Kane's Scrapbook - Humour Abound

[Kane]

I'm putting this in a spoiler because I really don't want to look at it later when I'm in a good mood. Also, sorry everyone, it's not like me to post up sad feelings things, and I should really stop staying up late because that's usually when I get upset like this. I'm fine during the day. It's weird. Whatever. Upset Rant: : Okay, I’m just warning everyone right now that this is a rant. And I’m just ranting at the world because I need to get this stuff off my chest. Because it’s on my mind right now, and if I wait until tomorrow or the next day or the next day then I’ll just drop the problem. Like it’s no big deal. I was wrong about it being a big deal. Because I’m really angry right now. Angry at myself, angry at the world, just angry. And upset. And telling other people stuff like this really isn’t something that I usually do, for reasons stated below, and I’m sorry that I’m interrupting my lovely happy scrapbook with this wall of anger and unhappiness. Even I get upset sometimes. (Wow, I’m even nice when I’m mad. Maybe this is why people can just walk all over me.) And I’m usually so good at staying happy, because I just don’t understand how people can go through life letting everything bother them. I just can’t understand. Nothing against people that are like that, everyone works differently, but it’s just not who I am. But there are still things that stick, and bother me. And I never talk about anything and it all builds up and really hurts after a while. But I’m good at forgetting. (And I’m going to feel like the biggest f-ing idiot tomorrow for posting this up. Because there will be something wrong with it.) Wow, I haven’t even gotten into anything yet. The basic thing is, I’m always wrong. That’s what it boils down to. I always do something that’s wrong, or say something that’s wrong, or feel a certain way that’s wrong. For example, often times I find myself feeling like no one else in my life really gives a shit about how I feel about anything. Like I just don’t matter to them. But you know, there’s this that one person did, and that that another person did, all of which was nice, and showed that they cared, and oh no, I’m wrong. I’m wrong for feeling this way, so what’s the use of bringing it up when I’m just going to be wrong? But then I think, well, I feel this way so I can’t be wrong. There has to be a reason why. There has to be a reason and these feelings do matter. But they don’t. They don’t even matter to me. I spend more time defending other people then I do myself. (Because god forbid I actually tell someone else they’ve done something wrong for once.) And I’d tell people, but I’m just so scared, I’m scared that I’ll be wrong, and then how I feel will matter even less. Because I did something wrong, not them. I don’t matter. All that matter are their feelings. Because mine are wrong. And sometimes, I just feel like it wouldn’t matter if I told other people when they hurt me. Because I don’t matter. Because it would upset them. Because then I’ll feel guilty. Sometimes, I feel like people think everything I say is wrong, and everything I think is wrong, and if I disagree with them, well, I’m wrong. And it makes me feel like an idiot. How can I not when everything I say has to be corrected? Or when I say something it’s just ignored? Like it doesn’t even matter and why did I even open my mouth to begin with? And it’s always been this way. With everyone I’ve known ever since I was young. My sister only cared about herself, my friends only cared about themselves, and now I can’t help but feel like this about people I know now. They talk and talk and don’t give me the chance to speak. (Which is amazing because I’m quite the loudmouth. It’s how I have a miraculous record for saying some of the stupidest shit in the world.) And I feel pressured to do things, and I’ve been working on not giving in and going and doing something I don’t want to. But it’s hard because I’ve never had friends that I regularly hung out with as a child. I’m not used to dealing with these kinds of social situations, and it just makes things harder for me, because I just feel so behind everyone else and I don’t know what to do. (I especially get this feeling from some members of a club I’m not sure if I’m part of at the moment. (Stuff happened.) But I like them a lot and they’re good people and they’re really nice to me otherwise and they really want to include me in things and it seems like they like me and that makes me so happy and I just feel so bad turning down their kindness. And I really do like them, I do, but sometimes I just feel swept under the rug.) And this is sad because I was in such a good mood earlier today, and I had so much fun today and I really need to stop staying up until whatever time it is now, because it always seems that when I get sad it’s around this time. I have too much time to think. Also maybe sleep deprivation. I’m starting to feel better now that I’ve gotten this out. So I’m going to stop this pity party now. And go to bed. Goodnight everyone.

[Kane]

Also, on a side note, Kane has over 200 posts now. Realizing this and posting it up has already improved my mood. Go Kane for making me feel better!

[Kane]

Hey look, even when I'm super upset I use the "Main argument with sub points" type of writing from English class. Sweet Eyris what is wrong with me? I find this kind of funny already. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is how quickly I can make myself feel better. As long as I can get out the negative feelings, of course. Also, something else that makes me laugh. Kane is my spirit animal. I laugh at the stupidest things. Like Kern. Also, if he were a Pokemon, he would be a Swampert. I don't know why, but it kind of fits. (Also, Swampert just so happens to be my spirit Pokemon.) Or he'd be a Charizard, or that new fire starter! I can't remember the name of it at the moment. But seriously though, I've walked around an entire day entertaining myself by saying the work Kern. It's a fruit drink, btw. It's espanish. See, now that's funny too! This is what I do. I get really sad, then become inexplicably hilarious and I make myself feel better. Or I just laugh at stupid things. But I'm going to say that I'm hilarious.

