Even in Death (Edalene)

by **Mycroft** on June 6th, 2011, 12:02 pm

Watching Edalene care for the horse, Tarrow took his moment to harmlessly wander a few "steps" away, putting a safe distance between him and her. He felt like poison, standing so close to her. Knowing the things he had done in his past, and the people he had hurt, Edalene's innocence was almost painful. The idea of seeing her hurt, especially by him, was unbearable. He was becoming a little too attached, really.

"Name him?" he asked incredulously, looking the Firemane in his eyes. "I... Would it sound crazy to say that I've never considered giving him a name myself? I mean, the name 'Tarrow' was given to me by my bondmate. I always thought he would name the Firemane something. Oh drat, I did it again." Tarrow pretended to scratch his head, but there was nothing to scratch. "Coming up with names just doesn't seem like something a Kelvic has any business doing." The ghost smiled, leaning over and trying to catch the Firemane's gaze. Firmly relaxed from Edalene's brushing, however, the horse was content devouring the grasses and loudly chewing. "I wouldn't even begin to know what to call him. Uh... maybe Blondie?"

It was tragic that Edalene didn't have the trademark large family that most Drykas boasted about. He concealed it, but it made Tarrow particularly, very angry that his master had chosen Edalene's father for this insipid task. He looked down for a short while, absorbing the information about her father and cousin. Why did this sort of thing have to happen to people who didn't deserve it? "My parents were from Yahebah. Kelvic families are sort of... strange. Suffice to say, when I heard about a clan of horse-loving people, I made it up to Cyphrus as soon as I could. Eyktol is no place for a horse. I felt so lucky to be what I was, when the Drykas took me in."

He knew she would eventually ask about his bondmate. He had been preparing an answer for that inevitable question, but suddenly he couldn't remember anything he had planned to say. It had been so well-worded, too. "My bondmate's name was Stheno. Is Stheno. I don't keep track of human ages, because I expected to die a lot sooner than he would. When we bonded, I think he was... fourteen? When he left Endrykas, he was nineteen. He always wanted to see the world. Thought there was something more out there."

Tarrow smiled to himself, remembering the boy Stheno used to be. "He was brilliant and friendly, but he always felt like he was useless. He belonged to the Sheerfeather Pavilion, of the Opal Clan. They were all incredible hunters, and his brother was a peerless healer. But Stheno was always getting sick. His brother took care of him, but every year he needed new treatments for some new ailment. He really hated that about himself. It's what kept him in Endrykas so long."

by **Edalene** on June 6th, 2011, 12:28 pm

Eda looked up to see him having moved away. Usually, she would have heard the pad of feet on the ground, felt the movement of a solid body as it walked away from her ... it made her sad to realise as a ghost, he couldn't do any of that. He was never going to be properly acknowledged as a part of the corporeal world again. It was heartbreaking to see him try so hard - he had come from death to try and be with his bondmate - but he was never going to be, not properly. Eda just wanted to give him a hug, and she couldn't even do that. She looked at him, floundering, not knowing what to do - but turned back and continued to brush the Firemane. She suspected acknowledging it would only make it hurt more for Tarrow, especially when he couldn't do anything about it.

She grinned, and a light giggle escaped her lips at the choice in name. She could have chosen to talk more and more about how sad his past was, but she wanted to see that grin on Tarrow's face remain there, a permanent feature. He was cute when he smiled. "Blondie?" Eda asked, amusement in her voice. She looked down at the horse, turning his head lightly so that she could look in his eye while stroking his mane. "Blondie? Do you like that?" The Firemane tossed its head, and Eda could not help but laugh. "Yes, I know, Tarrow has an awful choice in names." She sent a wink to Tarrow. "You are a bit of a Blondie, though, aren't you, Blondie?" She grinned and began to stroke down the pelt of his back now, with the brush. "Blondie it is."

Eda listened to his story, smiling when he spoke of how glad he was to be a horse when he had made it to Endrykas. She was proud of her people, that they were so loving and caring. They lived a hard and fast life, and though they were strict, they would never reject someone like Tarrow. Her heart reached out to him, glad he had found a place in the world, however short it remained his. Her gaze darkened slightly, when he mentioned his bondmate's name. Now that Stheno was a person, her anger was all the more focused. She knew who and what he was.

