[Eris's Scrapbook] Shreds of Sophrosyne

[Eris]

Figuring Out Eris + Character-creation-compulsion Syndrome I’ve come to the realization that I finally seem to have found Eris’s voice in my writing. However, there’s still some confusion as to who she is and who I want her to be. The reason for that might very well be the lack of planning that went into her. When I was first writing her CS, it took me hours to figure her out, and I was sure that I had planned everything out perfectly. Now, looking back on it I realize that I had done only a small fraction of the planning with Eris that I had done with my two other characters – Cyrill and Sharakai. I spent weeks carrying around a basic idea of them in my head, then I wrote down the basics, then I wrote up a few flashbacks for each of them, then I outlined, and only then did I finally jump into playing with them. However, I’m now finding that I seem to have a better grasp on Eris’s persona than either Cyrill or Sharkaia (granted, I have barely started writing with Sharakai, but Cyrill has had a good run so far). I figured that if I write out how Eris came to be what she is in my mind, I might gain a better understanding of her as a character. So, here goes… I started Eris out on impulse, with very little planning going into her development. In role-plays before Mizahar, I usually played some female mage character or other. The one in which lasted the longest was basically an over-confident, anti-social, self-sufficient mage who viewed just about everyone and everything with contempt. By the time I happened upon Mizahar, that character image had gotten old and boring. Eris sprang up in my hand as a blob of ideas more than anything else. I knew that I wanted her to be morally conflicted in some way. Moral conflicts are a lot of fun to write, as they often lead to deeper character analysis which I absolutely adore. Since I was tired of playing with magic, I figured that Eris would have talents based on pure physical ability and cunning. She would also have to kill people. After all, what better moral conflict than death? I knew she’d have red hair, because every other female character I’ve ever played had black hair (also, I happen to have red hair and I figured if I were to relate to Eris on some superficial physical level, the deeper connection would come easier). So, morally conflicted redhead who kills people. I had a loose backstory in my mind before I actually posted her CS, but there were still a lot of blanks (which I only came to realize now). At first, I found her to be a little boring, probably because I hadn’t found her voice yet. That may explain why my posts in my first few threads leave much to be desired. It was mainly through social threads that I really found a character voice for Eris. So, here’s what discovered about Eris as I went along: She turned into someone who was obsessed on finding her father. It became the bane of her existence and caused her to be afraid of what would come after she does find him. If she completes her goal, she’ll lose the purpose of her life and then where would she be? She has the misconceived notion that she is bound to killing and crime until she finds her father. She also hears the voice of her old teacher in her mind and is prone to fits of paranoia. She doesn’t want to remember her dead mother because she is afraid of admitting that she actually cared about her. Her mother’s madness prior to her death instilled a fear in Eris of ending up like her. That’s another reason for why she’s always on the move. If she keeps running, maybe insanity won’t have the time to claim her. Her mother’s painful death also implanted a strong dislike for the gods in Eris. Being an extremely religious person, Eris’s mother prayed to the gods all the time, especially Rakk’iel. And then she ended up dying an excruciating death anyway. (Eris’s hatred of the gods wasn’t exactly planned. It just came out, which I am now slightly regretting. The gods of Mizahar are just so varied and interesting, it’s a shame Eris won’t ever want to interact with any of them). The thing is – Eris seems to be heading in a completely different direction than I had first envisioned for her. She’s like a lost puppy right now – wanting to socialize and make friends, but not quite knowing how. I’ve put her through a lot of pain lately – both physical and mental. It feels as if she is constant crisis, which is slowly starting to grate on my nerves. I guess what I really need to further develop Eris is a major step out of her comfort zone. Maybe I should start writing some friendlier threads with her – some peaceful socialization, budding friendships, fluffy kittens… What I am refusing to admit to myself is that I’ve been playing with a fourth character idea in my head and I’m really starting to like said character. Considering that Sharakai has barely taken off, I feel like I still have left over character-creation-compulsion syndrome. Except that this one might be a really fun one to play… No! I refuse to rush into character creation again. I’ll just focus on Eris for now and maybe I’ll release this new character into the world during Winter break when I have more time to work on my writing.

