Even in Death (Edalene)

[Mycroft]

That pleading tone in her cut him deep. Tarrow was gentle, that was his nature: in all things good and unsavory. Hearing people struggle, listening to them beg, that sharp desperation in their voice, it felt like it could kill him all over again. And, regrettably, following his bondmate meant he had to hear it over, and over again. It was knowing that it wouldn't be the last time he heard Edalene shriek this way that kept him from relenting, kept him running away. "Tarrow!" Her voice called after him like a ghost on his heels. "Tarrow!" Damnit. "TARROW!" Petch. Finally the horse slowed to a stop, all four hooves planting in the grass. Hesitantly, Blondie swung his head around to stare at her. Edalene had run after him, but she didn't go far. Watching her gasp, and seeing the pain written across her face, Tarrow realized he'd made a mistake. Idiot. He was so wrapped up in his own stupid issues that he didn't even consider she would have taken his rejection personally. He was already going to hurt her: now he was just rubbing salt into the wound. How could he be so stupid? Tarrow's Soulmist was becoming exhausted with these charades, so it was a relief to leave the horse again. Blondie, sufficiently exhausted, wandered away only a few steps and began stuffing his face again with the dry grasses. Tarrow materialized - mostly - nearby, appearing in a sitting position on the ground. His head was in his hands. Unlike before, Tarrow was not quote opaque. He remained slightly transparent, the grasses waving softly behind him. If Edalene finally approached him, he'd speak to her without looking up. "Seventeen years, Eda," Tarrow whispered. "I've been dead for longer than I was ever alive. Since I died I've done nothing but follow my bondmate. It's what keeps me tethered here, it's why I stayed. Seventeen years, and I haven't done one petching thing for myself." Hesitantly, the ghost peered up at her. "Holding you against me... kissing you... feeling you hold me, Eda... I felt alive again. I just.... I can't... I can't go on this way."

[Edalene]

Eda sniffled, having come to a slow pace, and she stumbled forward a few more steps before she paused. She watched Blondie, Tarrow, speed up and her shouts, and she knew that trying to get him back was futile. Why the petch did this stupid ghost mean so much to her anyway? She had only known him a day! But she could not deny the clutch in her chest as he rode away after he had taken his fill of her lips, like she was rubbish, only to be used before she was broken. She distantly noted how bitter she sounded, and for little reason. She knew she was overreacting. Her father would heal and Tarrow would disappear again. And Eda would go back to her same useless existance. "Tarrow," she murmured that one last time, watching him ride away. It was like something that happened in a folk tale, not real life. But here it was, happening to her. Except the horse strayed to a slow trot, and halted completely. She looked up again in hope, trying to see through the blurred vision of her tears, hoping that Tarrow had changed his mind, that he wanted her again. She returned the animal stare, the eyes conveying human emotion as they locked sight, neither looking away from him. Tarrow would be able to see the expression of pure, yearning hope on her face, a slight smile tugging on her face - a smile designed to bring him back to her. Gods, she just wanted him to want her. She had never asked for something like this in her life. She was used to just being given whatever was left over, what wasn't needed. She was the left over. And now, she wanted someone to want HER for everything she was. Was that so much to ask? Blondie began to shuffle forward again, and her heart leapt in her throat. She staggered forward a step, ready to cry out his name yet again. But the shimmering projection of Tarrow appeared on the ground near to the horse, and with a jog, she made her way over to him, hair blowing behind her as she wiped away the tears. If he had been human, she would have grasped his hands tightly in hers, but she merely flung her body into a crouch and kneeled beside him. Her hand creeped along the grass, trying to get as close as she could without physically touching him. Gods, she wanted to touch him. Her heart ached for him as he spoke, but she kept quiet as he struggled his way through his admission, speaking into his hands. She wavered slightly, flickering her eyes to the ground as she looked at him. She could see parts of the grass moving beneath him. He wasn't meant to be here those seventeen years, but he was selfless and came back. She locked her eyes on his when he looked at her, trying to convey empathy and care and understanding, but it was clear he was hesitant. A slight smile came to her face as he called her Eda, a passing trivial moment of elation, though she refocused her mind on Tarrow's pain. But still ... Eda. "I'm so sorry, Tarrow," she whispered back, voice hoarse. "I can't imagine what it's like. Coming back for someone for that long... You died young, and have kept up that selflessness ... Tarrow..." Eda sighed, and then shook her head. She didn't know how to comfort the broken man. "For ... for what it's worth, I am so glad to have met you." She tried to send him a small smile. "Tarrow, please. I felt the same way. I feel the same way." Her hands scrabbled at the grass, and she would be clutching his skin if she could. "You could stay, Tarrow! You could stay with me, spend time with me, be with me... possess a human whenever we needed to feel eachother! You don't have to be with your bondmate anymore, he hurts you. You've spent your time with him, Tarrow, you can be with me! You want me, I know you do... and I want you too, Tarrow. Please, we can leave together. We can be together. Gods, this is ridiculous, I barely know you, but please. You know it would work." Eda knew it wouldn't work. She knew it was just the last straw for her, the last rejection before she snapped. This forgotten existence in Endrykas ... she felt as alone as Tarrow did now. She didn't have to be alone, if Tarrow was there. Even though she knew, being with him would make her feel more alone than ever. But it was better than nothing.

