Closed Semele's Bounty

[Ronan]

"The Konti Call..." Ronan mused, nodding in understanding. He was no expert by any means, but he had heard mention of the phenomenon before. Kavala was right though. Callings were not exclusive to the Konti. Not truly. Everyone had some purpose, or so he hoped.

She looked deep in thought for a moment, hand brushing above the grass contemplatively. Sometimes he wished he knew what she was thinking. She was intelligent. More intelligent than himself, he knew that much. So many things passed through that brilliant Konti mind. So many. He wondered if he floated through her thoughts often.

"Let's see if we can find a little more. I have some things I want to try on this gemstones," he finally announced.

He began zigzagging between the hollows and bluffs again, searching soil and earth, and usually turning up nothing. At one point he thought he had a gemstone, but it turned out just to be a slightly shiny rock. It wasn't what he was looking for.

Ronan began to realise that the shallow bluffs generally held nothing of worth. It was the deeper ones, where the wind and rain and fauna had penetrated into the earth to a greater degree, where the gemstones sometimes lay.

He managed to find another small geode, about half the size of his initial found. There were only two small fragments of quartz that he could see, sparkling in the rock. He kept hold of it nevertheless. Further searching uncovered another similarly sized crystal.

"I think that should be enough to start. And now, Kavala, I need your knowledge of Riverfall. Might there be anywhere I could purchase a tool kit? And not just any... it's the jewellers kind I need."

[Kavala]

The Konti sat perched on the rim of one of the deeper depressions that Ronan had taken to searching. She'd given up all pretense of looking with him, but instead just kept him company. Time and time again she'd been tempted to pool res in her hands and create something to lightly bury in a place she knew he'd search next. The temptation grew more heavy with each passing moment because she finally figured out he was looking only in the deeper depressions and more heavily worn features. She'd do such a thing for Tasival, just so the boy could have the thrill of finding a treasure. But she felt it was dishonest for Ronan, something if he knew he would not thank her for.

So Kavala kept still, hands clasped together, occasionally shivering not because of the cold because she kept thinking of working with the res and that made her want too now in the worst way. When she got home, there was more building to do and she knew that would satiate her desire for a while, but until then she'd refrain from it, conserving her djed. The Konti Healer did not say much, between the sadness of her thoughts and the intense pull of her need to work more magic, there was nothing really that was appropriate to say. So instead she kept her eyes open, scanning the horizon when she wasn't watching Ronan and kept aware of the environment around them even as the young Watchman kept his awareness on the ground and then what was in his hands.

Kavala cycled through possible topics of conversation and found none suitable yet again - not wanting to ask about his Strider knowing full well the horse was doing fine. He had no family other than Sama'el and she'd seen him recently. And so her mind wandered. But she was glad he didn't mention stopping to eat again, the apple probably having done the trick to cull his hunger a bit, because lately her stomach turned at the thought of food, and even moreso now after watching him.... drift away from her. Gods, she wanted to weep. She really did. But instead of letting it show she blanked her face and dragged in big lungfuls of air slowly, where hopefully he wouldn't notice.

By the Gods she must make him boring company. Inwardly Kavala blamed herself, listing her own shortcomings and then slowly beginning to compare herself to Sama'el. His men loved him, dearly, half of them literally. She remembered Leto's confession to her and how Issima had looked at Sama'el. She'd seen it in Denen's eyes too. The man had a kind of magic, a hold on his people that drove them to love him. Watching Ronan, she wondered if he too was in love with Sama'el. But that was dangerous painful ground and she felt an emotion she rarely felt rising. She squashed the jealousy down, telling herself that Sama'el deserved and had earned their loyalty, and then mentally chastised herself.

Dangerous ground. Very dangerous ground.

