[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

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The player scrapbooks forum is literally a place for writers to warm-up, brainstorm, keep little scraps of notes, or just post things to encourage themselves and each other. Each player can feel free to create their own thread - one per account - and use them accordingly.

[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

Postby Malia on January 1st, 2011, 6:02 pm

New Year Musings


It’s hard to write some introspection when children are playing Wii right in front of you. And when one of those children starts shouting at you just because you didn’t watch the little children which is essentially her job. But I’ll try.

The old year is gone ... and although I never have things I promise myself to do in the New Year, I do this time. There’s a single goal I’d like to see accomplished. A little longer than a year ago, in November, I almost won a regional writing contest. Although it was a pretty small thing and taking place for the first time in 2009, I was very proud. That was the first real accomplishment and the first step towards a career as published writer. Shortly after, I got second at another writing contest, even smaller, but that earned me a coupon worth 20 euro. I never got anything for my writing before, so that I considered that to be a huge change back then (not so much now). Anyway, while I also won NaNoWriMo in 2009, I didn’t write much apart from that. In 2010, I continued writing my NaNo novel, but only finished several months after November. Throughout the next year, I continued writing and started with two or three novel ideas, but never got as far as during NaNo. Looking back, it sounds like a year of experimenting. I wrote fantasy and realistic fiction. When the next NaNoWriMo came around, I decided for the genre to be something in between. I wanted to write realistic fiction, but not exclusively, so I added some surreal stuff and the general rule that not even the writer should know what was reality and what imagination or dreams. With those thoughts in mind, I wrote through my second NaNo novel (Cirque de Éclipse Solaire or Circus of Solar Eclipse). Last NaNo was even more of a challenge than the one before, because while I wrote 4k on the first day, I only continued at the 9th and had to keep up a suicidal pace for the rest of November. However, I hit the goal one day before the deadline. Determined to finish more quickly than last time, I completed that novel in December. Or rather, I almost completed it since I still need to add some last sentences, but let’s not talk about that.

Reflecting on the past is always connected to anticipating the future, in my opinion. So, my plan is to continue writing and fasten my pace. I want to be able to write at NaNo pace the entire year long. That has actually been my goal since I first did NaNo, but I know that I’ve grown since then. This NaNo, I’ve done twice the required word count for half of the month. I think I’m able to do it if I remember focus and discipline. To enforce that, I’ll participate in JanNoWriMo, starting today. I already started writing my new novel. It’s titled The Immortals (working title for now) and revolves around five people living in a cottage with their own inner problems and establishing relationships. Basically, I throw five totally different personalities into a house to see whether they can live together. The entire novel should span several years and really show realistic character development. I mean, real people don’t change completely over the course of two or three months, do they? No, they don’t unless something very severe happens to them.

Anyway, I’m excited and curious to see how that project will be going. I don’t worry so much about the deadline, but more about balancing writing and school. After all, I not only have to write 1,700 words a day, but also keep up with my two PCs and city moderation at Mizahar and a few other, smaller RPGs. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to discard at least some of the smaller stories in favor of my more important writing projects. But there’ll always be sacrifices. Imagination is too big for reality which is only natural.

The last few days I’ve been relaxing and doing not much, apart from one or two hours of school work and some RPG writing. I’ve mostly read books and manga, watched anime and listened to music and did funny family stuff. Oh, something else: I’ve learned that many people have some kind of family drama which is why they dislike visiting family around Christmas and New Year. Although I’ve been exposed to some family drama with my mum and grandma this year, I didn’t really notice much. I’ve been told before actually visiting, and now I don’t really see any difference. It’s mostly about my grandma’s negativity and rants. We can avoid those easily. Apart from that, we enjoy the time with my uncle and his family. They have three daughters, 13, 3 and 2 years old, so it’s really lively most of the time. It’s also quite noisy, but I’ve gotten used to that by now.