[Mycroft]

Edalene's fingers crept toward Tarrow in the grass, and as his brown eyes fell back down, he watched them reach toward something they shouldn't touch. She was much more hurt by Tarrow's fickle indecision than he thought, which just made him feel worse. Of course he ached to return to that trainer's body and take her hand, but now that some of his aching desires had been met, he was a little more in control of himself. It relieved him to know that Edalene had enjoyed that kiss as much as he had, but there was so much about it that she failed to understand. Tarrow didn't deserve her affection, and he had taken advantage of her ignorance to the truth. His heart sank when she spoke of running off with him. Did he really have her that fooled? Of course he cared for her well-being, and in another time and place, might even consider her for his lover, even his bondmate. But the circumstances of their meeting were much darker than she could imagine, and he couldn't give her what she wanted. "I do want you, Edalene, I think you're... beyond wonderful, but I... I'm not the same person I was. Looking at you simply torments me, knowing it's something I can't have. And... there's more going on than you think. As much as I want to, I can't just abandon my bondmate and let him run rampant." Tarrow lifted his hand and hovered it above Edalene's, letting the cool air fall from his Soulmist chill her skin without harming her. "It brings me comfort to know that you see me as Tarrow, the Kelvic, as the living person I used to be. But the world isn't about what my comfort is, or what my desires are. I've always known that, and that fact still persists. My bondmate is a murderer, and he has taken two lives already. If I abandon him, more could perish. People who are dear to you." He shook his head. "I can't stop him. It's all I can do to play damage control."

[Edalene]

She watched him closely, and the very little hope Eda still nurtured was vanquished with Tarrow's words. She had not expected him to agree with her, not expected him to want to run away with some lonely Drykas girl. She knew he had responsibilities, knew he wouldn't be able to give up his bondmate just like that. His bondmate was likely a lot more important to him than some over-emotional little girl could ever be. She tried a brief smile, and looked at his ghostly hand hovering over hers. She focused on the image instead of looking at his face, focused on what his hand on hers might feel like, focused on what might be. Because if she focused on what was, she might cry again. She always petching cried. She was sick of it. She nodded mutely at his words. She did not try and hastily persuade him otherwise, that he had no obligation to his bondmate, that he could come away from her - the proposition had been her last ditch attempt. Anymore effort put into dissuading him and she would begin to look more foolish than she already did. A light smile lingered on her lips as he professed his ... one could not call it attraction, for he had not verbalised it as such, but his admiration for Eda. Not many people did that, and she believed very few of those that did. She didn't believe Tarrow, not in the least - if she was "more than wonderful," he would want to come away with her - but hearing him say that meant more than others. The experience could only be topped if Damie himself spoke those words. She began to raise her head as his speech drew to a close, and her expression was accepting. "Well," she uttered, with a shaky breath. "I'm not going to convince you, am I?" She was not bitter, or at least, that's what she tried to tell herself. Nonetheless, she drew her hand out from under his. "I just want you to know that you deserve more than this existance, Tarrow - monster or not. And I could have given you that existence." A selfmocking smile rose up onto her face, but it was only there for a moment before her expression cleared. "It's okay, I am used to people not wanting me." But she recognised his reluctance, and so continued on. "You are right, I suppose. Protecting others is more important than staying with silly little me. He's already gotten Zeyba. Thank the gods he disappeared before he got my father. Those vials will have healed him by now ... right?" A horrifying thought rose to her mind, but she refused to entertain the notion. Everything was fine, damnit. "Stheno will go, you can stay in Endrykas and everything will go back to normal." She nodded decisively, as if one teenager's desires governed the rest of the world. She could not even begin to think what would happen if he returned. She would not think of that. There was no need, because he would have dropped it by now. They were all safe now. All safe.

