containment. The scarred man turned his head to follow the path chosen by his companion and saw a woman approaching. The sun hit her caramel hair and it danced in the highlights which seemed to accent the soft glow of her golden skin. She seemed pretty but the shattered man had no interest in women. He had given thought to what that might look like -a relationship- with half of the partnership bearing no recollection of himself. It always ended in disaster. Several times, the vagabond had tried to dream about a life with a woman and a family while traveling along the tunnels of Cyphrus. His heart ached to feel something but there was simply not enough of a man inside to acknowledge or love another person. It was this emptiness that made the draw of the horses so peculiar.

A small group of black horses tromped nearby and some even barrelled off after each other in a race for some unknown glory. Amidst the sea of onyx beasts strode a confident creature of pure white. He seemed to hold his head a bit higher than the others to compensate for being just a little on the small side. This pride brought a small smile to the right side of the man’s face. The curled lips dug in deeper and climbed higher when the animal came up to the fence and slowly approached the observer. His nostrils flared as if the creature was making a scent profile of the guy who stood holding the railing in place. The Drykas woman looked around a bit between the movements of the animals and the people nearby before she commented.

“Looks like you’ve got company, crazy eyes.” She used her legs to turn the animal beneath her and started to ride down towards the far end of the yard. “I’ll be taking my leave.” The star-filled stare lifted to watch the woman ride away. Something very deep and very old inside of him stirred at the combination of rider and horse moving as one. Stress like weights pulled at the corners of his eyes and threatened to bring tears but the hot breath of the white stallion interrupted the man’s absorption of the moment. His face turned to see another set of dark and omnipotent eyes regarding the scarred figure with a cool grace of understanding. Shaking fingers reached out slowly towards the beast’s nose. The horse never flinched so the man drug the second knuckles of his index and middle fingers down the long, soft bridge.

A strange word floated up to his ears from down the fencerow. The man slowly retracted his hand and did not take his eyes from the horse for a few more ticks before he shifted and opened his shoulders towards the small woman. She was the source of the word which the man did not know. He lifted his right eyebrow at the big dog’s friendliness with this newcomer. There was something unsettling about the way she stared at the scarred spectator. His contrasting gaze met hers and he had to sort through so much hidden just beneath her surface that he felt his balance leave him. The thick arms rested upon the top rail of the fence as a wave of dizziness pushed through his form. When it passed, the warrior tried to straighten himself a bit. He felt exposed and a little bit afraid of the situation upon whose precipice he stood.

The former tunnel rat swallowed the lump that was lodged in his throat- a feeble attempt of his mind trying to manifest distractions and reasons to flee. The azure and amber gaze never left this strange woman. She seemed anxious and excited at the same time which registered as a person that the man wasn’t sure he was capable of handling. He opened his mouth to speak but stopped. Had she insulted him? Did she say that thing to goad him into an unkindness? Many in the city had looked upon his scars with pity but some viewed the remnants of forgotten memories with disgust. This unhealthy banter clashed with thoughts of the uncanny way his dog relaxed around her and the words the other woman had said about his tattoos. Was this a place of answers? The knights had told him this city could help him in his quest. It’s why he left the caverns. He decided, despite his fears, to trust his faithful companion so the scarred man took in a deep breath which squared his shoulders back into some kind of respectable stance. When he spoke, his voice shook like his hands. “Do you know me?”

[Taurina]

The world froze as silence fell. Breath was heavy and ragged as Taurina stared at him. As she watched him take his precious time to even acknowledge her. Her molten gaze was transfixed, never leaving, needing to know for sure. Did not matter how hard Grey rubbed along her legs trying to get her to play with him. Did not matter that Starfire was just there accepting of the male’s touch upon his face. The Drykas did not care about anything else. All she cared about was the man she thought lost. The man she had mourned for seasons. Who had left her and left their family and been consumed by the sea of grass. She did not understand how he could be here. How he could have survived. Even if those answers were simple, she did not understand why he would come here. Why Riverfall and not home? Had he already gone there and come searching for her when she had not been there? Had he come to take her home?

A spark of hope flashed at the thought. A thrill of excitement ran down her spine.

The Ethaefal did not know if she was ready to face the others, if she was ready to face what she had done when she had abandoned them. She had been a coward. A traitor to all they had built together. Leaving without a word too… Taurina pushed the thought away. It could be dealt with later. With Azmere back, standing beside her again, she could do it. She would do it. If it meant being a family again, if it meant having him in her life again, she would face all she had been hiding from. Because he was worth it. Being with him was worth it. And she had the chance to be with him again… He was back. Azmere was back! He was alive! All the dreams she had come to accept lost were possible again.

Taurina could have jumped for joy… If only he would look at her. If only he would wrap her in his arms and tell her of how happy he was to have found her. She would take whatever harsh words he had for her. She would take whatever punishment he decided necessary for her betrayal… All of her betrayals… It did not matter. No pain would be felt. Nothing could touch her now. Somehow the gods had thought her worthy of another chance at happiness. Worthy of getting back the one who was so dear to her heart. Nothing compared to that. Nothing could stand against that. And she was not going to screw it up this time.

Why did he not turn to look at her? Why had his name not drawn his attention instantly? Was this part of her punishment? Some quiet gathering of thoughts before he laid into her? Taurina swallowed, forcing her self to down a breath and release it. She would take it if it was. The joy of having him back was worth it.