Anyway, what I’ve been doing has refilled my pool of inspiration. I’ve been thinking about doing something original. A few days ago I saw that someone had wished me Merry Christmas – someone I hadn’t read anything from for an entire year. She is probably the most inspiring person I’ll ever meet. Her stories and blog entries are infused with some kind of literary spirit. She knows how to be dramatic. I love reading every word from her. Although she is a wreck in real life, her words are wonderful. I even dare to say that only because she is depressive in real life, she is able to produce such beautiful writing. In her blog, she’s so painfully honest that you’re fascinated and shocked at the same time when reading it. She doesn’t try to be someone else in her blog, although it says that she acts all the time in her real life. Anyway, she really inspires me. Reading her new blog has given me the idea of aiming for something different. I don’t know whether I’ve actually tried doing that before, but I long for something that’s completely and utterly MINE. I long for something that screams: “This is the most original idea only Alice can have!”

So, I’m currently cooking something up. I’ll do some analyzing stuff too, genre-wise. What has been done before, what has been successful before. I want to be successful with a completely new idea nobody has thought about before. That probably sounds like a revolution of literature, but I don’t think about that yet. I’d simply like to come up with a very original idea and do something with it. Enjoy the feeling of owning something that’s my original idea. Maybe that is a sign of development. Writing up some physical and personality information about a character, deciding on their temper and which deity they worship isn’t enough anymore – when speaking in terms of RPG character creation. Maybe what I’m looking for is an ‘image’.

For example, Kamalia Timandre has the image of a Konti mage which basically means that she is a serene, ethereal creature with a tendency to pour all her energy into magic. Of course, there are more aspects to her image, but that’s the summary. When reading about Iredeth, a new Symenestra character, I was fascinated by her image as well. Her image is defined through her doll-making and her belief that dolls can indeed be living, breathing creatures. That gives her a goal as well which is quite nifty. (That’s why I love the Featured Character and Featured Thread so much – they open one’s eyes for interesting characters and the interviews/descriptions help define their ic image.) I even got an idea for a different Symenestra character, but after some consideration I think I can do even better than that.

Well, that’s it. I’d love to come up with a new, original character, although I know it’s not a good idea, especially since school starts again at the 10th. But I’ve gotten far enough with my self-confidence that I don’t care anymore. (I actually feel more self-confident, more stable now. I blame it on writing. It’s really like a therapy.) I’ll have fun as long as I have enough time. What will be after that? I’ll decide when I get to it.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year. May 2011 be filled with learning, success and happiness.
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[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

Postby Malia on February 1st, 2011, 9:42 pm

On The Nature Of Mizahar


I originally intended to spend the last two hours of my day on writing some posts for my lovely Konti PCs (and the Vantha guy, of course). However, as soon as I copied the first post into the word document, I realized that I was falling asleep in front of the screen. I don’t think I can put together coherent writing in that state, so I’ll be scrapbooking instead.

I’ve missed it. An idea has been rolling around in my head for a few days, an idea for a scrapbook entry. That usually doesn’t happen unless there’s something very urgent, Mizahar-related issue on my mind I need to voice where people read it. No, it’s not something like that today ...

Lately a lot of rumors and chatter has been going on about the nature of Mizahar. I’ve heard people complain about the dropping quality of the writing on the site. People have been complaining about newbies and crappy posts and crowded chat. I bet they’ve been complaining about some other things too, and I, too, thought those problems to be true and important a while ago. I’m still half-complaining because some things don’t change. After all, there are newbies with crappy posts and almost-one-liners I just don’t want to read, let alone thread with. However, I’ve realized that I personally haven’t taken the time to open my eyes and see if the rumors are true and if my opinion is justified. Of course, some newbies are simply new at writing, and that’s why they’re called newbies. However, not all of them are like that.

The best example is Velarian, in my opinion: I’ve read the interview today (on my phone even) and was really fascinated and impressed. I didn’t expect a “newbie” to be on the same level as veterans. Prejudice! It should be obvious that being away from the site for a while and only going back to post to your own threads and stay away from stories that don’t have anything to do with you (because you’re busy) leads to prejudice. Prejudice, that beast, is caused by lack of knowledge. If people didn’t believe in prejudices anymore and tried to find out whether their anticipations were true or not, there wouldn’t be any prejudice anymore. So, what I’m trying to say is that there is potential in Mizahar’s newbies. Not all of them might come with enough experience to be good or just talent that’s clearly visible. But the new and fresh people are those who will keep the game rolling and add a fresh breeze and a new touch to everything. Just like us, they’ll come with their head full of ideas and, as they adjust to the game and find a frame they want to play in, they’ll refine and polish their ideas so they fit Mizahar and add to the game. I’ve forgotten that for a while, but I’m glad I remembered again.

