[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon I

by **Gossamer** on March 27th, 2011, 10:45 am

.

Why Dogs Hate Humans...

Can't you all stop already? Have some respect.

.

by **Malia** on March 27th, 2011, 7:19 pm

Thank you for writing that post about player-driven initiates. It gave me an idea that has been lingering in my mind as a vague feeling or idea for a while, but wasn't really defined. Now I know what I'd really love to try in the future. It seems that Malia will have a lot of training and organizational stuff to clear in the next days and months ... but don't we all like to torture our PCs?

And. Focus on the good newbies and ignore the bad ones? They will probably go away if you, a Founder, ignore them.

by **Gossamer** on March 27th, 2011, 7:39 pm

Go for it, Malia! Create whatever you need too and have fun doing it.

But truth be told, in regards to the advice, I am not so good at ignoring people. Thanks for it though. I do appreciate your words. Rumor has it several folks are ignoring me, which amuses the hell out of me because you don't know how happy that makes me when some uppity little whiny twit won't shut the heck up. So ignoring me isn't a problem. Thank the gods. There's only so much WOE THE FUCK IS ME can I take. None of them are starving, handicapped, dumb, or talentless. But the endless whining about how their life isn't perfect gets on my nerves. I can't take any more teen angst. I can't even take any more twenty-something angst. If you think its so bad, go look and see what some of the people in Japan are facing atm. Look at some of the african nations. Look at even central America and Mexico's drug issues.

You're life is as perfect as you make it. Seriously.

by **Vala** on March 27th, 2011, 7:46 pm

Thank you so much for the shout out Goss!

If you need any help finding pictures for the wiki lores I would love to help you!

P.S. I hope it stops raining over there so you can finally work outside

by **Gossamer** on March 28th, 2011, 4:19 am

.

Respect The Avatar!

One thing that normally always annoys me is when people use models for avatars that are already used. Some are really popular people so I see them pop up all the time. Starbuck, from the new Battlestar Galactica is already in use folks. Sorry but she is. Sondra has her.

You can't use Tarot cards either. Tarot kinda has the corner of the market on that. Amy Lee... yea I got her for Nya. Sorry, and I'm truthfully about to change it because not only do I see her a lot, but I see the very same avatar I use reused! Abashai has the hotness of the guy from the Mummy with the tats on his cheeks (Yea I cant pronounce his name), and Aestineos has Jensen Ackles.

Check out folks before you adopt avatars. Ask in chat. Everyone knows who's who is using who and its usually the talk of the town. I seriously don't want to see a ton of Megan Fox's for Vantha and Pepper Pots's Gwenth for an Inarta. I wouldn't mind seeing Scarlet Johanson on someone's avatar cause shes hot and everyone likes to see her, but once someone picks her, they get her. First come first served. And that famous Ballywood Actress... Ashsomething, the gorgeous one from Mistress of Spices... she's taken. Finished! No one else gets her but the girl that has her.

Its just rude to reuse and especially without asking, even if it is a suspended account or a retired character. If the PC is retired and there's no hope they will be back and the player says sure use it, I might be fine with it. MIGHT. But ask first.

Otherwise, it just gets confusing and kinda gets to the point of 'I'm Iron Man!' or "I'm Batman" as everyone steps forward to claim a face to their PC. This is why, personally, when I create a new PC I make it a point to almost never use anyone famous... (okay okay I have amy lee but someone begged me to use her and I caved). My prominent pc, a konti, is a model who has tons of pictures but isn't in the 'super' category so no one knows her face but my material is almost unlimited.

Try it. Go looking and hunt hard. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

.

by **Gossamer** on March 29th, 2011, 7:26 pm

.