“Az…” Taurina’s voice was just a whisper lost in the wind, the word evaporating when she witnessed him beginning to shift.

Palms turned sweaty as he moved away from Starfire and stood with shoulders open towards her. A faint echo of a smile lingered on her lips as her gaze swept over him. As she looked to find anything amiss, anything that might indicate that this was more trick than reality. He was thinner than she remembered him, his hair chopped in a way that was ragged without the braids she was used to seeing twisted in its layers, and that empty look she found in his eyes… That was new. That was… Taurina did not know what to make of it. Yet, the woman still saw her Ankal there standing before her. She still saw the windmarks that told the story of his bondings etched across his shoulder. She still saw the eyes of so many colors and the scars that marked him as one who survived. Her gaze lit up, that smile growing. He was one who had survived, who would always survive, she should have never doubted him.

Gut twisting with nerves, hands turned clammy, and tongue heavy in her mouth; Taurina started to step towards him. She wished to touch him. To assure herself that this was not just some cruel trick of the mind. That he truly was there before her. That he truly had come back to her. His name began to form on her lips again… His beautiful name. He stepped back towards the fence, leaning his weight upon it. The Ethaefal froze, her half raised foot landing firmly back on the ground. Her brow furrowed. Had she done something? Did he not wish to know her again? He had always drawn her close… Even when he had been angry with her. Taurina tried to hide the look of confusion and defeat that came over her at his action. She did not understand what could have changed so drastically that he no longer wished to be near her. It did not make any sense if he had come for her. Better leave her to believe him dead if he did not want her around him anymore.

That thought stung. She pushed it away. He had come so he must still want her. Nothing else made sense in her dreamed up version of reality. Maybe he just needed a chime to gather himself. Maybe trying to step towards him had been a mistake, a rush of things. Taurina forced herself into stillness. Let him come to her. She pressed her fingers into the silky fur of Grey’s head, stroking gently to calm herself. To keep herself in place.

Slowly, too slowly, Azmere stood from resting against that fence and stood on his own again. She watched him as he drew in a breath that caused his shoulders to rise and his stance to become more solid. More like the Ankal she knew him to be. Circles formed in the grey fur of the canine’s head, patterns to help occupy the impatient and overactive mind of the Drykas woman. It was not much longer that she had to wait. Shortly after that breath was taken words began to take form and the Ankal finally -finally- had something to say to her. Taurina hung on every word.

“Do you know me?”

Fingertips stilled in fur. Breath scattered as heart stopped and then started again. Had she hard him right? Had he really… Had he really asked such a question? Taurina felt her mouth go dry and it did not matter how many times she tried to swallow or bite her tongue, it would not wet again. For a long tick she just stared at him. Her heart thrumming in her chest as those words pounded at her head.

“Do you know me?” “Do you know me?” “Do you know me?”

Had that been a shake in his voice? Taurina did not understand. Never before had she seen Azmere weak. Never before had she seen him lost. He had always been so sure. If not of himself than of those around him. A silent force of calm and love and understanding. That was the Azmere she knew. The Azmere who had shown such care towards her. The Azmere she had grown to love. What did it mean that he asked if she knew him? What did it mean that he did not know her?

“What are you talking about?” Taurina questioned, her voice barely more than a dry whisper, “of course I know you! Of course I… I could never forget you…”

The Ethaefal shook her head and dropped her gaze to the hand that rest buried in Grey’s fur. The dog looked up at her, that goofy happy face dropping when he sensed her distress. A whine was released and Taurina stroked a thumb over the space between his ears. She could see the burning of her world all around her now. She watched as the dream of him taking her home crashed into the one of her second chance at happiness. Not a blessing from the gods then. Not a second chance. Her grip in Grey’s fur tightened as she swallowed against that heavy lump in her throat. She did not understand. She just did not understand.

“Don’t you know me?” She knew the answer to that was not likely going to be a kind one, but she asked anyway as tears began pricking at her eyes. “We… I… Family…”

Taurina shook her head again, rubbing her free hand over her eyes as if that would rid her of tears. It did no such thing. The woman slowly rose her gaze to meet his again, her heart cracking in her chest as she did so. Finally she had figured out how to piece it back together on her own. Finally she had learned how to live again. Finally she had figured out how to be without him. And now that was all lost. All that work, nothing. Just ash scattered in the wind.

“You are everything to me,” Taurina could not stop the words as they spilled out, “you took me in, you gave me a home, a family, and you… You were always there for me. How can you ask if I know you?! Of course I know you! I lov…”

Taurina stopped herself before she finished. She had never told him that she loved him. Never revealed to him the secrets of her heart. Partially because she had hid them from even herself. Partially because she had not known to take her chances when they were right in front of her face. Now did not seem a great time to change that. She sighed and shook her head, swallowing down her budding anger and slow forming tears, forcing herself into a false calm.

“I know you, Azmere. I know you. I will always know you."

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Azmere]

There was a stillness between them. The woman had used a name, supposedly his own, and addressed him in several manners of disbelief and even anger. The scarred man was swimming in her words. It was so fast and yet the frame of time seemed to stop and stretch over oceans in his mind. Certain phrases repeated and questions lingered. Who was she to react in such a way? Who was he to her to elicit such an emotional response? When one is lost or has lost control, there has to be a center; an anchor to hold. Only once a man has found his center can he begin to unravel the storm that has been set upon him. The vagabond’s center was still unknown but perhaps this small woman with sun-kissed strands in her hair was a place to start.