Her anger turned to mortification when Tarrow spoke those words. "Thought there was more out there." Hadn't that been what she had always told herself? That she would get out of Endrykas once she had trained, because there had to be something more? Her hand froze, and she felt like her heart would thud right out of her chest as he continued to describe the person Stheno once was. Eda herself felt useless, and wanted to get out. She didn't improve in anything. Yartree was a skilled warrior, as was Damie. Eda was just Eda. She was not skilled. She was useless.

Was this what she was destined to become, then? Alone and angry and killing those who were once her own people as she felt seperate from them? Tears had sprung to her eyes, and as one began to trickle from her lids, she was overcome with just how much emotion she had garnered. She was scared for ehr father, for Tarrow, for Endrykas.

But was it selfish to admit that above all, she was scared for her?

She didn't want to be like Stheno.

by **Mycroft** on June 6th, 2011, 12:57 pm

Tarrow looked on as Edalene made the name official. It felt right, having a human, especially a Drykas name the horse. A half-smile overpowered him, and he folded his arms as he watched the interaction between them. The Firemane - Blondie - seemed to settle down around her. It may have been Tarrow's continued presence that initially calmed him, but from his body language and overall lax posture, the horse was warming up to her as well. It was nice to see Blondie making a few new friends. He trusted so few people.

It was such a winning feeling, seeing him being so well cared for. Tarrow couldn't do it himself, not in any graceful fashion. It had been years since Stheno had taken a brush to him. The only care he received in passing months was from half-simple stableboys who didn't know what they were doing.

After Tarrow explained a bit about his bondmate, he looked up belatedly to see a tear roll down her cheek. His expression dropped instantly and he unfolded his arms, straightening his posture. Concern flooded his brown eyes, which were locked onto hers. "Edalene... are you... are you crying?" Worried that floating would just startle her, he continued his facade and took a few practiced steps closer to her - his boots silent in the grass. "What's the matter?"

Gods, how badly he wanted to reach forward and wipe her tear away. His hand was lifted to do just that, but it hovered near his chest, unsure. There was nothing he could do for her. He squeezed his eyes shut in frustration and ran the hand through his ghostly hair. This moment, however, was about her. He swallowed his self loathing and refocused on Edalene. "Please don't cry."

by **Edalene** on June 6th, 2011, 1:13 pm

Eda looked up at him, her head snapping up around, when he spoke - like a startled doe. Embarrassment now clouded her features, and she tried to shove this unnecessary emotion down. She didn't need to cry, she had no reason to. But she could not deny that it affected her. "No!" she cried, shaking her head stubbornly. The back of her wrist came up and she tried to wipe the tears away. Though Tarrow's intrusion had stopped the flow of tears, there was no denying her eyes were red from the sudden burst of emotion. "No, no, I'm not crying." She knew denial was futile, but she liked the illusion of strength enough to try and carry it on that bit longer.

She heard his sigh, and new tears sprung forth to her eyes when she heard his whispered plea. She didn't want to cry, especially not in front of him. She shouldn't cry! She was a petching Drykas. She should be stronger than this. Crying was for babies, Yartree always used to say to her. And yet tears always sprung forth easily for her. "I'm sorry," she murmured, and a sniff made it's way through her. "I don't mean to cry. You must think I'm so immature." She turned her head away, and wiped the back of her nose. Pressing her fingers to her cheeks, she tried to stop the sudden flow of tears. Only when her tear ducts had closed up did she turn back and face Tarrow. Her face was lowered though. She could not look up into his kind face, not with what she wanted to say.

"Gods, I don't know how to explain this without sounding idiotic..." She focused on her thumb nail, the speck of dirt underneath it that needed to be cleaned. Anything but look at Tarrow. Taking a deep breath, she began to explain. "Ever since I've been little, I have wanted to be as good at the broadsword as my father was. He has always been a skilled warrior. But he didn't let me old a broadsword til I was seven, and I have always been clumsy... I would drop things growing up, and when I started training, I dropped the broadsword too..." A sarcastic bark of laughter came out, sounding bitter - bitterness sounded ugly on Eda.

