[Flashback] Gods be Gods (Hadrian)

[Elias]

12th of Spring, 502 AV It was a rainy day, the fourth in a row, and of little consequence to the residents of the citadel. Elias found himself to be one of those residents at the time. However, the weather was way out of his mind when a young boy was all ears to what little he understood about the Gods. His thoughts drifted for a moment. He was back in his father's library, staring at Veor with that same expression. The Kirt would sit on the workdesk simply to be able to meet Elias' eye to eye. He would rant on for hours uninterrupted, until his father would call them both back. Hopefully he wasn't ranting, and hopefully this child had a loving father. His expression turned dark for a second, before he remembered he was in Syliras and working, no matter how informal this job was. A quick look around him was enough to ground him back to the room he was in, and the boy before him. The place was a mess actually. No wonder Elias took a while before starting the lesson. He had to make himself some space before he was comfortable enough to start. Their first session together had started less than a bell ago, and already Elias could feel a question pressing to be heard. Maybe his moment earlier had gone unnoticed? Elias hoped so. He didn't want to be faced with his own issues by a smarter than average kid in a home that wasn't his. And so he continued with his lesson, anxiously waiting for the question to come. "...As I said, gods, like any other intelligent beings, are subject to mistakes and are not over failure." The tension was building up on Elias' side. The Valterrian was one such mistake, and maybe the most significant blunder in recorded history." OOCThis last paragraph is a wide-arm invitation for Hadrian, it's your turn to spice it up!

[Hadrian]

Thirteen year old Hadrian was not a happy lad. Growth spurts had made him lanky, fit only to wear his older brothers' castoffs because no matter how much money his parents had accumulated, they weren't wasteful, and he wasn't going to fit in these clothes for much longer. There was the occasional breakout of acne, though his sisters sometimes held him down and applied expensive tinctures and unguents to his face that helped keep the worst of it away, but most of all he was becoming more quiet, more introspective, more introverted unless someone like Elias came along. If one sparked his interest with some intellectual topic or pursuit, he would come alive, chlorine blue eyes too big for his face staring with laser-like intensity and focus. The room was used for the Aelius children's education, and there were more books in there than many private libraries. Hadrian had read all of them. "They are fallible, yes, but on most occasions wiser than the rest of sapient life on Mizahar." He was not being argumentative, merely taking what Elias gave him and expanding, connecting, and layering on the context of what else he knew. One got the sense that every iota of knowledge, every new impression and experience, was being woven into some tapestry in his mind, some grand unified theory of everything. "Ivak was manipulated into the wildest of His rages in historical memory. Sylir was murdered, Aquiras maimed by Sagallius. Even before that, Myri killed and replaced Ruros. Xhyvas is dead. There are many examples of the fallibility of the gods, which leads us, doesn't it, to believe that there is something, some intelligence, above the gods?" It would be dangerous to speak such words to some fanatic, some zealot, but whatever else his tutors had done, they had nurtured an ability in Hadrian to strip away morality and other things that clouded pure logic. One had to hope he hadn't lost his own morality in the process.

[Elias]

The pressure dropped as soon as Hadrian uttered his first words. What an incredible child that was. That one was over the "why" of the questions he asked. Instead, he would add his own knowledge and apply it to the subject. They were now in a discussion much more than it was a teacher-student connection. Hadrian was challenging. Elias began to wonder why the father of such a brilliant son went through the trouble of finding tutors. Maybe Elias simply couldn't understand what it was like to have a father who'd care to stimulate his children. His own father would have been pleased to have a child prodigy to continue his legacy. But now that they had come this far in the lesson, Elias felt it was an excellent time to let go of the formalities. He had been prudent up until now. Rich brats were often quick to complain to their ever so loving parents about the tiniest of details, and in this case, details could cost him his rent for the month and if Hadrian wanted more, Elias would give him more. "Above the gods? Clergymen would beg to differ, although neither you nor I have anything to do with them, don't we? Lhex governs over the cycle of life and everything we know is regulated by him. What makes you believe in a concept such as 'above the gods'?" What are you thinking?

