Rumors
I've been remiss in my scrapping lately due to being crazy busy irl. Here's what I've been thinking about today. It has to do with a phone call a player gave me earlier. I'll tell you about it later in this scrap.
Rumors are funny things really because they are absolutely controllable in so many aspects, though most people don't realize it. Who knows how they get started.? Are they maliciously circulated at someone’s expense for the sole purpose of wounding someone? Sometimes. But by and large the most common way a rumor gets started is with a thread of reality. The best rumors, the ones with the most staying power, are those that have a grain of truth in them. That’s the problem with communities like Mizahar. When people put themselves out there to be examined by others, they often are dissected and found flawed or wanting. That exhibition leads to examination which in turn leads to judgment. And if someone tells you they don’t judge, they are full of shit. Every time we look at something we cast judgment at it. Like. Dislike. It’s all an opinion. The really interesting thing is the reaction once the talk and speculation starts. I think its almost completely indicative of someone’s personality and temperament. Take me. I don’t give a shit if anyone loves me or hates me or even reads my scraps. I scrap for myself so I can actually keep track of what I am thinking about on any given day. I also scrap to get information out. I sometimes even scrap just to work through things. This scrap is kind of a combination of all three.
Sometimes people are flattered by the fact they are being talked about on a site. Some are horrified and appalled. Generally speaking though, the rumors have been either instigated or fostered by the people whom the rumors themselves are about. In short this means you dorks bring it on yourselves. The more you ‘mememememememe’ the more you invite this sort of talk about you. You are causing it yourself. You do it by blogging, lurking in chat, volunteering information about yourself, and even heaven forbid dating on the site. Yes dating. People judge you by everything you do, say, and most importantly write. Why? Because that's human nature.
What do I mean?
Lets take blogs or scraps for example. Scraps like this always give people a glimpse into your life. No matter how flattering you try to make said glimpses, people will always interpret them through the filter of how they already see the person who wrote them. If you like the person, odds are you will like their blog or take it in a nice way. If you already see them as a negative individual, whatever it is they are writing about you’ll generally see it in a negative light. And if your already prone to being self centered, you'll automatically think a scrap like this is about you. People who aren’t your friends will use whatever words you set down as weapons if they can and are of that sort of personality. And truthfully both kinds will gossip. Everyone does. I’ve heard people who claim to be other people’s internet sister/brother or bff just trash that bff or internet sister/brother on an off day.
It’s human nature.
A guy blogging about his drinking binge on the previous weekend might suddenly find himself the brunt of a rumor about him being an alcoholic. It’s at this point generally the rumor’s subject is rampantly pissed off because he feels he is not an alcoholic or that it is not someone else’s business why he’s drinking. Guess what? He made it everyone’s business by publically blogging about it. If you throw up and complain about it more than once, coupled with a desire to loose weight, suddenly your bulimic. It also counts what you write about. Remember that.
That’s right.
If someone is generally liked and they blog about being sick, often people will see them in a sympathetic light and wish them to get better or cut them some slack for being slow at posting. Others, say people who dislike the blogger, might read a blog where someone complains about an ailment and say or think ‘oh, so and so is a hypochondriac’. Duh. Didn’t you think about this before you aired your dirty laundry all over a website? By cracking open a door, you let whatever is lurking outside in.
Insert topic of blog then insert instantaneous rumor.
The truth is… people online aren’t always the best of friends. I’ve sat back and laughed hysterically as I’ve listened to people claim ‘bff’s with people online they’ve never met face to face or have had little experience with or worse yet would not intermingle with in a real life situation. People are cruel. People are also unkind. People can smile and laugh and hug you to your face and turn around and all but verbally back stab you when you aren’t looking.
In this case, friend, its buyer beware. If you buy into the friendship, be aware that it might not be as it seems.
I don’t have a large fan base because I’m the type that if I dislike someone I don’t really try to hide it. I don’t make an effort to be nice though I will be polite. I don’t cut people I dislike any slack and more often than naught I am amused as hell when their antics or follies catch up to them. Case in point. If you write about a lot of sexual things then double dose that with dating and breaking up with a few players on the site – don’t get upset if someone starts referring to you as a flirt and it gets back to you. It's an easy line to draw between someone desperate to reach out to the opposite sex who craves that attention - be it in character or out of character. Usually whats in character is definitely whats out of character. Walla, instant butthurt! But, guess who put the idea in their heads? It wasn't the Easter bunny. Trust me on that one.