"Gods. I have just always felt so useless. I want to be able to do things for my pavillion, my clan, the Drykas, but I can't do anything. I'm not GOOD at anything. I feel exactly like you say Stheno did." She swallowed nervously, and looked up at Tarrow, right in the eyes. Her face was unguarded and honest, and a true brokenness lay there. "I don't want to turn out like he did. I don't want to forever feel useless. I want my father to be proud of me. I want to be an asset to my kind." She paused for a moment, gauging his reaction. "I don't want to be as broken as your bondmate is, Tarrow. I can't turn out like the monster he is."

by **Mycroft** on June 6th, 2011, 1:52 pm

Honestly, Tarrow did see a lot of Stheno in Edalene, at least when it came to the person that he used to be. It was part of what drew him to her. There were a lot of things that did. The fact that she had gotten caught up in all of this was the largest part of it. Maybe some desperately pathetic part of him hoped that if, he helped her, he was somehow helping Stheno's younger self. He listened helplessly to her, smiling weakly at how much she tried to hide her emotions. It was something the Drykas were seldom very good at. Tarrow always admired that sort of honesty.

"I don't think you're idiotic," he said quietly. Why couldn't he be allowed to touch her?! All he wanted to do was hold her hand, squeeze her shoulder, some way he could comfort her like any normal living creature could. But he was dead. He wasn't allowed to have those things anymore. It wasn't his fault he died! How could the world be so unfair?! "I..." What could he say to her? She was like Stheno. Perhaps she didn't possess the same darkness he did, but at one point, Stheno was carefree and happy too. What he turned into... it was a decades long process. He couldn't say with any certainty that she wouldn't turn out like he did.

"Hold on." Tarrow's form flickered and vanished as he moved past her. Across the way, closer to the enclosed pavilion stables where the other horses got reprieve from the sun's heat, an Amethyst clan horse trainer had been privately tending to a tall chestnut stallion. He had been mostly unaware of Edalene's interaction with the horse-now-named-Blondie, except having acknowledged that she and some friend of hers were tending to him.

Suddenly the horse trainer stumbled backward, as if he'd been struck by someone. The horse in front of him reared up and let out a frightened whinny, then trotted off into the pavilion seeking the safety of the herd. The trainer continued to struggle only for a few more seconds, but Tarrow overpowered his mind very quickly. He had done this before - hundreds of times - and this human was fairly easy to conquer. His back turned to Edalene, the trainer finally calmed down, gradually straightening and standing still. Hesitating, he slowly turned around to face the girl, the trainer's blue eyes catching hers.

It occurred to him that he'd never possessed anybody in front of someone else before. What would she think of him? In some ways, Tarrow was certain he was just as much of a monster now as Stheno was. But it wasn't fair that he was murdered. Learning to use the living to do what was stolen from him... it was the only way he could go on! And Blondie didn't mind it, not anymore. This human would be fine, once Tarrow left. There was no harm being done!

"Edalene..." Tarrow whispered, feeling the grass under his feet as he walked toward her. "I'm sorry that you saw that, but I just couldn't take it anymore. If anyone's useless, it's me. I can't even brush a horse, or wipe tears off a pretty girl's cheek." He stopped several feet in front of her. He worried that he was going to scare her away. Maybe it was better off that way. "I'm not hurting the horse trainer. He'll be fine when I leave, just a little exhausted..." Gods, what was he thinking? "I hate being dead. Can I... just...?"

Tentatively Tarrow reached forward. Edalene had already wiped away her tears, but if he could only remove the remaining moisture on her cheek, it would be enough.

by **Edalene** on June 7th, 2011, 2:09 am

Eda looked up, hopefully at his words. A small smile tugged at her lps, but it quickly vanished when she realised Tarrow could say nothing else to back up his claim. Her eyes searched his face, looking for something, anything, that would validate his claim that she wasn't idiotic. As his voice trailed off, she realised that there was nothing. She was idiotic. She was just some stupid immature Drykas. She was petching useless.

She opened her mouth to say something, to wave away her heartfelt admission, something she had told very few people before - and now she was telling some ghost she had never met before. She tried to say it did not matter, even though it mattered more than anything in the world, but before she could speak, Tarrow muttered out a quick two words and vanished, literally, before her eyes. She swallowed, and hung her head. Tarrow had left quickly, and clearly had nothing to say to her. She turned, resting her head along Blondie's neck, and pretended being alone and left so quickly did not hurt.

She turned her head, her cheek along his soft coat now, and looked around at her surroundings. There was one of the trainers, one of the horsemen of the Amethyst clan, walking out from the pavillion across the makeshift road. She watched him, sure that he would be surprised to find some random Drykas girl splayed out along a random horse, but it was with surprised she noticed he stumbled back, as if flung back by some unknown force. She watched with concern, standing up straight, ready to run over if he should need it, as he seemed to struggle hard with whatever it was. The trainer stilled, turned around, and locked eyes with Eda. Eda stilled as well, looking right back at him, swallowing nervously.

