A Calm Night (Veldrys)

[Xelhes]

Spring 39th, 512 A.V.

Days had passed since the settlement had been wiped from the world, and with those passing days some of the chaos aboard the ships had faded. Those that had suffered damage to their eyes were healed for the most part, though some would never be able to see again despite the efforts of Cian. The entire situation had made the Ethaefal feel powerless and useless, Xelhes not able to do much of anything with the limited knowledge and supplies he had. While he had tried to do what he could to help Jarret, Xelhes felt as if his contribution was rather small and without Jarret he would have been able to do nothing at all. After all, what could someone who only knew how to help lessen the symptoms of the most common ailments do compared to someone marked by the Healing Goddess, or a man who knew everything you could about medical plants?

The anchors had dropped, the remaining boats resting near the land while the sky and sea were dark. It was dangerous to sail across the sea with all the things that inhabited it, let alone trying to navigate those waters when one was practically blinded by the dark of night. With the night Xelhes' formed changed as well, his white horns standing out in the black night, with lavender gray hair covering his head. The new hair color was odd to the Ethaefal, yet he accepted it and had grown on it a bit. He was still not completely sure on why his hair color had changed, but then again he did not think on it too hard either, as it was simply hair. With a smile he continued to look towards the black sea, leaning forward on the edge of the boat as he enjoyed the sight of the moon's reflection on the water.

Despite how useless it may be, the Ethaefal still carried his bow and arrows regardless of what he was doing, just in case something from the sea ever did attack. Though he would probably not even be able to injure any sea creature, simply having the weapon around made him feel more comfortable, giving him a false hope that he knew was a lie. Hearing conversation behind him Xelhes turned around to see some figures, and while he did not know if they were conversing with each other as a group, one of those silhouettes stood out. With a smile the Ethaefal waved at the one that seemed to have longer arms than the other, an audible, "Hey, Vel!" being heard. Xelhes assumed it was Veldrys due to how the arms and hands of the individual seemed longer, yet it could have simply been a trick of the night. Wrong person or not the Ethaefal turned back towards the sea, humming a low tune to the quiet sound of the waves.

He had been born from the sea, yet even so the sight of it always made Xelhes feel relaxed though at the same time concerned. The sea itself relaxed him, the sound of the waves as they moved and brush against themselves and the land, yet the Ethaefal knew of what was under that surface. In a sea so vast countless monsters or creatures lurked in its depths and it always worried him that one could pop out at any moment. As beautiful as it was the sea was a truly dangerous place. "How have you been adjusting to everything, general chaos aside? With everything that has happened you probably have hardly any time to yourself, huh?"

Xelhes said the words quietly, unconcerned if Veldrys had actually come over to speak with him or not, let alone if that individual even was Veldrys. Right now everyone's life seemed hectic, regardless of who or what they were. So much had happened to the Denvali in such a small span of time that it was difficult to process, and Xelhes felt the same. Sometimes it was hard even for the Ethaefal to find a light within all the chaos the world had thrown at them.

[Veldrys]

The Symenestra’s life had begun to resemble a nightmare. While the issue with the Solduvan Stone had been resolved – more or less - the city had been destroyed anyway. He couldn’t help but think that it was bitter irony. Why would his god give him a prophecy, a means to save his home when another catastrophe would destroy it? Why had all those people been killed? What was going on in the world? He had spent whole bells in prayer, waiting for an answer from his god, but no answer had ever come, and he had remained just as clueless as before.

He had spent what seemed like an eternity taking care of those that had been wounded, but whatever he had done simply hadn’t been enough. Some of them had died anyway, and in the end he had been completely exhausted. The decision to abandon Denval had ultimately come as no surprise. There were only ruins left. It would have taken whole seasons, no years, to rebuild everything, and there was no assurance that Denval wouldn’t be destroyed again. The city was too isolated, too far away from anything resembling civilization.

The Symenestra had decided to come with the others even though boats made him uneasy, and he wasn’t sure if there was a place for him wherever they were going. He couldn’t bring himself to return to Kalinor even though it was most likely one of the safest cities in the world right now. He wasn’t sure if he would fit in anymore.