He found it odd that he was drawn to her. One step was taken and then another but nothing quick. The amber and azure stare never left her but tried to gauge what it was that she was truly saying. As he spun around the moment, the warrior kept latching on to one word that the woman had said several times; family. His mouth trembled as he struggled to form his thoughts. There was a second pause as he felt his stomach twist. His eyes fell upon the dog that stood so calmly next to the woman. Was she right? Had they been family? The multicolored stare burned and the man reminded himself to blink more often as he temporarily severed his visual connection to the woman and his furry companion. His shoulders dropped and he sagged his stance with another slow step when his eyes reignited upon the woman. Soft words broke the silence but there was almost no conviction behind the question. “I have a family?” The last word choked him. He almost coughed but grumbled through a cough that caused him to cover his mouth. His eyes welled up with tears but they never fell, rather the liquid simply rimmed his tired gaze and highlighted the exhausted expression. “Are they here? Is this our home?” The questions flew like sparks from a dying fire and gradually became louder as the man ignored his physical pain and moved closer to the stranger. “Where are they? What can you tell me about them? Are they dead?”

At this point he had reached the woman and his hands took ahold of her by the arms. He lifted her up towards his face as he bent near. The contact was electric and it threatened to end the conversation as he knees grew weak. Her skin and hair set him on fire but her expression drown him in a river of icy doubt. The woman’s eyes flew into his soul -vacant and dark- and touched something deep inside of him. He didn’t understand and couldn’t, not without her help. With a desperate gasp of air and an even deeper look of despair on his face he asked her one more question… “Who am I?”

Suddenly aware of how hard he was squeezing the woman’s arms, the man let go and stared at his hands. He sputtered a “sorry” but couldn’t lift his eyes to face hers any more. Shaking in his instability, the scarred warrior took three steps in retreat. The power of his grip and the realization that he had allowed it to go unchecked against such a person as this small woman made his stomach boil in knots. The men in the tunnels told him he’d been cursed by the gods for his sins. What if one of those was his treatment of his family? The thought made him stagger backwards another step and then another as recalled the bitter tone the woman had used when she had recounted that she knew him. The tears started to fall, finally loosed of their puffy-eyed prison. Dirt was pushed aside as streaks formed on his face and the man turned from the woman though it was too sudden. His footing gave way and the warrior fell forward with a startled cry.

The weathered hands shot out and caught the fence rail. The man’s arms, shoulders and core all engaged in some kind of reflex that held him aloft for a tick or two. The eyes stared at his wooden beam in front of his face and wondered where he had learned to react in such a way. The muscles of his form worked as a group to push his body up and sustain his weight so he could take a step and recover his balance. The brief rest allowed the odd man to gain control of his tears but the sick feeling in his stomach did not leave. The dog was still there as was the woman and the big white horse. The scarred man couldn’t point to any progress. He couldn’t filter any truth from the world. The gods had taken his memories but maybe they should have just ended his life. Still clutching the wooden railing tight in both hands, he dropped to his knees like a man before an alter. This man knew no gods. He had no one to ask for help and no one to guide him. He stared into the sky and felt his skin grow cold at the thoughts that entered his hollow existence. Simplistic in nature, the torture he rent upon himself was enough to send shivers up his spine and lowered the scarred head. To whomever put him in this place, he whispered. “Just end it.”

[Taurina]

Anger melted, sadness giving way, as agony swept over like a wave and settled like an anvil on her chest. She watched as he stepped towards her, as breaths so shaky spoke questions that tore at her soul, saw those tears brimming in his beautiful eyes. Hands gripped her too tightly but she did not even care, until he did. Until he released her and stepped away, shaking. Until tears fell and then his body with a cry breaking free. She was made to witness as he shattered before her. As he lowered to his knees and lifted his tear filled gaze to the sky, a whisper for the mercy of death on his lips. A plea to whoever listened for pain to end.

He did not know her. He did not know his family. He did not know himself. They had been stolen from him. Through some cruel twist of fate or by the hands of vindictive gods, he had lost all he was. All he loved. He was only a shell of the man she knew. Whatever had happened, wherever he had been all this time, it had been like death. Only this was worse. Far worse. The pain did not fade as Dira came with a welcoming embrace and saw his soul to the other side. Instead it was as if even she had left him. As if death had abandoned him. Left him to wander the earth lost and empty. To feel every inch of that pain and be swallowed by it.

Taurina knew what it was to not know. What it was to wonder and cry out to absent gods. She knew what it was to be lost and wandering and purposeless. To be without a family and without a home. Once that had been her. It was why she had gone to Endrykas. Why she had gone searching for a family, a place to belong and a people to belong with. It was in that place of broken pieces Azmere had found her. It was in that place he had given her everything she had been searching for and then some. To see him like this now.. for the roles to reverse.. she would have rather gone through it all again. She would have rather him die a thousand times over and her go through that pain again and again if only he could be spared this. If only this pain would be taken from him.

Steps were slow as she neared him, dared to close the gap between them, and settled down on the ground beside him. She did not say anything for a long time, had not said anything since telling him that she knew him. A part of her was still in shock that he was even here. That all the time she had spent mourning him he had been out there somewhere, alive and hurting. Another part of her did not know how to approach him. How to tell him of who he was, all he was, and what her part in that was. He had asked of his family, their family, wanted to know where they were and if they were alive. Had asked if this was their home. How did she tell him that it was not? How did she tell him that she had run from them? Left them when they had needed her most? Her own shame kept her from wanting to talk of them at all.