She stumbled back a step, even as she realised just what had happened, as the "trainer" walked towards her - if he was really the trainer anymore. She swallowed, looking at him nervously, and her suspicions were confirmed when he spoke her name quietly. She listened to his explanation, his plea, with thumping heart, and kept quiet. Her eyes trained nervously on his hand, but she did not step back or even give him indication that he should stop. After a long pause, she nodded jerkily, as if indicating that Tarrow had permission to touch her. She realised it would likely be the only chance that he would. Her eyes were fixed on his, and there was a kindness in them, but also a fear. She feared what he was, but pitied him above all else.

"The trainer ... is he still in there? Will he be alright?" she murmured, but she stepped forward hesitantly, as if encouraging his touch. "You..." He what? She didn't know. "You didn't have to do that ..." She realised how that might sound, and hastily sought to correct him. "Not that I'm accusing you! I ... It must be hard, not being able to touch anything ... I ..." With a sigh, she stepped forward, and grasped his outstretched hand in her small one, raising it to her cheek lightly. Her eyes closed. She did not understand this connection, so soon into their acquaintence, but she did not shun it.

by **Mycroft** on June 7th, 2011, 8:53 am

Edalene was frightened, but she didn't run. Tarrow saw the fear in her welling up in her eyes, particularly when she looked at his hand. His stolen crystal blue gaze wavered, instantly knowing what this implied about him. He wasn't flesh and blood, like she was, not anymore. He was a creature, something vile, a presence that could appear human one moment, and then do something absolutely monstrous the next: taking over the mind of some innocent Drykas. Tarrow was aware of this, and had been for some time, that he had become something just as ugly as his bondmate. That's why they were still together. And now Edalene knew.

Despite the terror in her face, though, she didn't move away, and let Tarrow come closer. The darker side of him saw something so beautiful in this innocence, the same sort he had once had, as well as Stheno. She was so frightened, but she couldn't force herself to reject him: something about her understood darkness, and saw the light beyond it. Tarrow was both of these in equal measure. Perhaps she didn't understand it yet, but she was the same.

A happy sigh escaped the smile that appeared on Tarrow's face as she brought his hand to her cheek. Her skin was so warm, so warm. The sensation was overwhelming, and brought an almost pained look to his face. He often felt the sun and the grass and smelled the air when he dwelled within the Firemane's body, but to feel the fluttering heartbeat in his chest and the electric sensation of her fingertips on the back of his hand, it was simply overwhelming. He gently brushed his thumb over her soft cheek, doing what he craved to so badly and sweeping away the moisture of her tears.

"You have no idea," he murmured, frowning. He stepped even closer, bringing his other arm around Edalene's waist and pulling her gently against him. It was hard to say whether he really felt this strongly for her, or simply had gone so long since he had held a woman this way, but he didn't care. What he saw was Edalene, and that's the only person who mattered to him in this moment. Gazing down at her, he swept her hair away from her face, then leaned in, pressing his lips against hers. His arm tightened, and he gave a warm sigh into the kiss as he closed his eyes.

He didn't let it last very long, slowly letting her go and turning away. "I'm... sorry... that was forward of me." Tarrow winced looking downward. "I'm as much of a monster as Stheno is."

by **Edalene** on June 7th, 2011, 9:37 am

Eda watched his face carefully, not sure what she was doing. She had no clue why he had affected her so, why he had this compulsion over her. She felt sorry for him, that was true, and the smile on his face as her skin connected with his was worth it. Pity, though, was not a reason to let someone you barely knew touch you in this intimate manner. Tarrow frightened her, the ghost scared her and sent chills up her spine when she thought of her true nature, but she couldn't deny that seeing that smile blossom over his stolen face was worth it.

A soft sigh escaped her lips at the gentleness in which he brushed his thumb over her skin. It was gentle, so gentle, and loving. Kayiri had touched her in the way a man might want a woman, any woman. But with Tarrow ... Tarrow touched her in such a way that made her shiver and lean her cheek even more into his touch. There was a hint of danger, and of desperation in his touch, and it made the stolen caresses even more precious to her, knowing that this might not happen again.