He spent most of the time standing on deck, looking at the water, sometimes alone, sometimes with others, often lost in thought. It took him a while to register that Xelhes had adressed him. He turned around and looked at the Ethaefal, furrowing his brow a little as he did so. When had his hair color changed?

He approached him. He enjoyed his company more than that of most other Denvalis. „How I have been adjusting?“ he asked. „I’m not sure if I have been adjusting to anything. I still can’t believe that the city is gone. And from what I’ve seen Denval isn’t the only place that has been affected. What is the matter with the world? Do you have any idea, Xelhes?“ From the tone of the Symenestra’s voice it was obvious that the recent events had shaken him to the core.

„No, I’ve had little time for myself recently, but it’s for the better“, he replied. „It keeps me from thinking about it more than I already do. But what about you, how are you? Where do you think we’ll end up?“

[Xelhes]

”I’m not really sure what caused all of this to happen, but I do think that it may have only been a matter of time…as much as I dislike the notion. Mizahar has probably always been fickle, just like almost everything else in the world, so really it was only a matter of time before something bad happened again. Like the saying goes, some rocks are so hard you cannot crush them with brute force or by throwing against another, yet if you hit it in the right spot no matter the strength of the hit, it will shatter.” The entire time the Ethaefal spoke his voice was soft and almost hushed, Xelhes trying to keep his voice level while he spoke.

The events had shaken Veldrys as well, and for that reason the Ethaefal tried to hide his own emotions about what had happened. Despite how deeply the destruction had affected him as well, Xelhes knew that letting his fears express themselves would only make things worse. Instead of saying any real words of comfort he turned to look at the Symenestra, a small false smile on his face, and gave the priest an assuring node, softly whispering, ”What do you think is wrong with the world, Vel? I’d like to hear your ideas on it as well, plus I’ve grown fond of your accent.”

A sad attempt at comfort, but it was all Xelhes could think of, and there was truth in his words. He was genuinely interested in what Veldrys thought was happening, and ever since he had heard the man speak in Symenos he appreciated the accent that went with his words. To the Ethaefal, Symenos sounded far more pleasant to the ear than Common ever would. There was no reply to the Symenestra’s comment of having little free time though Xelhes wanted to say that sometimes thinking about something was more beneficial than trying to repress the thoughts. Veldrys was his friend, and for that reason the Ethaefal knew what things to limit when he spoke to him, in fear that he may damage what friendship they had.

Being asked how he had been caused Xelhes’ body to tense up for a moment, his gaze returning to the sea as he contemplated a response. Minutes passed before he finally said, ”I have been lucky compared to many others, so I have no right to say bad but…I have been better. Despite the time that has passed I have no idea how I feel right now, about almost everything. Home is gone and I have no place to go aside from the Ukalas, and there is only one way there. Angry, sad, depressed, confused…I just have no idea what is going on anymore.” Agitation filled the Ethaefal’s voice as he scowled at the water below, upset that even he had no idea what was going on in his head. Things had just happened too fast for him, and on too large a scale.

A small sigh escaped him as his face drained from frustration, his eyes now moving down to his arm where he watched Leth’s light rest. Trying to keep his emotions detached and clear, he softly said, ”Where we end up is something I am not sure of, let alone even where I will end up. For now I am thinking on just staying on this ship until it reaches its last stop. I need to start somewhere new, but I know nothing of the world outside Denval and…I don’t want to be alone. Ever since we left the thought of parting with the Denvali and never seeing them again, it upsets me. I don’t want to say goodbye to everyone.”

Despite his best efforts the Ethaefal’s voice cracked at the last few words he spoke, showing that he was just as shaken as Veldrys, if not more so. The scowl returned to his face as he looked back at the water, not saying a word in the fear that he would simply pour his troubles and fears onto the Symenestra beside him. Veldrys surely had enough problems of his own.