“You did not come home,” Taurina started softly, her voice barely above a whisper, as the Grey padded over to them and rested his head in her lap where she drew soft circles in his fur, “I waited… We all waited.. so long for you to come home. And when you didn’t… It was too hard.”

The Ethaefal shook her head, focusing her silver lined gaze on the icy gaze of the dog who had come to comfort her. The canine whined softly, as if he somehow understood. As if he saw her pain too and wanted to tell her that it was okay. That it was okay to not be okay.

“This is not our home. I do not know if they live or die, but I believe them alive. I hope they live.” A breath as frail as the breeze shook as it was drawn in and released, tears streaking rivers of silver down her puffy cheeks. “The tent city of Endrykas is our home. Diamond clan, but that will not mean much to you. Our family, your family, is one made up of those who do not belong anywhere else. Cast offs, orphans, and misfits; those make up our family. And you were our leader. You were the one who brought us all together and gave us a home.”

Taurina lifted her gaze to him then. Lifted a hand too so that she might touch. Remind herself again and again that this was real. He was real and he was here. Alive. Alive. Alive. The hand settled on his shoulder. Alive. Taurina’s grip tightened over his skin. His was paler than she remembered him being. As if he had not seen the sun since the day he had wandered off into the grass. What had the gods done to him? What had he been made to endure? Why was it that when he had gripped her he had pulled away so quickly with sorrow stuttering out from his lips and body sent trembling? Not the Azmere she remembered. Not the Azmere who had wandered into the grasses.

“I am Taurina,” she told him gently, “Taurina Stormblood. That is the name of our family, Stormblood. You are Azmere. Azmere Stormblood, ankal and watchman. Friend. Brother. Leader. Warrior. Just a few of the titles you once bore.”

He had been more to her. So much more. But those titles were ones left tucked away in the quiet place of her soul. For her sake as much as his. There was much to understand, feelings to sort through, hearts to repair. A shattered soul needing put back together. She would do it. Even if she had to tear the world apart, she would put him back together. Even if he decided he did not want her in his life anymore, she would repair it. She would see him made whole again. A silent promise.

“Please do not wish the gods for such things,” she begged before promising him, “You are somebody. You are somebody who is loved, who is necessary, who belongs somewhere. This world is not ready to lose you… I.. I am not ready to lose you.”

Her grip relaxed and became light as a feather as she brushed fingertips down his arm before pulling away completely. She did not wish to startle him. Did not wish to scare him away.

“I just got you back Azmere. I can’t… I cannot lose you again.”

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Azmere]

The man sat in silence and listened to her words. He heard things being said and not all of it made sense but some of the statements drove home against his skull like a hammer to an anvil. Torn asunder, his life was laid out in clips and phrases by this woman who claimed she knew him and who he used to be. His dog stayed closer to her now than the pale man with scars. The blue and gold stare focused on the graining in the wooden rail that was before him. He hadn’t the will nor the courage to turn and face her again.

This was not his home. This was another place and yet here she was, a member of his family, but not in their home. The doubt began to fester as she continued. His breathing was quick and shallow as he rolled the things this woman claimed around in his mind. He had no shining star to guide him and no golden standard for comparison so everything was taken at face value and held up against the spirit of a broken warrior who has no compass. When she spoke of their kin as cast offs and misfits and how he had brought them together, he almost chuckled but his throat was far too dry for such revelry. He stared at his hands as they shook and fidgeted in his lap.

How could someone who protected and looked out for others be the target of the gods’ ire? Perhaps these rebels he housed were not good people. Maybe he was not a good person. Heat brushed up against his cheeks- it was possible that she was not a good person either. It would explain why she left the supposed family after he had gone missing. The men in the tunnels talked of how selfish people can be if they find a safe enough space to do so. Had he provided that kind of haven for such deviants? The thoughts began to circle like buzzards over a carcass and the man being told his name was Azmere started to feel more sick as her delusional stories wound on and on.

Taurina Stormblood. The name sounded selfish but no more pretentious than Azmere Stormblood. The verbal expression brought a cruel sneer to the right side of his face. Friend of fiends. Brother of thieves. Leader of the unclean and a warrior of fortune. It made sense now. He suddenly realized why the gods had taken his memories. He did not deserve them. He did not deserve a whole life. Hollow and alone, hidden from the sun is where he belonged...in the dirt with the rest of the insects. The man’s hands trembled in such a way that it caused aches to shoot up from his fingers to his wrists and leave a hollow feeling inside his palms. The scarred face turned down and stared at his useless grip and he knew. He knew all of the things that had been forgotten were a divine adjustment. He had little to offer anyone but he would find ways to serve. Certainly there was a place for him where he could be humiliated for the betterment of the world. Maybe then the gods would grant him the peace of death.

Poison. She poured poison from her cute little lips like a fountain tainted by some dark magic. She begged him not to ask for a reprieve and she was right in that regard but there was more she would ask of him. The woman said he was loved and necessary. She was wrong about that. He was no more necessary than a stain in a tapestry or a tear in a sail. It was a nuisance and a hindrance, tolerated only until it could be remedied. Then the final truth came from her mouth. The siren claimed she needed him. She desired his sick set of skills for more of her selfish reasons. Maybe she left because she wanted to find him so they could pursue his former reign of ill intent.