Also, even those who aren’t that good at writing at the beginning might show potential to get better in the future. I’ve seen such people. Being a storyteller, I’ve made an unwritten rule for myself: to never turn anyone away just because of their writing style. They might improve later, hell, they might even improve because they feel inspired by the stories I weave for their PCs. That’s probably a part of the reason why I’ve become and still am a storyteller. I want to help people become good writers. (I admire Jen because she has that ability, and see it as a great strength. Her posts are inspiring! The simplest example is length. I’ve seen people who are new to the game and start out writing three paragraph posts turn into lengthy and elaborate writers. And with the length usually comes quality, because that’s how Jen writes her posts too. People feel inspired and learn from reading her writing. In my opinion, that’s an amazing phenomenon. The best effect a writer can have on another writer. And, after all, the aim is to be a “writing community”!)

Another thing I’ve noticed is the expectation of quality. Quality is valued in Mizahar which is a good thing. I like to read the posts of good writers too, they add to the game and so on. However, not everyone can be a good writer. Not everyone can produce top quality posts, and even those who are known to do might be too tired or sick or exhausted or just preoccupied by rl problems to produce quality all the time. Some posts might be short. Some posts might lack substance. Some posts might contain babbling that’s not really needed. Yes, I do it too. I don’t consider myself the best writer around. On some days not even top ten. (However, I do know from experience that some people like my posts.) I tend to just not post on most of those days, though, because I feel that I’m not living up to the quality expectation of the site.

Yes, Mizahar is beautiful. Yes, we have Tarot the tech wizard who installed some amazing stuff so we can prettify our posts. Everything that makes the CSs and threads look even more beautiful and original and add to the general atmosphere. It’s an atmosphere of dynamic and colorful fantasy. Lately I’ve realized that I don’t want to give that up. I’ll likely stay around forever because it’s my RP home now and my refuge from rl and the rest of the world (another refuge apart from my novels). However! Quality is not everything. Mizahar is not a luxurious club only for quality writers. Such a thing doesn’t even exist ... Instead, one should probably view quality as a goal. We all have come here because we want to work towards that goal. Some have gotten farther on their way towards quality than others. Some even go backwards on certain days or make several big steps forward on other days. I want to keep in mind that we’re all working towards it, but nobody claims to have it yet. Of course, some obviously are quality writers most of the time and really good at it. But even they aren’t perfect. They aren’t, although they might seem perfect whenever you look at them. (Trust me, when you keep observing them, you’ll soon figure out their weaknesses.) I want to remember that writing is for fun. Not only novel writing nobody reads, but also posts everyone can read. I don’t want to be afraid or ashamed of producing crappy posts anymore. Instead I want to actively work towards quality and accept the mistakes I make on my way.

With some exceptionally busy weeks at school over and my annual winter illness fading into oblivion, I’ve thought about my schedule. School is busy as ever (tests and exams coming up), but I’m pretty laid back about it. Panicking won’t help anyone anyway. So I’ll just take it easy. (Who needs Geography? I don’t care, just get it done already!) Since I seem to neglect RPing every time I write a novel with a monthly word count goal, I’ll introduce a new method. From now on, RPG posts count as writing too. I have those Excel tables that tell me how much I’ve written on which date for a novel. I figured I could simply do that for RPG posts too. As a conclusion, my daily word count will consist of both novel writing and RPG post writing. I’ve never done that before, because I considered my novels to be more important than Mizahar. However, if I go on like that, you might not see or read much from me until graduation. And I don’t want that to happen. I miss Mizahar! So now that the last race of 50,000 words is over with the end of January, I’ll try to stick to that schedule from now on. This might also cause some out-of-schedule posting, especially for my DS account Alice. I’m writing every day anyway, so my posts hopefully come quicker now. During NaNo, I employ the simple method of writing daily to reach the word count goal. I’ll do that too, although the goal will be slightly less. The important thing is to write no matter how you feel. Just start with the first sentence and let the rest pour out of you! You’ll produce better writing than you might think!