[Veldrys]

The Symenestra listened to Xelhes and nodded. „Do you think somebody hit Mizahar in the right spot then?“ he wanted to know. „The last time something of that magnitude happened, Ivak was responsible for it. Do you think another god caused this here?“ He shuddered as he asked this. He didn’t like that idea at all. As far as he was concerned, a normal catastrophe was much easier to deal with. You could attempt to pick up the pieces of your life and continue somehow, but if gods were involved … if gods were involved everything became pointless, and all you could do was sit there and wait.

Xelhes‘ remark that he had grown fond of his accent came so unexpectedly that it pulled Veldrys out of his melancholic thoughts for a moment. He looked at the Ethaefal, at once confused and surprised. „You’ve grown fond of it?“ he asked. And then he murmurred, „Thank you.“ because he didn’t know what else to say. Besides, he still found it unusual that people actually liked something about him. In fact the Ethaefal’s remark brought a small smile to his face, although it disappeared again quickly as he answered Xelhes‘ question.

„I don’t know … I don’t know what’s wrong with the world. Maybe the gods decided that they had enough. Maybe it was a warning. Maybe they had an argument or it was something natural. I really don’t know.“ He shook his head. „We are in the same situation, Xelhes. We have no place to go. Denval is gone, and I cannot imagine ever returning Kalinor. We are told that we should consider ourselves lucky because we are still alive, but it doesn’t really help, does it? It doesn’t really make the sadness go away.“

He was quiet for a moment as he listened to Xelhes. As the Ethaefal turned away, he put a hand on his shoulder. „You won’t be alone. I don’t know what to do either. I will likely stay on the ship as long as possible. We can help each other when we reach the final stop.“ He didn’t like the thought of leaving everybody behind either. The Denvali had become his people, and Xelhes was the one that he was closest to apart from Lucette. He had come to appreciate the Ethaefal’s presence and the many conversations they had had. He would miss him if he were suddenly gone.

[Xelhes]

OOCI'm not sure on the decency of this post, so if you need me to change anything just throw a PM at me.

With a shake of his head Xelhes replied, ”I can’t say for certain if this was caused by a divine being, however the damage it caused is apparent. A coincidence or planned, whatever happened hit Mizahar hard and where it was weak.” The idea that what was happening was caused by one of Mizahar’s deities frightened the Ethaefal, and something he was not keen to talk about. There was not much one could do against the power of a god, and the fear that it may be more than one god acting only added to his worries.

”Yes, it has grown on me a good deal since we met. It reminds me of when you read from the Viratassa in Symenos, and how nice a language it is.” Yet despite the truth and fondness he had towards the Symenestra’s language, envy also hide in the corner of the Ethaefal’s mind. Symenos was something that he considered to be beautiful, however it also made him think about his own language and how it was lost. The beauty of Veldrys’ racial tongue brought with it the pain of knowing that the celestial language was lost to him, so long as he remained outside the Ukalas.

Seeing the smile on Veldrys’ face caused one to appear on the Ethaefal’s as well, happy that his poor attempt at comfort had helped in some way, and listened while his friend spoke his thoughts. Veldrys did not seem to have a good guess on what caused this catastrophe as well, thought Xelhes assumed very few would. Still looking out to sea, the Ethaefal whispered, ”The gods are most likely the only ones who know what caused this, and whether they will take action against it is something only they would know as well. Regardless, I want to believe that we can fix the damage that has happened, or at least survive it and rebuild what was lost…It is during times like this that we need to make sadness become our strength …”

Saying those words made the Ethaefal feel like he was being a hypocrite, saying that one should use their sadness to push forward when it was apparent he himself had yet to do such a thing. He believed his own words to be true, yet being able to act upon them was something completely different. It was still too soon. When the Symenestra’s hand rested on his shoulder Xelhes tensed for a moment, surprised at the contact, but quickly relaxed while his gaze remained on the water. Xelhes had always assumed physical contact was something Veldrys did not care for, yet he did not reject the Symenestra’s gesture in the slightest, instead happy with the comfort it brought.

Finally prying his eyes away from the sea, Xelhes turned to Veldrys with a smile on his face, though it was obvious that the expression took effort. Placing his hand on the forearm of the hand that lay on his shoulder, Xelhes said, ”Thank you, it means a lot to know I may not have to be on this ship alone. However, I’m not sure how much help I can give you in the end. My abilities are so limited that they are almost useless, and considering I’ve never left Denval…I’m not even sure if I can keep my promise to you now, not with how everything has turned out.”