Kavala was a Dreamwalker as well as a healer. Reading chavi was their forte but then also changing it was too. She savored the fact, just for a moment, that Ronan's Chavi would be as asy to massage as anyone's. A dreamwalker could strip his chavi of its love and loyalty to others. It was Nysel's ultimate temptation. It was what Tizack had done to Crescent, stripping her of her loyalty and identity and rewriting his own history therein. He'd lived his whole life a lie with her, regretting every minute of it and not knowing if her actions were her true feelings or his manufactured ones. Even though thought of Ronan and perhaps having the ability to do that to him, tempted her. And she understood more clearly what Tizack had faced and why it tormented him even through lifetimes.

But she didn't want a mindless slave. "Nysel, you did not mark a fool. Your power scares me and I respect it. I respect it too much to do that. But please don't test me... don't tempt me. I am only a mortal. Only a woman. And what I need badly I cannot have even when it is within my reach. There will be other times, other places, and I will use your power. But I will not use them on him. Not like this.. not how you are tempting me. He is undeserving of it. Is this a test?" She said softly, inwardly, to that divine presence in her mind.

Someday there would be someone for her who hadn't given all their pieces away already, scattering themselves across the Grass trying to be all things to so many different people and even Gods. Kavala dug her fingers into the dirt, up to the webbing between them and offered Semele a quick prayer. "Take care of him, Mother. I know I cannot compete with you and I see already how much you excite and inspire him. If it had to be another woman, I am glad he's chosen you." She thought, sending the prayer down into the soil and into Semele's realm.

His abrupt question caused her to lift her head and stare at him momentarily. Confused, she started to say something, then realized belatedly what he'd asked. She checked his hands, saw that he had another geode he'd called them - in his hands and was asking her about where to purchase a tool kit.

"I suspect the Zhongjie Warren have what you are looking for. I do not know off hand if they do or not, but the gemshops wouldn't sell them to potential competitors. But everything is for sale there in the bazaar. I even know of a few booths that have cut stone for sale that others have found. You might like looking over their wares and they might have tool kits for sale." She said thoughtfully. Her cheeks flushed slightly, as if she'd been caught thinking of something else, accenting the dark smudges beneath her eyes. "I can show you the booths if you'd like." She added, glad for having finally something to say.

[Ronan]

"The Zhongjie Warren," he said, nodding. "That's okay. I know you're busy. I'm not in a rush anyway... I'll go take a look later."

He trailed off, watching her, and sighed. She had been thinking on things the whole walk. At points, she had seemed so lost in her own world, trying to accept things. Ronan could only guess what it was that plagued her thoughts.

He crouched, placing the stones down on the ground, and moved towards her.

"I'll be leaving again tomorrow," he said slowly, "but you knew that didn't you..."

He forced a smile. And not a very good one. Kavala would see through it with ease. "I'll be back. Later in the season, whenever we're passing by again."

He kicked a little tuft of grass with his left foot, dithering, suddenly unsure of his words.

"I'll miss you," he said carefully, "I always do when I'm not here, in Riverfall..."

Part of him wished he were in a different life. He was pulled from all directions. He had to support Sama'el and his fledgling Pavilion, and since Semele had marked him, the call to the earth had become increasingly vocal too.

He looked at the Konti, knowing and regretting that he was not strong enough to give them all up for her.

[Kavala]

The healer said nothing for a long while, her entire body held rigid. It was one thing to know something intrinsically and another to hear it voiced. She glanced at the stones he left upon the ground, as if he'd gathered seeds up then stooped to plant them. Or were they momentary distractions in his life, babbles that caught his eye and no longer held his attention? Like her?

She stood so still that the healer could have been stone herself. Would that have made a difference? If she were made of stone? Would that then make her important enough, maybe more worthy than she was now? No. She knew the answer to that already. Others had stronger ties, binding ties, that held him firmly and left no give for him.

Even though she stood silent, not answering him, the wind tossed her waist length hair and gave it a life of its own. The white silk swirled about her, caressing her scales along her bare arms as if to reassure herself she was Konti and still there - still solid and alive. Sunlight caused a refracted light show off her scales, those open to the wind and sun and sky. The white silk blew around her face and down twisting around her torso. She'd not confined it today, not like the Drykas normally dead. The overall effect left her looking inhuman and alone.