[Traverse]

Swampert is seriously the best. That new fire pokemone is Fennekin, and I cannot wait till they show the evolutions of all the new starters! Speaking of new pokemon....I am very upset about this new eevee evolution they're releasing in the new game, fairy type pokemon? WHAT? But apparently they're going to be super effective against dragon types? I think that's true... I like this sweet bat dragon, though, so Imma just put him in your scrap, lol

[Stardust]

Congrats to Kane! Go fight some evil! And bring Eilea with you! Yeah!

And I like the "Fairy" type thing. I'm super excited for it. I actually REALLY excited for the new pokemon release which has never happened for me before.

Beware of Rant-Return :

GOD DAMNIT GIRL!

This is both a half argument, response to your rant, and feelings that have been eating away at me for a long time and it's finally time and you hear... er read these.

DON'T BE ANGRY! I hate it when you're angry, And I hate that you don't tell me about it! (And when you are angry at me it's even worse, and I can't help but feel that part of this is aimed at me.)

For one, it hurts me so freaking much when you feel that no one cares about you. It makes me want to rip out my own heart and just hand it to you. I REALLY wish you understood that. You are my best friend. I would do ANYTHING for you. God, if you believed in relationships working, I would date you, and be yours forever! I'm not joking about this. I wouldn't joke about this. You are the most important person in my life. I always want to be with you.

Now that being said... that club, good people... you're joking right? THEY ARE BULLIES. They talk shit about everyone behind their back and you know that, I think you just forgot. Why did I get so upset before? Why did we leave? You think it's better now that Jim and Robin are gone? Seriously? They are going to find someone else. In one way or another. You know that Tex and Chris want to change everything and that Tahnya really is just a puppet and is being used by them, just like she was with Jim and Robin, right? People put on a good face and then are jerks. Hell, if you knew the things that Chris tries to pull when I'm alone with him, I'm pretty sure you'd be upset. Margaret is only nice on the outside, I don't know if you heard about the "other" group being formed or not, but she's said some horrible stuff about people and it got back to us because of Tara. And don't even get me started on her either, she does her own judging of people.

Yes, I was upset last night that you went to their thing. I miss them too. But I thought you agreed with me on how they acted and how it's unhealthy and bad. It hurt me that you just suddenly went out with them, and I guess told me the way you did. When you were the one that suggested to leave the club in the first place. So, how do I feel? That you sort of betrayed me and threw me under the bus. People think I MADE YOU STOP GOING FOR THAT MONTH.

That hurts. And I know this shouldn't be about my feelings, because that's just selfish of me, but, seriously?

You know what? All you have to do is say one simple thing and everything is fine again. You just brush it off your shoulder or hell, you post a small rant on here that doesn't even make much sense. But then you feel better, you get over it quickly, or so you act, yet I have a feeling that you don't.

And for the record: YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS WRONG! Please stop thinking that way. PLEASE! People are jerk. People are horrible, horrible jerks. But jerks shouldn't even take up your time of day. And if I am one of them, kick me to the curb now.

AND you know what? You have a family that loves you! You live with them, they are proud of you! If they weren't, you wouldn't be there, being fed and happy. Maybe it doesn't seem that way, but I see it. I envy you so much for that. They are your parents and they love you! They help you! Financially, emotionally, etc, Sure they hurt you, it happens. But you have them. You love them. And I know they would do anything for you. Anything.

I guess what I'm trying to say is:

STOP IT!

SNAP OUT OF IT!

STOP DOING THIS!

And god damnit, Beth. I love you. And I just want you happy, and able to talk about things that bug you, and happy! I love you. I want to write with you and draw with you and do frekaing everything with you.

I guess, when it comes down to it, I can't make you feel better. For that I am really sorry. I wish you'd just pick up your phone and call me, or even text me for that matter.

I'm always here for you. I guess what I really want to say is, just love yourself. Just love who you are and what you do and don't let what other people think mean anything. Everyone will hurt you. Everyone will screw you over. The only person you'll ever truly have in your life, is you.

x

[Jupiter]