[Hadrian]

Hadrian paused, both to organize his thoughts and to recognize that he had achieved that shift with this tutor much sooner than most, where they started to talk to him like a person, perhaps even an equal, rather than condescending to the rich boy about things he probably would never understand. He hated that. "If you look at the pantheon such as it is commonly seen," he began, "there are many places where one god or another is more highly esteemed than the others. A patron. Ours would be Sylir if He yet lived. Instead the knights worship His memory. Or Tyveth. But neither Sylir or Tyveth have been considered the highest of gods. We have Alvina, who are sometimes the children of gods, some raised from mortality. The seasonal gods are not considered especially powerful, but their purview stays centered around their natural function and, as with Morwen, their haven-city. Then there are the gods one might consider the most powerful, though, in a way, the most abstract, and the more distant from humanity and the other sentient races. "Tanroa, time, whose favored children are taken almost out of time, it seems. And Lhex, who has no children marked with favor. They say the Father of Fate has only given one gnosis, and that to Areesa Tallshade's magnum opus, the Anvil of Souls. "But are Fate and Time the essentials? They seem so distant, so far from the gods who are knit so closely to this creation. Semele with Earth, Ivak with Fire... But did all these gods create the world? Kihala rules over life, but who rules over those things that are not alive in the same sense as we are? There is purportedly djed in dead rock, in empty water. The gods are alive and magic is afoot. But perhaps there is some higher being. A demiurge that created all this? An even more removed, less anthropomorphic Source? "Because it would seem to me that the gods become less powerful the more they interact with us here on earth, so perhaps there is some unknowable source that emanates these beings to help us understand the world around us. And perhaps we are fine not knowing about it. Perhaps the gods are enough for us, but if we are constantly being reborn, shouldn't we be going somewhere. There's a circularity to reincarnation, but shouldn't we be spiraling upward rather than going in a circle on a plane, never really making progress, achieving something...?" Because otherwise, and this he only thought to himself, he had no way to explain why he was still a boy, but woke up feeling so tired, as if he had already seen everything before and just wanted to sleep. An old soul, his nurse had called him. Perhaps. He wondered if souls wore out from too much reincarnation, and if they did, what would become of them. Of him. He had been animated and articulate while speaking, but he seemed to retreat a little as he waited for Elias to respond, as if he expected the condescension to return, for Elias to completely not understand or misunderstand. Hadrian knew he was brilliant, that things stuck in his mind with little effort, that he could jump to conclusions without working through a problem the way others did, but it was exhausting being ten steps ahead of the rest with nobody to catch his drift.

[Elias]

An uncomfortable smile broke through Elias' mask of attention, following the boy's unusual theory. "Hadrian, wasn't it? While I am familiar to the concept of the Source, wouldn't Lhex and Tanroa be the...anthropomorphic embodiment of the Source? Its concept is clearly beyond our understanding. Ukalas itself represents so much more than what we make of it." Fate...and Time. Distant indeed. For all Elias knew Lhex and Tanroa could very well be the same entity, only presented differently. In fact he seriously doubted they were gods at all. That last thought was shared to Hadrian. "It's more convenient for us mortals to call them gods, Lhex and Tanroa I mean. However I doubt they really stand on the same level as the others." Gods strive for attention. They want to be worshipped. Otherwise, I highly doubt they would be sharing their powers at all. Oh but this is only speculation. What matters is the present. Maybe I'll ask Lhex before he sends me back. Spirality was a notion Elias was also fond of. Because without it life would remain utterly devoid of sense. It gave direction to his soul, much more than he'd realize. Elias wondered. How did a boy as young as Hadrian get to this depth of reasoning? The answer probably lied somewhere in the sizeable number of books present in the room, but Elias had to ask for himself. "Who are you...Hadrian? You're not just any child. And that I wish to know why, no...how, is that so?" He gazed at Hadrian, leaning forward in anticipation. OOCI won't be able to keep going with theology as it is. How about we take it to a more personal level?