The hollow warrior would not allow such blasphemy to occur. He did not know the gods. He did not know the extent of his crimes but he knew that a blind eye could not be turned on such judgement. It had been delivered and signed by the death of an innocent creature, his horse. The men in the tunnels talked of how those beasts were sacred and of the gods themselves so for one to be sacrificed so that he might atone for his crime meant something. It had to mean something.

The warrior rose quickly and turned with a scowl to face the temptress. He waved her away with wide strokes of his hands and exploded in a shout that was louder than he had spoken since he could remember. The volume was well above speaking levels but not overly abusive since he hadn’t the strength in his lungs to deliver a true boom of a retort. “How can you sit and spew such lies?” He tilted his head down towards her and never moved his gaze from hers even as the dog slowly got to its feet and rose on its heckles. “I am cursed by the gods!” His arm pointed to the skies. “I’m being punished for a life of evil and ill will and you would have me return to those ways?” he pointed at her and started to pace a bit with staggered steps. Grey had inserted himself in front of Taurina in a very stout kind of stance. “You tell me I’m loved but what kind of person loves a monster?”

The man stomped away from them but continued to rant. His mind was whirling faster than his mouth could keep up and things began to get mashed together. “Do you wish me to return to your side so we can commit more treachery? You left our family! I was taken from them does that mean that we should probably never try to see them again? To be together again? Gods be praised they broke apart our tainted alliance for the better!” He went to pivot on his left leg but failed to compensate for the scar tissue and the deep wound of which he had no memory. It did not sustain him and he collapsed to his knees once more and began to sputter more abusive and condescending banter into his hands. His back shook with sobs as tears poured from his eyes.

When Grey padded up and attempted to nuzzle him, a big weathered hand came and stiff-armed the dog away. The warrior shifted and swayed on his knees and started to work back up to his feet. It took him almost a chime but the dog did not try to move ahead any more and his hair was standing on end as he watched his master spiral into a very dark place. The scarred man took a huge sigh as he straightened to his full height. His eyes were bloodshot and his face streamed with dirt and tears. He swayed like a drunk and stared down at the woman. His voice was back to a soft speaking tone as he began to recount a story.

“I never knew, in the tunnels, that I was hideous. We never talked about appearances because it was so dark all the time.” His hands rocked back and forth with lazy swings, all the while his fists clenched and unclenched. “When I first remember seeing the sun, we met some men on horseback who called themselves knights. They reacted to my good looks.” The right side of his face curled into a smirk of derision, the left remained unmoved. “One of them took me aside and explained some things to me. He told me how to find answers to why I’d been left without any memories. He also showed me my own face and talked to me about how people might react.” The right hand reached down against his belt and drew the kukri from its sheath with a very deliberate movement. “I didn’t know what to think at first but then I go to the city gates and I knew… I knew I was different.” The man began to slice at the air with a very consistent pattern of back and forth that allowed his arm to move in two loops resting side by side. It was a natural flow, a deadly set of arcs with one purpose; destruction.

He turned to face her and pointed the blade at the city then turned it upon himself- against his chest. “That’s how people look when they see a monster!” Shivering from his rage and his hands shaking with whatever ailment had been plaguing him thus far, he pressed the tip into his chest, dead center, until a rivulet of blood began to run down his thin abdomen. “I…” the multicolored eyes locked onto hers and despite the anger and shame he held aflame, there was pain and a sense of being lost. “Am...a monster.” He pushed the blade in a little further. His tone suggested that it was the first time he had admitted that out loud. It was almost as if he had to convince himself. “What right have I to anything other than a life of misery?”

[Taurina]

Taurina was silent as his words ripped apart her soul and tore at the very core of who she was. She did nothing to stop him. Did nothing to silence him as such vile things were spewed from his mouth. The only sign that she even heard him was the tears streaking down her face and the shaking of her hands. Her gaze never broke from his. Her body remained where it was planted against the ground. Even when Grey left her, first to defend her and then to bring what comfort he could to the broken man, she did not shift. His words hit her like daggers to the stomach. Talons slick with poison pierced her heart as it thundered wildly within her. Lungs gasped for air that did nothing to relieve the aching in her chest. She did not know what to do. She did not know how to help him. How to convince him that he was wrong. He was so very wrong.

Once, what felt like ages ago now, the very man before her at told her that she was light. That she was so much more than she had ever given herself credit for. So much more than what she saw when she looked in the mirror. She had not believed him then. Had struggled to believe him since. Yes she was a Drykas, she was an Ethaefal, he had been the one to convince her that she was both one and the same. That she did not have to apologize for who she was to anyone. This had been different though. A different thing to accept. But she had tried, so very hard she had tried, to accept it because of him. Because she wanted to see in herself what he saw when he looked at her. Because she had wanted to know what it was that made her so special to him.

That night was the last time she remembered having seen him angry. Truly angry. And she had deserved that anger, every bit of it and more. Yet, somehow, even filled with that storm of rage, he had not risen his voice. He had not struck her with words or with brute strength. She wished he had. She wished he had yelled and screamed and torn her apart for all the hurt she had caused him. She wished he had not treated her with kindness, but inflicted her with pain instead. If only so she could know now how to deal with it. Know how to bring him down from this ledge he had climbed up. How to help him. Because now he was yelling. Now his voice rose to a level that caused it to crack at the edges. And he was angry but more so he was hurt and he was lost. And she did not know how to help him. She did not know how to make him see what she saw when she looked at him. Make him know what it was that made him so very special to her.