I really hope I can make that idea work. Being too tired to post is probably a stupid excuse, but well ... There’s still tomorrow. And tomorrow, more likely Thursday, I’ll have plenty of free time to write what I like!
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[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

Postby Tarot on February 1st, 2011, 10:46 pm

I enjoyed your post a lot, Vanessa. Not just because I think it's great you finally credited your RPG time with the same civil rights as your noveling time (really, does the format even matter as long as you're having fun?) but because of the positive attitude tempered with a dose of realism.

I don't write the best posts by a long shot. On my bad days, my sentences are choppy, repetitive and poorly structured. Lots of my stories are largely improvised on the spot. Then again, I have always been a content-over-form kind of guy. I have long stopped judging others on the basis of their current level, though I judge them on the basis of their potential... which is often very high.

There will always be people who complain, and sometimes rightly so. TVtropes.org's pages about fan communities are quite enlightening to this regard. :) I listen to most complaints seriously when they are brought up through the proper channels. However, there is a class of complaints I just filter out altogether, pretend not to see them in chat, and politely ignore them when they come up. They are the complaints about quality & quantity of people on the game. They pop up regularly on pretty much any site that has more than two people playing (sometimes just two is enough!)

From a designer's point of view, I can tell you there are exactly two categories of forums in this RPG niche: sites with lots of newbies and dead sites. This is a simple consequence of the high turnover rate in the genre. Of course, to each his own but I think I know which category I want this site to be in. :) So, I'm very sorry for those who think chat is too busy - and I am the first to run away from it on some days - but I will strive to make it bigger still.

As an aside, there are definitely sites with a higher word-per-post ratio than Mizahar (which is over 250 words even considering the OOC posts which are, on average, little more than one-liners). Too bad everyone there is playing Lucifer's seventh son via the only half-angel from Purgatory. Quality is relative. ;)

Newbies are great. The good ones stick around and become valued members of the community. The bad ones leave quickly, almost without exception. And there's the incredible new players like Velarian who remind you that attaching labels is an ever dangerous thing to do.
Tarot's thread tickets: sold out. Not accepting any more threads for the time being unless I promised you one. Sorry for the inconvenience!
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[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

Postby Jilitse on February 2nd, 2011, 6:12 am

I would just like to tell you that I agree with everything that you have said. I actually was surprised to see a lot of new players join when I wasn't looking, but they're there and I'm glad to drop into chat with familiar and new faces.

If I may add to your thoughts, what may be occuring is a sense of elitism, in a way, which I don't exactly agree about. I don't even know who the people you're talking about in your posts, but where I stand I entered Mizahar at a time when the players were still few, and most of them were among the best I have ever been with (Tarot didn't have those stupid thread tickets back then, too! He needs to quit his job and give everybody a thread but that's being a selfish hording fangirl of me.). I just would like to point out that even before we had legendary noobs. As our numbers grow so they shall!

And even so, some of those newbies, no matter how noob they are, who stay don't sully Mizahar's nature - this is very important to note (I wish others would get to read this too) - they get to become better writers!

If I had a vision for Miz, it's that exactly. I want us to be a roleplaying community open to everyone, does not discriminate based on age, gender, race, or experience, a good cocoon to stay in and become a butterfly later on. Cause my last few months in the site have been exactly just that. And if I could improve myself just by staying around - whether reading other people's threads or writing, I would like others to experience that, too.

And Malia, how I missed your Nuit so! I have sent our thread to Tarot as a reminder, he has to either grade it or continue as Mashaen. And our thread with Stitch too! Start fresh Malia and return to your sexy body. Or get a new one, like me! Look, mine has shiny hair!

Busy with life as heck while sneaking this post from the office,
Your friend Jil


EDIT: Was even stupid enough to write vendor names. WTF.
I. Vox Populi, Vox Dei
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[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

Postby Malia on February 17th, 2011, 9:21 pm

Creative Writing vs. Scientific Writing


I did it. I just wrote the last word of my thesis and printed it out. It’s about 28 pages and 10,000 words in total, not counting the introduction, conclusion and all the other formal stuff.

