[SO] All is Flux

by **Kailani** on October 24th, 2018, 4:53 am

8th Day of Fall, 518 AV, 18th Bell

“And so we commit Karigan Crestwidow back to Laviku’s domain…”

The funeral rites droned on, but all Kailani could hear was a hollow ringing in her ears. She’s gone. This is real. How could we have been so stupid? The thoughts kept repeating themselves over and over, a cycle of self-inflicted torture that she was helpless to stop. It wasn’t her fault…it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but that didn’t stop the blame, the grief. The fact remained that their Lia was the best of them all, and she was dead. Life would never be the same.

Kailani could hardly bear to look as they heaved her mother’s body up and over the side of The Wayward Tabernacle, red-rimmed oceanic eyes filling with tears once more as she clutched tight to her sister Layla’s hand. When Karigan’s body splashed into the ocean just as the sun dipped below the horizon, a keening cry rang out over the waves. It took Kailani a moment to realize it came from her own mouth.

Her lips were not the only ones that cried out, however—as far as the eye could see, Svefra ships filled the surrounding ocean. The air was laden with shouts and exclamations of sorrow, sobs ripped from the most grizzled of throats. Karigan Crestwidow had been a well-known and well-respected Lia; different pods from miles around had come to attend her funeral. The sheer numbers were overwhelming and heartwarming alike. It was almost as if a Nal’lyeo had been called, the Svefra family gathering together to see off one of their own.

Arms wrapped around the other, the sisters fell to their knees. They clung to each other in their grief and loss, tears drenching their hair and faces as their sobs wove an agonized counterpoint to the chorus of mourning ringing across the sea. The creatures of Laviku’s domain came to share in the Svefra’s bereavement, as well. Whales, dolphins, rays, and even a few sharks gathered to pay their last respects, the various tavan making temporary peace with each other as they bid farewell to Karigan. One shark in particular, a grizzled old tiger shark the Crestwidows knew all too well, swam down with the Lia’s body as she sank into the depths below. Those members of the pod who had managed to remain steady until then finally broke down as they watched their Pardisa accompany their Lia to her final rest.

It seemed bells passed before Kailani rose from the deck of the palivar, Layla’s hands clutched tight in her own. What would happen now? Without Karigan to lead them, would the pod continue on? Would the others splinter off? Would the Crestwidow pod be no more? Those thoughts and others were present in both the women’s gazes, unspoken but nonetheless mutually understood. At least in all of this uncertainty, they had each other. Certainly that would never change.

Kailani looked around them as if seeing the ship for the first time, ale running through the deck’s inhabitants like it was water. Feasts were being served on all the nearby palivars, music thundering into the night. It was a fitting tribute to the legacy of her mother’s vivacious lifestyle, but the blue-eyed seafarer felt only emptiness. Releasing her sister’s fingers, she grabbed a jug of ale from the nearest pair of hands she could find, and drained the rest of it in three long gulps. The one she’d stolen it from briefly thought about protesting, but upon seeing the bleakness in Kailani’s face, he thought better of it. Let her have her ale.

The Svefra woman hardly even realized what she’d done, letting the empty jug fall to the deck as she walked over to the side of the ship. Gazing out over the moonlit ocean, she bit her lip. The tides of her life were shifting, and she wasn’t sure she wished to follow the direction they pulled her. What do I do now? Kailani pled silently with her dead mother, leaning on the rail with her head in her hands. Everything’s changing, and I don’t know how to navigate it all without you.