[Jilitse]

I myself suffer from this character creation compulsion syndrome. Sadly, I'm only really able to write out for Jili, and not other PCs I've cooked up in my mind. What you need, Eris, is a life-changing moment. Something that would develop Eris, bring her into some divine intervention or moment of truth or inner self realization what-have-you so that you will be able to channel who she is and put that into writing.

I would agree with the part where she seems to be in a crisis at the moment. But I think that's actually a good thing. Self-conflict is a way of knowing who your character really is. The point is not to find "who she is" but instead, for the meantime, "join her journey, and write out how she's progressing as a person". I hope that made sense!

It is so great to learn how deep Eris' character actually is. She's got a good history, you got her attitude/outlook in life down.

I'd drop in some advice though. You know, I did this too, I decided to make Jil interact with people because I thought she's been too secluded/too much of a loner. Every thread was precious. I got to think of ways how my Nuit would react to certain people, I got to form her attitude, her quirks. I was able to see her better "among a crowd of people". Do it. You don't need to socialize in every thread (like what we're doing) you can think up of better conflicts, adventure with other players out there. Go ahead! I can see Eris turning into some sort of pendulum, undecided to swing to the good or bad side of things.

[Cadence]

Thank you for the advice, Jil . It’s always nice to get someone else’s perspective on a problem. I definitely agree that Eris needs a life-changing thread of some sort. Now, if I could only figure out how/where/when/why this thread will happen .

Your point actually makes a lot of sense and I love the pendulum image - it really does describe Eris’s mental state very well. I do have some plottier thread ideas in mind, which I’ll probably start rolling out in the Winter season. <3

[Malia]

By agreeing to help Malia you actually just joined the elaborate "Fight Rhysol & Minions" plot. I don't know whether we will end up fighting Rhysol Himself, but we'll certainly have a lot of fun with tracking down Kahnikivas and figuring out ways to eliminate him. If Eris continues to be willing, of course.

Anyway, this shall be fun as our relationship develops.

[Cadence]

Ramble Induced by Lack of Sleep Wow, I think I have been getting only four hours of sleep each night for the past week. Usually, I can function relatively well without sleep over extended periods of time, but there are always limits… And now I’m crashing. I don’t want to hibernate over the weekend but it looks like I’ll have to. The reason I have been getting so little sleep is that I had gotten the lead in my school play and we have been having some intense rehearsals every day this week. The final performance was on Thursday and Friday. It was a success, or so I’m told. At this point, I’m too exhausted to care. My bursts of sleep-deprived, stress-induced energy have gotten me through the entire process and now all I want to do is sleep. But, I had such a great time with that play… Met some awesome people, made a couple of new friends, had a blast acting… I really enjoy acting. It’s a quality I’ve discovered about myself only recently. I’m rambling. I do that a lot when I’m short on sleep. I also write in clipped sentences. The thing is, I really want to go to bed, but I can’t. I have this huge research project to finish and I know if I walk away from the computer, I’ll just drop down on the couch with a book and never get up. So, I’m taking a break without taking a break. This involves minimizing the window with my long research paper and sifting through some little things that I have recently discovered and found enjoyable. I just finished a really good novel: Gun, with Occasional Music by Jonathan Lethem. Eloquent, witty writing; well-crafted plot; expansive critique on society… It’s everything I look for in a book and more. I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn’t read it already. I found this lolcat highly adorable: Kitty : I’ve come to the conclusion that James Joyce is among my favorite poets. I’m sure if I was able to write a little more coherently right now, I’d be able to explain why I love his poem “Bright Caps and Streamers” so much. But, since I can’t really focus on anything besides my paper for the moment, I will just post the poem here and add that it makes me happy. Bright cap and streamers, He sings in the hollow: Come follow, come follow, All you that love. Leave dreams to the dreamers That will not after, That song and laughter Do nothing move. With ribbons streaming He sings the bolder; In troop at his shoulder The wild bees hum. And the time of dreaming Dreams is over — – As lover to lover, Sweetheart, I come. I should stop now. The minimized window beckons me.