This won't change.
What can you do? It's simple to control these kinds of things. Actions speak louder than words. They always have. Don't write about things that might give you a bad reputation. Don't leave a string of IC threads behind you that seem to reflect who you are. Don't throw up blogs and scraps filled with personal in-your-face fuck-you type material that seems to be angry that other people don't suffer like you do.
Yes, you heard me. It's time someone spoke plainly about it.
I'm seriously tired of all the drama queens and kings out there thinking they are the only people that ever had to go through bullshit in this world. They aren't. I know of at least two players dealing with serious illness in their lives (one cancer, another a serious life-altering injury) that's never said a word about it on a public board or stuffed their issues down anyone's face. Death has crossed other players' path and they haven't said a word. When you do this, it just makes you seem seriously needy for attention. It causes rumors. It annoys the hell out of people and pretty much tends to make the pbase think things about bloggers that might or might not be true.
And, most importantly, if you feel you must write about stuff like this or material that may give you a reputation outside of your IC writing then harden your spine and make sure you don't care. That's about being an adult. That's about owning the consequences of your actions. You can truthfully write about what you want, but don't pretend to even remotely be able to control people's reactions to it or that their reactions will always be positive. It won't. You'll go to your grave with failure after failure after failure and not really knowing your real friends.
But I will tell you one thing. Whining, complaining, or even exposing your problems doesn't always garner understanding or sympathy. It makes the vast majority of us shake our heads and go "Kid, go get your attention elsewhere." I'm not kidding. The rest of those folks that want to give you a hug are those folks looking
Now, what about that player's phone call? Well he called me and wanted me to describe another player in one word. I told him I needed about ten minutes to fully voice my thoughts about said player, not understanding what was going on. He insisted I use just one word. I did. He paused for a long time and told me why. It seems someone on the site is spreading rumors about this one person and labeling them something ugly. Sorry, I passed the test. It wasn't me. I didn't use that particular word - its one I think is particularly ugly. I think of them in other ways. I was very hurt that Stitch thought I was the origin of said rumors though, at least enough to feel the need to 'test me'. And that tells me volumes, believe me, about how he must see me. This is good information to know, but in the long run its not something that's going to effect my happiness. It just tells me he doesn't understand me at all. If someone offended me with their actions, I'd just go tell them. No need to start rumors. Besides, if I did want to start one, I'd do it with real style. Him. Tarot. On the beach, enjoying a tropical vacation together. Id' even arrange the Photoshopped pics to back up this new 'fact' according to Jen.
But back on topic. The truth is, when I don't enjoy people or particularly care about them, I don't give them much thought unless someone wants to talk about them. When someone brings them up I'll rant but that's nothing special because I will rant about the weather, politics, religion, work, nature, or anything else mildly entertaining.
That's the point folks. I don't have to care. There's no hard and fast rule that states 'You are terrible if you don't care about someone or something.' I'm a biologist by training but that doesn't mean I have to care about the fate of an endangered fly. I draw lines. Polar Bears are way more important. In life, we all must set our own boundaries and do our own thing.
There's general sympathy towards people. You want them all to be happy and healthy and normal. There's a rule about universal understanding and tolerance - you should have this if you can swing it. But there's no rule that says you are a bad person if you don't like another person. It's okay to dislike people. Personalities clash. People don't always get along. I have great friends whom I really trust and know will go out on a limb for me, but whom can't stand each other and don't trust each other. That doesn't make those two friends bad people. It just makes them incompatible to each other. It happens. Don't sweat it. Just move past it and move on. Be polite. Be courteous. Be consistent. Consistency is important when it comes to dislike. Don't fake it one time, then grumble another. But don't sweat it if people dislike you. Don't sweat it if people are talking behind your back. If you want it to stop, clean up your act and stop putting out the vibes that gives a rumor a grain of truth which empowers and causes it to spread. Conversely, stop caring. Image isn't everything.
It really really is as simple as that. |
by Mizuriel on May 10th, 2011, 7:17 pm 
I say this because while I imagine that it's likely just physical stress from the work you've been doing, there may also be something developing like a bone spur or a slipped disc or something, and you'll need to be sure to rule that out before you do anything else. I was diagnosed with a frozen shoulder by a doctor and sent to physical therapy for a full year before I finally went to my chiro, who did one X-ray and said "Shit, girl, you've got a big ol' bone spur rubbing everything wrong. We can get you a surgeon to fix that pronto."