His words seemed to demand some sort of response. Yes. Of course. Of course I know. I see it all. I see it for what it is. No, you have no obligations here. Nothing here is as important as everything out there. I understand. I might be Konti, but I do understand. I was Drykas once, a long time ago, and a strider picked me. Was that what he wanted? No. It would only add hurt to something already difficult. Instead she chose another pathway, something easier perhaps, especially for him.

"Yes." She said softly, finally moving as her hands spoke the sign for agreement at the same time her lips uttered the word. Kavala's eyes lightened so pale the piercing blue made her look blind. She blinked in surprise, as if a bit startled she'd said even that simple word out loud or moved. The Healer shifted her weight and resettled herself as if her spirit moved and shuffled, uncomfortably clinging to her flesh and bones. Sometimes it was hard to live in ones own skin, even for the brevity of life. Kavala could have been agreeing that she knew Ronan would leave again. She even could have been saying that she too missed him when he was gone.

In the end, did it even matter?

"You will be careful won't you?" She said, her hands raised and flicking off grassland sign for caution, well-being, worry. Suddenly, she didn't want to be there. She didn't want to be there with a fierceness that uncoiled itself within her like a serpent abruptly awakened and irritated. Gods. What was you doing, Kavala? What was it you were thinking? She was angry suddenly, an emotion that took her by surprise with its fierceness. It surprised her not exactly because it was there, but because it was directed so acutely at herself. Kavala couldn't even blame Ronan, not really. He was what he was.

She was mad at herself. Stupid stubborn fool. She thought. You will always be the fool.

[Ronan]

The wind lifted Kavala's hair, and it twisted wildly behind and around her. And yet, all the while, she remained still. Frozen by her thoughts.

In the end she simply said yes. Hands mimicking her word in grassland sign. His brow furrowed a little, trying to fathom out what it was she meant. But he didn't ask. Kavala alone understood her thoughts. Ronan could only stand and watch, and listen.

He laughed, before his face turned into something more compassionate. Something warm. A look lovers shared after a lifetime of living together.

"I'll try... just don't go thinking I'm dead again!"

There were so many things he wanted to say, but every time he tried he just couldn't conjure up the words. And he wondered if the Konti would ever understand anyway. He felt an unbearable agony inside himself. The thought of leaving things hanging for yet another season.

Kavala couldn't wait on him. Why would she? He was pitiful. Truly pitiful. Just as she looked set to bolt, he coughed loudly, and met her eyes with that divine earthliness that resided inside him.

He bridged the gap between them and took hold of her hand, clasping it tightly in his. Vanator's words played in his mind. Be honest and forward with your heart and intentions... He nearly spoke with an unsure voice. Saying he thought, maybe, perhaps... but he was sure. And he knew his words would either bring a smile to the Konti's face, or pain her even more knowing he'd be gone again soon.

"I love you... I've known it for a while. For a long time. But I do, I love you. And I don't care if you feel the same way, truly. I can't make it so. And it's not like I'm even here, I'll be gone again and I'm not sure when I'll see you next. All I've felt recently is that... us. We... got so twisted somewhere along the lines. So confusing that neither of us understood. But I love you. And if it pains you, forget I said it. Please. I'm just a stupid young man... and you. You're a being of the divine. Beautiful and..."

He stopped, knowing he had already said too much. The words had fallen out of his mouth, stuttered, spoken with a rawness unmatched by anything else. He met her gaze once again and exhaled deeply. The air had been sapped right out of him.

[Kavala]

Kavala was letting the self-anger wash over her, through her and ground down through her feet as she stood there stoic, eyes on Ronan not expecting him to respond. Ronan didn't, mostly, to the things she said or the gestures she made. Kavala wasn't sure if it was because he never knew what to say or do, or if it was more that he missed them altogether.