It had been a promise born out of the desire to have a friend, misguided affection, and the wish to do something helpful, and it was a promise he wanted to keep as well. Yet with the current state of Mizahar, with Denval gone and everything else, Xelhes knew that trying to give Veldrys reasons to be happy, to look forward to the future, were few and far between. With thoughts of the future the Ethaefal’s body shook for a moment before he began to speak again, hesitation and fear in his words. ”I’m not sure what to do with my future, even while Denval was standing. To be selfish or selfless, I could never decide.”

”This body doesn’t age, so if I avoid injury my life span is far greater than many others. With that extra time I could learn advanced medical techniques, or somehow enhance current ones. I could save lives, even if it took years to prepare myself with such knowledge. Even with that possibility though...I think that if I had the option, I would probably throw away that power so that I could have a true mortal body; so that I could live a normal life. Would I be in the wrong if I did such a thing, Veldrys? Would you, or other individuals, look down at me if I chose the selfish path?” Those two paths in life had always tugged at the Ethaefal’s heart, despite one of them being impossible.

He knew that the only way to have a true mortal form would be ending this life and returning to the cycle, but even so he still wanted to believe that there was another option. However if he used this immortal power he could theoretically improve the lives of so many that had yet to be born. He could save the lives of those who could die without aid. Despite the impossibility of the selfish path existing, he always went back to it, knowing that even though the chance to save a life was important, he was unable to draw a line on if gaining mortality was equally important. Sometimes it was difficult for the Ethaefal to draw such a line, even when he knew what the best answer was.

[Veldrys]

„I can read the Viratassa to you again“, Veldrys offered. „And I’m still willing to teach you. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to somebody in my language for a while now.“ He sighed as he said this. He was still glad that he had left Kalinor, and he couldn’t imagine ever returning, not with everything that had happened, but he was still a Symenestra, and there were so few opportunities to live his culture on the surface. Sometimes he couldn’t help but feel lonely. The fact that Denval, his home, had been destroyed, had only intensified that feeling.

„Do you think we’ll ever know for sure what has happened?“ he wanted to know. „Do you think Viratas would come and talk to me if I only prayed hard enough?“ As Xelhes said that he wanted to believe that they could fix the damage, the Symenestra shook his head. „We can’t. Denval is gone. I don’t think it will ever be rebuilt. We can only try to preserve its culture and make sure that it isn’t forgotten. As for sadness becoming our strength, I’m not sure if sadness can be a strength. I mostly find it paralyzing. I’d rather get rid of my sadness altogether, no matter how hard that is.“

It was true that Veldrys had not cared for physical contact in the past, but recent experiences had made it easier for him to be closer to other, to even enjoy physical contact, and thus he didn’t draw back as the Ethaefal touched him as well. „You can help me by being there“, he replied. „By being a friend. I have too few. My abilities leave something to be desired as well. The only thing I’m remotely good at is healing others, but I don’t know how to use a weapon. I can’t cook. I can’t build anything.“

„You don’t have to decide what to do with your future right away. It’s alright if you don’t know what to do now. You have time. You can simply try out things and see if they fit.“ He wanted to say more, wanted to tell Xelhes that he could have a hundred different careers, that he could experiment as much as he want to because he would never age, when the Ethaefal voiced his desire to have a mortal body again. He thought about it for a moment before he answered, „No, I don’t think you would be wrong. I can understand you, I think, your desire to be like those around you. It may not be completely the same because I will at least age at the same speed as those around me, but sometimes I wish I weren’t a Symenestra. What use is all the knowledge in the world if you can’t have a normal life?“

He sounded rather bitter as he said that.

[Xelhes]

”Sure, I would gladly listen to another reading, and if you want you could try talking in Symenos to me. I may not be able to understand what the words mean until you start teaching me; however I might be able to pick up on the intention of the words.” The Ethaefal had enjoyed listening to Veldrys speak in his native language before and it was for that reason that Xelhes wanted to try and learn, even if it proved rather difficult. The Symenestra’s next questions drained a good fraction of the happiness in his face, Xelhes almost frowning before replying with, ”We might not know in this life time, but someday the cause might be something those who are alive will become aware of, and as for Viratas…Sometimes prayer isn’t something the gods’ will answer, regardless of how important the issue is to that person.”

