OOCI hope that it's okay to start off here and not in the entry thread. I figured that since a banned Cerulean can't and won't enter Rivenfall, my first thread could be a full one spent outside. 2nd Day of Summer, 511 AV There is no solace for the weak hearted. The slightest tinges of peace are quickly taken away to be replaced by a storm. For it is the acceptance of one's sense of self that gives strength; the paradigm of self-hatred only grows insidiously like a cancer. *** "Khel... why? Please don't do this..." *** The image that flashed, searing into his mind's eye, completely jolted the Akalak from his attempt to quiet his mind and steady his bursting nerves. The last words of his mother were uttered with pained love and desperate wishing. A woman who had already lost something precious only had another tragedy unfold in front of her, taking her life. Her eyes were pleading again. Her form bloodied and betrayed. Her love shattered. Her life forsaken. Khellendor fought to steady his breath. Opening his pale blue eyes to drink the clear light of the Plains, he let his gaze rest on the grasses to ease the blackness of shutting his eyes. His eyes glistened with extra moisture. However, he was unable to stop himself from stealing an agonizing look at the gates of Riverfall that was some ways away from his position. The grass and the road that lead to the entrance were almost a like a dream sequence drawing him into its depths. Consciously, he avoided the lure. The last time he approached the gates almost tore Khellendor apart from the inside out. There was very little in the way of comfort in that act, but he had learned over the years to deny himself of anything that did not help to assuage his torment. But for now, it is selfish avoidance that is driving him to keep his mind away from his one-time home of Riverfall. Stretching, he shifted his position on the thick bundled cloak that he sat on. Once more he closed his eyes, and straightened his torso to align his spine for better breathing and nerve connection. Slowly, he drew long breaths; expanding his rib-cage while using his diaphragm to add more to the intake. The Akalak's discipline helped to keep his mind a little more focussed, but the roiling fears within worked in opposition. It has only been a few years since he embarked on his journey into meditiation, and it has been a tough path ever since. His vantage point was always out of the path of travellers entering the city. The echoes of his reputation as the Blooded, and the recognizable blood-red face ink, still reverberate through others' memories after the brutal death of his mother. Through the last sixteen years of banishment, he had found this spot that kept him well away, but still able to cast his longing glances at the Akalak home city. Sixteen years of a futile process that only served to cause him more pain, but in his brokeness--a welcome pain. There were no short-cuts in his mind. He could turn his body over to the darkness at any point, and in his mind the only heuristic that made sense to prevent this was to subject himself to conditions of the emotionally draining sort while desperately figuring out some way to keep the dark brother from usurping control. But they both knew--the pain was punishment, not utility. There is nothing I deserve. There is nothing I should want outside of bringing myself to task. Pathetic... you are everything that this body does not need, a sneering voice echoed loudly at the back of Khellendor's consciousness. Trying hard to break his mental exercise, the voice applied pressure. The light brother shook visibly. Paralyzing fear, guilty remorse, deep hatred, all jolted at his psyche. There was never a time where the battle ever took a recess. Never. His relaxed state rudely broken, Khellendor ignored the voice and began the process over once more. Mentally he forced his fists to unknot themselves, and plunged his palms downward to the earth on each side, stabilizing his body. An evil chuckle escaped into his mind. Do what you will. "Begone hateful one," Khellendor muttered darkly under his breath. It was only recently that the light brother decided to even acknowledge the other half residing inside. The strangest thing was, it was only recently that the dark brother even knew that the light side existed. It was a twisted dance of the blind and emothionally clouded perception. Even so, only the light side retained memories of the past, the dark side only started to retain its own memories from a few years ago--completely ignorant to the tragedies that he had created single-handedly. And like a slow poison, it has been eating away at the light brother for sixteen years. One of the most dangerous forms of the dual personalities that had no place in society. Trapped in its own childish delusions, the dark brother caused nothing but pain, and exuding nothing but wild malice. Khellendor lost his calm again, and once more started his labors from the beginning. |