{Flashback} It all fell apart (Open)

[Sethos]

OOCSo, I figured flashback would help me get a better hold of his character ^.^ This is something that has already came to pass, so feel free to join and we shall see where it goes~ If not, the thread must go on!

Season of Spring, Day 27, 505AV Seeing the stone entry-way always seemed to give him a sense of calm and direction, as if he knew what he was about to do, he would find all the answers necessary just by opening a door. It also gave him a strange anxiousness, he knew hundreds of book lay beyond the door but would they help? He wanted—no, needed to be surrounded by things that made sense, not guesses and fantasies but things he knew were real. For this couldn't actually be true, he was in some sort of nightmare, a long, horrific nightmare. His pulse made a strange beat, caught between pounding through his head like a horses hooves and stuttering like a skittish rabbit, it did not help his nerves to hear the way his breath seemed heavy and sharp. Then gain nothing help much of anything, his own thoughts were driving him crazy! It was both of us that did it. For once we had that damnable ‘peace’ and ‘balance’ you wanted. “Sh—“ he cut himself off sharply pushing through the doors and ignoring the jibbing of his indecent half, after the earlier incident it wouldn’t do to yell at himself, he was in enough trouble as it was. Trouble? Isn’t that putting it a bit lightly? Be silent! …It wasn’t wrong; it was her or the family. We had to protect ourselves; you know what the Black Sun is capable of, what they do! And she was a part of it— If you refuse to listen I will end this for both of us. Hmph. Don’t be such a spoil sport, accept it, besides I did most of the dirty work, Krysus forbid you get your hands dirty. Determined to ignore Cashlin he slammed the door of the library open, wincing at the loud sound but also finding a sense of relief of it drowned out the sound of his mind. Apologizing to the attendant at the desk he strode through the shelves swiftly, not really paying attention to what he was looking at until he passed the section on medical practices. Without thinking much he pulled it from its place and flipped it open, a mistake it was because the words spoke to him of what he could not heal, the damage he could not undo. “Goddess…what have I done?” Nothing anyone else wouldn’t have. His pain seemed to be swallowing him whole, the guilt alone threatened to suffocate him because someone whether in his or Chaslin’s mind, he was glad. Glad he had hurt her the way she had hurt him. The things she wanted to do, the things she had done. He could feel the faint itch of warm tears moving down his face but he didn’t bother to wipe them, only leaning heavily on the nearest shelf the book falling from his fingers with a dull thud.