Eda was shocked when he stepped closer still as he murmured to her, softly, in answer to her ramblings. She had expected the hand to drop away, a simple acknowledgement of what could never be, and him to step away, releasing the trainer and Eda from any feelings she may have. But he stepped ever closer, the warmth of an actual body felt against her skin, and as he wrapped an arm around her waist, her heart thumped louder. A murmured noise of shock and protest escaped her, though it was never formed into a word, Tarrow wrapping his other arm around her and bringing her flush against his chest. She squeaked slightly in shock, not expecting the contact, and her hands flailed, unsure of where to rest. She opened her mouth to protest, to question, to try and make sense, but her words were muffled when Tarrow's soft lips descended upon hers.

All thoughts froze for a second, and in an act of frantic clutching for stability, her hands came to rest upon Tarrow's - the trainer's - biceps. She was kissing a ghost, kissing a man who wasn't even aware that he was kissing her, kissing Tarrow through the medium of another man's lips. Her mind flashed back to Kayiri a season ago, and she hastily tried to remember how she had reacted, what she had done. But that experience was nothing compared to now. Before it had been a simple kiss of want and lust, but this was so much more. This was about sadness and aching and longing, desperation to be human. But when Tarrow sighed into the kiss, she sighed too, her eyes closing in tandem and she kissed back without thought or question or reason, simply accepting the kiss for what it was - a kiss between two who shared a connection. What that connection meant was another matter entirely.

She had just begun to move her hands up to wrap around his neck, to be pulled closer to him, to taste his lips more, when he broke away with a sigh, turning harshly away from her, eyes downcast. For a moment, Eda stood, shocked, empty at the loss of his lips. She sighed, though, at his words. Moving quickly over to Tarrow, she grabbed his arm, tugging him around, and quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, standing upon her tip toes as she pressed her lips to his once more, quickly but undoubtedly passionately. With a sigh she clutched her body to his, her lips against his as she spoke, warm breath against his lips, the kiss not continuing but the barest promise of continuation. "It's alright, Tarrow," she murmured. "There are so many things wrong with this. But you should still allow yourself to feel, to want. Just pretend you're not dead, you're really this man's body, and I am a girl who wants you just as much." She smiled against his lips.

What had happened to Eda in the course of two days? Why had this stress of her father changed her so? Tarrow was dangerous, a part of her mind whispered. But she was so sick of holding back, of feeling useless. Perhaps, in order to be wanted, she needed to take action, to do things. Stheno had come to darkness and rage and madness from feeling unwanted. Eda needed to feel wanted. To feel useful. She could start by being wanted by Tarrow. Her lips began to move against his again.

by **Mycroft** on June 7th, 2011, 10:55 am

Distracted by his own conflicts, Tarrow was caught rather by surprise as Edalene's slender arms took him by the neck and drew him in again for another kiss. He was reluctant this time, his hand raising to almost grasp her shoulder, but never quite doing it, just hovering over her skin uncertainly. But his resolve weakened as she whispered against his lips, and all he could do was breathe her in. She smelled sweet. Tarrow had completely forgotten what this sensation had felt like.

And she wanted it. Despite what he was, what she had seen him do, she wasn't afraid anymore. She didn't mind that the fact Tarrow was wearing didn't belong to him, or he could never be human. This was wrong. Tarrow's human body was stolen and she should have been repulsed. He felt like he was corrupting her, begging her to want the things that used to frighten her. But he had been alone so long, without anyone ever looking at him with that wanting light in Edalene's eyes.

When she kissed him again, he didn't care anymore.

For a moment, Tarrow gave in. He pressed into the kiss with more passion and hunger than he'd allowed before, this time testing her bottom lip with his tongue. As he opened his mouth against hers, a shiver ran down his spine - a sensation that belonged to the Amethyst horse trainer. The emotions welling in his chest and the conflict in his head - that was Tarrow's. Never, he never thought he could ever feel this way again, and even as he held her, he knew this wouldn't last. So he drank in every touch, every taste of her, every noise she made, knowing this was the only time he could ever hold her like this. He clutched at her shoulder with one hand as the other ran down her back, keeping her close with a desperate, longing grasp.

What am I doing?!