I’ve written a 20 pages History paper in January, so it’s not my first experience with scientific writing. But it’s certainly the most extensive and the most fascinating work so far. As I’ve told some people in chat, my topic is the psychotherapeutic value of writing an autobiography. Every writer who is also a bit interested in psychology would love to write about that, right? I’m glad I chose a topic I was interested in because I couldn’t have rushed through the pages if I had chosen a different one. I still can’t believe it: Over half of the 28 pages were actually written this week. I had a deadline. I didn’t take it seriously, so I had to hurry and make it in a week. But it all turned out nicely because I had already written and understood the complicated theory part. So I guess I was lucky, haha.

Scientific writing is fulfilling in a way. It gives me a different kind of thrill than creative writing does. It’s more on the side of: That is fascinating. I am a person who loves to learn new things and understand difficult theories. I love the feeling when I’m suddenly able to make sense of a text I’m reading. It’s like enlightenment. Knowledge is important, but knowledge also gives me a special kind of kick. That’s also why I think I’d love to try an academic career, although I don’t like pressure very much. But over the course of the last few weeks I’ve found out how I can deal with pressure. If I don’t create the pressure myself, I’m pretty fine. Relaxing and not working all the time and not stressing is the key. Apart from that, I’ve also learned that I should start earlier when approaching a big project such as a thesis. I might have been lucky this time ... but that doesn’t mean that I’ll be next time. I want to be faster with getting big projects done. The ideal situation would be to get ahead of the regular schedule and finish way before the deadline. (That’s a goal for university.)

So, I’ve been quite busy, but I’ll have more time to write the next week, starting tomorrow. The semester ends and the last semester (which actually only lasts two months) will begin on the 28th. I’m determined to dedicate that week to writing and being creative first and foremost, although I’ll try to get that Latin project done (for graduation, again) and read over the thesis again and hopefully improve some stuff. My teacher will get my phone number so she can contact me in case I need to add or change major parts of it. Haha, I like the thought of her knowing my phone number! That sounds like fun. Anyway, I want to write.

I’ve also thought about my career as a writer, as I’ve been given a new chance to delve into the literary scene a little bit. An institution that organizes and hosts literature and language events is seeking young and creative people to help create workshops, events and such. (My former art teacher told me about it – since last year, every teacher in my school knows that I write.) I’ve contacted them and they responded almost immediately and were very friendly. They said they’d contact me again at the end of February. I’m looking forward to it ... and I’d love to share my vision and actually make an impact. More importantly, I’ve browsed their website and found a writing competition by a literature magazine that’s also owned by that institution. There are actually two. One requires a text of less than 15 pages with a topic. One requires a text of less than 15 pages while the topic can be any. I’d like to participate in both ... and I already have an idea what I want to write for the first one. I’m so excited! If I get accepted, that’d be my first (or second, depends on how you count) publication! Of course, it’s a magazine, and not a book, but it’s a start! Starting with publishing a book is not too realistic anyway.

I really just wanted to write a brief shoutout because I finished the thesis, but obviously it turned into a rl update which is good too. Tomorrow, I’ll relax and do something with my best friend in the city. Maybe we’ll go shopping. I desperately need some new clothes. But after sitting at the computer and writing furiously for so many days in a row, I really want to get out and do something.

I’ll get back to Mizahar with new inspiration, I’m sure.
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[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

Postby Ariel on February 27th, 2011, 3:28 pm

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Hello Alice incognito! I just wanted to stop by to remind you to always smile. You are well-loved among all the Mizaharians, especially us crazy Murans. Thank you for remaining out illustrious leader for so much time, and generally... putting up with all of my peculiar requests and questioning.

<--- Is now going tree shopping... outside! ;)
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[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

Postby Malia on March 9th, 2011, 7:20 pm

Vienna, Cocktails and Other Stuff


While I haven’t been online much recently (at least it seems so to me), I’ve done and experienced a lot of other stuff. Some things have changed and improved which is very positive.