Stubborn and Unforgiving

Do you ever feel like your in a giant game of 'pretend' and can't seem to claw your way out? Sometimes Mizahar is like that. But the funny thing is, its not really the 'game' that's acting like a game. It's generally the players. Social communities are complex creatures. They tend to take up a mind of their own and generate a lot of scenarios that wouldn't happen under normal circumstances, especially on the net. You seem to get a carte blanch to invent yourself however it is you want to be seen. If your some overweight basement dweller that has no social life, suddenly you can be cool and intellectual with the perfect job, perfect age, and perfect mannerism. If your a teen angry and angstful that you are stuck on 15, you can be someone older. Hate you dark hair? You can go blond online. Here you can be anyone. That's true of the net and true of Mizahar especially.

But, truth be told, I'd much rather people be themselves and leave the play acting to their characters. Why? I'm exhausted with the games. I'm really super tired of the he said she said they said and keeping track of who's mad at who or who's being disgusting or who hurt who's feelings and all that goes with having a community like this. The real truth, the whole truth, is that reinventing yourself is a waste of time. It always comes out eventually and when you pile so many lies on top of other lies on top of other lies - even small things - remembering the stories you've told and the things you said gets exhausting and if not near impossible. It's kinda like a Founder hiding who their PC is. They can think their PC is a secret, but anyone with a DS can see who's who in terms of IPs and once that's out of the bag, tongues will wag, and pretty soon its all over the site.

There are very few secrets here. There are very few confidences kept. Someone gets mad at someone else, before they even hit return, that someone they confided in is pretty much telling someone else who tells someone else who tells the entire game then its no secret. Why does this happen? Mainly because everyone talks to everyone else and no one really holds anything in. Why can't we all just be ourselves and when you get upset at someone tell someone what they are doing that upsets you? I've done it before and its worked nicely. People think the perfect facade they build around themselves is written in stone and unbreakable.

Not true.

The truth is its really hard to get around who we are as people. The truth slips out. The facade we paint rarely holds up to close scrutiny. I think that is why sometimes online I really gravitate towards some people and shy away from others. If someone shows me a picture of themselves, and they are obviously overweight and not afraid or ashamed of that fact, I like them all the better. Its weird to feel that way, but I'm always suspect if something is too perfect. If a woman is on the plain side and still proudly displays her picture I like her all the better for it. I'm constantly suspicious of 'cute' snapshots and perfect lives, perfect jobs, perfect facades.

I'm also suspicious of people telling me how they are rather than showing me how they are. I don't need people to prove anything to me either. What I mean is that I watch, I listen, and I learn a great deal just by being around. The other Founders probably think its somewhat amusing that I know most of the gossip. Its good in a way though, because it helps us determine things like storytellers (Especially DS's) who are of the caliber we'd like for the site. You'd be surprised at how many people will say something to me or in front of me like 'I'm not usually like this. This isn't me. I'm a way better person than this...' after they've done something pretty rotten or I'd just seen them doing something heinous not very long ago. I even had someone chew out one of my PCs for absolutely nothing at all and I called them on it - I'm sure by now they've been told it was me, but at the time it was funny as hell (to me, probably wouldn't have been to them) to have a brand new storyteller chew a Founder's butt for asking a simple question or two about a post - legitimate questions nonetheless.

I've even had people send me cut and pastes of conversations they are having with another person at the expense of a third person who is harmless as can be. Why did they send these to me? I guess they thought since I was annoyed at said third person, I'd want to laugh at them too. Wrong. I don't want to take anyone down or attack anyone or drag someone through the coals when I'm pissed at them. I just want them to stop doing whatever it is that is pissing me off - then I forget all about being mad. That's a reasonable human response. So, being the bitch I have a reputation being, I'll send the third person a discrete pm or AIM letting that person know that someone is having a laugh over them and leave it at that. I'd like a heads up. I knew they appreciated it. No one wants to be laughed at or picked on or bullied. Think about it. If people are passing cut and pastes around in laughter at other people's expenses, they are doing it at your expense too. I don't care if its your best internet BFF or your internet sis or your whateverthehell. They'll do it and they'll do it in a heartbeat. Guess what, one of those involved in this particular incident was the person who 'isn't like that!' but is instead a really good person... self proclaimed. Like I'm going to really BELIEVE YOUR PM if I have a trail of evidence to suggest otherwise.