He was physically beautiful, stunning almost, like the men she'd grown of age with. Her father, her brothers, even her cousins and their kin. Kavala knew the Drykas, and knew what they were inside and out. Ronan was no different then they were though perhaps he wore his hair shorter than most. He laughed, made a joke about his life, then gave her a warm loving look. She furrowed her brow at the look, her anger rising again, though this time not directed at herself. She knew the Drykas had to joke about life and death, but the truth was if she wasn't riding with him, she'd be at home waiting for him either to return or word of his passing to come.

But it wasn't funny. It never was. Not to someone who lost most of their family and lost most of their ties to any sort of life outside of the one they'd built for themselves.

And then he closed distance and took her hands, gripping them tightly. She remembered how Vanators had felt, smooth, unused, and almost alien. Ronan's hands were warm, calloused in all the expected places, and just a bit rough from life on the road. Her scales dragged against his swirling fingernail patterns, and the webbing laid flat in his solid grip. She dropped her eyes to study the melding of deeply tanned against pale opalescent white. I am Drykas. She affirmed to herself and to herself alone, but the stark reality of her hands in his said something different. Konti. Oh so very Konti. Kavala lifted her eyes, as if pained by the sight, and met his gaze. There was something smoldering in his gaze, something alive that needed to be freed from some long inner confinement.

Then he spoke.

She counted her breaths, her expression of mild mixed anger and confusion going completely blank. How long had she longed to hear those words? How many times had she told herself that someday it would be her turn and her time? Tanora was cruel. Cheva was even worse. Kavala vowed silently to never follow either of them ever in that split second between begin ignorant of Ronan's thoughts and knowing full well what he was thinking.

One breath, ten breaths, and the silence stretched into twenty. The Konti stood frozen there for longer than she should have, giving him neither reaction nor flight. Her mind processed his words slowly and they ran over and over again in her mind. But so too did his other words from when he came back - the meeting on the beach when she thought him a ghost - the times they'd sparred or spent in companionship. They were compatible in all things save one. Time.

She started to speak, paused, then dropped her gaze away from him to look towards the sea. In that moment she longed to be suspended in it, away, held in the arms of Laviku who never loved and abandoned, who never gave conditional asylum. It took her even more time to gather her thoughts, to say what she wanted to say in a way that he would understand.

"There's so much I want to say, Ronan. But I don't know how much you will understand or even hear. Is it wasted breath? I've told you so much in the past that you've never reacted too or acknowledged. I don't know how much more of myself I can reveal and give to you and be ignored without the cracks that are already there spitting wide open." She said softly, the coiled anger in her turning on her, whispering that she was the cause. It was always her, not him. Kavala took another breath and continued. She owed him her thoughts, though it would be up to him if he heard them.

"And now you love me? I honestly don't think you love me. I don't think you know how to love. If you loved me, you wouldn't certainly do this to me... not this way, out here, with so much pain. You came here, back to Cyphrus this time, and told me you had joined Sama'el's new Pavilion. You are a Sunsinger now, with all the obligations and duties that entails. On top of that you've joined The Watch and will be riding from one end of the world to another, on call on a moments notice and leaving the Pavilion you belong too more than is decent in one that it is depended upon to defend it. I've met the rest of the Sunsingers. Leto is a good man, but in love with Sama'el and not a swordsman or fighter but a man of glyphs. Denen heals. He doesn't fight. That leaves only you besides Sama'el. The Watch has always been for second and third sons and daughters or cousins, the ones not training to be Ankals someday and those not needed to defend the pavilion. It's always been that way because it takes up so much time and puts so much distance between families." She took a breath and then continued.

"So the Sunsingers have a huge piece of you. And The Watch now too owns your heart. And then you told me Semele wanted a part of you, that you felt called to Her in a way you cannot physically explain. There goes more. I understand devotions to the Gods and Goddesses. I honestly do. But Ronan, what's left after all that? A day here a season? Three there? I sit at home living my life alone, truly alone, while you are out living yours and we meet occasionally in passing? I listen for word of your death because it happens often and violently in our people? What do you want? Do you want a warm solid bed in a fortress of stone and a petch once in a while between missions? Do you want a Konti daughter or two roaming around that you can show up and admire occasionally while they grow of age knowing their father as a story and not as a flesh and blood man?" Kavala stood staring at him, her words soft, barely above a whisper, as she began to shake.