Last Saturday I went to Vienna with a few friends. We were five, bought a group ticket and traveled by train. It was a nice and interesting experience, especially because while the others were classmates – with only one whom I talk with on a regular basis – they were really friendly and funny and laid back about everything. Their humor is somewhat weird, but they like taking photos and they aren’t overly awkward or curious about people they don’t know so well. They simply accepted me although we don’t talk that much and made me feel like I was one of them. Also, they never questioned my motives. In the morning, we visited a fair about work and studying. Then we ate lunch and while the others wanted to go shopping, I decided to go visit the university I plan to study at. It’s not the Vienna University, not the one I posted a picture of somewhere in the OOC of Mura. No university is as beautiful as the Vienna University ... but the University of Applied Arts has a different character. When I finally found it (I obviously made a mistake with using the subway), I was delighted. It is a beautiful building with a concrete bench and bike rack near the main entrance. Although I didn’t get past the entrance hall, that was already enough. The facade is red brick and white, with a two-storey part and a larger part which looks like a tower. There is an inner courtyard with a little grass and more benches. All kinds of posters hang at the walls of the entrance hall, creating a colorful and slightly battered atmosphere. The entirely building, the architecture radiates that battered atmosphere. My first association was a high school. Of course, I don’t know how real US high schools look like, but the university exactly resembles my image of a high school. It is a place of creativity, of production and ... of spirituality. Writing is my passion. I sometimes call it my religion because through writing I’m connected with the world and can understand it. And when I look at the university building, I feel that the atmosphere and the meaning behind it, the content of studying there, will not only improve my writing, but also me as a person. I hope to become more of an individual. It’s hard to explain. I hope to become whole, or at least get close to it.

That’s how I feel about that university. I have to pass the entrance exam. I sense that the University of Applied Arts was meant to exist only for me. That sounds quite egoistic, actually, but that’s how my feeling can be explained. For those of you who don’t already know, my major will (hopefully) be something that directly translates into ‘Language Art’. I believe it’s similar to Creative Writing in the USA. Students focus on text production, revision and combination of writing with other forms of art. I’m looking forward to it. And I’m willing to work hard to pass the entrance exam!

On another note, I guess I’ve discovered a new hobby: drinks – or, more precisely, cocktails. Alcoholic beverages have always interested me, not going out with friends and drinking too much, but their taste and how many different kinds and labels there are. I see some kind of beauty in wine and liqueur and sparkling wine and so on. For the last few days the thought of mixing cocktails has lingered in my head ... and when I accidentally came across a book on mixing cocktails and smoothies at the bookstore, I couldn’t help but bring it home. The drinks are colorful, featuring yellow and red, but also vibrant greens and pinks. There is elegance in the image of a slim cocktail glass with intensely colored liquor in it and a slice of lemon attached to it.

Anyway, following my newfound fascination for mixing drinks, I’ve browsed through my mum’s old exercise books on wine and beverage skills. (That’s a subject she studied at hotel management school.) They also contained information about what kind of alcoholic drinks a bar is expected to offer, what kinds of bars there are, and how a bar is run. I guess I want to work in a bar and learn how to mix and serve cocktails. I think I’d quite like that which is a surprise because until now I thought working in catering was tedious and exhausting. But it does pay well, after all. And I’ve also realized that the lively atmosphere is something I quite enjoy. I know that I like writing and observing people in cafés and restaurants. So why wouldn’t I enjoy spending time in a bar as well?

I’ll try to get a job in a bar in the summer. In the meantime, I’ll try my own cocktails and drinks (not always alcoholic), and I’ve started with something that’s called ‘muesli-man’ today. Well, I left the granola bar out this time because I wanted to test it first. It tasted quite good ... but I made a note to skip the syrup next time because it just adds too much sweetness to the whole. I took pictures too.

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So, I’m occupied with mixing drinks (the next one on my list is made of bananas, tequila and a little curry powder!) and dreaming of living in Vienna. Tomorrow I’ll go there again, because it’s the open house of the University of Applied Arts. I’m so excited! I plan to ask the professors tons of questions.
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[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

Postby Malia on March 13th, 2011, 6:57 pm

Looking Back


I’ve wanted to do this for a while now. And although I should do other things right now, I’ll just write it, because I’m in the mood for it. This will be a short chronicle dedicated to my oldest (both ic and irl) and dearest character: Malia.