Actions speak louder than words, folks. Some actions shout.

What is the point of this scrap. It's simple. Grow the hell up. This isn't kindergarden or gradeschool. Real people exist here. Those people have feelings and aren't as dumb as some of you obviously discredit them as being. I'm not attacking anyone specifically here. I'm just so sick and tired and frustrated about all the bullshit that doesn't need to exist.

The people here that are really who they are and who they appear to be don't buy the bullshit, don't care about it, and certainly don't want to coddle your feelings to make things perfect in your world.

You are on notice. I'm washing my hands of the whole lot of you who are like this if changes don't come quickly. No one actually LIKES folks who are like this. No one actually thinks they are cool. They just laugh and smile and go along with it in fear that your popularity as a douch will sorely outweigh their ability to rise above it and be considered 'cool'. I left this all behind in highschool and lower grades. It has no place on Mizahar. If you care about friendship with me or want to be respected by me, that's fine and dandy, but I'm laying down the terms and those terms are clear cut. Stop being douchbags, one and all of you. Again, its not just one person, its a whole collected group.

If it doesn't change, I'll tell you something that's hard and fast. I won't be around to put up with this stuff. I can't tell you what that means, hopefully someone will step up and take up the slack, but if they don't it can't be helped. Shit like this makes me insane. It makes me totally crazy. I can't tell you how crazy. Please just stop. I don't know how else to say it or what else to do. I'm asking you to stop.

.

by **Gossamer** on March 31st, 2011, 8:38 am

.

I Believe In Love

I love this song. Its a love song, but its about life and death and the circles of life. We actually studied it in college in one of my courses on media and meaning. For some reason tonight, my brain is set on repeat and its playing over and over again upstairs. Its hard to explain just what about it merits my love, but I can tell you that when I play Carly Simon songs they make me happy. She's timeless, classic, and one of the greatest singers of her time. People credit pop culture with creating the Mashup but the truth is musicians have been doing mashups forever and a day. This is one of the best ones I've seen in terms of making you feel good. There's always something high energy about a Mashup, but this live version of Comming Around Again is just special. There's not too many artists that can sing outside, in the wind, and sound just as fabulous as they do standing in a studio surrounded by synthesizers designed to correct their voice.

Thank you Carly for this song. Seriously. It's amazing.

.

by **Gossamer** on April 4th, 2011, 8:21 am

.

Sundays & Life

"We call it "dolce far niente", the sweetness of doing nothing." According to Hollywood, this is a very Italian concept. Isn't that what Sundays are supposed to be for? Then why am I so tired? But I have to admit the tired feeling I have isn't a bone weary exhaustion. It steams from excitement, a week planned of socialization (which is rare for me), the promise of tender new-to-me plants acquired tomorrow and friday, and the opening of a new chapter in my life. I've been so excited I haven't even gotten much sleep. But that's okay. There will be time for it later when it really matters.

I've always had a green thumb. I excelled in my range management classes because the land spoke to me. No one had to point out the difference between a seedlings true leaves and its cotyledons. I just knew. They say what you were in the past comes back around, whether it be this life or the last - your past to this present. My grandfather said I was a listener, that I could hear the world speak if I quieted my mind down long enough to listen. That's a hard art to master. I haven't managed it yet, only in those rare instances the world wow's me in ways that are hard to explain. My habitat sciences professor in college urged me to finish out my Wildlife BS and apply for grad school in a new Riparian Sciences master's program he'd designed for the rivaling university from my beloved UM. I wanted too, but school had burned me out by that time and I wanted to work in the real world before I made more choices.

Plants are honest. They have complex needs though, so don't be fooled into thinking they are easy or everything green is the same because that is just about as far from the truth as possible.