[Hadrian]

He ate up all Elias had to say, the words of another soul who actually thought about such things. But when the talk turned to Hadrian himself, he grew uncomfortable, his skinny shoulders riding up as if his hackles were raised, but he was hardly a threatening presence for all that his first growth spurts had made him gangling and tall even for his awkward age. "I'm Hadrian Aelius," he said, "son of Trajan and Plotina. Of Syliras." That was what he had been taught, to know his place in the scheme of things. His father was a merchant prince and a favored supplier to the Order, the Knights of Syliras. "I have had good tutors, many books, and have traveled with my father. Perhaps that is what you mean. I have had the best education and the most opportunities, that's all." He slumped a little in his chair as if he would rather disappear now, but it was clear that he had been trained by time and those around him to apologize for his brilliance, because small people had a habit of keeping others down so they would not feel overshadowed. Just so, Hadrian was a mental giant who felt out of place and walked on eggshells so as not to trample the feelings of those around him. "I'll go to the University too someday, and then I'll be with people like me."

[Elias]

Perhaps the question came too abruptly. Or perhaps Hadrian himself didn't know the answer Elias was looking for. He was still so young after all. When the man asked, he forgot the age of whom he was speaking to. Because despite the unusual display of reason Elias had been witness to earlier, Hadrian had yet to discover the intricacies of his own conscience and only with age would the answer come by. That was the conclusion Elias came with. He stood up, hoping to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling that ran through his body. It was definitely more than stiffness. The most opportunities you say... Understandable, but you'll be disappointed at the university. Behind their so-called open minds they're consumed with prejudice and hatred for each other. But you'll find books, if that's what you're looking for. The rest you can find on the road. Lois was strong, so he succeeded. I couldn't do it. Elias winced as the few months he spent at the university surfaced in his head. So much for progress and higher reasoning. It was all about competing for favors and grades, the very same system that his father Zachariah installed in his own house. Haughty sophomores that took pleasure in roughing the shy and the helpless. Elias could painfully see how they would destroy Hadrian's hopes in ignorance. But if you do find yourself in the halls of the university, stay away from the arcane department. The worst kind of people you'll find there. They're arrogant and dangerous. Just...stay away.

[Hadrian]

Hadrian's head canted to the side, his longish hair hanging. Those eyes attempted to bore into Elias and find what lay behind the words; he was not so good at reading people, nor understanding their intentions. Were it explained to him, understanding came, but his intuition failed him there. His intellect was already a razor implement, but wielded by a heart whose cool exterior belied a stormy center. In effect, he was a teen-aged boy. Telling him know was the surest way to intrigue him. "Aren't we all consumed by our prejudices? Am I not a product of Syliras?" His predatory curiosity smelled blood and moved in for the kill. "And how avoid the arcane department? Surely my father will decree a course in economics or finance, depending on the exigencies of the Aelius trade. But why should a seeker of true knowledge avoid what is, by definition, hidden? How else to know the minds of the gods but to see through their eyes?"

[Elias]

And there we were, touching upon the only subject Elias wanted to avoid. The blame wasn't on anyone else but him, obviously, for he wasn't about to hold the only other person in the room responsible for his carelessness, however tempting that would be. And that's when regret sank in. Not the dangerous kind. More like the annoying one. Regret had always came in different forms, different tastes. From the very brief one that followed mentioning the university to the place itself, regrets had marked every step of the way. And yet Elias couldn't afford to step down, not when that many unknowns were still at work. "A seeker of true knowledge knows better than to stare at books eternally." The multitude of books surrounding them wasn't really helping his point, considering what "product" it created. Yet he continued, well aware that he couldn't avoid the question this time. "I can count on my right hand how many mortals have seen the world through a god's eye. None of them are mortal anymore...and neither did any of them had a pleasant encounter with said god. Magic has been denatured and too many are instructed in its use nowadays. They think they are, but trust me, they're not."

[Hadrian]

"So books are the bottom rungs of the ladder, and when I outgrow the books and the professors of the University, then what? Is there a ceiling to knowledge, to wisdom?" This was all a game to him, a mental exercise. He knew no magic, no spells or cantrips, and he had no great desire to learn, though perhaps the theory of magic would be interesting. But a son of Trajan Aelius had little need for anything magic could win him, and the intellectual pursuits were what truly excited him, not the thought of mere power. And the gods, well, he knew their names and their domains, lit votives in the All-Gods with his siblings and his parents, knew the stories, read some treatises on the nature of everything and understood it to a degree. "The books are context," he explained. "I can accumulate facts, and I can live life, and the experience should help me piece things together into a context for whatever else I learn. The University may not be my final destination, but I don't see why it could not be a beneficial step on my journey."