Tarrow let go of Edalene and lurched backward, staggering across the grassy earth. He stared at Edalene in horror, then looked down and shook his head, clutching at his dark hair - the trainer's hair! "I can't!" he cried, falling to his knees. Why had he allowed himself to be so weak? He was taking advantage of her! If she knew the truth about him, she would never accept him. He had already betrayed her, and now he had pressed his treachery further by drawing from her the companionship he'd longed for since before his death. How could he do this to her, after what was already done?!

"You don't know me, Edalene," Tarrow whispered, looking up. "You can't begin to know the things I've done. I can't do this to you. I meant it, Eda! I am a monster!"

Then Tarrow stepped out of the trainer's body. He collapsed back to the ground, moaning softly and curling into a fetal position. Likely he had every memory of what had just happened, but the possession had left him weak and pained. The ghost materialized briefly, standing next to him and staring down. Then he turned and caught Edalene again with his own brown eyes. This time, they were wrought with anger and self loathing. He glared at her for a moment - not so much at her as the guilt she represented, then he vanished again as he stepped toward the horse, Blondie.

The Firemane, startled, threw itself up in a wild neigh, kicking out his front legs. Now possessed with a sentient intellect, he used the sharpness of one front hoof to claw at the rope tied around the post, which kept him prisoner. It tore in a matter of moments, and then throwing his head back and giving one last stare to Edalene, the horse rushed past her and galloped out of the tabernacle, heading toward the edge of the Endrykas encampment. Once he'd put a little distance between him and her, Tarrow slowed the horse to a mild trot.

He knew he shouldn't have left her there, with only questions to plague her about his sudden departure, but it only made sense. Tarrow was an idiot. And the way things were heading, she was going to end up deeply scarred by the time Stheno was finished in Endrykas. All thanks to Tarrow.

by **Edalene** on June 8th, 2011, 3:50 am

Eda wrapped her arms tightly around Tarrow's neck, clutching the unfamiliar body to her, chest pressed against his stolen one. His lips, after a pause, had begun to press against hers again, moving with a decided passion. She could not help but smile into the kiss, and her tongue come out to touch his hesitantly. The kiss was not gentle, it was desperate and frantic and clutching, wanting to be closer to him the only time she could be. She gasped as his hands ran down her back, pulling her flush against him. She gasped into the kiss. She had never felt this desperate, this fire in her belly. The kiss would not last but while it did, it was hot.

Her mouth was open and warm against his when he stumbled away with a gasp, causing her to fall forward a little before she steadied herself. She watched with wide eyes, shocked, hurt by the sudden rejection as he clutched at his brown hair and fell to the ground. "Tarrow--" she protested as he fell, looking at her in horror of what he had just done, but he cut her off with a tortured cry. Her eyes welled up at his rejection, that common feeling of not being wanted welling up, and she tried to cut him off again. "Tarrow, please--" but he looked up at her with such loathing that she swallowed her words away, hanging her head as he spat at her. But his last words, she could not let slide. "No, Tarrow, you're not DOING anything to me! You're not a monster, Tarrow, please -- NO!" She cried that last word as the body crumbled, when Tarrow's spirit fled the trainer's flesh, and left Eda.

She tried not to think of how she had been rejected, was not willing to accept that yet. Hell, Tarrow WANTED her! She was not unwanted! A part of her felt like she was very quickly losing any sort of self worth she had, that she was becoming more and more worthless. Tarrow's rejection only solidified that belief. He had left her alone, again. Everyone always left her alone. A choked gasp made it's way out of her lips, before she saw a flicker out the corner of her eye. She turned, desperately, to see Tarrow, to talk to him, but stumbled back at the black, loathing stare he gave her, before he flickered out of existance.

Moments later, Blondie reared up, and slammed his hoof down on his rope, breaking it away from the post. With a scream, Eda dashed out of the way of the galloping Firemane, stumbling as she tried to connect what was happening in her mind. "Blondie!" she cried, but then it stared at her right in the eye, and she swallowed all soothing remarks. "Tarrow," she whispered and her voice was broken, pleading, one last attempt to get him to stay. Eda stepped back, scared for her life as Blondie-Tarrow galloped past her, moving down the way and out towards the other tents. Almost without thinking about it, Eda felt her legs begin to chase after him, though she knew it was futile. "TARROW!" she cried, but the horse ran too fast for her. It slowed down and Eda tried to run, and run, to catch up with him, but the horse was too fast. "Tarrow, please" she gasped, and she began to slow down. She had given up.

She was unwanted, Tarrow had confirmed that.