He called her a liar. His words were bitter as he threw her leaving their family in her face. As he accused her of wanting him by her side for reasons less than pure. Taurina just shook her head back and forth over and over again, the word “no” echoing from her lips over and over again. Her gaze was desperate as it stilled on him again. As she watched him go to turn away but was instead taken to the ground by the leg long ruined.

“Azmere!” Reflex had her back on her feet. Had her moving towards him to help him back up.

Grey beat her to him. Grey pressed his muzzle against his neck in an attempt at comfort only to be cast aside. The broken man did not want comfort. Did not wish for help. He did not deem himself worthy of it. Taurina stood a mere foot away, shaking hands clenched at her sides though it did nothing to stop the tremors. She watched as he struggled to rise. As he swayed like the patrons of the Blue Bull who had had one too many and fixed his gaze upon her once more. There were tears in his eyes, his cheeks just as puffy and red as she was sure hers were. A mirror image in a way. Only, this mirror showed her one she did not recognize. One whose sorrows she did not know how to soothe. To see him so fractured… It shook something loose in her that bounced around like a ball. A small sob forced itself from her throat. How did she help him?!

His voice dropped low again as a story spilled out across his lips. He spoke of tunnels, of others, and it did not take much to conclude that this must have been the place he had been all this time. Others. There had been others. People, humans, Drykas, someone… Someone who could have showed him the way home. Who had not showed him the way home. It did not matter if they had not known, Taurina wished to find them and take from them whatever it was they cared about in whatever hole they lived in. They had allowed him to toil in this misery. They had allowed him to believe himself worthless and ugly and vile. They had not showed him the truth. Had not showed him that he was good and that he was beautiful and worth everything. They deserved every cruel thing coming to them just for that. It did not matter if they were blameless. She needed someone to blame. She needed someone to hate for what had been done to him.

“No!” the scream was ripped from her throat as she lurched forward. “No.”

Hands reached for the blade as crimson blossomed across his chest. Fingers tightened over his and full body weight was thrown into her pull against him. Not today. Not today. He was not taking himself from this world. He was not making her a witness to such self destruction. Not when he believed such hideous things about himself. Not when the truth of who he was was so opposite of everything he believed. The blade was torn from him before he could fight her and cast to the ground. The Ethaefal kicked it behind her, away from him. Not today. She panted hard as her frantic eyes slowly began to calm.

“Lies,” she breathed, “all you believe are lies.”

He would not believe her. She understood that now. The words she had spoken earlier had been truth. Maybe not the whole truth, but a part of it. A beginning. And he had not believed even that. He had taken her words and turned them into something ugly and false. Taken those words and fit them into his own predetermined image of himself. Taurina did not understand why he had done such a thing, but she did not believe anything she said now was going to change anything. Did not believe she was going to be able to change his mind. At least, not today. She pressed a hand against the bloody wound in the center of his chest. Shallow and nonthreatening as it was, but she knew that could change. That he would need to see a healer. She doubted he would want to. She wished it was night so that she could have at least aged the wound. Sealed it with a trick of time.

“You are wrong,” her voice was still breathless as she raised her gaze to meet his and did not remove her hand, “about all of it, you are wrong. You are no monster. You are not even hideous.”

She dared to raise her other hand to his cheek. Slowly she swept the back of her fingers over the scars that marred his face. Marks left by an accident when he had been but a foolish child. He had paid the price for his foolishness, was forever marked by the lightening that had struck him. She grazed her thumb gently over the skin below his golden eye, brushing away the stream of tears. Her touch was light and gentle, careful, so as to not encourage him pulling away from her.

“You are a survivor, a fighter. That is all these marks show you as,” she told him in that whisper soft voice, “and they are beautiful. Maybe not to lesser beings, but to me.. beautiful. A mark of the strength you have always carried.”

Taurina sighed as she drew her hand away. The other was still resting over his wound, his blood coating her skin down to her wrist but she did not care. She cared about little besides the man who had come back to her. He needed her. Even if he did not want her, if he thought her intentions born of something evil and manipulative, he needed her. If only so he could learn the truth of who he was and make his choice on what to do next with all the information in hand.

“You do not believe me. You think I lie to you. I promise you I do not, but you will not believe that will you? What do my words mean to one who does not remember our past?” Taurina sighed and shook her head. “I will show you. I do not know how, but I will figure out a way. Please, give me a chance to make this right. Please? Let me help you. I just need some time.”

Her molten gaze was pleaded as she awaited his answer. The rest of her remained frozen, her hand remaining where it was despite the bleeding having stopped enough by this point not to warrant the pressure. She remained. Perhaps only so she did not have to release him yet. Perhaps only so she could ensure that he stayed as real and alive before her as he was now. So that he was not allowed to go off and hurt himself when she was not there to stop him.

“Please? Just give me some time. I promise… I promise I can help you.”

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Azmere]

There were points when she argued against him. Sometimes it was a shake of her head, wild locks of hair waved in the wind like banners of her cause. There were other times when she shouted or whispered her disagreements. The scarred man did not allow these things to go unnoticed. His head ached and throbbed from behind his eyes. There was so much light in this world. After having spent so much time underground, he had come to the conclusion that he would have to limit his time outside or at the very least try to be more aware of the earlier warning signs.