The exhaustion, the overgiving, the feeling of being driven to finish The Sanctuary before anything else could move forward in her life was all pushed aside in that instant. Even her teeth began to chatter at the extreme chill in her heart she felt it all as too much weight... to much weight on her shoulders.

"I deserve more than that. It sounds selfish and arrogant to say that, Ronan, but its the way I feel. You offer me crumbs and leftovers like I'm the last on your list of priorities. I've been there before, twice, and vowed then to never be there again. So thank you, really, but look closer at your heart. Look a lot closer. It's already made its decisions, and I wasn't part of them. Not then. Not now." She added and started to turn away. Kavala didn't belong out there with him, not after this, not even as friends. But at the last minute she paused, having more to say... much more.

"I was waiting for you. I was hoping you'd make some decisions. I'm glad you have. But just so you know... I would never have put you on the bottom of my list. You would have been at the top, right beside Tasival. Because I love you both deeply. But I can't be someone's last priority. Go find yourself a nice Drykas girl, Ronan. One with a strider who will follow you around and warm your tent at night and fight back to back with you. Pick someone with a good heart that will be what you need and as mobile and flexible as you. Find someone who will give you sons so that when you get over this need to be everything to everyone, they can ride out in your place. That's who you need to love, not someone like me." She said, blinking back tears. Kavala wouldn't cry. She wouldn't let him hurt her any more, not certainly like this.

[Ronan]

Ronan stood silently, drained by his outpourings, wavering as Kavala stayed silent. That pensive look again - storms of virulent thoughts clearly flying through her mind.

And then the storm broke. He listened, but did not speak. He felt stung by her accusations. Did he ignore her? Had he truly not acknowledged any of the things she had told him? The wind suddenly felt colder. Icy, even.

What did she want from him?

Then she accused him of lying, dark assumptions, bullish words. He listened to them all, heart sinking and pounding all at the same time. He looked to her, as if for comfort. But he found none there.

"Don't tell me what I do or don't feel..." he said quietly, shaking a little. It hurt. It truly did. Though in the deepest recesses of his heart he had somehow expected this backlash, it didn't soften the blow. Everything he had said and done was thrown back at him. She began to turn away from him.

He had never intended her to be bottom of the list, never. Yet the things she said rang true to a degree. He paled a little, knowing this was a turning point - and one that perhaps he could never turn back from.

There was more he wanted to say. There was more fight in him, knowing he couldn't lose Kavala, but he said nothing. Still he remained silent, watching her, biting back a wintry bitterness that threatened to take hold of him.

She was nearly facing away from him, hiding her face. She was struggling with her emotions too, but the words flowed so freely from the Konti. But Ronan found himself unable to say anything. What was the point? She had made her decision, and Kavala was not one to have her mind changed easily. She was no petty maid or wench. She was a woman of the grasses and the wild, of the Gods and Goddesses.

He crouched and gathered the geodes he had collected, hoping he could lose himself in his own plans.

"Then all is said and done," he finally spoke, simply, and brutally.

Everything he had known for so many seasons now lay in tatters, the pieces picked up by the wind and blown far, far away out of reach. He didn't want to be callous, but truly, what else was there to say? He would "go and find a nice Drykas girl" perhaps, or go serve all his other wants. Wasn't that what Kavala wanted?

He began to walk away, back across the bluffs and hills, losing himself in the walk, and leaving her far behind. He didn't know where he was walking. He stumbled several times, dropping the geodes, picking them back up again. He wanted them, he needed them.

He had been walking a long while when he had to stop, vision blurred by his eyes watering. He dropped the geodes purposefully, and crumpled to the ground, sitting, staring up at the sky. He began to cry. It was not the pitiful cry of the old Ronan, it was a man's cry. A Drykas cry. The death of something good, something with so much promise.

He cried and cried, until there was nothing left, but skewed memories, and confused regrets.