[Mycroft]

She wasn't getting it. She only saw Tarrow in this: which meant that he was doing his job exactly as he was meant to, but he didn't like that. He wanted to protect her, not blind her from the truth. And were he not tethered to his bondmate, not bound to this mission... he would make humans his hosts so he could be with Edalene. She was easily the best thing that had happened to him in nearly two decades, and that wasn't necessarily a good thing for her. Tarrow lifted his head and peered at her, his frustration beginning to show. "Edalene, it isn't that. You're not listening to me. I do want you, all right? Do you know how long it's been since I've been kissed that way? Since I've felt wanted? You're the only thing that's made me happy since I died." Edalene continued and that's when Tarrow knew that this charade couldn't continue. Zeyba, the vials... he had been hiding the truth from her long enough. He couldn't keep lying to her. As she finished talking, the ghost stared at her for a long while. That light in her eyes would change, as soon as he spoke his next words. She would never, ever look at him like that again. He took that picture of her in his mind, and told himself he would keep it. Once he was sure he'd never forget it, Tarrow rose to his feet - mimicking real human movement as he was so used to doing. "Edalene. There is something you need to know. I won't hide it anymore." Standing over her, he locked his eyes brown eyes on hers and his face became cold and blank. Any remote friendliness in expression was gone, he was just... empty. "I killed Zeyba. With my own hands." He raised them briefly, and though they looked innocuous, he knew they were deadly. "Those vials, they are not for your father. He was acting strange, wasn't he? Kept forgetting your name, wouldn't look you in the eye? Do you know why, Edalene? I do." Tarrow gazed upward toward the healing pavilion where Damie was now resting. "That man is not your father. Your father is already dead. That creature wearing his skin, that is my bondmate. That is Stheno."

[Edalene]

Eda flushed at his words, a joyous expression, but hurried on. She could not let him sway her anymore than she was already swayed. It was easier to just accept that Eda and Tarrow were never going to be than to try and force him into something. She didn't believe his praise, couldn't believe that she made anyone feel this way. The girl he described, someone who could make him feel like that ... it did not sound like Eda. But it didn't matter. Maybe, when Stheno was gone, they could try again. But now, it was easier to pretend Tarrow was just one kiss amongst a whole city of opportunities. Eda finished speaking, and smiled up at him. There was a twinge in the back of her mind, that told her it was not as easy as she thought, but she tried her mightiest to ignore it. Stheno was going, Tarrow would stay ... she repeated it to herself like a mantra. At least, if she could not have Tarrow the way she wanted him, she would have him stay when his bondmate left. Right? She looked into his eyes, and waited for those words of affirmation. Tarrow just stared right back. His stare was unnerving, and she returned it as long as she could. Her eyes flickered down as his continued to bore into hers. There was something strange, a desperation, but a degree of finality in his eyes. The way he looked at her ... it was almost greedily he looked over her. She swallowed, suddenly apprehensive, and her smile dropped a fraction as she tried to understand his expression. Eda opened her mouth to protest as he stood up and began to move. She thought they had dealt with all this indecision! She raised her hand towards him, still kneeling on the ground, but he did not run or vanish or leave her. He simply continued to stare, but it was as if the light had gone out. He stared at her with a vacant chill, and Eda felt her face prickling as his emotionless gaze penetrated through her. She did not gesture, she just waited to hear what Tarrow had to say now. Shock reigned over her as he spoke. She looked to Tarrow's hands as he looked to them himself, but her eyes froze on them. She felt like her throat had closed up, heard the ringing in her ears. She sat, still, frozen, trying to digest what he said - he had killed Zeyba! But he said ... she realised he had never said otherwise. She stood up and scrambled away, hastily, backing but never taking her eyes off of him, suddenly aware of the dangerous presence she was in. "You ... no ... Zeyba? But ... why?" She couldn't make the words into a full sentence, but her eyes conveyed dreadful accusation. Horror had sunk into her. She felt absolutely idiotic for trusting him. She had kissed a murderer! Her eyes were drawn back to his, though she wanted to run and never look back - she had KISSED him! Trusted him! - but her feet were rooted to the ground. Her head shook jerkily at his rhetorical question, but it was clear that he did not expect an answer. His tone was sarcastic as he spoke to her, and she gasped earlier - she didn't want to hear those words she suddenly knew were going to come out of his mouth, a moment of awful clarity and shock and knowledge, dreadful knowledge that made her wish for ignorance again. "SHUT UP!" she yelled at Tarrow, surprising herself. But she could not stop the torrent of words that came rushing out. "My father is NOT dead! He CAN'T be dead!" Suddenly regressing a decade, she stamped her foot. "I saw his body myself! He spoke to me! HE CAN'T BE DEAD." She glared at Tarrow with fire in her eyes. Anger had not been expected, surely. "You are a petching murderer, for killing Zeyba," she hissed, and there was none of the adoration that had been in her stare minutes ago. "But I will not give your sick bondmate the satisfaction of killing my father! He probably killed you himself, and now you want to make up that up by LYING TO ME about nonsense that CANNOT be and IS NOT TRUE!" With a sudden bolster of strength an courage, she strode over to Tarrow. If she could have grasped his shirt, he would have. "He can't be dead. He CAN'T be." She knew he was, she did. She wasn't stupid. She just didn't want to face it.