ImageWhen I first created her, I didn’t give her much thought. She started out as the character I wanted to explore Mizahar with and the exploring part was more important than the character part back then. I guess that’s why I wanted her to search for something, so I could move her around and travel and thread with many different people. When I’m looking back from the current perspective, the previous Malia almost feels like a blank sheet of paper. She was free to do anything she wanted. Although the first thread I started (at the Temple of All Gods with Gossamer) was the one who changed her and the first step to what she is today I still played a different Malia for a long time because the thread was moving slowly. I feel that the Malia who doesn’t know her history is almost a different person, entirely different from the Malia who knows her history and acts upon it.

ImageAlso, the atmosphere changed a bit. I feel that the avatars add a lot of atmosphere to the characters which is why I wanted to write the chronicle with avatars as ‘keywords’. She has had more than enough avvie changes! And will hopefully have them in the future as she is hopping from body to body. Anyway, the ‘first atmosphere’ was kind of stale. Like the first avvie above, it is expressed in dull colors like mold green and black and a dirty white. She’s just a Nuit who has lost her ability to feel. She feels nothing except the desire to ... have something she can feel strongly for. Now she still feels nothing except hate (and probably love?), but it’s different. I think there was a time when I was fed up with writing no emotions, or she was, or my subconscious was, so my writing slowly became a bit more pulser-like. She turned into a lady, apparently a charming young thing, but trapped in the history and mentality of an ancient undead. I guess that was around the time when I started threading with Stitch and she started working at Welcome Home ... They were so innocent back then, haha! (Edit: No, timeline says that was later, after visiting Eyktol.)

ImageWell, she opened up a bit. Still, most of the feelings she expressed were melancholy, nostalgia and the like. Stitch got her to laugh on a single occasion in thread. That was about it. I can’t remember if she smiled more often after that, but she probably did. Good times those were, in Syliras. I threaded with everyone I came across, which turned out to be just the right thread load, since Syliras was not yet so heavily populated. At some point Malia traveled through Cyphrus and visited Eyktol. I’ve forgotten if there was any ic reason other than a change of scenery. I guess I was just bored with staying in one place for so long and bored with the stronghold setting Syliras offered. So I did one or two threads in Eyktol and then came back. Haha. Even Malia was kind of glad to be back and she even started calling her small, dark apartment ‘home’. That was quite the change.

Around that time the thread with Goss must have ended, because there was a drastic change to her voice. She became darker, more introverted and silent again, but also more self-confident. Someone with such a troubled past, someone with a goal is stronger than others. The religious aspect added to that, too. I still want to write out her religious part ... and probably do a thread in which she finds out what she can actually do with Tanroa’s gnosis.

ImageAnyway, the next step was that she took interest in Animation and Sahova (ever since Cosette told her about it, actually), and eventually traveled there, taking the route through Sunberth. There was a very nice little thread in which she went shopping and Liminal threw some amazing and very useful animated items at her. She’ll use them to hunt down Kahnikivas, one day ... Well, she went to Sahova with the intention to learn Animation and probably find out more about her arch enemy. In the process she encountered Jilitse, her original Animation mentor, and, unfortunately, Uldr. I really enjoyed that thread. It was first modded by Panna Cotta and then by Tarot, and both did an excellent job. Uldr seems like a spoiled child capable of hating everything and everyone, even his own followers, and His followers, the Returned, are just the same, although they seem slightly ridiculous and pathetic. Malia believes herself to be above them, although they’re able to enslave her through the gnosis mark. So, many things happened in Sahova. Adding to the burden of becoming stronger than Kahnikivas, Uldr has also tasked Malia with finding three new followers for him ... I really hope they will be PCs. The one most important thing, though, is that Malia’s reputation of being ‘evil’ started with Sahova. Uldr has taught her how to hate. And she wants to get revenge even more badly than before. She’s passionate, and she’s probably slowly losing her mind. (Please excuse the reference, but I do think she’s a bit like Yagami Light from Death Note.)