My grandmother loved plants. So too did my grandfather. He grew some of the most fabulous dahlia's around. We had this big place up a road that traveled the length of a creek. Clark Creek. We were creekers. Everyone out there was - if you lived along the creek, you were a creeker and part of a bigger community. Everyone knew everyone's name. And my grandfather's flowers were fabulous. He could supply a whole wedding and not make a dent in his fields. Anyone who dropped by he'd take into the fields and let them pick. To my knowledge, he never took a dime. Everywhere he went he took flowers too. Waiters and Waitresses got flowers. The man he used for his weekly banking always had a bouquet on his desk. When he died, suddenly, we planned for 30 people at his funeral and over 300 showed up. They all brought flowers and so when his casket was lowered into the ground, the blooms that joined him there looked like a rain straight from heaven.

Surreal.

The past haunts us. There are times in this world that I felt completely alone, unusual, totally on my own. But that's not true - not at all. I come from a long line of proud people who were feeling the weight of their past a lot longer than I have been. Scientists, herbalists, green thumbs, writers, and artists. I'm sure there were a few bums in there as well. I keep talking to Cayenne and it sometimes confuses me when I don't always remember her grandmother already passed. She always refers to her grandmother as if she's still around, yet I swear she's been gone for a while now. That's how love should be. That's how family should be. The dead never leave us, not really. I lost a good friend in Highschool. Every time it snows I think of her because her name meant Snow in a long forgotten exotic language. Her parents taught me to drive a van because she couldn't and they wanted her to have a normal life - as much as possible. So I drove her all over the place and learned how to run a wheelchair lift and have the best and closest relationship with someone who was going to die, they said, before she ever had a chance to live. She lives on with the snow. And those years in middle school and highschool with Hioni taught me that anyone can master the art of being alive if they try hard enough. Think about it. Everyone we know got graced with a life. Very few master how to live it.

Don't you want to be one of those people? What the hell does that mean anyhow? I'll tell you. And then you can take it or leave it.

There are no do-overs in life. Society sells us on the concept that there are do-overs, but the reality is there isn't. There's no turning back, no winding the clock backwards, and certainly no taking back what was said. We are bombarded as people with concepts like refunds, make-up tests, and money back guarantees. We think the world is like a permeable membrane and that people can cross back and forth as often as they like. That can't be further from the truth. The problem is everything we experience leaves a lasting impression on us - or should - and on others. If it doesn't, there's something broken inside. That impression could be something as mild as 'Wow, that was a waste of my time.' Or "I'll never forget this moment ever." It can even be a something as cold as 'That person wastes air as they breathe." The important thing is that you remember and though it sounds cliche, everyone you meet has something to offer you and every experience can be a learning one. One of my favorite financial advisers is always saying 'stupid tax'. We pay some daily and if we pay enough we learn not to do it anymore. Stupid tax is a concept that's been around a long time. Its what happens when we see a 'to good to be true' deal and we go for it and find out it was exactly too good to be true and now our money is gone or our reputation is shattered. That refund for unsatisfactory performance still leaves us with a bitter taste in our mouths because we bought into the lie to begin with. Infomercials are notorious for this.. Taking a make-up test gives us a chance to 'redeem' ourselves, but its still a redemption not really a way to erase the past - that we lost, bombed, or missed a test to begin with. We can't erase the past. And if we don't face it, it comes around to haunt us repeatedly.

How do we face it?

We stare it in the face, own it, cut it open like a carcass and examine all of it, and move forward. Moving forward is the hardest. Sometimes its like wading upstream. More often than not its like living a lie. If you don't face the past, embrace it, understand it for what it is, and then accept it things happen. The faster we do it the faster we adapt because life keeps racing by at extreme speeds. I don't like not being successful. I don't like not succeeding. I often have a hard time letting go - a really hard time. I spent most of my youth running from my heritage and denying it. Later in life now I'm glad for it.