[Mycroft]

"Do you know what a Nuit is, Edalene? My bondmate became one, after leaving Endrykas, as the only way to combat the ailments of his own body." That desperation was back. He knew it wouldn't be long before he heard her screaming like that again. But this time it didn't mar him so much to hear it. Tarrow was back in his role as Stheno's bondmate - no longer the tragic dead Kelvic he was beneath it. Edalene had gotten a glimpse of his true self, and for that he was grateful, but now it was time to return to the real matter at hand. Tarrow had a duty to protect his bonded. Stheno's new body, Damie Sunblaze, was damaged, and he could only stay in that host for so long. Tarrow had to find a new one. "Stheno was attacked by a pack of Glassbeaks while traversing the Sea of Grass," Tarrow explained, staring coldly back into the fire burning in Edalene's eyes as she stood in front of him. "His body was badly damaged, so he used the web to find a new suitable host body. Your father and Zeyba were the closest to him. My master is an Illusionist, a favored of Ionu. So he lured them with the image of a beautiful woman with long dark hair. As luck would have it, Damie mistook this image for a woman named Hiya." An unexpected pain grew in Tarrow's heart as he watched the twinge of fear in Edalene's angry countenance. He had done this to dozens of people, given stories similar to this one, seen the betrayal in their eyes - but never like this. He had never before allowed himself to actually fall for anyone. But he'd press on. It was Tarrow's duty as Stheno's bondmate. "Zeyba had an old injury to his knee - his body was imperfect, so I killed him outright. He was unnecessary and a witness. Damie's, however, was perfect for what Stheno needed. So I possessed him and delivered the body to my bondmate. I intended to kill him too, but your father fought me to the end. Before I had a chance, he wrested control back from me. He knew what Stheno planned for him, and he wouldn't allow himself to be used that way. In my moment of defeat, Damie took his own sword and ran himself through. "But Stheno used his body anyway. His own could no longer move. Damie was easy enough to patch up, and once the transfer was made, Stheno intended to rest in the Sea of Grass until his energy returned to him. The transfer makes a Nuit weak, and it takes a long while to recover. I suppose he decided he was safer here, in Endrykas, then out in the wilds of Cyphrus." Tarrow fought the feeling that was growing in him, that this was wrong, that he was evil. He wasn't! He was loyal. Damie was unfortunate, but he was old, and weak. This was simply the way of things, especially for the Drykas. "Damie's sacrifice wasn't in vain. Stheno cannot remain in that body for long. He will have to transfer again, and soon, to a new unmarred body if he's going to continue his survival. Those vials are full of something called embalming fluid, which keeps a body from decaying. With that wound in Damie's belly, he can't retain the fluid for long. As soon as Stheno is strong again, he'll find a new host. Your cousin Yartree has already been chosen, but I intend to deliver Thetch's younger brother instead. It's not fair that you should lose more family." The ghost sighed. "I do care for you, Edalene. I'm sorry things have to be this way. I told you I was a monster. I don't exaggerate."