ImageWell, since then she has been trying to practice Animation and gather some followers. Although she’d like to go on her mission alone, she can’t help but recognize that she needs allies. I have to admit that I was probably a bit inspired by Jilitse’s search for allies against Sagallius and for Priskil. So she had a lengthy philosophical talk with Eris and also tried to lure a redhead into committing suicide (thread is still on-going). In the process, she got herself a new body (said redhead) which caused other players to call her ‘hot’ for the first time. Now, what does that mean...? She also bought some clothing, tried to behave like a pulser and dissected a bird. I’ve noticed that I find solo threads quite difficult or, more precisely, boring to write. So the thread that should earn her some Animation xp is still not finished. I guess the dissecting part was the most interesting one, haha. I still want to finish that one, though. Malia’s plan is to create an army of animated zombies or something similar, so she can defeat Kahnikivas without doing anything herself. Good plan, isn’t it? I should be glad that she’s close to immortal and can plan for eternity. I do hope I can write out the completion of her main mission in the near future though, haha.

Well, now she’s the sinister being we all know and love. When I have more time, I’d love to really play out the dichotomy of her feelings. I imagine that she’s in an extreme situation emotionally. One part hates and craves for spilling Kahnikivas’ blood, destroying him like he has destroyed her family. The other part is the one that loves Stitch. This other part is capable of feeling at least some sympathy for pulsers and is also the part that prays to Tanroa. Now what if the two parts collide? For example, Kahnikivas captures Stitch. What would she do? Try to kill Kahnikivas, despite the fact that he’ll most likely kill Stitch to stop her? Now, that’d be interesting! But also far too cliché to take into serious consideration.

For the time being, I’m content with letting her trail behind Stitch on his journeys and practice Animation whenever she can. I really want to get over my prejudice regarding self-mod threads and do some heavy training stuff! Delving into the art of Animation must be very exciting, I think. I’m even tempted to drag her to Lhavit, just because the new Animation Studio is such a beautiful location. I want her to play innocent and live and work there, concealing her true motives. But I already have another PC there, so that’s a bad idea, isn’t it? Plus, Stitch has other plans. And I don’t want her to part with Stitch. Probably later. Or never.

“I love you. Let’s be together for eternity.” How would he react to this, I wonder?
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[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

Postby Gossamer on March 13th, 2011, 7:02 pm

Image

*pops in and leaves a box of tissue next to the post for those as sappy as she is and who needed to dab the corners of their eyes because the same mysterious
dust got into them (like it did hers) about the time Malia mused about saying... 'I love you. Let's be together for eternity."*
Gossamer

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[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

Postby Malia on March 19th, 2011, 10:13 am

Motivation


I feel that I’ve been a little unhappy with moderating for the last few weeks or so. I’m used to that feeling since it keeps coming back when I’m in such a position. Being a storyteller comes with power, but also expectations. One is expected to do what a storyteller does. One can’t just disappear for a week or two and blame writer’s block or rl, because one’s office will be filled while one is away. I know I’m just being perfectionist again, I can’t help it.

But two days ago, something has given me a motivation boost. I’m still playing a different RPG, and experienced that the local moderator responded to my post within an hour or so. I was positively surprised, really surprised. That hasn’t happened to me ... like forever. I think it has actually never happened to me before. I tend to avoid power posters and write with quality posters. That doesn’t mean that power posters can never be quality posters, but most power posters write short posts while I enjoy extensive writing styles with a lot of detail and description. But recently I’ve thought a lot about writing styles and figured that a short and precise style can be as beautiful as an extensive style.

So, this mod replied very quickly and with a good post too. That really motivated me. I want to be as quick and effective as that mod. I’m sure that as soon as I get into the groove of moderating and keep coming back regularly and without any long breaks, I’ll also be able to enjoy it more and really delve into the stories. Some of my Mura PCs are really fast poster (actually, most of them seem to be), so I should utilize that chance and try to learn from them.

I want to be as enthusiastic for Mura and Mizahar as I was in the beginning. In fact, I’m a screenshot hoarder ... When I see something that is well-written or someone who writes beautiful or visually stunning posts or has a beautiful CS or reaches a certain amount of posts ... I’ll make a screenshot and save it on my PC. I have some beautiful stuff saved there ... and I’m glad I have. They remind me of the beauty of RPing and writing.

Here’s one, to motivate me and all the others who have been there from the beginning (or not) and need to be reminded of the “good old times”:

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Look at the post count!
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