Open Suicidal Tendencies (Solo)

[Hadassah]

Season of Fall, Day 79, 512 AV The Drunken Fish was rather empty, aside from the two seated at the bar, conversing over the recent happenings of the city. They looked like travelers, perhaps noblemen or something that did not belong in such a place. Sunberth dirty and dank, and they looked far too clean for it; their clothing too sumptuous, their posture too proper, and their tones too judgmental. “…Did you hear about the fire in the Reaches?” The taller one asked, hushed suddenly, leaning in toward his comrade as if to confide. She was amazed at how quickly gossip spread across this city; like wildfire. The other did not turn to face him, but cocked a brow, uninterested, “What, by that rotten mansion?” He responded, tilting back his head to guzzle down the last of his drink. “Yeah, just down the street. Guards said some freak massacre happened. I didn’t even know there were people down there.” His friend was a bit fidgety, uncomfortable with the subject matter. “I guess he set the whole place on fire to hide the bodies. It didn’t burn long though, thanks to the rain.” She knew it’d never burn long. The rain hadn’t ceased for days afterwards. “Doesn’t surprise me… This city’s crawling with maggots and criminals…” Words dripping with disdain, he spat into the glass, then tapped the counter, beckoning for the waiter with a pudgy finger. Maggots. That was what they were, wasn’t it? A plight on the earth, worthless, brainless, only alive to bring chaos. A couple of seats down, a lone figure lay slumped against the countertop. Head rested on an outstretched arm, right hand loosely gripping the empty glass seated atop the bar. Her frame was scanty yet muscular, and at first sight, one might assume she was under-aged due to her lack of height and young features. Not that the Drunken Fish would care. Her hair fell about her in a tangled mess and she sat statuesque, shoulder sagging, face down. She would seem asleep if she had not stirred as the bartender passed, raising her head just enough to murmur for another, tipping her glass to show him that it was empty. Then, she put her head back down, surrendering to a passive state of existence, contemplating, listening. Another group seated at a table across the room spoke in hushed voices, but they were loud to her. Whispers filled the room with a static hum like a swarm of flies. It stung her sensitive ears, which she knew was due to her drunken state. Slowly, she raised her head, peering at the variety of bottles behind the countertop. Closing her eyes, she shifted to a more upright position, then lifted her arm so that her elbow rested on the bar and her hand covered her eyes. She could feel the heat from behind them; the tears that threatened to flow. A subtle scent of blood still clung to her palm, and she instinctively withdrew it, resting the hand in her lap as she downed the alcohol, welcoming the warm sensation that it brought to her abdomen. The door opened, someone entered and sat two seats away from her. A man’s voice, asking for a drink. She clenched her jaw, salty tears stinging at her eyes. Withdrawing a handful of coins, she dropped them onto the bar and spun around, closing the gap between her and fresh air in a few eager strides. There was nowhere to go, no one to turn to. Icy rain licked at her bare arms, and she came to a halt just outside the tavern, tilting her head back to allow it to cleanse her face. Maggots. How could she even begin to think that she was human after all of this? Her instincts told her otherwise, justified it all. It was for the city, for the helpless. No, it was all lies and she knew it. It didn’t matter anymore. They were all gone now… Sucking in a shuttering breath, she wrapped her arms around herself, opening her eyes to seek out refuge. Trotting across the street, she made her way into the familiar winding alleyway, searching for footholds on the crumbling walls. Soon enough, she hopped up onto an abandoned crate, swinging onto the rooftop. Pushing herself into a steady jog, she focused on the obstacles ahead, leaping and tumbling from one roof to the next. She could spot the Commons a few blocks ahead; mostly an expanse of low rooftops and tents, but with one spiraling tower build on the corner of the Temple of the Unknown. She knew it well- one of the higher places in the city- and undeniably devoid of human life. The closely set buildings made for easy terrain, and soon, she was atop the Temple’s steep vaulted rooftop. It was slippery due to the rain, and she slid a number of times before reaching its peak, but her deft hands always knew where to find a grip. She ambled over the top of it, then slid down the opposite side to the wall of the tower. Here, the stone bricks were loose at various intervals, providing precarious yet plentiful holds for climbing. She scaled the wall with ease, its eroded architecture familiar under her fingertips. At the top, she tumbled onto the flat surface of roof, releasing a sigh. She sprawled out, soaking in the coarse, saturated stone. Rolling onto her side, she pulled her legs close to her chest, fighting back tears. Images suddenly bombarded her mind; blood, flashing steel, faces. Everything wrong. Everything she had done. The man was right, she was worthless. Worse than that, a monster. A freak. A maggot. It was like a horrible dream, as if someone had taken over her body, and she was paralyzed to do anything to stop it. There was no justification, only rage, and an internal flame that the rain was slowly washing away. The rage had died long ago. Now, all that was left was an overwhelming emptiness. A void inside her that consumed her vitality more and more each passing moment. It was more than she could bear. She sat upright, glaring at the city below, blanketed in a cloud of fog and rainy haze. She crawled to the edge, flattening herself against the surface and resting her chin on her folded hands. The thought crossed her mind. It wouldn’t be anything new to this city. People jumped all the time. But she couldn’t… She’d tried before. She was trained to survive. Taking her own life was an impossibility. Tears came and she closed her eyes, retreating from the edge and curling into a ball, empty eyes peering out over the city's clouded scape. Time slowed. Rain soaked her tunic, her vest, her boots, her hair. She was still until she could bear the cold no longer, and she stood, shaken, unstable legs reluctant to hold her weight. She pushed herself up and crept to the edge, slipping off the side and carefully climbing down. She made it to the cathedral roof, landed on two feet, and slid. The rain had washed away all possible tread, and her feet found nothing but slick surface to grip. Tumbling down, she reached for holds, but found nothing. In a fit of terror, she lashed out, catching something as she neared the edge. Her fingertips clamped around a loose shingle, but it gave way to her weight after a split second, and she rolled to the edge before slipping off of surface and lurching into free fall. She managed to slow her plummet by desperately clawing at the side of the wall for some kind of grip. She found one, two, three, stopped a moment, but her momentum forced her steadily downward, her hands slipped, and soon the sandstone ground rushed to meet her. Hitting the ground forcefully, she let out a distorted cry, pain overwhelming her left shoulder. She had landed on her side, and her left arm twisted sickeningly underneath her. Horrified, she cried out again, rolling over onto her right to cradle her arm against her chest. Her body shook, and she could smell blood from a reopened wound, but her vision was too blurred to make out its origin. For a long while, she drifted in and out of consciousness, though she could never fully surrender to that enticing blackness. Her instinct kept her conscious, her mind clear, adrenaline pumping through her veins. Her arm numbed slightly, and she sat up, hit by a sudden breathlessness, as she pushed herself to her feet. She stumbled out of the alley, alcohol burning her throat and tears streaking her face, cradling a broken arm, into the Commons.