[Stitch]

I hope you get some sleep soon! I hate being sleep-deprived, but it happens much too often. I feel for ya! <3! <3333!

[Eris]

A Happy Place This break gave me an opportunity to recharge a little. I’ve caught up on schoolwork, managed to get together with some old friends, got a new character started, and got a chance to return to my non-Mizahar writing. I was happy to reread some old short stories and see that I was still inspired to continue them, tweak them, and work from them. I’m in a very happy place right now. Maybe it’s because it’s the first day of a new year and I’m feeling deceptively free of responsibility. I really shouldn’t be. The threat of college is hanging over my head like a ticking timebomb. There are so many things to consider, so many tests to take, so many applications to fill out, and so many essays to write. But I’ve settled down a bit. I used to be really hyped up because of all the pressure, constantly thinking about my options, agonizing over my chances of getting into one or another university. I’m calm now, though. It’s kind of scary, actually. I now I should be more worried, but I’m not. I’ll try to keep it that way for now. I’m also very happy with my new character – Iredeth. I spent a lot of time mulling over new character ideas and then I tried to convince myself that I didn’t need to create a new character at all. So glad that part of my brain lost the battle. It’s really refreshing to write from another point of view. I hadn’t realized how tired I was getting of Eris’s voice. Don’t get me wrong. I still love Eris and I’ll still write with her, but there is something about her that is starting to annoy me. She is getting to mopey, too self-reflecting… That wasn’t my original intention with her and I’m finding myself not knowing how to write her character any more. So, enter Iredeth – slightly mentally unbalanced, doll-making, Symenestra/Benshira half-breed, and animator. It feels easier to write with her. Maybe I’ve just got a thing for slightly insane characters. I’m not making any concrete plans with her yet. I’ll just see how things progress naturally. Another aspect of Iredeth that I’m excited about is her animation skill. Magic! Finally! I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited to dive into Mizahar’s magic system. It took me forever to pick a branch of magic to focus on, but when I settled on Iredeth being a doll-maker, animation just seemed like the natural choice. And now I have tons of ideas for animation-centric threads whirling around my head. It’s a great feeling. I’ve also started to organize the writing folders on my laptop. I hadn’t realized how many there were and how many files there were in them and how disorganized I’ve been… There are stories in those folders that are years old, and that have never been finished. Sure, the writing in there is pretty terrible, but the younger me had some pretty awesome plot ideas. One of these days, I’ll sit down and try to rework some of those stories. I also stumbled upon a folder labeled “Impressions.” Turns out I had this writing thing going on for a few months in the beginning of last year where I would systematically jot down tidbits of poetry/ideas/character sketches at least once every three days. Here’s one of these little sketches: Tears are seldom shed for the shadows. After all, why should we cry for the ones who died without ever being alive? They existed as nothing more than visions of fevered minds and desperate hearts. They were never real, never tangible…nothing more than wisps of ether. One was the kiss you waited for so hopefully but never received. A second was a prayer for her to hang on just a few more months until a cure could be found. A third was a wish of a man whose mangled body lay by the side of the road to die in peace and without pain. They were all fleeting and passionate, full of anguish and desire, pain combined with a single moment of bliss. They were shadows. We do not mourn them. There will always be more, but no one the same as another. There’s a word file for every month, four months total. Reading through them, I realized that there were some pretty cool ideas in there. I might start doing that again to help with writer’s block. I guess this all sums up to me feeling content. It’s kind of surprising, really. I haven’t felt purely content in a long time. It’s usually an extreme of some emotion or other – stress-induced skittishness, or excitement, or just this blah feeling. I guess this is a good way to start the year. And look, I’m blogging…kind of! And I haven’t even had coffee today!