All is flux, Kailani, the memory of Karigan’s voice replied gently in her head, a replay of a conversation they’d had only weeks before. As life goes on, you will fight, you will endure, and you will learn that nothing ever remains the same. It is up to you to learn to roll with the changes. Those who can’t adapt can’t survive. And you, my girl, have always been a survivor.

by **Kailani** on October 31st, 2018, 1:57 am

Kailani woke the next morning with a throbbing head, her tongue thick and dry in her mouth. She groaned as her hands came to her face, a shuddering sigh parting her lips. How much did I drink last night? she thought blearily as she rubbed at her eyes—pausing when she heard a mirroring groan come from somewhere next to her. Apparently more than I thought…

The Svefra peered between her fingers to find an only hazily familiar face laid on the pillow next to hers. Red hair fell across bearded cheeks, drool leaking onto the fabric below him. Kailani’s nose wrinkled in mild disgust at the sight. What sort of daughter am I? she thought as she gave the stranger’s shoulder a hard poke. Shacking up with some random asshole the night of my mother’s funeral. Bleary blue eyes blinked open as Kailani jabbed him again, his brows drawing together in confusion. What is wrong with me?

“You need to go,” the Lia’s daughter told her unexpected companion, tone arch as she pointed toward the door. “I might have let you in my bed, but I didn’t say you could sleep in it.”

“Petch you,” was his muttered response, but it held no real malice. He wasn’t about to argue, not on this morning of all mornings. The man had gotten lucky enough the night before; he wouldn’t begrudge her this grief-filled hangover. Stuffing his feet into his boots, he stumbled out the door with a half-hearted wave—shutting it behind him and leaving Kailani alone with her thoughts.

As soon as he was gone, the Svefra rolled on her stomach and buried her face in the pillow with another long groan. The thought of going above deck and facing anyone right then was about the least appealing thing she could imagine. But it hardly seemed wise to wallow in misery alone in her cabin, either. Then again, when had Kailani ever been wise?

Chimes passed without the woman moving a muscle, silent tears flowing down an already swollen face. Karigan had been her mother, yes, but aside from that, the woman had been her rock, her strength, her most trusted confidante. Without her, life took on a whole new meaning, and Kailani wasn’t ready to accept that. She was a woman that usually embraced change, but this…this was too much change.

It was another bell before she finally rolled over, sightlessly staring up at the cabin’s ceiling. Her stomach rumbled, but it was a distant feeling, easy to ignore. It wasn’t like she had much of an appetite, anyway. She would need to get up to refill her ewer at some point, but she was determined to wait until she could wait no longer. She wasn’t going to dehydrate any time soon.

Kailani wasn’t sure how much longer she lay there, sight unfocused as her mind tumbled over half-remembered thoughts of her mother. Fights and squabbles, laughter and smiles…from the first time she’d stepped foot on deck or dipped her toes in the ocean, Karigan had been there. A strong, steady presence that always kept her grounded, even in the most chaotic of waves. How was she expected to continue on without her? Who would catch her when she floundered? Who would hold her up when she lacked the strength to stand?

Syna was high overhead when Kailani finally pulled herself from her reverie and out of bed, stumbling about her cabin as she threw on the closest garments she could find. At last, she emerged from her quarters on The Wayward Tabernacle, shielding turquoise eyes against the light. Pitcher in hand, she pushed up toward the deck, doing her best to avoid eye contact with her podmates and their various guests. If she didn’t look at them, they wouldn’t speak to her, right? Wrong.

Dipping her pitcher in the closest barrel of water she could find, she straightened and turned on her heel to head back where she’d come from. Before she could take more than a few steps, however, her aunt, Azhure, stood in her path. “Out of my way,” Kailani muttered, doing her best to step around her mother’s sister.

“That’s no way to speak to your elders, girl,” Azhure snapped, blocking her niece’s passage once more. When Kailani’s sullen gaze met hers, the older woman’s face softened. “I know you’re grievin’, child, but so are we all. Come on,” she gently urged. “Break your fast with your family. You know yourself Karigan wouldn’t have wanted you sulking on your own.”

“Don’t even presume to tell me what she would have wanted, Azhure!” Kailani snapped right back, shoving her way past. If the other woman wouldn’t move on her own, Kai would forge her own walkway. “Go stick your nose somewhere it belongs, and let me be!”