Yessssssss. Swampert IS the best! He's one of my favorites. And man, I am so excited for the new pokemon game. Like SERIOUSLY. I've already pre-ordered Y version. Which ones are you guys gonna get? I've heard about the fairy type! You're right, they will be super effective against dragon types. I think it sounds rather interesting! I'd like to know what other type advantages/disadvantages they have. THAT DRAGON IS SO COOL! the instant I saw it, I knew I wanted it on my team. Have you seen the new bird type? It's gonna be flying/fire type and it's a robin! Soooo cool! I'm putting up a picture. I'm putting up a picture just to show you! Kane and Eilea are totally going to go fight some evil together. They should be magical girls. Seriously. (Kane in a skirt. You know I'm up for it.) This is probably the most excited I've ever been for a pokemon game too. Mostly because of the HUUUGGE graphic change that they're going to have. It's a huge leap! The Legend of Zelda: Return of the Rant: : I do know that you care! And that’s one of the reasons I feel so dumb for feeling like no one cares. And I am really happy that you’re my friend and you’re probably (more like certainly) the best friend that I’ve ever had! And I know that my family cares about me, but I just feel that way. Like when my dad wants me to go get beer for him, and I’ve told him that it bothers me, and he doesn’t really care because as long as it doesn’t inconvenience him, my feelings don’t really matter. And that’s what bothers me. And I know I should tell people, especially you, about these things! But I’ve always been so horrible at speaking up about my feelings, because every time I’ve ever tried to before no one’s really cared! (One time I told one of my friends that my sister tried to strangle my mom and they acted like I hadn’t said a word.) It’s not something I’m accustomed to doing, but I’m working on it. I’ve been trying to tell you when things bother me, but this is the worst because I’ve just never wanted to tell people this because I’m too scared and really posting it up here was kind of my best way of telling you and getting it out. (A PM might have worked better though...) And, honestly, I didn’t know all that about the club. I really didn’t. Especially the Margaret thing. (Though I did always get a weird feeling from her...) I didn’t realize that would hurt you, and I am sorry about that. Also, THOSE PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT ARE STUPID! I LEFT BECAUSE THEY WERE BEING GIANT JERKS AND YOU NEEDED ME! You really did need to leave the club at the time. There was too much going on and I could tell that a lot of that weight would be lifted off your shoulders if you left. And I really wanted to be there for you, and I was fed up with them too. More for you then for me, but that’s just cause I care about you. But I still stand by the reasons why I left and don’t regret doing it at all. I’ve been working on not thinking I’m wrong all the time. But I’ve felt this way for a long time and it’s not just a light switch you can turn off and on. It’s slowly been getting better, but there will be times when I randomly get really sad and upset and I’ll feel the way I did in that rant I first posted. And it’s more from a long line of not having many friends, never really being close to those friends, and no one other then my parents really caring while I was growing up. And when it happens again and again, you can’t help but feel like you must be doing something wrong. But I can say now that you really aren’t like them. I’m much closer with you, and we get along so much better, and I do know you care. That’s really not something I’ve ever doubted with you, and that’s rare. (And when I say that, I know you care about ME, though sometimes I do doubt whether people care about my feelings, but maybe that’s just because I don’t make them known enough. How can people care when they don’t know? I don’t know.) And I know my family cares. I do know that. I’ve told you about that before. But when I get depressed like I was, I don’t think about that. You can probably tell from my rant that I wasn’t thinking completely clearly and I just really wanted to get all those feelings out there. And I’m just not used to sharing. Because it’s not something that I’m used to doing. And this might not make sense to other people, but I just have a really hard time doing that. Because I guess I just think that these feelings are stupid, and I really am scared that people will just poke holes in everything I say, and that I’ll just be wrong. And I guess I just don’t want to deal with that. And that’s weak of me, I know. And honestly, I want to do all those things with you too! You’re such a great friend of mine (the best, obviously) and I absolutely love spending time with you because we have so much fun together. You know what, honestly, right now I do feel better. Because I’ve gotten these feelings out, and we’re talking about them, and know you know them too. And that really does just makes me feel infinitely better. And it was kind of 4 o’ clock in the morning when I as hit by those feelings, so I really didn’t want to bother you. I do love myself. I really do. I think I’m pretty awesome in fact. I can love myself without always feeling the best about myself. I don’t know, it makes sense to me. And that’s why I am working on fixing those problems, and you know what, I can honestly say that knowing has helped me make myself better. And that, along with your friendship, is one of the greatest things you’ve given me. (Wow, that got sappy, I just wanted to let you know that. ) But I am trying. I am. And I know you’re right about that. And I’ll get better, I promise. Also, I’LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU TOO! I REALLY WILL! <3 Yes, I do use stupid names for serious things. It's how I roll.

[Kane]

Hey look, Jupiter has over 100 posts now. Woooo!

[Shiyami]

Too many pokemon games!!! I've dropped [Insert Large Amount Of Money Here] in terms of dollars, buying every pokemon game, and every console for them. thought that pokemon would slow down, so I can work my money back to what it was.

Nope...pokemon trolls me by making new games....on a 3ds...now I'm tempted to buy a 3ds as well....

On a side note, I still have my cards from when I was younger somewhere in my drawers XD. A VERY large deck of them, huuur duur.

[Kane]

I have to say that it's been very much the same for me. I always end up getting super excited every time the next one is gonna be coming out, and thus I've ended up with at least one game from each generation. Personally, my favorite is Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald. What about you? And a 3DS is really worth the cost! At least it has been for me. They have some really good games out for the console. Though if you're thinking about getting one, you should consider saving up to get an XL. I have the original, and I thought I was perfectly fine with that, until Stardust got an XL. I'm kind of jealous now. The games look much nicer on the larger screen and the entire console is much more comfortable to hold. Just a friendly review from someone who's seen and held both versions!

[Kane]

So, I just replied to the quest in Wind Reach and I must say... Kane is a giant adult sized brat. He can be so childish it makes me grin while writing him. That is all.