[Kavala]

The Konti healer thought it would hurt more when he walked away. She thought her heart would instantly break into a thousand pieces and scatter in a way that would and never allow her to recover them all. Kavala thought she'd run after him or deny her own words or maybe even apologize. Instead she said nothing, not even nodding to his words that whatever it was that had been growing between them was done. And she felt nothing... but a numbness that swathed her soul in its protective coating.

Gods! It was a silent cry inside herself.

He said it was done. Just like that. No argument, no apology, no trying to explain his view or what he was thinking. He only offered a few simple words. It was like asking Dira for a swift death and slowly dying of thirst in the desert instead. Her pain was locked up, just as deadly and just as festering, but completely and utterly locked up inside her - denied and unwanted.

Kavala closed her eyes tightly at those words and knew, just knew, that she'd never allow herself to feel like this again - to open her heart to someone else and hope they held her at the same esteem as she held them. His footsteps retreated further away and she held her eyes closed even tighter. A thousand thoughts flew through her mind rapid fire, cruel arrows of self accusation and doubt. They were the same words uttered by slavers once as they had ripped the Konti's innocence away beneath the hard weight of their bodies among blood and pain and her hoarse cries and tears. They were words of her imperfections, her taint, her pronounced flaws spoken by her conscious mental voice, accusing her of not being enough of anything that the man who walked away and left her needed. They were the words The Oathmaster used to talk of her debt to Riverfall and what she owed them for her life.

The words and voices kept filling her head until she raised her hands and cupped both ears and pressed firmly, trying to deafen herself to the sound of them.

Oh Gods...

He'd felt nothing. How could anyone walk away like that without a fight, and without even an exchange of words? Couldn't he pluck down a star from the sky and offer it to her as a promise that sometime in the future things would be different? He had given her no comfort, no apology for who he was, and indeed hadn't even explained his thinking. Kavala gave so much of herself to everyone else, but in this, she had to be absolutely selfish. She had to be. As she lowered her hands from her ears, the voices drifted off feeling ignored and overwhelmed in the swarm of the numbness inside.

Love was not for her. Not now. Not ever. Somehow, someway, she was unsuitable and rejected over and over - by everyone, but especially by this man. Kavala had pushed the one man she thought she could really love to find out how much she'd really meant to him, and the harsh truth stared back at her. She had wealth in her life... Kavala had a job, a pathway, the Denusk horses, a future, and a big dream. But all of that meant so little without someone to share it with.

Gods. Ronan. Gods...

The Sanctuary called. She could feel the hardness of stone already forming under her hands. The Sanctuary would not reject her, put others before her, and ride off without a word nor any idea of its return. The Sanctuary would not stop by and have a warm meal, a safe fire to sleep by and reload its saddlebags to ride off again. The Sanctuary would not make empty promises and professions of love that Kavala could love it and live within its walls and never have it walk away from her with a pronouncement like "Then all is said and done." She hated those words in an instant, hated everything they meant, and more importantly hated herself. She'd only grudgingly cried a few times since that season of tears. Kavala wouldn't cry over this.

[Jackalope]

Ronan

Award

Skill	XP Earned	Lore Earned
Socialization	+5	A Heart Divided
Observation	+3	Searching for Gems in the Plains
Geology	+2	The Beauty in Quartz
		Connected to the Earth
		Figuring Out Where Gems Lay
		Saying Feelings Aloud
		Is This Goodbye?

Inventory: Small Quartz x3

Kavala

Award

Skill	XP Earned	Lore Earned
Socialization	+5	Not Being Able to Give What is Needed
Observation	+1	A Feeling of Freedom
		The Beauty in Quartz
		Is it Quality Over Quantity?
		Temptation to Help Those Who Don't Want It
		Words You Don't Want to Hear
		Never Enough Time
		Telling it How it Is
		Ronan: Gives Up Without a Fight?

Jackalope's Notes

Right in the feelings. I've read a little bit of you two's relation so far, and this one hurt. Great writing, as always. Lemme know if you have any comments or questions. Thanks guys.