Face red as fire, she hastened past a sleuth of staring faces before slamming her way back into her cabin. Who cared if she’d made a scene? By Laviku, she’d just lost her mother! Wasn’t she entitled to a bit of overreacting? Couldn’t they leave her alone, just for one day?

Back pressed to the door, she slid down to the floor, pitcher forgotten at her side as she let her head fall against her knees. Tears drenched the fabric of her pants, but Kailani hardly seemed to notice. What did it matter? I’ll apologize tomorrow, she decided, wrapping her arms around her legs. But just let tonight be my own.

by **Kailani** on November 1st, 2018, 5:31 pm

The next few days continued on in the same fashion. Kailani would rise after dawn, dip some water, maybe grab a few bites of food, then retreat back to her cabin for the rest of the day and night. Her podmates did their best to pull her out of her spiral, but all to no avail; she would talk to no one, she would listen to no one. Each day they attempted to pull her out infuriated her even more, and the Svefra could feel herself losing her grip on her sanity. She couldn’t go on like this. She had to get away.

It was well after the twenty third bell on the eleventh day of Fall when she crept out of her quarters, a small bag thrown over her shoulder containing only the bare essentials. She wouldn’t be gone long, just a couple days at most; they’d hardly even notice her absence. I’ll be back in no time, and I’ll be all the better for it, she told herself firmly as she crept above deck. Her oceanic eyes darted in every direction for any signs of life, but it seemed the luck of the gods was with her. Not a single soul was stirring aboard The Wayward Tabernacle. It was time.

Kailani made her way as quickly and as silently as she could over to the side of the palivar before dropping the ladder over the side. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she started climbing down before dropping into the water as quietly as she could manage. Hardly a chimed passed before she was climbing into her casinor. She tossed her pack to the deck before undoing the ties that held The Sunset Tide moored to the larger palivar. The faster she got away, the better. It’d be less likely for anyone to stop her.

Hauling up the anchor in record time, Kailani’s Oceanus mark started glowing. The currents around her gently began to flow, leading The Sunset Tide out into open waters. She would wait until she was out of sight to raise the sail; for now, her gnosis would do. Just as she started to pull off, she felt a presence off toward the starboard side. Looking down into the moonlit waters, she smiled. A spotted eagle ray popped its head out of the waters and raised a fin in greeting before disappearing back under the waves. Her tavan, Marikosh, had come to see her off.

Comforted by the presence of her friend, Kailani continued onward, travelling a few knots before she finally raised the sail. The wind billowed the fabric, her speed increasing as her vessel was pushed steadily west. When she was out a few miles from where her pod was moored, she finally slowed the casinor’s progress. Here seemed safe enough; the others weren’t very likely to find her this far out.

A few chimes passed before Marikosh caught up to her, his head popping out of the waves again and looking straight at her. “All right, I can take a hint,” Kailani said with a laugh, lowering the sail and dropping her anchor. Once she was sure The Sunset Tide wouldn’t drift off, the Svefra tossed her clothes to the side and raised her arms to the sky in a long stretch. With a deep breath, she jumped over the side of the casinor and dove into the waters below.

Slippery fins travelled over her torso in a gesture of comfort, Kailani’s hands sliding along the ray’s back. Marikosh might only be an animal, but he understood her grief—they were connected in a way that non-Svefra could never understand. It seemed bells passed as the two swam together, communicating wordlessly through the gift Laviku bestowed upon her people. His presence brought her comfort in a way nothing else could, her heart easing for the first time since Karigan’s death.

