That pleading tone in her cut him deep. Tarrow was gentle, that was his nature: in all things good and unsavory. Hearing people struggle, listening to them beg, that sharp desperation in their voice, it felt like it could kill him all over again. And, regrettably, following his bondmate meant he had to hear it over, and over again. It was knowing that it wouldn't be the last time he heard Edalene shriek this way that kept him from relenting, kept him running away. "Tarrow!" Her voice called after him like a ghost on his heels. "Tarrow!" Damnit. "TARROW!" Petch. Finally the horse slowed to a stop, all four hooves planting in the grass. Hesitantly, Blondie swung his head around to stare at her. Edalene had run after him, but she didn't go far. Watching her gasp, and seeing the pain written across her face, Tarrow realized he'd made a mistake. Idiot. He was so wrapped up in his own stupid issues that he didn't even consider she would have taken his rejection personally. He was already going to hurt her: now he was just rubbing salt into the wound. How could he be so stupid? Tarrow's Soulmist was becoming exhausted with these charades, so it was a relief to leave the horse again. Blondie, sufficiently exhausted, wandered away only a few steps and began stuffing his face again with the dry grasses. Tarrow materialized - mostly - nearby, appearing in a sitting position on the ground. His head was in his hands. Unlike before, Tarrow was not quote opaque. He remained slightly transparent, the grasses waving softly behind him. If Edalene finally approached him, he'd speak to her without looking up. "Seventeen years, Eda," Tarrow whispered. "I've been dead for longer than I was ever alive. Since I died I've done nothing but follow my bondmate. It's what keeps me tethered here, it's why I stayed. Seventeen years, and I haven't done one petching thing for myself." Hesitantly, the ghost peered up at her. "Holding you against me... kissing you... feeling you hold me, Eda... I felt alive again. I just.... I can't... I can't go on this way." |