Exhaustion crept up and smashed him in the face and that’s when she attacked him. His reaction was slow, clumsy and useless. His hands tried to combine in front of him, the fingers around the weapon simply failed to hold it. Instead of pursuing the blade, the weathered hands twisted as one wrapped around the wrist that pressed to his wound. He squeezed at first but slowly relaxed though he never fully let go. There was something about feeling her pulse beneath his shaking fingers that soothed the fires in the husk of his body. The opposite hand shot out late but in a burst of speed that had to have been born of some past skill. His palm cupped her neck and fingers dug in along the base of her skull, his thumb trailed back behind her ear. The muscles in his arm bulged and shivered as he maintained a point at his elbow which drew her near.

Her warm skin, kissed by the sun, shocked him. The red eyes and puffy cheeks were stained with the streaks of tears. What have I done? The questioned echoed into the vast emptiness deep inside the man- inside Azmere. He filtered in and out of the conversation for a few ticks as the sun burned his sickly skin from behind. The shadow he cast upon her and the canine was skewed but in his mind it fit. What other shape would such a man cast other than a crumbled tower?

The words the woman used- it was emotional but it was logic. The wanderer spun in place like an entertainer’s plate that threatened to topple to the ground and break. Still, she pressed on. She told him his mind was flawed. There was no way he could doubt such a statement. The caramel gaze seemed to be on fire as she laid waist to his thinking and his current state of beliefs. In truth, he had very thin faith in anything. His memories had been taken for a reason, though. He absolutely knew that to be true. Why else would I have been stripped of my life if not for some greater good or divine justice? He wondered; agony scrawling itself through half of his features.

He leaned into her hand. She touched his scars with a tenderness that he did not know existed. Had he felt this before? In his past? In their past? He was not sure but the gentle pressure did not register like it would on normal skin. The marred tissue is like a cloak and does not feel but like one feels rain through his clothes, the broken man felt her fingers wipe away the tears caught in his cratered flesh. Tears fell from both eyes as he closed them and tightened his grip upon her wrist and drew himself closer with his hold upon her neck. The warmth and compassion she offered crushed something inside of him and he suddenly felt like he was falling.

There was nothing to stand on anymore. His island was gone and the world had left him behind seasons ago. The blue and gold stare crept open slowly when she called him beautiful. If it’s fitting that I can remember anything- gods, let it be her. The rising sun made her glow like a lantern, nay, a pillar of fire. He squinted against the growing light and eased his hold on her, his face finally righting itself and immediately missing the warmth of her touch. She wanted to help him. She wanted to prove to him that he was not as he thought. The thought made him feel ill. He now doubted what he had been told in the tunnels. He was not sold that he had been cursed. He was unsure as to what kind of man he used to be. While it would seem that such news would be welcomed, it was not. The scarred warrior was now without any direction. Without answers of any kind. He was truly lost.

The man released her neck and brought his other hand to the one he held against his chest. He took her blood fingers and wrist and lifted it to his forehead. He pressed his clammy skin to the top of her hand and then released her. He shifted a few moments and then rose with a great wince of pain at the dead core that interfered with his leg muscles efficiently heaving him weight skyward. Shaking hands gripped the fence rail and he extended a hand down to her to aid her rise as well. Once done, he hobbled over with a deep limp. It was more pronounced after he fell. Still squinting his eyes almost shut, he found his knife and returned it to his sheath.

The vagabond scratched at his dog’s ears when the beast returned to him then the pair turned to face the strange woman- Taurina. His voice was deep, scratchy and soft. The events of the morning had ripped him apart, put him back together and then sent him adrift along a path that he could not see even when it was threatening to wash over him. “I will let you find answers.” He sighed and rubbed his leg. “Should we ever meet again, I’ll know the gods have a purpose for me. Be it redemption, salvation or damnation… I will know when I see you again.” He lowered his head, shoulders sagging as well. The man moved to turn but stopped. Slowly and with a few pauses as if he was trying to decide what to say, he looked at her with just his blue eye. “I am sorry that I’m not the man you lost.” The scarred fellow was falling asleep standing up. He swayed then turned and headed back down the road towards a place he had been shown where he could rest.

[Taurina]

Hands reached out to draw her near. One softening around her wrist and the other buried in the line of her hair. His touch was rough skinned but gentle as he ran his thumb over the space behind her ear. Warmth washed over her like a wave of sunlight as breath caught in her throat and butterflies fluttered against the walls of her stomach. It was easy to be here so close to him. Easy to be drawn near and take in his warmth. She wanted more of it. She wanted to fall into his arms and feel them wrap around her like they had so many times before. He meant so much to her and his arms had always been a place of comfort and safety where love was found. But things were different now. He was different now. All that had been was gone, lost in the grass. He might have lived but who he had been died. At least, until she found a way to bring the man she knew back to the man who had returned. To do as she wished.. she doubted he would take well to it. Was sure that it would only push him away. So she made herself be content with this, with what he gave her.

Gaze met gaze as her gentle words spilled out over the space between them. She did not know if he would listen to her. If he was going to give her this chance she was asking for. What she did know was that the muscles in his arm had trembled when he bent it to bring her near. That tears were still falling from his eyes as he closed and then opened them again. That he leaned into her touch as agony marred the right side of his face. What was going through his mind? She did not know, but she tried to figure it out through searching his eyes of so many color for answers. She found none besides sorrow and an emptiness she so badly wished to steal from him. To take on herself if it meant that he could be spared.