-*-*-*-*-*-

Clouds loomed on the darkened horizon, the distant sound of thunder rolling over the ocean. Cradled within the fins of her most beloved companion, Kailani was blissfully unaware of the incoming storm. The Svefra was grateful for her few bells of stolen peace, but little did she know what was still yet to come…

NaNo WC: 704

by **Kailani** on November 7th, 2018, 5:29 am

It was the hour before dawn when the storm struck in full force, Kailani half-asleep in the cabin of The Sunset Tide. An ear-shattering crack of thunder nearly tore her soul from her body, the Svefra tumbling from her bed with a shout. Exhausted and disoriented, she opened the door to her quarters and peered outside. Her heart sank at the sight that met her sea-blue eyes, the color draining from her cheeks. The Sebakem was nothing less than a maelstrom, violent waves battering the hull of The Sunset Tide as torrential rains soaked the deck. “Laviku bless and keep me,” Kailani whispered fervently, wrapping her cloak around her shoulders and running out into the storm.

Even with her twenty plus years of living on the sea, Kailani had a hard time maintaining her footing as she made her way over to the side of the casinor. More than once she slipped and fell to her knees, at last deciding the smart option was to crawl. Four limbs gave her more stability than two. It was an uphill battle to make it to the anchor’s chain, but at last, she succeeded, pulling the weight up as carefully as she could. If she left the anchor sunk into the sea bed, the wind would tear her beloved ship up board by board. The Svefra had no choice but to go with the other option—letting the winds carry her unmoored vessel further and further out to sea.

As soon as the anchor was free of the reef it hinged on, the ship was pitched violently forward. Kailani’s kneeling form slid across the deck until she slammed into the bow, crying out sharply in pain. Grasping onto the side of the ship, she pulled herself upward with her face set in determination. This storm would not get the better of her. She and The Sunset Tide would both survive.

Kailani couldn’t remember anything in her life that was more terrifying than that walk to the helm, a slippery, treacherous walk that threatened to pitch her overboard with each movement of her feet. Cresting waves overcame the sides of the ship, splashing onto the deck and soaking her through, but still she continued onward to her destination. She couldn’t afford not to make it.

At last, she was able to grasp onto the wheel, even with her feet determined to slide out from under her. Holding onto the wheel with one hand, she raised her fist to the sky and shook it. “You see that, Zulrav?!” she shouted furiously, words whipped across the waves by savage gales of wind. “You’ll not take me this time!”

As if in her response to her taunting, another flash of lightning struck nearby, the accompanying clap of thunder deafening. The storm-wrought waves mercilessly rocked The Sunset Tide to and fro, but Kailani held steady—clutching the wheel with a white-knuckled grip. She didn’t dare raise the sail in such high winds; such force could tear the mast right off. Instead, she had to rely on manual control and her own instincts if she hoped to ride out this storm.

The Svefra had no idea how many bells passed nor how many miles she traveled with the storm raging on, steering into the waves that threatened to overcome her boat. All she knew was that it felt like an eternity, the seafarer falling to her knees again and again, but always managing to return to her feet. She continued on with blind determination, though every part of her ached, and she was soaked to her very core. If she didn’t keep going, she would die. It was that simple. And Kailani was not going to die.

How could I have ignored the signs? she berated herself more than once throughout that day, furious at herself for leaving the pod in the first place. What sort of sailor was she, to not recognize an incoming storm of such magnitude? What was she thinking, going out on the ocean by herself? Kailani had let grief distract her, blind her to reality. She would not make the same mistake again. Foolish, foolish, foolish…

When Syna’s final rays started to pierce the clouds and creep over the horizon, Kailani felt tears of joy flow from her eyes to join the overabundance of saltwater already on her face. The gloom was finally starting to clear, the rain slowing to a drizzle. The tempestuous waves calmed with the winds, and for the first time since the night before, the Svefra could breathe easy. The storm was over, and the sun was setting. Though she was drenched to the bone and weary in her soul, she let loose a cry of pure exultation. She was alive!

Kailani’s joy was short-lived, however, the woman looking out over the sea with growing concern. Water as far as she could see, not a trace of land to be found. Yes, she was still alive, and The Sunset Tide remained intact, but there yet remained one problem.

She had no idea where she was.