Building this greenhouse with Gillar brings back memories of my grandfather and things I haven't faced before now. When I complained I was tired, its true, that I am. But its a good kind of tired filled with memories I'd forgotten and things I was more than a little proud of. Meeting Martha and Steve have changed me a little too. They've infused me with courage to do things I haven't wanted to do before due to fear. Fear that I have to admit was learned in the past. I want to be doing something that I can hold in my hands and have proof that my heart work is paying off. I do that with art when have time to do any... but its still not the same. For every piece you sell, its hours of work for a moment of pleasure and enough profit to buy more supplies. I'm not in it for that. The greenhouse means more than that for me. It means a new hobby that I can hold in my hand and glow from within about. It's a hobby I can share with others and infuse them with the same joy plants give me. Writing used to do that for me. Things about writing have been spoiled recently. Some could say I'm running, but I'd like to say I'm not at all... instead I'm listening more. And the voices that I hear on the wind are telling me times are changing. Food production is going to be important in the future. Everyone loves flowers - its a huge industry. Local growers do well via places like farmers markets and craigs list. I want to try my hand at it and whisper my pleasure to the wind adding in a thanks to my grandfather and grandmother for teaching me how to grow things and showing me I was special. It takes a long time to accept something like that - maybe most of your life.

But when you can, its pretty incredible. I hope you guys accept your truths fairly quickly and don't get hung up on the details by running from the past. Embrace it. Heal yourselves by forgiving yourself, and go forward not fearing tne projects or new aspects in life..

.

by **Malia** on April 4th, 2011, 5:19 pm

What a great post! Change is good, very good, and I feel like a few other people are embracing change as well. Me, for example... This reminds me of my love for mixing cocktails I recently discovered. I love water, doing anything with water, and it seems that I've found a new watery hobby to play around with. I don't know where it'll lead me yet... but it feels like fun.

In the end, it's all about finding new ways of being happy, right? I hope we can be happy in the future, and share it here.

by **Gossamer** on April 6th, 2011, 2:39 am

.

Greenhouse Advice

I have made so many good friends just networking with people finding seeds for things I wanted for my greenhouse. Even Cayenne and I have bonded over lemon trees and have made big growing plans for this season. It's getting late in the season, but I still have time to play and experiment for the crop for next year. The great thing about having a greenhouse is knowing that you'll have something to do in it all year long. Most seeds are started one to two months before the last frost - and some even in Nov/Dec.

Anyhow, one of my favorite flower seed providers gave me some really great advice. I'll repost it here in case anyone else ever gets interested in their own greenhouse. I know this blog for me will turn into a record of my greenhouse adventures even though this Scrapbook is supposed to be for Mizahar. I did make up the forum rules and in those rules I did state your Scrapbooks can be about ANYTHING. Sorry folks, mine are going to be mizahar rants, dreams, expectations, plans, lectures, and building projects about my home. Now too they are going to be about growing things and how doing this has changed me.

And it has changed me. Don't even remotely think it hasn't. I'm outside a ton now even in bad weather. I'm plotting planning smiling singing and bonding with people I don't even know all over the place to exchange seeds and have some fun.

Here's Martha's advice:

Greenhouse Advice I’ve Amassed from Martha of Greenhouse Mom’s Seeds and Stuff on Ebay.