There was a time when there were no words, no movement or change, between them. That was where silence settled. Even if only for a moment as their nearness held. Her warmth given in exchange for his own. There was no fear here. No anxiety or pain. Just them as the past melded with the present and the lost was found.

Taurina held back her urge to grab him as his grip eased. A cool spread where his warmth had been as a too familiar void took its place. Fingers betrayed her by tightening around the wound in his flesh. Her free hand clasped her thigh in effort to keep it down from reaching out towards his face again. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck, bury her face against his chest and hold him close to her body. To never part with him again. At least, not for a very long time. But these were not things he needed from her now. No matter that they were things she so desperately needed. So desperately desired. For his sake she could not take them for herself. For his sake she had to force those fingers to relax and allow him to take her wrist in both of his hands.

Tear sparkled in her caramel gaze as he pressed her hand to his forehead with his own. His blood stained his flesh as it stained her own, but she suspected that he did not care much. Just as she did not care much. Still words remained absent, the silence heavy. He had yet to answer her whether or not he would allow her the time. The chance. She wished to make him. To demand that he do such a thing because the alternative was something she could not bear to imagine. She had already lost him once. She was not going to let it happen again. Not without a fight. If she lost that fight… Well that was a bridge better left to when it was time cross. She greatly hoped that such a time would never come as he released her completely and began to shift his weight so that he might once more stand.

The Ethaefal remained still where she was, just watching him as the absence of him caused bumps to rise along her flesh with the cold. It did not matter how warm the day was, without him near she had never been colder. Never before had the kiss of Syna’s golden rays failed so thoroughly as they did now. His name caught in her throat as he reached a hand towards her. She saw the shake in his form, the way his body swayed under the strain he put it through. Never had she seen Azmere show pain or weakness, not when it came to his injuries. Never before had she seen him give so much attention to the flaws of his mortal body. Still, he reached out for her. Still, he helped her. And she let him as she took that hand and slowly made her way onto her feet, holding that hand until the last possible second when he released her.

Taurina pressed her body into the fence for support as this man she knew to be Azmere went to gather his blade. Starfire came to her then, his soft muzzle pressing into her hair and then down towards her pocket in search of a treat. Taurina laughed weakly, reaching to fetch one of the sugar cubes she had brought and offering it to him. The strider munched greedily as Taurina traced half-hearted circles over his cheek. The burden of emotions had weighted her soul and tired her body. A part of her did not know how to go on. What the next step was from here. How was she meant to pretend that everything was ok when it so obviously was not? How was she suppose to go back to the day to day when everything she had thought she knew had been unravelled in the matter of a bell? Taurina shook her head and allowed her gaze to drop to the dirt covered ground. She had no idea.

It was the broken man’s voice that drew her attention back up. It was the words she had been waiting for that poured from his lips. The chance and time to find answers given. She could not suppress her smile as relief fell over her and the anvil on her chest lifted slightly. The future, he insisted, would tell him what it was the gods had planned for him. Their future together. Taurina did not let the pressure of those words settle. Did not allow them to dampen what small happiness she had been able to find. The gods had their plans, fate its fragile chords all tangled in a bunch and she had her dreams. A future slowly unfolding itself in the corners of her imagination now that he had opened the door. Maybe they had a chance, just a chance, to make things right. To mend what had been broken. To pick up all their ruined pieces and help each other put them together again.

“You are..” Taurina assured him in a voice that was just a little more than a whisper, “you just do not know it yet.”

The caramel gaze swept over him sadly, knowing, before settling on the big dog at his side. Her smile grew just slightly as she squatted down and bent her fingers for him to come. He was unsure, unsteady, but he came to her. She ran her fingers through his fur, scratched behind his ears and planted a kiss across the space between his eyes.

“Take care of him for me, okay?” she asked gently before smiling at the big blue eyes that just seemed to stare knowingly at her in response, “I will bring him back. I promise. I will find a way.”

She pressed another kiss on his forehead before standing to her feet and signing for him to return. It took little encouragement for the dog to leave her and return to his master’s side. Taurina just smiled sad, tears glinting in her eyes, as she watched them leave. She did not know where they were going. Where in Riverfall he now called home or who had hired him. A part of her did not know if she would ever see him again. If she would ever be able to find him in city of so many colors. But the larger part of her was sure that she would. Was sure that the answers would come and that the gods would bring them together again. Because he was here now where he had not been before and he had not gone home. Instead he had come to her. That meant something. That had to mean something. She was going to find out what. And she was not going to stop until she did.

“Thank you. Thank you for bringing him here. Thank you for keeping him alive.” Taurina lifted her tear stained gaze to the sky as she spoke to whatever of the silent gods chose to listen, as thanks turned to pleading. “Help me…” The words to say escaped her as tears fell once more. “Please… Help me…”

Her voice became a shuddered breath in her chest, her hands trembling against the wood of the fence rail she gripped. She wished to believe that they heard her. She wished to believe that they would answer. But experience told her she was alone. Experience told her that no matter how much she loved Leth, how much she admired the others she knew the names of and acknowledged the ones she did not, they would not answer her in words. They would likely not answer her at all. So with a heavy heart she turned to her strider and pressed her face against his cheek, her tears turning his white coat grey as fingers tangled in his mane.

“Please… Please… Please…” she murmured over and over, “… I just want him back… Help me bring him back…”

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'