NaNo WC: 845

by **Kailani** on November 12th, 2018, 1:29 am

The next two days were the loneliest of Kailani’s young life, wandering forlornly down the coastline as she searched for any trace of her pod. As predicted, her luck was nonexistent. She knew they were likely much further out to sea by then, but her casinor was not built for extended travel on the open ocean. As it was, she was still unsure of the extent of the damage the storm may have done to her beloved ship, and she had no wish to take her chances. The Sunset Tide was the most precious thing that remained to her; she could not lose it, too.

On the afternoon of the second day, Kailani leaned on the hull of the casinor as she dug some fish jerky from her pack. She wrinkled her nose at its heavily salted taste, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. It was better than starving. After she finished it, she looked out over the sea with a heavy sigh. I can’t keep wandering like this, she thought to herself, leaning over the side to bring a scoop of seawater to her lips. I could be sailing right past them and never know. I’ve got to come to port soon.

The Svefra leaned back over the side of the ship to dip her hand into the water again, closing her eyes as she reached out with Oceanus. Land was close. Very close. And what was more… this place felt familiar, as if she’d sailed these waters before. That was encouraging, at least. If she had to dock somewhere, she’d much rather it was somewhere she’d been before.

“All right, then. Best to head off,” she announced aloud to no one in particular. Who cared if she sounded crazy, talking to herself like that? It wasn’t like anyone was around to hear her.

Kailani tried not to think too hard on that. The Svefra woman had never been alone growing up, not for longer than a night. When one lived in a pod as she did, there was no such thing as solitude or privacy. She was lucky to have her own quarters where she could catch a quiet a moment or two. Most bunked together, and seemed to prefer it that way. Now that she was lost by herself, she was starting to regret taking that camaraderie for granted. And she was starting to realize just how much she truly needed it.

However, the boisterous sailor would not allow melancholia to overcome her again. Moping about it did nothing to change her situation—only action would do that. If she came into a large enough port city, she could reach out to other Svefra, send out signals for her pod. The folk of the sea had a way of coming together, and surely the Crestwidows would come running if they knew where she was. Kailani was Karigan’s daughter, after all. There was no way they’d leave her behind.

It was only another bell or so before Kailani came within view of a large harbor, the sailor adjusting the tiller to bring more wind into the sail. One hand lifted to shield her blue eyes from Syna’s rays, narrowing her gaze as she fought to make out where she was. The closer she came, the more recognition dawned on her. Baroque Bay, she suddenly realized, slowing her progress as she entered the harbor proper. Sunberth, then.

A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she sailed further into the bay, lowering the sail as she came within view of several long docks. Not the best option I could have hoped for, but at least I know where I am. The anarchistic city wasn’t high on her list of favorite places to visit, but there were aspects of Sunberth she enjoyed. Its very lawlessness appealed to the Svefra on a visceral level, especially in her state of rage and confusion. The sailor had never been fond of the idea of rule of law, as it was—her people made their own rules on the seas, the waters which were their domain. They had little need to submit to others’ rules laid out for them.

Kailani pulled up to the closest pier, lowering the mast and throwing out a line to tie her boat in place. Her anchor was lowered next, mooring the vessel between two large pilings. She tugged her lines to ensure they were secure before pulling herself up onto the pier. The port bustled with activity, the stench of the city mercifully dulled by the smells of fish and brine. Her teeth dug into her lip as she looked around, unsure where to even start. Were there other Svefra here she could reach out to? Were there any other folks here she could trust not to stab her in the gut? The abrupt change in her lifestyle was jarring, and she wasn’t entirely sure if she could adjust. Surely, it wouldn’t last long. A few days, at most, and she could return to life as she knew it. Or, at least, that’s what she hoped.

All is flux, Kailani, she reminded herself, recalling again the echo of her mother’s voice. Her footsteps struck the planks with purpose as she headed toward the city, determination in her stride. Change doesn’t have to be bad.

NaNo WC: 884