[Edalene]

Eda wanted to run away, find Damie and prove to this stupid lying ghost that he father was not dead, that he was alive, that he did not have some random soul sitting within his body. That he was DAMIE. What did Tarrow know? Nothing! Damie was her father, her kin. She would surely know more than Tarrow would about the identity of her own father. She wanted to run and ascertain for herself, PROVE to everyone that Damie was Damie, and not Stheno at all, but Tarrow would not stop talking, and she found herself mersmerised by his voice. She wanted to listen to everything he said, but she couldn't trust him - not anymore. And her feet itched to run away, while her brain kept her rooted to the spot. Wait, listen, assess. You do not have to trust, you do not have to believe. But Damie will wait a few more minutes. So she stayed, glaring at Tarrow, fidgeting. There was no adoration left for Tarrow, only a fiery contempt that came with the arrogance of youth. She was strangely not afraid of Tarrow, despite what he had done - or rather, what he had helped Stheno to do. She had been too close to him to be afraid. She felt she knew too much of HIM, Tarrow, not Stheno's bondmate to be truly afraid of him. She didn't think he was a monster, either. Eda's world was too simple for there to be such things as monsters who had good sides. Good was good and evil was evil, there were no shades of grey. And Tarrow was most certainly a grey. She looked at him steadily, her brow furrowed in not quite anger, but irritation at him - for wasting her time. She stared back until he mentioned her. Hiya. Her mother. Her eyes widened, and her composure of anger flicked for a second as pure shock settled in. Her father had seen Hiya just before he died. Strangely, with no sense of reason, suddenly Eda envied Damie with everything she was. She was utterly jealous that she had gotten to seen Hiya, while she had not. She had never seen her mother. A darkhaired woman, Tarrow had said. Beautiful. She dwelt on that image for a moment, focused on the serene calm and beauty, until she felt anger spurn up in her again. This Stheno had taken her family's memories and twisted them into nothing more than a game. She stalked forward suddenly, closing the gap between Tarrow's insubstantial form and hers. She would have grabbed his shirt and shoved him angrily if she could have, but instead she settled for glaring. "You do not get to desecrate my mother like that, Tarrow," she hissed, spitting out her name with pure derision. "My mother died, and I have never seen her. Not once. You do not get to mess around with her memory. You do not have the privelige of sullying it like that." Her hand raised, and she was tempted to slap him, but she could not. Instead she sighed, and stepped back again, suddenly exhausted. "My father is not dead," she murmured to herself, as if she was just reminding herself until she could see him with her own eyes. She listened to his story, trying to seperate truth from fiction. Hysteria rose when she realised she could not. Everything Tarrow said corresponded to what she had seen and thought and done in reality, the bandages around his waist, the vials of balm ... it all added up. She didn't want to believe Tarrow, she couldn't believe Tarrow, and stared up at him with wide eyes. The anger and denial was still there, and in overwhelming amounts - but by the shine in her eyes and the quirk of her mouth, Tarrow would be able to see that hesitation, that twitch - where it was obvious she didn't know what to believe anymore. "No, he can't be dead ... Stheno can't use his body ..." Her voice was desperate as she tried to convince herself. Her head snapped up as he mentioned his name, briefly, as if it did not matter in the least. It was just a passing fancy, and the way he spoke, he spoke as if Eda should be glad of this great service he was doing her. All the other words he spoke became meaningless, this drivel he muttered about 'caring for her' and all that. Maybe he did care for her. She believed that. She also cared for him, despite it all. She couldn't turn off her feelings like a tap. "Stop talking," she growled. "You are not touching Yartree." Her voice was fierce and determined, and suddenly Tarrow was reminded that she was a Drykas, not just some scared little girl. "Nor are you touching Thetch's younger brother, or any other Drykas. It is Stheno's petching time. Do not touch anymore of my friends, family and my people." She stared at him, and there was a strange, contemptuous pity in her gaze. She shook her head and turned on her heel, running hard back the way she had come, leaving Tarrow behind her. She needed to get back to the healing pavilion. Damie needed to be okay.

[Mycroft]