A note of caution could be found in Xelhes’ words, looking at Veldrys while he said them to see if they caused a reaction. He wanted to be honest with the man, yet at the same time knew that his words could be considering offensive, and at the first sign of outrage the Ethaefal was prepared to make space between himself and Veldrys. An almost disappointed expression covered Xelhes’ face when Veldrys gave his reply about fixing the situation, as if the Symenestra had not met whatever expectations the Ethaefal had of the man. With an equally disappointed sigh, he said, ”I hope there are others who are trying to see a brighter future. In the end it may be pointless, but isn’t it at least a little comforting to think that a single thought or effort could change things, regardless of how impossible they seem? I understand why you want to get rid of your sadness but…I do not think I could throw mine away, if only because it was something that helped me grow up to an extent. If I hadn’t been sad about being alone, I never would have made the effort to meet others. It was for that reason that I met you, and also the reason why you and I are standing here together, isn’t it?”

It was obvious that Xelhes was grasping at straws, trying to keep a positive outlook on things, because he knew that if he had nothing to grasp onto then he would have to accept the full force of reality. Being positive was the only thing that warded the true blunt of how harsh reality could be, and even that was a weakening wall. ”By being there? That doesn’t really sound all that helpful but if that’s what you want then I’ll try my best. As for your abilities, I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit. You’re a doctor, and we both know that there is never enough of those, especially now. You many not wield a sword, but that’s not a bad thing in my eyes. Personally, I respect someone who saves lives far more than one who simply takes them away, or turns a blind eye.” A smile replaced the previous frown, Xelhes trying to bring comfort to his friend with hopes that his words would lighten the Symenestra’s mood.

Quietly he listened to Veldrys talk about how he did not have to decide his future now, and how he understood the Ethaefal’s desire. The bitterness that came with Veldrys’ words made the Ethaefal give the man a concerned look, understanding that while their reasons to have a normal life were different, they both had a similar pain. Shaking his head he told Veldrys, ”My desire to be mortal isn’t so that I can be like those around me. It is the fact that I will be forced to live forever, and most likely alone, that makes me want a mortal body. The only way I will die is if someone kills me, or I take my own life…if those were your options, would you be happy? If neither happens, then I will have to watch anyone I grow close to die, and this body also makes it difficult to ever settle down with someone. Things might be ok for the first few years, but what of when they are old while I am still the same as before?” It was Xelhes’ turn to sound bitter while he spoke, his anger at his ageless form apparent and open. What good was being young for eternity if there was no way to enjoy it?

As quickly as it had arrived the bitterness and anger drained from the Ethaefal, looking almost calm as he reined his emotions back in. Taking a slow breath of air in, he asked Veldrys, ”Maybe some people simply are not meant to have normal lives…? I know I should try and be positive about this, but some days it is so hard to fight it, and I’m getting tired…It makes me wonder why we were the ones who are denied a regular life. What could we have done to deserve such a punishment, or was it simply bad luck that we ended up this way?”

[Veldrys]

„Then I will read to you again, maybe later today or tomorrow“, Veldrys replied. „Symenos isn’t as hard to learn as people claim. I’m sure you’ll understand it soon enough.“ It would be good to have another student. Teaching Xelhes would keep his mind off more unpleasant things. Maybe it would allow him to forget what had happened for a while. He’d always enjoyed passing his knowledge on to others. If he had stayed in Kalinor, if he hadn’t had as many issues with the way Symenestra society worked, he might eventually have become a teacher there, of medicine or maybe even of language.

As Xelhes told him that prayer sometimes wasn’t something the gods would answer, he nodded. „I know“, he whispered. „The gods have no time to answer every single prayer, and we cannot rely on them for everything, but I can still try, can’t I? I will keep on praying regardless. I don’t know why, but even though my prayers may never be answered, it makes me feel better. It calms me down a little.“ He certainly wasn’t offended by Xelhes‘ words. They just made him think. Did Xelhes ever pray to anybody?