Have Fun. This is the most important thing.
Go to a Local Greenhouse and buy a nice large geranium, verbena, or scaevola plant (great!!) the more bushier the better. You then take cuttings from them and plant them. You can get 5-30 cuttings per plant depending on the plant. Google Cuttings from plants to get the details.
Work any time of day that’s most comfortable for you. If you live in a hot climate, work at night because if its 70 outside it can reach 20 to 30' hotter in the greenhouse.
Learn to say "NO", you will become everyone's new best friend. Which is not always an easy thing to do.
Do a spread sheet and on it write the names of the plants, the day and plant name of the seeds planted, when they sprout and then I have a comment area. Jot down notes about the plant, whether you need to start it the following year earlier or later, if it was not an easy growing plant, need to plant more of them next year, less, etc. Keep this in my green house on a clip board and eventually add to an electronic spreadsheet on your computer.
Diagram your entire yard and exactly where you plant everything. Keep notes on what works, where etc.
Every year keep a note pad and write down exactly what you do and plant, when, where and why. This helps you know what to change around for the next year.
When you have difficulties with plants, never grow them again. Keep with what works for you.
Try (if room is available)to grow in the pot size it should end up in, transplanting to larger pots is time consuming and if not put in they do not get large enough early.

And Steve, of Steve's Greenhouses (Castle Rock, WA), taught me today on my road trip to his place to pick up some super cheap used greenhouse gear (mainly pots, flats, seed plugs, trays, and hanging baskets) how to build a hotbox nursery for sprouting seeds. I want to place that here too so I have it in the future.

Nursery Sand Hotbox For Sprouting Seeds

Bench out your greenhouses. For me he recommended 36' tall shelves verses his 32's or 30's because I'm so tall.
Build a box frame with 2x4's of whatever size you want.
Line with heavy duty plastic and fill with sand.
Put a normal clamp-light under the box (or two if its a big long box) and let the ambient heat from the light rise. It will warm up the sand and keep the seeds germinating at a snugly temp that will help them sprout better and enjoy themselves more.
Cover with plastic or hardware screen to keep out any unwanted nibblers (mice, bugs, etc).
Keep sand moist, water daily - both plants and sand to keep the humidity up.

And... on to pictures! Show and tell time.

This is the greenhouse so far! As you can see its not a complex affair, but its sure pretty cool in my mind. We'll get it finished on the first nice day we have. Currently its been raining buckets. It's turning even the grass into solid mud.

Okay quite a few of you might remember when I was working on the Grotto last year and well into November. We still dont' have it decorated, but I have the big gate up (Matt built it and did a killer job on it) and the whole thing is fenced. It's a meditation retreat and a place to house our hottub. I got the sign on the door finally. Here's a snapshot. Ignore the ill-tended flower bed. Its' going to be in full bloom in a month plus, but the bulbs (mainly gladiolas and Delphinun and poppies) and flowers planted there haven't come up yet. It's still in the forties here... low thirties. Also, the wood will be stained soon. Anyhow the shot is for the sign! I was going for folk artsy.

Okay, here's the sign on the front of the deck and the doggie gate Matt built. The dogs are Boo Boo or Boo Radley (a finish spitz blue healer cross), Mojo (Pure Bred Chow Chow), and Sandy (blue healer lab mix). They are all like "LET US OUT TO PLAY!!!!" They all ran off earlier and had a whole lot of fun in the mud that resulted in baths so they aren't in any way shape or form getting out of my sights for a while.

Raspberry Canes! We so got lucky when a local berry farmer was thinning out his patch and sold his super awesome everbearing canes for a buck a piece. We got sixty - planting forty for us and twenty for my friend Winn. We'd have gotten Winn more but she thought twenty was enough. I can't wait for the feast later this year!

This is the completed raspberry bed! Matt did an incredible job on it. Please forgive the mud. It's been raining buckets quite solidly for days. Also ignore the horrible skirting on our manufactured home. The siding and blue paint is new but we ran out of good weather and time last year before we skirted the house after all the remodeling. Read that as 'it started snowing!'... so we are going to do it this year. It will be stained a killer dark mahogany ... the skirting will be exactly like what the deck is skirted with (and will be stained to match too... we ran out of time for staining/skirting/etc. The fence at the grotto sign will be the same dark stain.

Mojo! Since some of you requested I post some pics of him all grown up. He's just had a bath here because today he went on an adventure with Sandy and played in the mud!

.