Poor girl. Pain and defiance written across her face, Tarrow listened to her deny the truth. He could only watch her with mild regret painted in his features. What could he do? Already he had told her he'd find someone else's body for Stheno to steal, and save her cousin. He couldn't exactly wait around for someone to drop dead. Deaths in the Sea of Grass usually didn't produce many bodies. By now, Zeyba's was already buried and anyway, his body wasn't much better than Damie's. Edalene was wrong about Hiya. Tarrow didn't know his own parents long, and willingly left them, so he failed to sympathize with how her memory had been so completely defiled. But the truth was that Stheno was merely a thrall of Ionu's, an Illusionist. A beautiful woman standing on the edge of vision was alluring to most anyone - he knew nothing of Damie's loss. The Drykas widower had made that connection on his own. Stheno merely used it to his advantage. It was manipulative and cold, but so was Stheno: the Nuit Illusionist. Still, Tarrow didn't correct her. There would be no point. The girl was inconsolable and beyond reason. The ghost was incapable of delivering any truth or comfort to her now. He quietly watched Edalene turn and run from him, presumably to check on her father and see the truth for herself. He thought about intervening, stopping her at the entrance, but she had to see for herself to believe it. Tarrow watched her ineffectually as she dashed out of sight between the pavilions. He didn't move until he caught movement off to his left. Turning, he spied the Amethyst horse trainer finally getting to his feet, and holding his head. More importantly, the Watch patrol leader, Thetch, was walking up to him. Tarrow wondered if some sort of message was sent across the web about the trainer's well being. As Thetch put his hand on the trainer's shoulder, and began to ask him questions, Tarrow suddenly got an idea. "Are you all right?" Thetch leaned over, trying to get a look in the trainer's clenched-shut eyes. "I... Something happened to me... I can't even explain..." He opened his eyes, then immediately turned to see the same man from earlier, Tarrow, drifting toward him. He wasn't even walking. Or... opaque! "G-Gods! It was him! It was HIM!" Alarmed, Thetch turned to Tarrow, putting a hand on his sword. "Stay where you are. Who are you?!" Tarrow smiled. * * * * In the smaller healing pavilion, Yartree sat on a lump of hides next to Damie's resting form. The silence in the tent was incredibly tense and uncomfortable, but the young nephew stayed put, at his uncle's, more importantly his Ankal's request. It had been a few hours now, and Damie had barely moved. Barely even breathed. If Yartree didn't know better, he'd say Damie hadn't breathed at all. A few times he almost became convinced that the Ankal had died, but small movements eased this worry. It was just a little too eerie, and Yartree had decided to look elsewhere to occupy his mind. As the flap of the pavilion was pulled open, Yartree would look up. "Edalene? What's the matter? You look like you just saw a..." he thought for a moment, "a glassbeak."

[Edalene]

Eda ran hard, feet pounding, her hair swishing out behind her. Tarrow's words kept flowing through her mind, like a disjointed prayer, one that you couldn't get rid off. She argued with herself as she ran through the makeshift Endrykas roads, trying to get back to her father as she knew he was. Forget what Tarrow said, she thought with a dreadful certainty, Damie is Damie. No Nuit can take over my father, whatever the petch a Nuit is. Damie is Damie. Alive, not dead, not a host. Damie. She burst into the healer's tent, huffing and puffing, out of breath as she had run as fast as she could. "Father!" she called, as she pushed into the tent. She called his name before she even looked around, before her eyes adjusted to the sudden change of life. All at once, a sudden dread took over her. The mood was sombre, as Damie lay on the roll silent and pale, Yartree worriedly sitting beside him. It was clear from his posture that he was uncomfortable, that the silence he was getting from Damie was unnerving. She took in the tense mood, the stillness of the scene, before her eyes settled over Damie. He looked the same ... but Tarrow had said the monster was inside him ... Yartree's words shook her from her frenzied inspection of her father's body. The quiet in the tent sent chills down her spine as she wasn't used to this. Yartree and her father would have been talking quietly together, about manly things, like fighting and war and women if everything had been normal. There was no way Yartree would have sat quietly at his bedside if Damie was Damie. Everything was confusing. Did she trust Tarrow, even though he had lied to her before? Even if he was still lying, something wasn't right about this. "What?" she snapped at Yartree, irritated that he could be talking at a time like this. But then, he didn't know the seriousness of the situation. "Something like that," she murmured in response to Yartree, before promptly ignoring him again. There was nothing odd about that, they had ignored each other their entire lives. She began to take hesitant steps towards Damie's bedside. "Father?" she asked, quietly, her voice shaking as she did so. Both repulsed and hopeful, she took one of his hands in hers. Horror flashed over her face at the chill that lay in his skin, but she composed her expression before he could notice. Either Damie was really sick, or ... but she didn't want to consider if Tarrow was right. She took a deep breath, getting ready to ask him the deciding question. She both hoped and dreaded what would happen if she answered it correctly. She hoped he knew what was right, that Damie was Damie still. But on the other hand ... she didn't want Tarrow to have lied to her. "What do the knots on this broadsword mean, Father? Please answer. It is a matter of ... of ... life and death."