„If you word it that way …“, he murmurred as Xelhes explained why he wouldn’t want to get rid of his sadness. „ … you do have a point. If I hadn’t been sad, back in Kalinor, I would never have left, I would never have gone to Denval and met you or anybody else. Maybe sadness isn’t always a bad thing then.“

„I’m not sure if I would be happy if I were in your place, if the only way for me to die would be murder or suicide“, he admitted. „I understand some of what you are feeling, but at the same time it is hard for me to imagine being forever young. I cannot imagine what it will be like to watch everybody you’ve ever cared about die. I wish I could do something to make your life more enjoyable.“

„Maybe some people simply are not meant to have normal lives“, he agreed with a sigh. „I don’t know why the two of us are denied a normal life, but I prefer to think that it isn’t because of something we have done in a past life. I would constantly have to wonder what kind of crime I have comitted to be punished in such a way. In a way the thought that it is all just coincidence is easier to bear.“

[Xelhes]

A happy nod was the Ethaefal’s reply to Veldrys reading to him again, though the man’s next sentence caused an amused smile to form almost instantly. ”As uplifting as those words are, the fact that it is your native language makes it hard not laugh a little. Symenos was the first language you learnt I’d imagine and since everyone around you spoke it, learning it was probably a great deal easier than it will be for me.” While Xelhes could not be completely sure, the idea of others talking to you in the language you were learning seemed like something that would help speed up the process. Even now he still had not completely learned Common, as while he was able to verbally speak it to a high degree, his knowledge of writing it needed to be improved.

”Maybe it calms you because even if they do not respond, they still hear you? At least, I’d like to think they do.” His voice was soft and considerate, Xelhes knowing that even though his words had no offended the Symenestra, religion and prayer could be a touchy subject with someone as faithful as him. With another smile, Xelhes said, ”Sadness can bring about great things, however I will agree that when we are feeling it, I do want to be rid of it. Sometimes being sad can feel like one of the worst things in the world.

Silence filled the air again once Veldrys spoke of Xelhes’ ageless body, the Ethaefal listening carefully, processing everything, and thinking on those words. He wanted to say that those words did mean a great deal to him, yet such a thing felt almost inappropriate, and even if he did not convey his gratitude through words, Xelhes was sure Veldrys would still be able to tell. ”You already do enough, just like everyone else I know. I enjoy the time we spend together, regardless of if the conversation is happy or sad. That’s more than enough, and I have no right to ask any more from you, or anyone else.

A weak yet still firm hand on the shoulder was the Ethaefal’s attempt at bringing comfort to Veldrys when he answered that it was easier to assume their situations were just a coincidence. Xelhes knew that there was nothing he could really say to set the man’s mind to ease, considering it was Xelhes who had started this topic, so this was the only option that came to mind. With a sigh he said, ”Maybe we simply aren’t meant to live a normal life, but at least we do not have to deal with it alone. We can use each other for support should the need arise, and then there are others who have complications that make a normal life impossible for them too. It may not be much, but at least it is a small comfort.”

[Veldrys]

„Maybe the gods still hear me“, Veldrys agreed. Silence filled the air for a moment as the Symenestra averted his gaze and looked into the darkness that surrounded the boat. He wished he could see where exactly they were. What was out there? Were there other people that had lost their home and were trying to survive, just as they were? Were there dangerous things out there? Did the gods know what was happening in this moment, and did they care?

„I’m not sure if I’m really doing enough“, he murmurred. „I was just talking to you. I feel as if I should do more than that. I should let actions follow my words, but I’m not sure what you need, what they need …“ He gestured towards the back of the boat where the other Denvali were. He wanted to say more, but stopped as he felt the Ethaefal’s hand on his shoulder. He raised his head a fraction and looked at him.

„At least we do not have to deal with it alone“, he agreed. „Thank you, Xelhes. Thank you for being there, for being a friend. Knowing that we are not alone makes everything easier to bear, doesn’t it?“